Sunday, October 28, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 229



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 229

When: Saturday, November 3rd, at **2:00pm!** NOTE THE EARLIER START TIME!

Where: H-E-B Grocery
3601 Farm to Market Road 1488
The Woodlands, TX 77384
**Park near the Burger King**

Hares: Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy ButtChug

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
Go north on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take TX-242 W/College Park Drive exit (FREE) and turn left, or take the Exit Ramp (toll) that takes you left over the freeway.  Either way, you end up going the same direction.  Go for about 4 miles until you deadend into FM 1488.  Turn left, and look for HEB on your left.  Park near where Burger King is, but still in HEB parking lot.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: It is Halloween time so expect some treats on trail, kind of like trick or treating (no, KatchUp, your underage girlfriend can't come, leave her at home).  There will be one beer check and other boozy type of checks along the way.  Bonus points for a costume.  May see a ghost or two, you never know...

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 228: Twinkle Toes Out, Outside Cat In



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 228: Twinkle Toes Out, Outside Cat In

When: Saturday, October 20th, at **2:00pm!** NOTE THE EARLIER START TIME!

Where: Twinkle Toes' Old House, Outside Cat's New Lair
18 South Rainforest Court
The Woodlands, TX  77380

Hares: IT'S A FUCKING MONKEY MILE!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
Go north on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust road. Turn left. Go for a few lights until you get to where Sawdust turns hard left at the Burger King / Starbucks / CVS intersection and turn left with it. Follow that and turn at your second light, Sawmill Road.  Go all the way to end the of Sawmill Road and turn left.  Go to your first stop sign, and the house on your right directly on that corner next to you is the start. Bam. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM MONKEYLORE: Once upon a time, there was a hasher named Twinkle Toes who liked to live life with a laissez-faire attitude.  Every now and then, when he deemed it necessary, he would get a job.  However, Twinkle Toes, being a glutton for punishment, never wanted to work near his house in The Woodlands.  He first worked downtown, but that was not far enough, so he said FUCK YOU to that job. 

For a while, Twinkle didn’t feel like working again, so he didn’t, ‘cause he’s Twinkle.  Then, a while later, he decided it was time for another job, but this time it was gonna be like Bellaire, or Katy, or some shit equally as terrible on the westside.  He worked there for a while, but that was not far enough, so he said FUCK YOU to that job. 

Time passed and people wondered if Twinkle would ever work again, which he didn’t, for a really long time.  Then, one day Twinkle announced, “I found a job!” People wondered, “Where is this job?  Clear Lake?  Atascocita?  College Station?”  “No!” said Twinkle, “It’s in Minnesota!”  Because of course it is, you sick sick bastard.  So now it is time to wish our Twinkle goodbye for one year as he heads north just in time for winter to do studies about icicles in beards. 

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  Twinkle may be leaving us for a year, but he will not be leaving us empty handed!  Outside Cat will be moving up here to the great and far northside, where she will no doubt become accustomed to living the suburban housewife lifestyle.  So cum one, cum all, cum everywhere to celebrate a big warm and sticky goodbye to Twinkle Toes, and a big warm welcum to Outside Cat! 

We will do this in a plain and simple fashion and do a good ‘ol fashioned MONKEY MILE!  That means you’ll be drinking 40 ounces to freedom style where you get one monkey, one mile, and no vomit allowed! :-)  This also means you need to accurately RSVP so we know how many fucking monkeys to get!  Ya heard?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, October 03, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 227: SKÖRK


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 227 - Cocktor Spork & Skeet Squad Present: Skörk, The 10 Year Analversary!

When: Saturday, October 6th, at **3:00pm!**

Where: Bear Branch Sports Fields
5205 Research Forest Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Cocktor Spork + Skeet Squad = Skörk

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take Exit 77 for Research Forest Drive. Turn left on Research Forest Drive and go for 3 miles and Bear Branch Sports Fields will be on your LEFT - *not* Bear Branch Skatepark across the street on the right! Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: There are times in life when we come together to celebrate great things – wonderful things… this is not one of those times. *However*, we are still going to lay a fucking trail anyway, and you know damn well you want to come. Cocktor Spork and Skeet Squad met at a country wedding where mullets and confederate flags were in the majority, a place where they still bartered in natty light. That night, as the country music played, their eyes met over a horseshoe game and instantly they were drawn to each other like MOTHS to an unguarded 45-watt lightbulb. Their kindred spirits met and became one. Now, instead of buying each other shiny and reflective things, we shall lay a trail where we will, no doubt, get into a fight like people who have actually been married 10 years. Now, what can you expect? At least ONE beer check and at least ONE shot check! The shots will be reminiscent of drinks that turned these two into one… like spice girls bitches. SEXUAL CHOCOLATE! Trail will be three to five miles, probably shorter, but fences and google aren’t exactly on speaking terms. We shall see. Bring a change of clothes because on after is slightly better than Papa’s, so we’ll need to look a little less homeless than usual.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork