BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 268 - Homoglobin's "Trail of the Year" Solo Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 268 - Homoglobin's "Trail of the Year" Solo Trail!

When: Saturday, May 2nd, at Any Fucking Time You Please!

Where: Burrough's Park

*ALL THE WAY BACK, NEAR PAVILION*

9738 Hufsmith Road

Tomball, TX 77375

Hares: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road to TX-99 (Grand Parkway), then go West.  That means left.  Take to Kuykendahl Road and turn right, that means North-ish.  Go for 4 miles or so, then turn left onto Huffsmith Road.  Go for a mile and a half, then as the road curves left the park will be on your right.  Go allllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way back.  Park in the last lot where the Pavilion is.  DON'T PARK OVERNIGHT.  #WombRaider #NeverForget

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARE: This was supposed to be the trail of the year, but not this year!  You can expect a 3-4 mile trail, all species friendly, with a beer check!  Wear bug spray and shiggy socks. 

FROM SPORK: We will be holding a VIRTUAL CIRCLE AT 7:00PM Central. The link will be posted shortly before it starts on this event page. It is best to do it from a laptop because if you try to use a tablet or a phone, you will have to download the app, and you won't be able to really see everyone attending very well. McPisser was awesome enough to create the event for us using his RichMan account so we won't be kicked off after 40 minutes like we would if we used my Homeless account. Thanks, McP!  Now, if you are planning on actually doing trail, please read through the shit below because there is some important ass info.  Not ass info.  I mean, all ass info is important, so this is just important info that has nothing to do with ass. Unfortunately. God I miss people.  Anywho... we look forward to trying this shit out, and hope you enjoy trail by yourself or with your family!

NOW, READ THIS:

Montgomery County (aka Monkeyland) has decreed: “All public and private gatherings OF MORE THAN FOUR PEOPLE occurring outside a single household or living unit are prohibited.” This means we are going to have to do trail a different way, à la other hashes you have seen. The way we are going to do it is as follows:

• The hares will lay the trail on Friday, and knowing them, it won’t be done until darkness so don’t try to do it Friday.

• Trail will be A-to-A and will not start from somewhere that is currently forbidden to park at.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• You will have the opportunity to do trail at any point on Saturday. You do you. That being said, make sure you just do you, and if you run into other hashers, try not to interact/mingle/bang there on trail. The last thing we need is some park ranger with a funny hat finding out who we are, what we are doing, and getting all excited that he finally gets to fill out his “GOT ‘EM!’ report. Stay separate, do your own thing.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 267 - Womb Raider's Non-TXIH Solo Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 267 - Womb Raider's Non-TXIH Solo Trail!

When: Saturday, April 18th, at Any Fucking Time You Please!

Where: The Meadows at Imperial Oaks Recreation Center
Kendal Ridge Ln, Conroe, TX 77385

Hares: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N to exit 73 Rayford Rd and turn right (east) on Rayford. Turn left (north) onto Aldine Westfield Rd. Take this until right before it dead ends and turn right (east) onto Kendal Ridge Ln. Go about a quarter mile until you get to the parking lot beside the Rec center in front of the playground.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: Trail will be between 3-4 miles long and marked in either toilet paper or purple crepe paper and flour. Expect Shiggy, fence line/ greenway running and a touch of pavement. There will be a solo song check. I encourage you to video said song check and post to fb so we can all hear your lovely voice. Otherwise you’ll just look like a crazy singing to yourself in the woods. There are some barbed wire fences (if you have to cross barbed wire it will be well marked and on the ground) and less than vagina deep water crossings. Trail is in virgin territory in the new hood with an anti-socially manned beer check in our backyard! Depending on the time of day and my mood you will either be warmly greeted, completely ignored or yelled at to “GET OFF MY LAWN!?!” by me, Dresses with Wolves and/ or possibly Mouth Organ from a safe distance. For bravely chancing socially distant abuse and heckling you will be rewarded with good beer from a sanitized cooler, water and extra bug spray. As you near my house at about mile 2 there is a neighborhood dog that roams free at times. He thinks our Shiggy is his. I don’t know this dog yet but he just barked at me a little and ran back toward his house today. He barks thru the fence at my dogs. I do not think he is aggressive but please be aware especially if you are planning on bringing pups. Don’t forget bug spray and look out for snakes!

FROM SPORK: We will be holding a VIRTUAL CIRCLE AT 7:00PM Central. The link will be posted shortly before it starts on this event page. It is best to do it from a laptop because if you try to use a tablet or a phone, you will have to download the app, and you won't be able to really see everyone attending very well. McPisser was awesome enough to create the event for us using his RichMan account so we won't be kicked off after 40 minutes like we would if we used my Homeless account. Thanks, McP! Now, if you are planning on actually doing trail, please read through the shit below because there is some important ass info. Not ass info. I mean, all ass info is important, so this is just important info that has nothing to do with ass. Unfortunately. God I miss people. Anywho... we look forward to trying this shit out, and hope you enjoy trail by yourself or with your family!

NOW, READ THIS:

Montgomery County (aka Monkeyland) has decreed: “All public and private gathering of any number of people occurring outside a single household or living unit are prohibited.” This means we are going to have to do trail a different way, à la other hashes you have seen. The way we are going to do it is as follows:

• The hares will lay the trail on Friday, and knowing them, it won’t be done until darkness so don’t try to do it Friday.

• Trail will be A-to-A and will not start from somewhere that is currently forbidden to park at.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no booze waiting for you. As much as we’d like to chance having a stashed beer check with beer waiting halfway, for a myriad of reasons that is not feasible, so BYOfuckingeverything. If you want beer, bring beer. Bam.

• You will have the opportunity to do trail at any point on Saturday. You do you. That being said, make sure you just do you, and if you run into other hashers, try not to interact/mingle/bang there on trail. The last thing we need is some park ranger with a funny hat finding out who we are, what we are doing, and getting all excited that he finally gets to fill out his “GOT ‘EM!’ report. Stay separate, do your own thing.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 266 - Katch'a'Croc'o'Aryan's Solo Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 266 - Katch'a'Croc'o'Aryan's Solo Trail!

 When: Saturday, April 4th, at Any Fucking Time You Please!

Where: Under A Creepy Bridge

Riley Fuzzel Road

Spring, TX 77386

Google Maps: 4JMX+JR Porter, Texas

(30.134616, -95.350272)

Hares: KatchUp, Croc of Shit, and Aryan Sisterhood

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 or the Hardy Toll Road to TX-99 (Grand Parkway) and go East, that means Right. Take the exit toward Townsen Blvd. Merge onto Riley Fuzzel Road next to the freeway and just keep going until it deadends and forces you under the bridge back the other way.  There is a dirt "parking lot" under the bridge, park there!  There will not be any assholes to look for, but there may be some other cars there!

Sidenote:

Well, here it is.  Our first "Do Your Own Trail Adventure", staring you, as the dumb ass who showed up for this thing!  As you can read more in detail about below, trail MUST BE DONE ON YOUR OWN DUE TO MONTGOMERY COUNTY ORDERS!  Trail is being laid Friday, and will be ready Saturday.  The hares will be laying in FLAGGING and FLOUR, so look for both.  Maybe if they are awesome enough, they will post some pictures on here of some of the things you should look for.  Keep in mind, one of the hares, who  will remain "namenlos" as we say in German, tried to bail out of this bitch saying we weren't worth it.  How dare him.  But between my Jewish guilt, KatchUps strongly worded messages, and Croc of Shit's "present" voting -- adding literally nothing to the discourse -- he finally came around.  Like I said, I won't tell you who it was, but just know it was a thing. 

We will be holding a VIRTUAL CIRCLE AT 7:00PM Central. The link will be posted shortly before it starts on this event page. It is best to do it from a laptop because if you try to use a tablet or a phone, you will have to download the app, and you won't be able to really see everyone attending very well. McPisser was awesome enough to create the event for us using his RichMan account so we won't be kicked off after 40 minutes like we would if we used my Homeless account. Thanks, McP!  Now, if you are planning on actually doing trail, please read through the shit below because there is some important ass info.  Not ass info.  I mean, all ass info is important, so this is just important info that has nothing to do with ass. Unfortunately. God I miss people.  Anywho... we look forward to trying this shit out, and hope you enjoy trail by yourself or with your family!

P.S. I hope your kids enjoy b00b checks. 

NOW, READ THIS:

Montgomery County (aka Monkeyland) has decreed: “All public and private gathering of any number of people occurring outside a single household or living unit are prohibited.” This means we are going to have to do trail a different way, à la other hashes you have seen. The way we are going to do it is as follows:

• The hares will lay the trail on Friday, and knowing them, it won’t be done until darkness so don’t try to do it Friday.

• Trail will be A-to-A and will not start from somewhere that is currently forbidden to park at.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no booze waiting for you. As much as we’d like to chance having a stashed beer check with beer waiting halfway, for a myriad of reasons that is not feasible, so BYOfuckingeverything. If you want beer, bring beer. Bam.

• You will have the opportunity to do trail at any point on Saturday. You do you. That being said, make sure you just do you, and if you run into other hashers, try not to interact/mingle/bang there on trail. The last thing we need is some park ranger with a funny hat finding out who we are, what we are doing, and getting all excited that he finally gets to fill out his “GOT ‘EM!’ report. Stay separate, do your own thing.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork