BMH3 #438 – 11/07/2026: It's a Nice Day Out Trail

Sign up to be a hare in 2027… You know you want to!https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3

 

BMH3 #438 – 11/07/2026: It's a Nice Day Out Trail

 

When: 

·         Saturday, November Seventh, Twenty-Twenty-Six

·         2:PM Show, 2:30PM Go 

Where: 

Timber Lakes Timber Ridge Community Pool
3419 Royal Oaks Dr, Spring, TX 77380
30.13927473472938, -95.49319359418332

 

Hares: 

Womb Raider and Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

Saturday is indeed looking like a Nice Day dare I say the first gorgeous day of the infinitesimally short Fall season in Monkey land with high in the mid-70s. Much too nice of a day for a Monkey Mile. Short Cummingz gratuitously volunteered to host a Monkey Mile, and we truly appreciate her BUT seeing the beautiful weather we couldn’t help ourselves. We are hijacking Trail. Expect a 3–4-mile romp in the woods complete with Shiggy, water crossings and at least one beer check. You never know a buzz ball (no boulders, we can’t handle that more than once a year) might magically appear to refresh you. Cum on out and enjoy a Nice Day with us!

Bring:

·        HOT WATER and a JACKET, IT IS getting slightly cold outside!

·         Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

·         Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle. 

Why:

Because you like drinking, period. 

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spork?  Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Signal Group:https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n, Bitches -
Cocktor Spork

BMH3 #437 - 10/24/2026 - Vagina Shinz - I got my EYE on YOU

   

 

 

We Need Hares for both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 Once all trails this year are claimed, we'll open up 2027 trails!

BMH3 #437 - 10/24/2026 - Vagina Shinz - I got my EYE on YOU

 

When: 

Saturday, October Twenty Fourth, TwentyTwentySix
• Who the fuck knows

Where:

If you are coming to the run:

From the greater Houston area, the best bet is to come up on 249 until you get to the FM 1774 / Plantersville exit. Then head south on FM 1774 and travel 2 miles to the Festival entrance. The construction concerns of the past are mostly gone. This has become the best way to get to TRF and has made the festival a lot closer to Houston. If you are coming from The Woodlands, you can also take FM 1488 to FM 1774 and turn north.

Alternatively:

(1) Take I-45 to Hwy 105 in Conroe. Go west on 105 to FM 1774 in Plantersville. Turn south onto FM 1774 and travel 6 miles to the Festival entrance.

(2) Take Hwy 290 to Hwy 6 to Navasota. In Navasota take Hwy 105 to FM 1774 in Plantersville. Turn south on FM 1774 and go 6 miles to the Festival entrance. These routes may cause you to travel more miles, but can actually save you time and frustration.

If you are coming to camp out:

If you are coming from 249 (Aggie Express) onto FM 1774. In about 1.8 miles turn right on County Road 302. Approximately in 0.67 mile your entrance will be on your left, shortly after the railroad tracks. It won't be the first entrance, it will be the second one on your left.

If you are coming from Magnolia on FM 1774 as soon as you see the faire entrance, keep straight for about another mile until you reach County Road 302 on your left. Follow for another 0.67 mile and you will reach your destination. Shortly past the railroad tracks, it won't be the first entrance, it will be the second one on your left.

Hares: 

Vagina Shinz

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:  

I think enough of you have been to the Renaissance Festival to know what the fuck is about to go down. Especially if you are camping with the Hash and the Ren... folk. If you dont, I am excited to tell you that this shit is going to get weird and I dont mean Hash weird. The Ren people go extra hard for the nightly events. I recommend staying sobberish for the actual festival and then going hard for the campground events. 

P.S. Pack for cold nights

Bring:

Water to drink! To stay hydrated!

Camping gear so you can stay comfy and not possibly find yourself awoken on a beer soaked street with people all around you. It's happened to me so shut your dirty mouth thinking it couldn't happen

My name is Twinkle Toes. Let you roar it through the night

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

BMH3 #436 - 10/10/2026 - Ivanna Hairy Buttchug Turns 63!!!

  

 

 

We Need Hares for both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 Once all trails this year are claimed, we'll open up 2027 trails!

BMH3 #436 - 10/10/2026 - Ivanna Hairy Buttchug Turns 63!!!

 

When: 

Saturday, October Tenth, TwentyTwentySix
• Main Pack 2pm show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Where: Burger King (Home of the Burger King, can I take your order?)
3595 FM 1488, Conroe, TX 77384

https://maps.app.goo.gl/h2AmFfwRMQa2Lx2t5

30°13'38.2"N 95°31'07.8"W

***We are parking at the end, and will be doing Car Fronts to the begining of trail! DONT BE LATE*** 

The address is to the Burger King but follow the link or coordinates to the exact parking area. Very near Burger King

Hares: 

Ivanna Hairy Buttchug

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:  

 ***We are parking at the end, and will be doing Car Fronts to the begining of trail! DONT BE LATE*** 

Ivanna turns 63!!! Such a big number. Born in 1963. Such a coincidence. Golden? It certainly looks like it. Wait….he is 6’3”. What the ….? This is a once in a life time event. 63 is everywhere. Ivannas 63rd birthday trail is upon us and there will be so many things that will cum in 6’s and 3’s! Don’t worry, there won’t be 6 buzzballs 🤣 but there will be all the shiggy, 3 drink checks, lots of trail ( between .63 and 63 miles), a pool on after with a home cooked dinner. Cum help Ivanna celebrate this monumental birthday! It could be his last one, who knows? Please RSVP so Indiana can plan for enough food and not be embarrassed when way too many assholes show up. If you don’t Facebook find another way. Send Indiana a message on Signal or send a smoke signal, anything. She gets really pissed when she doesn’t have enough food for all of the halfminds at on after.

 

Bring:

Water to drink! it is still HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Shag bag, so you can have your stuff at the nest!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

BMH3 #435 09/26/2026 10th Anal Flock You!

 

 

 

We Need Hares for 10/24(HALLOWEEN!!!), and both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 Once all trails this year are claimed, we'll open up 2027 trails!

BMH3 #435    09/26/2026    10th Anal Flock You!

 

When: 

Saturday, September TwentySixth, TwentyTwentySix
• Main Pack EARLY 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Where: George Mitchell Preserve Flintridge Trailhead/ Flintridge Bike Trails
 5171 Flintridge Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77381

https://maps.app.goo.gl/4JfCxBukvmKreYWs9

30.162931118665269, -95.51750834669169

Hares: 

Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones, Mouth Organ, Outside Cat and Womb Raider

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 

Can this really be the 10th Anal Flock You?!?  FLOCK YES!!! Get your feathers ready and pucker up your little cloacas. If you make the right choice and cum, you will get: THREE AWESOME MIGRATIONS/TRAILS, A KICKASS PATCH, “PRIZES”, COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BOOZE & CANNIBALISTIC HOT BIRD FOOD! ALL FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF $5! With this economy, you can’t afford not to cum! As is Flock You tradition, there will be the Robin (Orange), the Dove (White) and the Blue Bird (Blue) trails 1.5 to 2 miles each laid in different colors of flour. ALL trails will start and end at the Nest filled with all the things. Leave the Nest as many or as few times as you like. Duckies have once again wandered from the Nest. Bring them back for special “prizes”! Wear your best feathers or Wedding dress! We can’t wait to see our flock!!!

 

Bring:

Water to drink! it is still HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Shag bag, so you can have your stuff at the nest!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

BMH3 #434 - 09/12/2026 - Ask Me Something Personal & KatchUp Drain The Bottle Trail

We Need Hares for 10/24 (HALLOWEEN!!!), and both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 

BMH3 #434 - 09/12/2026 - Ask Me Something Personal & KatchUp 

When: 

Saturday, September Twelfth, TwentyTwentySix

Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

Kroger Parking Lot East Side

2150 Spring Stuebner Rd, Spring, TX 77389

30.084819082187273, -95.4472120160876

https://maps.app.goo.gl/NQcgC2YF5NxYL7Az8

Hares: 

Ask Me Something Personal & KatchUp

Sidenote From The Hare:

This looks to be a fun trail. Looking at 3-4 miles with a nice beer check. There may be some water crossings since the rain has been absolutely amazing this week.

 

Bring:

Water to drink! it is HOT again!

TOWEL and Swimsuit for the POOL 

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Shag bag, so you can have your stuff at the end!

Why: 

Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

Who do I look like, Spork?  Fucking put the address into your phone and get your own damn directions.

• Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
• Cocktor Spork's # (832) 372-5133
• KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BMH3 #433 - 08/29/2026 - Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones' AИAL Birfday Trail!

We Need Hares for 9/12, 10/24 (HALLOWEEN!!!), and both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 

BMH3 #433 - 08/29/2026 - Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones' AИTrail!AL Birfday 

When: 

Saturday, August Twenty-Ninth, TwentyTwentySix

Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

Alden Bridge Sports Park

4751 TX-242

The Woodlands, TX 77384

30.206059, -95.497783

6G43+G2 The Woodlands, Texas

https://maps.app.goo.gl/Zh1aus7xHeLUcVnm7

Hares: 

Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote From The Hare:

It’s the tiiiimeee

AH

Of the season

AH

When the sluts run dryY

Ok, well, that’s because it’s August, and it’s hot as balls.  So, what are we going to do?  We’re going to get drunk, call each other names, then go to a pool and make bad decisions into the wee(ner) hours of the morning.

That’s right friends, it’s that time of year again.  Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones present our AИAL BIRFDAY TRAIL!  Like always, you can expect 3+ miles of shiggy, at least one beer check (maybe more depending on, like, you know, things), and a RELAXING AS FUCK POOL 0N-AFTER!

But WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  Not only will there be a pool, with a hot tub, with bad decisions running rampant, but there will also be a taco bar with chips and queso.  YUMMMMMMM!

What do you need to bring?  Your own damn booze and a towel.  Also, RSVP, so the hosts know how many assholes they are cooking for.  Wow, what amazing people those Spork and Indiana Bones are.  Just fantastic. 

So, what do you need to do?

STEP 1: RSVP that you are cumming to enjoy Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones’ AИAL Birfday trail!

STEP 2: Pack a towel and your own beer, wine, moonshine, tub whiskey, whatever, that you will use for 0n-After.

STEP 3: Do an AMAZING trail, then head to the pool to swim and taco bar your face off!

And that’s it!  WOW!  Could not be easier… unless you are a lazy piece of shit that decides not to cum to this, which would be bad.  Don’t be bad.  Be good.  Be a hasher.  A good bad hasher that hashes.  Especially hashing this trail!

Cum one, cum all, YOU WON’T WANNA MISS IT!

 

Bring:

Water to drink! it is HOT again!

TOWEL and Swimsuit for the POOL 

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Shag bag, so you can have your stuff at the end!

Why: 

Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

Who do I look like, Spork?  Fucking put the address into your phone and get your own damn directions.

• Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
• Cocktor Spork's # (832) 372-5133
• KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BMH3 #432 08/15/2026 2 Menanite LIVEns things up!

 

We Need Hares for 9/12, 10/24(HALLOWEEN!!!), and both trails in November! Let mismanagement know or Sign up here: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3 

BMH3 #432    08/15/2026   2 Menanite LIVEns things up!(aka Don't Tell Coogs Hashers Not Trashers^2)

 

When: 

Saturday, August Fifteenth, TwentyTwentySix
• Main Pack 3PM show,3:30PM Go

Where:

403 Westbrook street, Pinehurst TX

 30.121237674137369, -95.65285546182769

https://maps.app.goo.gl/G7gKxS3VKXZFTRgVA 

Hares: 

2-Menanite

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARE: The "Dont tell Coogs" Hashers (Not Trashers)^2.

You Will get wet on trail!

If there are no scheduled showings:
POOL ENDING!!! BUT you have to leave the place CLEARNER(just copying what he sent me) then when you arrived!!!!

If a showing fucks thus up, start will be "before you get to my street", and we may loose the pool ending.

 

Bring:

Water to drink! it is HOT again!

TOWEL and Swimsuit for the POOL 
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Shag bag, so you can have your stuff at the end!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://tinyurl.com/BMHHH3CHAT
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-