Tuesday, February 19, 2019


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 237 - Brass Monkey 9th Analversary & First Ever Expeditionary Hash!

When: Saturday, February 23rd, at 2:00pm!

Where: City of Conroe WWTP (Wastewater Treatment Plant)
2499 Sgt Ed Holcomb Blvd S
Conroe, TX  77304

Hare: Lil' Pussy

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy to until it deadends into I-45.  Take exit 84B toward South Frazier Street/TX-75/Texas 336 Loop. Turn left onto S Loop 336 W and go for about a mile and a half.  Turn left onto Sgt Ed Holcomb Blvd S and go alllllll the way until it deadends.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
In February 2010, the Brass Monkey hash was birthed, and the northside hasn't been the same since.  Over the last 9 years, we've done some crazy shit, and it has somehow only ended up in two arrests. (One was a VooDoo hasher and one was KatchUp, go figure).  Each year, around this time, the Analversary trail is usually laid by Twinkle Ties, as it is also his birthday hash.  This year, however, since he is up in the coldness that is Minnesota, Lil' Pussy will be stepping in to lay his long awaited Expeditionary Hash!  You can expect 3-5 miles of solid shiggy, at least one beer check, and a reminder of what a fucking shiggy trail is all about.  According to the hare, there are hospitals and vet clinics around just in case, as well as behavioral health hospital for the other half of the group. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and warm shit for circle as there is a high chance of rain!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, February 06, 2019



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 236 - Womb Raider and Dresses with Wolves' Analversary!

When: Saturday, February 9th, at 2:00pm!

Where: *George Mitchell Preserve / Rob Fleming Park*
AFTER 6000 Creekside Forest Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77389.
(NOT EXACT ADDRESS).

Hare: Womb Raider and Dresses with Wolves

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy to TX-99/ Grand Parkway West. Exit at Gosling. Go right/north on Gosling for about 3 miles. Turn left at Creekside Forest. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: It’s time to celebrate another year sans murder or divorce err I mean happily married bliss. This trail is thru territory about as virginal as I am. HOWEVER as familiar as the trail will be, much like Dresses with Wolves’s dick after 20+ years of marriage, it should still somehow manage to be loads of fun. Expect a little over 3 miles with water crossings. It might be a bit chilly for circle so there will be a propane heater or 2 to warm up the pack. There will be 1 manned beer check and 1 unmanned Steel Reserve check. Beer check will be some nice craft beer since we’re not complete assholes. I am also making some delicious homemade baked goods of some sort at circle.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, January 18, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 235 - The 2nd Anal Down Her Pubes Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 235 - The 2nd Anal Down Her Pubes Trail!

When: Saturday, January 26th, at 2:00pm!

Where: Some Country Ass House or Something
9929 Butler Rd Exd
Conroe, TX 77301

Hare: Down Her Hatch and Pew Pew Pubes

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 84B and take a right onto 336. Follow until Ave M (if you hit 105 you've gone too far), take a right and another right, go down just a bit and see wankers on the left in a looped driveway.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Come one, come all to the second anal haring of Pew Pew Pubes and Down Her Hatch! Let's see if we learned anything from last year...

Trail will start at the front of Just Chantelle's house. We will have one beer check and one jello shot check. Depending on the rain, be prepared for some muddy and wet shiggy! As always, bring a shag bag including extra shoes (see above note about mud).

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, January 07, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 234 - Outside Cat & Dumpsterbaiter Save 2019!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 234 - Outside Cat & Dumpsterbaiter Save 2019!

When: Saturday, January 12th, at 2:00pm!

Where: ***UPDATED START LOCATION***
High Oaks Park
13100 Sawmill Raod 
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare: Outside Cat & Dumpsterbaiter

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left at the light (Sawdust), and go straight for like 4 lights. At the 4th-ish light, Sawmill turns left at the Burger King / Starbucks intersection, TURN LEFT. After you turn Walmart will be on your left like right the fuck away. Turn in there. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
HOLY SHIT, IT'S 2019!!! So there we were, in like 2019, and we didn't even have a hare for our FIRST trail of 2019! Holy shit! So we asked - nay, pleaded - for someone to hare. And alas, came two wonderful ladies to save the day!!! Outside Cat and Dumpsterbaiter will be haring for us, because they are fucking awesome. They said you can expect a "4-5 mile trail with a beer check, bring bug spray and a change of clothes." Also, trail and circle are dog friendly.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 233 - Choker Stroker's Birfday Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 233 - Choker Stroker's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, December 29th, at 2:00pm!

Where: Rob Flemming Park
6055 Creekside Forest Dr, 
The Woodlands, TX 77389

Hare: Choker Stroker

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north exit 70B towards Spring Stuebner and turn left onto Grand Parkway. Exit Grand Parkway on Gosling and turn right. Continue on Gosling until you reach Creeekside Forest Drive then turn left. At the round about take the first exit on Creekside Forest Dr. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: It's my BIRFDAY TRAIL!! Last trail of the year, I'll try not to fuck it up! Should be 3.5-4 miles. It’ll be dog friendly and as far as it getting wet goes there’s 80% chance of rain today and tomorrow as well as Saturday. If the rain is too heavy it might turn into ... something else... haha not trying to relay trail multiple times. I’m gonna go lay Saturday morning and hopefully the rain isn’t too knarly, but we shall see! Expect at least one beer check.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 232 - Saturnalia Trail 2.0



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 232 - Saturnalia Trail 2.0

When: Saturday, December 15th, at 2:00pm! *THEN CAMPOUT!*

Where: "Overflow Parking" Campground
Stubblefield Lake Rd, Huntsville, TX 77340

Hare: 101 Donations & Save a Horse, Ride a Mole

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Follow I-45 N until you take exit 102 from I-45 N for Farm to Mkt Rd 1375 toward TX-150/Farm to Mkt Rd 1374/New Waverly. Take the feeder to the traffic circle, then at the traffic circle, take the 3rd exit onto FM 1375. Then, go under the freeway to the other traffic circle, then take the 1st exit. Continue onto N Fwy Service Rd going parrallell to I-45, but on the west side. Then turn left onto Possum Walk Rd (1374), then take that for like 8 miles. Then turn left onto Stubblefield Lake Rd (215), and go for two miles. Then the campground will be on your right. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: This will be the second year in a row doing the 101 & Ride a Mole Saturnalia trail. This will be a campsite trail, à la Twinkle Toes. Overnight camping is optional though highly suggested if people are drinking, considering the driving distance. If they are camping we suggest they arrive early to setup their tent. You can expect somewhere between 2 and 20 miles. Reminder the camping is BYOE! There will be trail snacks and beer, that's all!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, November 28, 2018



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 231 - Womb Raider's Nightmare Before Xmas Trail!

When: Saturday, December 1st, at 2:00pm!

Where: SPRING CREEK GREENWAY
*There are several of these, pay attention to which one!*
Dead End, South End of Glen Loch Road,
Approximate Address is:
23915 Glen Loch Drive
Spring, TX 77380
(You can also Google Water Control & Imprv District on Glen Loch Road)

Hare: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 73, Rayford / Sawdust Road. Take the feeder to the light and turn LEFT onto Sawdust Road. Continue past three lights, then turn LEFT on the fourth light where the Starbucks is, which is still Sawdust Road, it just turns. You will stay on this for several miles until it dead ends. You'll pass Wal-Mart, Sawmill Road, you'll go right, left, yadda yadda, and you go all the way until it dead ends onto Glen Loch Road (you'll see a Timber Lakes Timber Ridge Sign), turn LEFT. Go alllllllll the way to the dead end, and ta-dah!

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: Womb’s LAST TRAIL…. of the year! Since I couldn’t get it together for a Halloween trail I am going to try to make it up to y’all with a Nightmare before Xmas trail. Truthishly it’s really because I want an excuse to wear my Jack Skellington PJs in public. Feel free to don your best Jack or Sally attire or whatever random Xmas or Halloween stuff or PJs you feel like wearing (I know you probably won’t…I still love you). Trail will be just under 4 miles and almost all shiggy and runnable trails. There will be one beer check with GOOD craft beer! There will NOT be shot, vodka, or Steel Reserve checks (sorry not sorry). There will be several water crossings but I will do my best to keep them shallow and not drown the pack. Should be dog friendly for experienced hash pups. I am also planning on baking some Jack Skellington cupcakes or cookies for circle.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork