When: Saturday, May 16th, at 7:00am!
Where: Byrd Automotive, 2445 High Timbers Drive,
Spring, TX 77380. ***PLEASE CARPOOL, ONLY 30 PARKING SPOTS AVAILABLE!***
Hare(s): Dick Assley, Flatline, Outside Cat,
Cocktor Spork, Twinkle Toes, DoubleMint Cum (a.k.a. Betty Cock-in-her),
KatchUp, EZ Chair, and probably some other poor souls that we rope into this.
Why: Because you like drinking, period.
Cost: $5 PER hash & $5 for an Official
IronHash patch and a FINISHER patch if you *actually* finish, so $20 for three
hashes, three circles of down/down beer, snacky cakes, and patches!
Bring: Hash Cash Shag bag (change of clothes). $$
for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12,
and a thirst for beer of course!
***BRING
YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH, WE'LL HAVE A COOLER!!!***
“SCHEDULE” - it’s in quotes
because fuck you.
7:00am:
Arrive, bitches!
7:30am:
Start cheering on the swimmers because they are in far better shape than any of
us will ever be.
8:00am:
Hares Away for Trail #1, get ready…
8:30am:
Ready, Set, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ON TRAIL #1. LET THE IRONHASH MADNESS
BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:00am:
Finish Trail #1 & Circle.
11:00am:
Hares Away for Trail #2 while the rest of you fucks are getting drunk.
11:30am:
Up, up, and away, bitches - Trail #2 is afoot!
1:00pm:
Finish Trail #2 & start eating your lunch while we wait for everyone to
bring their lazy asses in.
***INTERMISSION
AND REST TIME FOR THE SAD, WEAK SOULS. OH YEAH, AND BRING YOUR OWN DAMN
LUNCH!!!!!***
3:00pm:
Hares Away for Trail #3 while everyone else cries, eats, and drinks.
3:30pm:
Anddddddddddddddddddd GO SPEEDRACER, GO GET ‘DEM HARES!!!
5:00pm:
Finish Trail #3, Circle, and apply cream and oil to old people joints. And also
enjoy joints. You should bring joints. They help.
7:00pm:
YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE THIRD AИAL BRASS MONKEY IRONHASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D'erections:
FROM
HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45, then
take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. ***THERE IS GOING TO BE TRAFFIC FOR THIS,
SO PLAN THE FUCK AHEAD!*** Continue on Woodlands Parkway until you hit Grogans
Mill Road, then turn right. Turn left almost right away onto High Timbers Drive
in the EAST SHORE area. We are not 100% sure what they will be
blocking/diverting, so just use the address if it comes to it. Seriously
though, plan ahead for traffic.
Sidenote: Ladies & Gents, it’s back. This 12
hour, three trail, three circle, several tears kind of day. Plan on hydrating
your face off on Friday, because you will need it for Saturday. There will be
live laid trails, there will be “games”, there wil be shiggy and urban running,
there might be MD 20/20, or something even worse. This day is great for those
of you who like punishment, or if you feel like you have something to prove,
like that you are a moron for doing this. Remember how year one we had slut
juice and people lost hours in the day, so last year Twinkle said we couldn’t
do it, well this year it’s back, and Gator is making it so yeah, be ready.
Plan
on SIX, count ‘em SIX hares, two per trail, and at least two RAs, maybe three.
Everything you have thought you knew before was a lie, all of it, especially
the cake. We will not be U-Hauling it this year, so please don’t bring a ton of
shit and expect us to be able to carry it around. You need your shag bag with a
couple changes of clothes, your lunch that we will put in the cooler, and some
damn willpower. Please plan on carpooling because the start is a smaller lot
that can fit about 30 cars, so if you can, CARPOOL!
So,
to highlight the most important shit:
•Bring
your own lunch!
•Bring
like three changes of clothes and a towel!
•We
are leaving at 8:30am SHARP, do not be late. Like seriously, if you have ever
been on time for anything in your life, be on time for this. Plan on traffic
for the IronMan, and give yourself time! Do not be that person who calls like
"Oh, so sorry, can you wait for us? Traffic is sooooo bad." No! Bad!
•HYDRATE!
Drink water before, this will seriously drain you - it's gonna be fucking hot!
•Figure
out lodging. Plan on staying with other hashers at the Super 8 or make other
arrangements. Other arrangements does not mean assume you can stay with Spork
and Twinkle. :P
•Total
cost for three trails, three circle, two patches, and transportation all around
is $20. If you can't do all the trails, you suck. That's all.
Well
there you heard it people, make it happen!
Cocktor
Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Twinkle
Toes' #: (661) 342-1679
Dick
Assley's #: (214) 502-6501
Flatline's
#: (832) 431-6339
KatchUp’s
#: (817) 235-6141
Cocktor Spork
