Friday, August 10, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 223


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 223

When: Saturday, August 11th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Timber Lakes/Timber Ridge Pool-ish
3434 Royal Oaks Drive,
The Woodlands, TX
*Park along Timber Lakes Road. Look for assholes.

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust. Turn left onto Sawdust Road, and take it for like 4-ish lights, and SAWDUST TURNS LEFT. Like, going straight is another street, so yeah, turn left onto Sawdust at the Starbucks/Burger King intersection. You will then follow Sawdust the entire fucking way until it deadends. You'll go hard right, right, left, bam, fucking deadend. Turn right onto Glen Lock Drive. Turn left on Royal Oaks Drive. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: 3-4 mile trail, water crossings, dog friendly! Nothing else spectacular besides shiggy one beer check.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, July 27, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 222

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 222

When: Saturday, July 28th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Spring Creek Greenway Nature Center

1300 Riley Fuzzel Road, Spring, TX 77386

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood, Outside Cat, Twinkle Toes, and Croc of Shit

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take Hardy Toll Road North for like 20 miles then take the Riley Fuzzel Road exit.  Turn right onto Riley Fuzzel Road, then turn left into the park right there.  Bam.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Yes it will be hot, yes it will be miserable, yes we’re being punished for our (ketchup’s) sins. But not Saturday God, Saturday we celebrate the suck. Outside Cat, Twinkle Toes, and Croc of Shit will do their best to make this a survivable trail. It’ll be less than 3 miles of shade, water, at least one beer check, and heat strokes. Come find out what bad habits Aryan Sisterhood has learned hashing in DFW.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!

When: Saturday, June 30th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX  77375

Hares: Penis First, Mouth Second & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North to the Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West, that's left.  Take that to Küykendahl Road and turn right.  Go until you hit Huffsmith, then turn left.  Park will be after the left curve.  Go to the back.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Here we go people, Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second have come together to celebrate their BIRFDAYs, and that can't be very good for either of them, so why should it be for the rest of us?  According to the hares this is going to be a LIVE trail!  You heard me right, people, LIVE, which we've only done like... twice?  Maybe?  At least one beer check.  They made it their goal to make you wet and bloody, so we'll see how well they do!  If you catch the hares, something may happen.  In their words, "You may regret catching us, but may the bold bring it on hard and learn a new reason to hate us." They said everyone should bring a DD, and expect a "YuccaLaid stand at finish"... whatever that means.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Saturday, June 09, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!

When: Saturday, June 16th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Jesse H. Jones Park & Nature Center
20634 Kenswick Drive
Humble, TX 77338

Hares: Ivanna Hairy ButtChug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-69 (yeah, said it) to FM 1960, then turn left onto 1st St E/FM1960 Business W/Humble Westfield Rd. Go like 1.5-ish miles and turn right onto Kenswick Drive. Go straight all the way until you go balls deep into the park. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies & Gentlemen, cum one cum all, to the 1st AИAL DILF Trail! That’s right, unbeknownst to our hares, but knownst to us, this will be the first of many DILF trails in the cumming years! So, what can you expect? According to the lying hares, you can expect 3-4 miles of some solid shiggy, with at least one beer check! Dog friendly, as long as they can swim. Same goes for virgins. This is also Father’s Day weekend, so wear your best dad inspired gear and make us proud! Tacky fannypack? Got it! Terrible dad joke shirt? Yup, in the bag! Dad socks and plaid shirts? Yes, we all know Ivanna has those. So cum on out and beat the heat with your monkey family and a bunch of DILFs. DILFs pay only $5 hashcash, wow, can you believe it?! One day only, you heard it here!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 218 - Spork Breaks In the Hashlettes


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 218 - Spork Breaks In the Hashlettes

When: Saturday, June 2nd, at ***2:00pm!*** 

Where: Bear Branch Sportsfields
5205 Research Forest Drive 
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Cocktor Spork, Just Brett, and Just (Virgin) Mary

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Go to your first light, Research Forest drive, and turn left. Go 3 miles and the park will be on your left. *Note* There is a Skatepark directly across the street, it's not that one, it's the big ass one on the left. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: The heat has arrived, the sun is scorching, and I sure as fuck don't want to be in the sun very long. So, you can expect lots of fuckin shiggy. Hopefully. You know what Google Maps doesn't show? Fences. What else can you expect? Some gaddam water crossings! After that? A beer check with water, beer, and some little freezy-pops! Whaaaaaaaattttttttttttt – game changa! Trail should be somewhere between 3 – 4 miles, with falses, b00b checks, dick checks, and all kinds of other marks Heartache will no doubt miss when he shows up an hour and a half late. Co-haring alongside me will be two Brass Monkey babies, brought to us as virgins, now on their way to being official couch-fuckers. They have willingfully – that means consented – decided to go into the deep dark woods with I, Cocktor Spork, to learn the true Brass Monkey ways of haring. Our little Just Brett and Just (Virgin) Mary will cum ready to learn bright and early this Saturday, where they will no doubt be inserted with knowledge, filled with understanding, and be erected to the level of Brass Monkey hares – you won’t want to miss it! 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141


0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork