Tuesday, November 12, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 256 - Womb & Hooker's Frozen Tundra Ride


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 256 - Womb & Hooker's Frozen Tundra Ride

When: Saturday, November 16th, at 2:00pm! (NOTE THE START TIME CHANGE)

Where: High Oaks Park
*The T-intersection at the end of Sawmill Road*
13100 Sawmill Rd
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hares: Womb Raider and Peg Leg Hooker

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag, warm clothes, bug spray, PI repellent (if applicable), $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy until it dead-ends into I-45 to Exit 73 toward Rayford Rd/Sawdust Rd, merge onto N FWy service road and use the left 3 lanes to turn left onto Sawdust Rd. Stay on this road for about .7 miles, and at the intersection by the Burger King/CVS/Starbucks  use the left 2 lanes to turn left to stay on Sawdust.  At the light by the gas station turn left onto Sawmill Rd and continue straight until the road comes to a T intersection. Park and look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Yes, this location has a bit of a storied history with the BMH3 kennel, but we will not be circling here, so we hope to avoid any friendly conversations with the police this year. The weather has an expected high of 41 Degrees on Saturday which means it should be the first cold trail of the season.  The hares hope that this will be a pleasant change of pace from Peg Leg Hooker’s last march through death valley. Expect lots of shiggy, a few shallow water crossings, 1 beer check and approximately 4-6 miles of shitty trail. Dress warmly and bring a change of clothes for circle.  This is a Womb Raider/Peggy trail so expect craft beer and some spiked drink to warm your bellies.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…
 
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
 
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 255 - Homoglobin's Birfday Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 255 - Homoglobin's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, November 2nd, at 3:00pm!

Where: BEHIND the Kroger
341 S Loop 336 W
Conroe, TX 77304

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45, to exit 84B for South Frazier Street/TX-75/Texas 336 Loop. Stay to the left and circle under the freeway and back south.  Take the first right on Grand Central Pkwy, go straight, and look for assholes somewhere behind the Kroger.

Sidenote:

*NOT* FROM THE HARE: The weather is nice, the shiggy is welcoming, and the monkeys are about to fuck some shit up.  Come join Homoglobin for his Birfday trail as he takes us to the great rural north into Conroe, home of corn and people with freckles.  The start will be at the old Camp Strake boy scout camp behind the Kroger.  For reasons totally unrelated to being 50 yards away from things and that time I tried I teach those campers how to play "Hang the Sash on the Hung Counselor" for that special patch... I mean badge, I will be unable to attend.  In my place, MasturGator will be RAing, so expect sudden breaks in circle, loud noises, and a few "that sounds niceeee"s from the man himself.  Trail will be 3-4 miles with at least one beer check, and per the hare will be 86% shiggy.  Cum celebrate the birthday boy by making him drink through all his regrets in circle, you know you want to!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, October 14, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 254: BMH3 + H4 Campout = Possible Death


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 254: BMH3 + H4 Campout = Possible Death

When: Saturday, October 19th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Texas Renaissance Festival
21778 FM 1774, Todd Mission, TX 77363. 
***Day Trippers can park in the main faire parking for free.  Campers can enter the campground, but it requires a pass.***

Hares: Will He Peter and Epic Fail

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash (IF YOU ARE ONLY HASHING AND LEAVING, OTHERWISE READ BELOW!), shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM ANYWHERE: Read this shit (https://www.texrenfest.com/map-directions)

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Remember the The Monkeys of Brass’ Sexquicentennial Scurry, Scamper, and Sexual Orgy of Salacious Talent (aka the 150th run) at which everyone got wet and drunk?  No? Well neither do we, so we are doing it again.

Trail will be at Texas Renaissance Festival, starting in the campgrounds at the Realm of Ramith.

But Epic Fail, What is a Realm of Ramith you ask?  Just a group of hash-friendly crazy pirates known to get drunk, sing sea shanties and might rivel the hashers for some of their shenanigans. 

But Epic Fail, I don't know where to find a Realm of Ramith?? Don't worry, just look at this map and go to #16.  https://dynamix-cdn.s3.amazonaws.com/texrenfestcom/texrenfestcom_703739644.jpg

Why are we AT the ren faire?  Because H4 is being annoying and doing a campout the same weekend as YFFs usual trail.  If you want to stay the night, get a camping pass and join us!  We will be going all weekend.  If not, you gotta get sober and leave by 11 pm.  DON'T DRIVE DRUNK, THE POLICE LOOK FOR DRUNKS AROUND HERE AS INTENSELY AS DONNY LOOKS FOR HIS NEXT PAIR OF CROCS.

Do I need to rego?? $5 for trail.  If you plan to camp, drink the hash keg and want a gimmie, it's $10.  Rego at https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc-SA_kbotA_7Az6Hj1kAYvlULXWipPdpxwbHHIgTrpUqr9uA/

What should I bring?? Everything if you plan to camp.  We are providing beer and some trail snacks.  There are food trucks, porta potties and showers on site.

More info on H4 Fall Cmapout can be found here: (https://www.facebook.com/events/1048107182246894/)

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork



Wednesday, October 02, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 253 - Aryan Sisterhood's Birfday Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 253 - Aryan Sisterhood's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, October 5th, at 3:00pm!

Where: *New Start Location*
31220 Birnham Road Drive
Spring, TX 77386

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to the Grand Parkway (TX-99), then go East - that means right.  Exit Birnham Woods Dr and turn left on Birnham woods Dr. 

Sidenote:
*NOT* FROM THE HARE: Well, what can I say?  it's Aryan Sisterhood.  That means he made it another year without dying.  As surprising as that is, he still doesn't appear to have any illegitimate children, and hasn't made any additional life choices that would put him on an even worse path than he's already catapulting down.  Now, it's possible there is a small village of goosestepping, pony-tailed blondes wondering around the Canadian tundra somewhere that he is responsible for, but really there are only so many things we really know about him, so let's just move on to what we can "expect" from this trail.  Firstishly, he wanted to start from a school.  Apparently 50 yards to him is optional during weekends, but after discussing, we decided that wasn't best, and Megan's Law agreed.  So, we're starting from a park, with at least one beer check, and according to him, a shit-ton of virgin shiggy. We shall see.  You can expect water crossings, and knowing him, some other dangerous shit.  It's gonna be warm, so hydrate your ass off, and make sure to bring bug spray!  That's all the info I have, so you'll just have to wait and see what kind of fuckery this trail will bring.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, September 16, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 252 - 3rd AИAL Flock You Hash!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 252 - 3rd AИAL Flock You Hash!


When: Saturday, September 21st, at 3:00pm!


Where: ACROSS THE STREET IN THE DIRT PARKING LOT FROM...
Rob Fleming Park
6055 Creekside Forest Drive
Spring, TX 77389


Hares: Womb Raider, Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones, Mouth Organ, Outside Cat, and Aryan Sisterhood


Why: Because you like drinking, period.


Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.


D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North to Woodlands Parkway going west for about 4 miles. Turn left at Gosling. Turn right at Creekside Forest. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.


Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum celebrate the survival of the Flock You Hash! There can be only one! It’s been rough lately for Brass Monkey special event hashes (RIP VooDoo Monkey, Iron Hash and Green Dress) but the FLOCK YOU HASH REFUSES. TO. DIE. Get your feathers ready and pucker up your little asshole! Your Flock leaders have made some elaborate plans for the 3rd Anal Flock You Hash and at least 10% will cum to fruition! If you make the right choice and cum you will get: AN AWESOME MIGRATION/TRAIL, A KICKASS PATCH, “PRIZES”, BIRD THEMED FOOD (hot and tasty), and DRINKS! Trail will be about 5 miles long. There will be at least 2 manned beer checks and 1 shot check. Little birds that may be/get injured or overheated or lazy can bail out at checks (warning you will drink for it). There will be trail treasures to find for special “prizes” at circle. Bird Costumes are highly encouraged. Please!?! We really want to have some feathered friends. We can’t wait to see our flock! We’re so excited we could pee out of our cloacas!!!


What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)


Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, September 04, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 251 - Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's Birfday Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 251 - Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, September 7th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Huffsmith Road
*Farther parking lot / cul-de-sac / Pavilion area
Tomball, TX

Hares: Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy Buttchug

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West - that means left. Take the exit toward Kuykendahl Road. Turn right onto Kuykendahl Road, then turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Take that and it will curve to the left, then park will be on your right. Go in and take it until you hit the last park at the deadend. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
NOT FROM HARES: Although Cocktor Spork and Indiana Bones share the same birthday, they were unable to co-hare this year due to an ongoing custody battle with a Rapunzel barbie, different uses for Ivanna, and a John Stamos poster.  So the last trail was Spork's death march, and this will be Indiana's response!  Let's she what she's got!  She said.........
FROM THE HARES: Come celebrate the day of birth of Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, which she shares with Cocktor Spork. Unlike his birthday trail, this one is not designed to kill you! Trail will be 3-4 miles with shiggy, water crossings, beer check, and boozy popsicles.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, August 05, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 249: The Ivanna-Bone-Hairy-ButtPoon Trail


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 249: The Ivanna-Bone-Hairy-ButtPoon Trail

When: Saturday, August 10th, at 3:00pm!

Where: 24 Hour Fitness
10860 Kuykendahl Road
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy Buttchug

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45.  Take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway.  Go for 6-ish miles and turn left on Kuykendahl Road.  Take your second left into the shopping center and look for assholes in the 24 Hour Fitness parking lot.

Sidenote:
Summer is coming to an end, so it's time to get one last Saturday in before those fucking kids start ruining our Saturdays again.  Per the hares, you can expect 3-4 miles of dog friendly shaded shiggy with multiple water crossings and at least one beer check.  It's going to be hot as fuck, so drink water, and get your bitching about the heat out before you show up.  I mean, we'll all still bitch, but get the majority of it out.  We're in this together.  Since we are starting at a gym that means we can mean-mug people as we drink 40s while they are walking in to be all healthy.  Gross.  Come on out, you won't want to miss it!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork