Brass Monkey #419 - Another Disappointing Valentines Day

  

 

 

 

 

We Need Hares in April and beyond! Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3

 

 Brass Monkey #419 02/14/26 Another Disappointing Valentines Day

When: 

Saturday, February Fourteenth, TwentyTwentySix
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where: 

8421 Cypresswood Dr, Spring, TX 77379

Trailhead at the Southeast corner of Cypresswood and Champion Forest

30.00069467126069, -95.53211938522569

 https://maps.app.goo.gl/RexbDKX9JQNdH8iVA

 

Hares: 

Fuck Fuck Goose

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 

Are you consistently disappointed by Valentine’s Day? Well, lets not break the pattern.

Goose chose the worst possible week to hare for multiple reasons and has not even had time to plan a trail yet. But hey, let us do this!

Trail conditions will be exactly what you deserve for showing up on Valentine’s Day: possibly runnable, emotionally questionable, and full of surprises nobody asked for. Expect terrain that ranges from “pleasantly flat” to “why is this here,” with footing that may alternate between firm, squishy, slick, and aggressively mysterious depending on whatever the weather decided to do in the last twelve minutes. 

Forecast details remain delightfully nebulous. It could be crisp and perfect, it could be humid enough to qualify as a facial, or it could do that special Houston-area thing where it rains sideways for five minutes and then pretends it never happened. Wind may exist. Sun may appear. A random temperature swing is not only possible but likely, just to keep everyone humble. If lightning shows up, it is obviously just trying to participate in the theme.w

Distance will be between 5 and 10K, which is a range that should inspire deep confidence in the planning process. Along the way, expect somewhere between 1 and 100 beer checks, because nothing says “romance” like hydration uncertainty and questionable decision-making in the woods.

Bring:

WARM CLOTHES, IT IS likely to be chilly! especially after the sun gets low.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Probably a towel for drying off your wet feetsies

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

Brass Monkey #418 01/31/26 Penis Fly Crap's Fuck Off Trail

 

 

 

 

 

We Need Hares in April and beyond! Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3

 

 Brass Monkey #418 01/31/26 Penis Fly Crap's Fuck Off Trail

When: 

Saturday, January Thirty-first, TwentyTwentySix
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where: 

1080 Pruitt Rd., The Woodlands 

All the way to the west side of the softball parking lot

30.115644799439669, -95.45788575428069
https://maps.app.goo.gl/aFFSFbpU5J3gFjzs5

 

Hares: 

Penis Fly Crap

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: After 7 trails and 4 years of pushing the boundaries of what a Brass Monkey trail could be, Penis Fly Crap is haring one last time before leaving town. Expect an A-B trail in the heart of Monkey Territory with 3 miles of the type of shiggy you sick fucks love.

Bring:

WARM CLOTHES, IT IS likely to be cold! especially after the sun gets low.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Probably a towel for drying off your wet feetsies

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

BMH3 #417 – 1/17/2026: Twinkle Toes and Outside cat hare when no one else would!

 

 

 

 

 

We Need a Hare for February 14th trail, and many more throughout the year! Sign up here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #417 – 1/17/2026: Twinkle Toes and Outside cat hare when no one else would!

When: 

Saturday, January seventeenth twentytwentysix
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Maybe a Beer Check!

Where: 

30.111831240746069, -95.45205769112069

Montgomery County Preserve

1118 Pruitt Rd, The Woodlands, TX 77380

https://maps.app.goo.gl/5kUxbZvCJXpm87Qw9 

 

Hares: 

Outside Cat and Twinkle Toes!

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: There we were, three days to trail... and no hares to be seen.  So I looked at my map and picked a trusty trail start location.  Trail will be at least 3 miles, probably less than 5.  But really you never know, it is No Wimps weekend in the far off land of Minneapolis.............. There will be shiggy, there could be water crossings, so bring a towel and some clean and WARM clothes!

Bring:

WARM CLOTHES, IT IS cold! especially after the sun gets low.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Probably a towel for drying off your wet feetsies

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

KatchUp with me and my 35th year of living

 

Sign up to be a hare in 2026… You know you want to! https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3

 

BMH3 #416 – 01/03/2026: KatchUp with me and my 35th year of living.

 

When: 

·         Saturday, January third, Twenty-Twenty-Six

·         2:PM Show, 2:30PM Go

·         Manned Beer Check(s)?!

 

Where: 

Spring Creek Nature Trail, Creekside Forest Dr, Tomball, TX 77375

30°08'55"N 95°33'48"W

https://maps.app.goo.gl/yNw8yt3AEsyq7BpN7

***It is all marked parking spaces, look for people respecting the parking spaces***

 

Hares: 

KatchUp

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Welcome to the first Brass Monkey trail of the year! You have waited patiently, you have stood by with antici…………………………….pation, standing fast for this moment. Now, it is here. That’s right. The waitlist for your step-son is over. This year’s STEP-SON (Shiggy That Everyone Pines (-for) Shiggy Oh Naturaaaaal) Hash has FINALLY arrived. Your hare, KatchUp, aka "The Amazing Ginger"… wait, that sounds like you are trying to cast another ginger to replace me… acceptable, I guess. Well, in this current state of affairs, I can't blame you. Anywhooooo, your hare will take you through an afternoon-time shiggy run including WATER CROSSINGS (with a dash of urban), to look at all the sleeping snakes. Think of a sort of, “Perky nips and shrunken dicks”, but it’s in The Woodlands, so it’s an actual Monkey Trail. I will fail at attempting to mix in a bit of urban, so bring shiggy socks, or a rickshawala. You can expect beer check(s)? and that is it.. May as well explore a new kink for the New Year! Don’t miss my first trail of the year, and use this as an excuse to get out of your house on a Saturday afternoon while suffering from the New Years hangover! (Last minute birthday gift shopping, for my birthday). See you there, assholes!!

The gracious Indiana and Ivanna have opened up their pool and hot tub for an amazing On-After. Since they are hosting, please BYOE. That means booze, dinner, towels and pants.

Bring:

·        HOT WATER and a JACKET, IT IS cold outside!

·         Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

·         Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle. 

Why:

Because you like drinking, period. 

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spork?  Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH369 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n, Bitches -
Cocktor Spork

BMH3 #415 – 12/20/2025: The Third Anal Moon Over Monkies (MOM ™️®️©️) Trail!!!

Sign up to be a hare in 2026… You know you want to! https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3

 

BMH3 #415 – 12/20/2025: The Third Anal Moon Over Monkies (MOM™️®️©️) Trail!!!

 

When: 

·         Saturday, December Twentieth, Twenty-Twenty-Five

·         7PM Show, 7:30PM Go

·         Manned Beer Check!

 

Where: 

Tupelo Park

240 West Tupelo Green Circle, The Woodlands, TX  77389

30.147757, -95.530644

4FX9+7X Spring, Texas

https://maps.app.goo.gl/FZUBfXeJqvWkcaJs6

***It is all street parking, look for assholes***

 

Hares: 

Cocktor Spork & Womb Raider 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Welcome to the final Brass Monkey trail of the year!  You have waited patiently, you have stood by with antici…………………………….pation, standing fast for this moment.  Now, it is here.  That’s right.  The waitlist for your mom is over.  This year’s MOM (Moon Over Monkies) Hash has FINALLY arrived.  Your hares, Cocktor Spork and Womb Raider, aka Cocktor Womb, aka Spork Raider, aka Womb Spork… wait, that sounds like you are trying to end a pregnancy.  Well, in this economy, can you blame us?  Anywhooooo, your hares will take you through an evening-time urban run (with a dash of shiggy), to look at all the holiday lights.  Think of a sort of, “Lights In The Heights”, but it’s in The Woodlands, so it’s actual rich people.  We will attempt to mix in a bit of shiggy, so bring a headlamp, or a candle, or a lighter, or something else that makes light.  You can expect one manned beer check, and probably a fully grown man dressed as some kind of furry.  May as well explore a new kink before the end of the year!  Don’t miss our final trail, and use this is an excuse to get out of your house on a Saturday night while all your in-laws are in town!  (Last minute Xmas shopping, works every time).  See you there, assholes!!

 

Bring:

·         WATER, IT IS not cold yet!

·         Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

·         Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle. 

Why:

Because you like drinking, period. 

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spork?  Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH369 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n, Bitches -
Cocktor Spork

  

 

 

BMH3 #414 – 12/06/2025: Buy Fellatio from KatchUp

When: 

Saturday, December Sixth, TwentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 12PM show, 12:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check?

Where:  

607 E 35th St, Houston, TX 77022
Start is Independence Heights Park, West side

29.81838596978569, -95.39089626199969 

https://maps.app.goo.gl/P6hZnBrL9Yr9wAke8

Hares: 

Buy Fellatio

KatchUp

Sidenote: TAKE NOTE OF THE EARLY 12:30PM PACKS OFF TIME

FROM THE HARES: I would like to welcome everyone to the first joint running of a Brass Monkey/H4 Christmas Bonanza. For those that only read this blog and nothing related to H4, we are hashing down in Houston to rid ourselves of a "hangover" from the Brass Monkey Christmas party and to celebrate with the H4 Christmas party. The trail will be NAUGHTY and nice with a possible beer check. I am one of the hares writing this and have no details of how trail will be, bask in my amazingness. 

For the losers who have a hangover and cannot make the trail here are the details for the H4 Christmas party.

Theme: The Final Confirmation: Bless Me RA for I Have Hashed

Outfit Ideas:

Come dressed for your Final Confirmation—nuns, priests, choir robes, altar boys, angels, devils, or anything “holy but horny.” Bonus points for divine chaos.

Your rite of passage includes:

Dinner & Snacks

Beer & Cocktails (n/a drinks, too!)

Dancing & Revelry

Blasphemous Keepsakes 

Awards & Hashy Blessings

Private Boudoir Photography Station

Saturday, December 6 @ 6 p.m.

2515 Waugh Dr, Houston, TX 77006

Bring:

JACKET, it is getting fucking COLD!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle. 

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,

Katchup 

-=Twinkle Toes=-  

 

BMH3 #413 11/22/2025 Short Cummingz and Outside Cat

 

 

 

We Need a Hare for December 6 trail, it'll be easy, we'll all be hungover from the holiday party! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #413 – 11/22/2025: Short Cummingz and Outside Cat

When: 

Saturday, November TwentySecond, TWentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where:  *** Drive to this location and head EAST on Mulligan Drive until you see a bridge, look for assholes

Mulligan Dr & Honea Egypt Rd ->Then go east until you see a bridge
30.258758440466969, -95.57877846073669
https://maps.app.goo.gl/f7U5UtfeWehMj24E9

**If you  try to get on Mulligan from the Fish Creek Thoroughfare and head west, you're gonna have a hard time.

 

Hares: 

Short Cummingz

Outside Cat

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Short Cummingz and Outside Cat take you on a trail with a bridge to nowhere. Double digit month, Double digit day, Double the fun.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS not cold yet!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-