BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 88 - EZ CHAIR'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June 8, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Mooseknuckles Bar
4307 Treaschwig Road
Spring, TX 77373

Hare(s): EZ Chair

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $15), Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Head North on the Hardy Toll Road (or I-45 for you cheap bastards), exit FM 1960 / Cypress Creek Pkwy and turn right. Go for about a mile and turn left on Treaschwig Road. Go for about a mile and a half and the destination will be there. BOOM.

Sidenote: FROM EZ Chair: Trail will be full shiggy, not so much as .1 miles of pavement. Bring: a change of clothes. Wear your swimsuit on trail. Need shiggy socks and bring your favorite flotation device. Some devices will be provided. On after features good food, cheap beer and surly locals. Shiggy dog friendly.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 87

When: Saturday, May 25, 4:00pm!!! (*Note* Later time - it's gettin' HOT!)

Where:
Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494, Kingwood, TX
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)
See D'erections below!

Hare(s): Just Aaron, Just Darius, and Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take the 45 South (Or Hardy Toll Road) to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM Just Aaron: Good day Wankers and Wenches,

The next Brass Monkey run will be in Kingwood! "Why," you ask? Well I will feed you baby birds; because it is more convenient for me.

Butt weight! There's more! This next Brass Monkey run will be in celebration of Memorial Day. So where your red, white, and blue! Bring your summer gear and an appetite for beer and fun!

This run will have light to moderate shiggy, some pavement (boooooo), and plenty of beer.

Bring hash-cash, bugs pray, sunscreen, clothes to change into, and an appetite for beer!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Just Aaron's #: (281) 608-0004

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 85

When: Saturday, April 27th, 2013 at 3:00pm! (NOTE IT IS AT 3!)

Where:
Timberlakes/Timberridge Community Pool / Park
No REAL Address, closest is:
3457 Royal Oaks Dr, Spring, TX 77380

Hare(s): Fuckin' Tree Hugger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Go North on I-45 and exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. LEFT on Panther Creek (the first one) just past Lake Woodlands (not the street, the actual freaking lake); Left on Glen Loch; RIGHT at Royal Oaks. ***Caution to the speed limit is only 25 and cops like to camp out along Glen Loch and catch people not noticing them.***


Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: Got the approval of Twinkle Toes as a solid trail. And there will be beer checks! 3pm start at the TL/TR Community Pool. Bug spray advised (duh, we're running in the woods near a creek), T.T. says he saw what might've been poison ivy (duh, woods in the Houston area), and for the pansies shiggy socks recommended (duh, it's a Brass Monkey trail).

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Fuckin' Tree Hugger's #: (713) 478-9701
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n BITCHES,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 83

When: Saturday, March 30th, 2013 at 2:00pm!

Where:

CVS Pharmacy

4516 Harrisburg Boulevard

Houston, TX

Hare(s): EZ-Chair

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: It's in fucking Houston. If you live in Houston, figure it out people.
From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South and exit 45A towards Scott Street. Turn left onto Scott Street. Turn Right onto Polk Street. Take 1st left onto Milby Street. Turn right onto Harrisburg Blvd. Boom.

Sidenote: FIRSTISHLY, Thank you to EZ-Chair for haring!

FROM THE HARE: Start location at CVS because mama has to pick up her prescriptions. Trail will have ghetto, shiggy, ghetto, 2 beer checks, one which will be in the shaded shiggy of your dreams and dog friendly (leashes required.) Since it is at a CVS parking lot, try to carpool so we don't have 10,000 cars taking up the whole lot.

FROM SPORK: This trail is super close to BBVA Compass Stadium where the Houston Dynamo will be playing that evening at 7:30pm. A good number of us are going and will be in Section 232. If you want to go with us or meet-up with us, fuck yeah. Do it. Let a Spork know. We always have a good time!

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 82 - "The 2nd Anal Green Dress Run"

When: Saturday, March 16, 2013

Where: Cross Track Ice House; 200 Magnolia St., Spring, TX 77373 (Old Town Spring)

Time: 2:00 PM

Hares: MasturGator & EZ-Chair

Bring: A slutty green dress, $5 for hash cash, shag bag, $$ for haberdashery, lube.

What to Expect:

·        Multiple beer/booze checks

·        A 2-5 mile trail that is dog friendly

·        Shiggy with possible shallow water crossings

·        Irish car bomb station with possible Irish Bus Bombs!

·        Multiple orgasms

·        Irish beer on trial

·        Gingers (Please keep on a leash when around civilians)

Some event haberdashery for sale at the event, and a dog friendly on after. 

The on after will be located in Old Town Spring. The hares have worked a deal out with the owner of a bar, who will allow brass monkey behavior and understands how “Special” we can get. The bar only has beer and wine but your cheap asses can bring in liquor and buy setups! There will be some slutty shots provided by your hares. Also, the owner has agreed to cook for the on after this year and sell us food like burgers and wieners. Not guaranteed to be veggie friendly.

I have some Brass Monkey 2nd Anal Green Dress T-Shirts & Patches that will be for sale at the event so bring money you cheap bastards.

Crash space will be made available for those who need it.

If you have any questions call MasturGator at 936-444-8591

THINGS TO KNOW: 

1. We will be doing a Friday Pre-Lube for the Green Dress. Probably Involving a Pub Crawl and possibly Spork’s mom.

2. If you’re staying the night Saturday, there will be a Prelube Saturday so plan on dropping your cars off and car pool to the event from the GatorSntach Motel.

3. The On-On after will be at the GatorSntach, bring your own everything. We will provide the bad influence.

4. The On-After will be at an Icehouse, bring money for beer. If you drink Liquor, bring a bottle and buy your setups there.

5. Where you going to Sleep? It will be a floor space kinda night I’m sure, but if you have a tent and want to have a place to bang, I would bring it and put it in my back yard.

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 79 - Our Third Analversary!!!

When: Saturday, February 2nd, 2013 at 2:00pm! 

Where: McDade Park,
FM 2854
Conroe, TX 77304

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & Donnie The Retard

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course. 

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45 or the Hardy until it deadends into I-45. Take the exit for FM 2854 W / Old Montgomery Road and head west. Turn right onto Steve Owens Road. Take 1st right onto Gergory Road. McDade Park, BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!!!!! This will be the Brass Monkey hash's 3rd analversary run! We have been doing this shit for three years! Sorry it took so long to put the info out, but hey, here it is. :) Expect shiggy, lots of shiggy. Water? Maybe. Hobos? Maybe... it's Conroe, they're probably ex-cops. Not a super long trail, but it is our analversary so plan on FUN. You can try to call me tomorrow but I will be out laying trail so meh. You can try to call Donnie but he doesn't answer his phone so good luck. Bring a change of clothes and $$$ for the on-after.

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 78

When: Saturday, January 19th, 2012 at 2:00pm!

Where: 16735 Fallen Timbers Drive

Conroe, TX 77385 (Not really Conroe, it's North Woodlands.)

Hare(s): KatchUp & Just Chelsea (VIRGIN HARE!)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45 or the Hardy until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 79A for College Park Drive/Needham Road/TX 242. Turn right onto TX242 and go got like a mile and a half and turn left onto Glen Eagle Drive North. Turn right onto Bobolink Drive. Turn left onto Fallen Timbers Drive. Look for parking around the corner of Fallen Timbers Drive and Woodhallow Drive.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!!!!! Dog Friendly. Plenty of Shiggy and expect "possible water crossings”. Car back is quick and easy should be no problem. Circle will be under a bridge so if it’s raining there will be cover, if it’s cold I have some logs that we can make a fire. Bring warm clothes for circle and on-after. I, Spork, will be in New Orleans with Donnie the Retard as well as a good group of hashers so do not call me for info, call the KatchUp below. Also, it is a VIRGIN hare *cough cough* make it happen people.

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n BITCHES,

COCKTOR SPORK!

FIRSTISHLY: BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 77

This will be a joint Brass Monkey and Galveston Run. Here are the details:

When: Saturday, January 5th, 2013 at 2:00pm!

Where: 1400 Riggs St, Baytown, TX

That’s right, BAYTOWN! Not The Woodlands, not Houston, freaking BAYTOWN!

Hare(s): Homodynamics

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to 610 East. 610 East to I-10. I-10 East to TX-330 Spur South (Baytown). Take to Texas 146 South towards La Porte. Take that to West Main Street / Main Street West. Turn left onto West Main Street. Turn left onto Oak Street. Turn left onto Riggs Street.

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARE!) There will be shiggy, water crossings, bridges, a turkey/eagle split, dick checks, virgins, a virgin hare, and beer.

Wear shoes, a concealed weapon, and bring spare change for the hobos!

SPORK: (832) 372-5133

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 75 - Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick's Birfday Hash!

When: Saturday, December 8th at 2:00pm! (EARLY HASH SEASON!)

Where:
Fox and Hound Bar & Grill
19189 Interstate 45 South 

Shenandoah, TX 77385

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Stay on the feeder all the way until you hit your first light, research Forest. Right before that first light is a huge shopping center on your right with Subway, Party City, Bike Store, ton of shit. Fox & Hound is in that shopping center, right on the corner of the strip center behind the gas station. This is directly across the street (but on the same side of the freeway) as Home Depot.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: trail will be shiggytastic bring high socks or where pants because your going to need it wear duh and it is Mud and my birfday hash!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 72 - "The Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile"

When: Saturday, October 27th at 3:30pm!

Where: Buffalo Bayou Dog Park
Allen Parkway & Montrose Blvd, Houston, TX

Hare(s): Your-Damn-Selves

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South and take exit 47A to Allen Parkway. Stay on Allen parkway until you see Buffalo Bayou Dog Park on your right at the Montrose intersection. Street parking and such. MAKE SURE NOT TO GO TO THE BUFFALO BAYOU THING OFF 610, THIS IS ON MONTROSE AND ALLEN PARKWAY!

Sidenote: This will be our second Anal Brass Monkey beer mile. How is a Brass Monkey Beer Mile different than a regular one? Instead of pounding four beer you will be in charge of one who Brass Monkey 40, all by yourself! It is a wonderful experience and should not be missed. The Houston OTR Drag Hash will be following tis like a mile away at 7pm, so we will do our mile, have our circle, then go cross dress like a good American should. So come out to enjoy our Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 70

When: Saturday, September 29th at 3:30pm!

Where: TLC CHILD DEVELOPMENT CENTER

150 Pruitt Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & KatchUp (VIRGIN HARE!)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 73 to Rayford / Sawdust Road. Stay in the left lane and loop under the freeway back around south. Go right past the texaco and turn RIGHT onto Pruit Road, first shopping center on your right before Papas Ice House.

Sidenote: This will be out first trail since VooDoo Monkey 2012 so we are still a little sore. This will also be KatchUp's virgin laying experience so bring lube to "congratulate" him with. Expect shiggy and possibly herpes. Bring change of clothes and $$$ for the on-after. We may or may not be able to help break-in a brand new Hash-Friendly bar (depending on if the piece of shit Fire Marshall gets off his lazy ass and comes and okays the bar to open like he was supposed to do last week.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

VOODOO MONKEY - LAST FREAKING CHANCE!

OK, we are here… we are at the end of the waiting. VOODOO MONKEY 2012 is in, wait for it, JUST OVER TWO WEEKS!

That’s right, this Saturday is the 68^th running of the Brass Monkey H3 and two weeks after that not only the 69^th Brass Monkey hash, it is VOODOO FREAKING MONKEY!

Kegs tapped on Friday and drank till Sunday! Enjoy beer, Brass Monkeys, hash Olympics, camping, hashing, eating, gimmies, flip-cup, beer pong, keg war, you name it, it is freaking there!

Over 90 of you signed up so far, over a dozen different kennels from 10 different states! That is a lot of retarded people showing other retarded people how they do it in their hood. Thug life!

What do you need to know:

Where: General Sam’s, Huntsville, TX. (Fly into Bush Intercontinental (IAH) if you be far.)

When: September 14^th – 16^th, NEXT MONTH!

Why: Truthishly? Why? If you are asking why then you should not be attending this campout. You should be standing at home pretending you had a moustache wishing you were as cool as someone with a mustache. No mustache for you.

How Much: $79.00. We kept it low so more of you could go so hop to it and come enjoy awesomeness.

Deadline: You must, MUST, MUST sign up by this Saturday, September 1^st, to get your personalized gimmies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gimmies, made for you. Not one size fits all t-shirts, shirts in your size, and other awesomeness, true awesomeness for you and all you wished in your gimmies-dreams.

What You Need: Bring a tent and shit to sleep in/on/under/whatever your kinky style is. Never been to a campout before? Cute. This will be fun. You can sleep in Spork’s tent. It smells like glaucoma medicine.

Got An RV?: Limited number of RV spaces available @ $30/night w/ water, electric, and sewer hookups! (Reserve w/ Shery at General Sam’s before 9/1/12 @ (832) 495-1046)

Are You A Redneck?: 4-Wheelers & Mud toys welcome! ($45 for the weekend to use WHOLE facility!)

Planning On Getting Dirty?: Showers and running water available at the facility!

THEMES?: I got your themes!

Friday: Ameri-camo ('Murrica and camo gear, Fuck Yeah!)
Saturday: Jungle Fever Safari (Either a Gay Porn title or some creative, possibly both)

Like Music?: Ladies and Gentlemen prepare yourself for the one, the only, Palatial Palace of Dancing Mayhem and Ridiculousness presented by Former Mr. Texas InterHash FUCK YOU KNAVE!! That’s right, FU Knave volunteered his services of amazingness and they will be freaking appreciated and enjoyed at VOODOO MONKEY! WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Want To Sign Up?: http://www.voodoohash.com/voodoo-monkey-2012/  

So cum one, cum all, to VOODOO MONKEY 2012 TO HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0N-0N BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 68 - THE PRELUBE TO VOODOO MONKEY 2012!

When: Saturday, September 1st at 3:00pm!

Where: Alden Bridge Park
7725 Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382 

Hare(s): Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Turn left onto Research Forest (First Light). Go 5 miles and turn right onto Alden bridge Drive. BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: 4.5 miles, beer stop, shiggy, water, pool and bbq on after. Dog friendly but bring a leash *for if there are any gingers there. Watch out for biting hookers on trail who are infected with an interesting colored rash. Bring bug spray, sun block, and small asians, they usually have small umbrellas to go with them. This will be our last Brass Monkey before VOODOO MONKEY 2012 WHICH IS TWO WEEKS AFTER THIS HASH!!! Not only will we be celebrating the amazingness that is VooDoo Monkey but it will be our 69TH HASH!!!!!! So come out and be awesome so we can talk about VooDoo Monkey while being in a pool and having a sexy party!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

*Might have been inserted (giggity) by Cocktor Spork. No homo.

Cocktor Spork

VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GO TO A HASH WEEKEND, YOU SAY.

YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO ONE AND HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT IS LIKE, YOU SAY.

PERHAPS YOU HAVE BEEN TO ONE BUT IT WAS A WHILE AGO, LIKE SINCE TEXAS INTERHASH, AND YOU NEED SOME QUALITY TIME WITH SOME FUCK-UPS LIKE YOU?

Did you know there is a hash campout in a FREAKING MONTH?!?! OMFG!!! Did you know that it is only an hour north of The Woodlands (North Houston)????!!!! Holyhellfireshittellusaboutitmotherfucker!

That's right! Your very own Brass Monkey H3 and your friends in retardation the VooDoo H3 present to you VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!!!!

When: Friday, September 14th – Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Where: General Sam’s Offroad Park, 224 Bishop Rd. – Huntsville, Texas 77320

Cost: $79.00 – FOR NOW!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT!

We already have over 80 people signed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIGN UP NOW!

-Cocktor Spork

http://www.voodoohash.com/voodoo-monkey-2012/

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 65

When: Saturday, July 21st at 3:00pm!

Where: Lents Family Park EAST (There are two sides, GO EAST!)
540 Cypress Station
Houston, TX 77090

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard & ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North and take exit 66B toward Hollow Tree St/Parramatta Ln. Take the 1st right toward Hollow Tree Ln/Parramatta Ln. Turn right onto Westfield Pl Dr. Turn left onto Cypress Station Dr. MAKE SURE TO TAKE THE EAST ENTRANCE, THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT ENTRANCES!

Sidenote: This will be a return to haring from Donnie & ESPN who have a small ginger baby at home that fell out of ESPN's vag about two months ago. Since they can now see that she will be ginger and will not have a soul, they are good to leave her in the care of three dogs and a homeless woman who smells of coffee grounds and calls herself Che Guevara while they go lay a SHIGTASTIC trail. THIS WILL ALSO BE DONNIE AND ESPN'S 8TH ANNIVERSARY! WOW! That is a lot of angry sex. There will be shiggy, oh yes, and there will be water crossings. Since there is water that means there is a chance of muddyness so that means bring your cameras to watch people eat shit!!! *Cough cough* Rim Job Bobby *Cough cough*. Bring a change of clothes, bring sunblock and bug spray, and bring AWESOMENESS! SEE YOUR ASSES THERE, BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 64

When: Saturday, July 6th at 3:00pm!

Where: Kat Sassy's Bar
463 Fm 1488 Road, 
Conroe, TX 77384

Hare(s): EZ Chair, Rim Job Bobby, WhataItch

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course. CASH FOR THE PRE-LUBE AND ON-AFTER!!! ($5 PITCHERS AND $2 PINTS!!)

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North until it merges onto I-45. Take exit 81 for Farm to Market Rd 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Take the exit toward Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488, Keep right at the fork and merge onto Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488 (This will take you back over the freeway.) Arrive at destination.

Sidenote: From EZ Chair, the main Whorish-Hare: hey haaaaaaaay!!!! whataitch, rim job bobby & i have spent literally minutes and minutes scouting the very best hot mess slutty mc cluckerson shiggy trail the brass monkey has ever seen!!! 3 pm start with hares off @ 3:21 & pack at 3:36. start location is KAT DADDY'S bar in conroe, where i've traded the owner blow jobs for rites to $5.00 pitchers & 2.00 pints. the trail promises to be longer than .02 miles, but no more than 4 - there are 3 beer checks (unless we get thirsty) it's dog friendly, walkable a-a', no pi, but plenty of danger. if you want a dry bag, you'll most likely have to strap it to your damn self because there's very little room in the back of my car with the baby seats & all my knock off handbags. oh, yeah & bring bug spray. while you're at it, bring wild boar and baby alligator spray, too... we're gonna get you all hot messy slutty sweaty!!! ON ON Ez Chair

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Easy Chair's #: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 63

When: Saturday, June 23rd at 4:00pm!

Where: 16622 Lee Road
Humble, TX 77396

Hare(s): Fifth of Idiot

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. 

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South to Hardy Toll Road. Take Hardy till Intercontinental Airport exit. Turn right toward Greens Rd. Turn left onto Greens Rd. Turn left onto Lee Road, will be on right.

Sidenote: Happening! Thank you to Fifth of Idiot who will be haring the shit out of this trail - looks pretty good from what I have seen. Close to Houston, therefore no "Oh, but it's just so far!" excuses. It is pretty much in Houston people. Bring change of clothes and a Plan B pill and you should be set.

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 62 - The "H0T Mess Beer Mile"

When: June 9th at 1:00pm! NOTE THE START TIME!

Where: In Fucking Galveston
Close to 4161 Pointe West Drive.
Galveston, TX 77554

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. AND CASH FOR THE ON-AFTER!

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Head south. No homo. Take I-45 South for a long ass way, like hours. You will literary drive as far south as this damn freeway will take you. You'll even get to ride on a causeway and feel like you are in New Orléans. Or at least I will. Take exit 1-FREAKING-A and merge onto TX-342 Spur S/Broadway St toward 61st St/W Beach. Turn right onto 61st St (signs for Texas 342 Spur), then turn right onto Farm to Market 3005. Stay on this for like another 20 miles (true story), continue onto San Luis Pass Rd, turn right. Look for "Beach Access Points" #39 & #40. Park somewhere around there, we will be on the beach, probably. We'll see where the wedding and everything are and make sure we are not close to that or mess with that at all - hashers not trashers - and establish the beer "mile."

Sidenote: This is the wedding day for two AWESOME hashers, KumOnIWannaLeiYa and Pimp Doggie Dawg, awwwwwwwwww, and since so many of us are going to be down there, might as well make it happen there! Also, an awesome one of us, Triple D!, was seriously effed up in a car accident by an asshole drunk driver so all funds raised during this will be given to her for body-repairs and such. Thank you Name My Vagina for the awesome idea! See everyone there!

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56 - St. Patty's Day Green Dress Run

When: Saturday, March 17th, 2012 at 3:00pm!

Where: Big Cross Track Ice House in Old Town Spring
200 Magnolia Street,
Spring, Texas 77373

Hare(s): Masturgator & Bbbbbrrrrgggghhhh

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Directions from The Woodlands: Go on I-45 South then take exit 70A to FM 2920/Tomball. When you exit turn left onto FM 2920 and continue as it turns to Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street. Voilà.

Directions from downtown Houston: Head north on I-45 (or Hardy Toll Road). For I-45 exit 70A onto FM 2920 then turn right onto FM 2920/Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street.
For Hardy Toll Road, head north then take the Aldine-Westfield Rd exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn left onto Aldine-Westfield, then turn left onto Caroline Street. Take your 3rd left onto Oak Street and keep going on that, it turns into Magnolia Street.


Sidenote: from the Hares: The only day it is okay to be a ginger: Saint Patty’s Day Green Dress Run. Lots of gimmies and Irish themed drinking vessels. At least 5 beer/booze checks on trial with a car bomb station at the on after for those who feel the need to go full retard. On After will sell beer, wine, and setups bring your own liquor BYOL. Make sure to bring an extra set of clothes, shoe, 5 bucks blah blah blah.

BMH3 # 54

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 54 "Twinkle's Birthday Run"

When: Saturday, February 18^th 2012, at 2pm!

Where: Bear Branch Park
5200 Research Forest Dr
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hare(s): Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking with a little shiggytastic running mixed in too!!

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45, take exit 77. Follow the feeder until you come to the Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd stop light then make a left. Follow Research Forest for bit which will take you through several lights, keep straight on Research and once you pass through the Gosling Rd light the park entrance will be on your right

Sidenote: Per the Hare: Turn into parking lot and go to the right and head to the back of the parking lot near the skate park

Gather at 2pm.

Trail will be between 2ish and 6ish miles.
There will be water crossings.
There will be at least one beer check
There may be a swim, depending on weather, and how I'm feeling when I get to that part.
Trail is mostly experienced Shiggy dog friendly, but if I do the swim the dogs will need a hand getting out of the water.


Bring:
Towels,
Change of clothes
virgins
Shiggy socks/pants
knee pads
thirst for beer


0n-0n,
DTR

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 50

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 50 - The Second Anal "SCREW YOUR HOLIDAY , WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN" Hash.

When: Saturday, December 24th 2011, at 5:00pm!

Where: Spork’s Spooning Spectacularium (A.K.A. Chez Spork-Puss)
28 Painted Sunset, The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, A DAMN FLASHLIGHT!, shag bag(change of clothes), $ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.
D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45, take exit 73 ( Rayford Rd./Sawdust Rd. ). Turn left at your first light (Rayford/Sawdust) and go to the 4th light where Sawdust turns hard left right past Burger King and before Starbucks. After turning left, go straight past first light and go to the second light, Sawmill Road , and turn left. Turn left into your first subdivision, Sunset Springs ( Dreamweaver Circle ). Once you enter Sunset Springs, go straight past the very first street on your left and go to the next street, Painted Sunset. You may park anywhere around that corner of Painted Sunset and Dreamweaver Circle , my house is right there on the corner, #28.

Sidenote: Going to be in town visiting family you really don't want to have an awkward Xmas-Eve turkey dinner with your family? Need an excuse why you can't go take goofy looking pictures in front of large trees with lights on them with your weird Uncle Eddie who touches you just a little too much? Are you a Jew like myself and just need to get away from the Xmas music for 5 minutes and sing about boobs, sex, and kitchens? Then cum one, cum all, to our SECOND ANAL "Screw your Holiday , We'll Make Our Own" / Moon Over Monkeys hash!

This will be not only our SECOND ANAL "Screw Your Holiday, We'll Make Our Own" hash, but also our SECOND ANAL "MOM" Hash, which means "Moon Over Monkeys" - our form of a full moon-ish hash. But wait, there's more! This will also be only our SECOND EVER LIVE HARE! This does not include all the lazy bimbo trial things we have done at events, but a real "You mother fuckers stay here for 15 minutes, not 10, but 15 full freaking minutes, and let us go lay a damn trail... seriously 15 minutes." kind of trail. When was out last one? You guessed it! Last year, same hash! This trail laid last year by Mud & I was a great success, and hopefully it will be again this year. Last year lots of people brought extras to drink/eat just because they felt awesome. There were cherries that had been soaked in vodka or rum or something for like 6 months that rocked our world, there was holiday flavored vodka (what does that even mean) - lots of stuff. Feeling generous? Bring something. I'll bring the Manischewitz!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 49

"MUD & DTR's BIRFDAY TRASH TRAIL"

When: Saturday, December 10th 2011, at 3:00pm!

Where: The Old Riley Fuzzel Road Preserve

NO ADDRESS, SEE DIRECTIONS HERE OR BELOW:

http://bayoulandconservancy.org/Directions-Old%20Riley%20Fuzzel%20Road%20Preserve.pdf 

Hare(s): Mud In My Crick & Donnie The Retard

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery
(T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From downtown Houston, go I-45 North all the way past FM 1960
to the Cypresswood Drive, Holzwarth Road, Louetta Road exit. (EXIT 68). Head
east (right) on East Louetta Road. Follow East Louetta Road to where it
dead-ends under the Hardy Toll Road at Aldine-Westfield Road. Take a Left,
heading North on Aldine Westfield until it dead-ends at Riley Fuzzel Road.
Take a Right, heading East on Riley Fuzzel Road. Continue under the Hardy
Toll Road and across the new bridge at Spring Creek. After crossing the
bridge a short distance, on your left, you will see where the old two-lane
road merges into the new five-lane road where the new road curves. Take a
left onto Old Riley Fuzzel Road. Proceed to the end of Old Riley Fuzzel Road
to where the road is completely barricaded. (Further directions made be
found at
http://bayoulandconservancy.org/Directions-Old%20Riley%20Fuzzel%20Road%20Preserve.pdf

Sidenote: This will be a BIRFDAY celebration for both Mud In My Crick
(December 10th) and Donnie The Retard (December 20th)! According to the
hares it will be a total TRASH trail meaning there will be at least one beer
check, at least one shot check, and 100% SHIGGY with lots of water crossings
SO BRING A DAMN CHANGE OF CLOTHES/SHOES/SOCKS/EVERYTHING! Also bring a towel... that would just be smart.

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 48

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 48

When: Saturday, November 26^th 2011 at 2:00pm!

Where: Tamarac Park
Near the intersection of
North Millbend Drive & Many Pines Road,
The Woodlands, TX 77380

(30.153317, -95.456944)

Hare(s): Cumrade Blumpkin, Name My Vagina, & La Situación

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course. 

D'erections: From downtown Houston , go I-45 North all the way to exit 76B, Woodlands Parkway . Stay in the left lane once the on-ramp merges onto Woodlands Parkway , then turn left AT THE FIRST STREET YOU CAN, Woodloch Forest Drive . Continue on Woodloch Forest Drive , it will turn you hard left, then right, then the street will change into Many Pines Road. Continue straight till it dead ends, then turn right onto North Millbend Drive . The park will be immediately on your right.

Sidenote: This will be a BIRFDAY ORGY celebration. All three of the hares have birthdays around this time, so they will be laying some sort of trail. This is all the info I have people – needless to say the weather is getting nicer and it is getting dark quicker so early hash = YAY!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 47

The "16 Beer Checks. Happening." Hash

When: Saturday, November 12^th 2011 at 3:00pm!

Where: Randall’s Food Market Pharmacy
9420 College Park Drive
Conroe, TX 77384

Hare(s): yobwoC esreveR (Reverse Cowboy)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course. 

D'erections: Directions from Downtown Houston . Take I-45 North towards The Woodlands. Take exit 79 ( TX-242/College Park Drive/Needham Road .) Turn left at the stoplight onto TX-242/College Park Drive . Take for 4-4.50 miles and it will be there on your right before 1488.

Sidenote: This is the first ever, never happened before, gonna break 'em all, had to give him sexual favors to do it, yobwoC esreveR (Reverse Cowboy) laid trail! What can you expect? Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7, not 8, not 9, not 10, not 11, not 12, not 13, not 14, not 15, but 16 FREAKING BEER CHECKS!!!!!! What else can you expect? At least one person vomiting most likely. What else can you expect? Do you care? Really? 16 Beer checks people. This is gonna be an epic trail so only losers will miss it. Questions? Comments? STDs? Everything can be answered... if you show up to the trail. LET'S DO THIS!!! W00000H0000000!!!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 45

"1st Ever Brass Monkey Beer Mile"

***NOTE THE EARLY START TIME!***

Where: Masturgator & PMS' House
7 Still Glen Court
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hare(s): Saint Sebastian

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery
(T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Directions from Downtown Houston. Go North on I-45 take exit
76B (Woodlands Parkway) - keep going on Woodlands Parkway for about 3-ish
miles. Turn left on South Panther Creek Drive, go past the stop sign and
look on your left for a subdivision on your left just past the church; The
street is Coralberry Road. Once you turn left on Coralberry, take your
second right which is Yewleaf Road, then your second right again onto Still
Glen Court.

Sidenote: We will be having an early start time because one of our Monkeys
is getting married! YAY! (It will not be a hash wedding. NO!) The wedding is
in the evening so we are needing to start early so we can still have a bomb
ass circle but be done by like 4:00-ish. There will not be patches because
every person I talked to said their patch distributor was on leave or
vacation or something. I guess there is some sort of patch-makers united
strike... really don't care. Anyway we will take down who is there and
whenever we get them made you will get one. Please try to get there on time
- you know normally we go on hardcore hash time but since we HAVE to be done
to get ready for the wedding we can't lolly(cock)gag around.

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 44 "The Second Lamest Pub Crawl Ever"

When: Saturday, October 1st, 2011 at 5:00pm.

Where: Wolfie's Sports Bar & Grill
25550 I 45 NORTH
SPRING, TEXAS 77386

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & Guamarhea Balls

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: Money for drinks at each of the stops... There will be 6-ish bars, maybe less if we get lazy.

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45, take exit 73 (Rayford Rd./Sawdust Rd.). Go straight past the light and look for a shopping center on your right on the corner of the feeder and Raypine Drive - it will have Wolfie's, Taqueria Arandas, Firestone auto place, etc... If you hit Briarcrest Drive you have gone too far, so just turn right and take that street back towards the south.

Sidenote: Back due to no popular demand whatsoever, the Brass Monkeys are proud to bring you the "Second Lamest Pub Crawl Ever", hopefully just as lame as last year's was.

Guamarhea Balls (Knuckledraggers H3 MC) will be visiting us and helping me co-hare this bitch. He is very sensitive about his girly sized hands so make sure not to stare.

We will provide some down down beer at the end for circle, but there is no hash cash so just bring money for your drink of choice at each bar. There will be crash space available at Chez Spork-Puss and the Retard Compound. If you are crashing and want to drop your car at our houses before hand we will be more than happy to give you a ride to the start point.

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 43

The "Crab Monkey" Hash

When: Saturday September 17th, 2011 @ 4:00-ish

Where: Texas Crab Hash

Hare(s): TBD (We could guess but it depends on who is functioning enough at
the time of trail.)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: Your Ass

D'erections: Go to Texas Crab Hash

Side Note: This will mark the 2nd Crab-Monkey mingling in this many years combining the mystic forces of Dick The Boy Wonder and the members of the Brass Monkey H3. Last year was awesome so hopefully we can keep it going this year. If you haven't signed up for Texas Crab Hash you are lame, but there's still time and here is the link. http://www.texascrabhash.com/

0n-0n,
Cocktor Spork