BMH3 #364 – 01/06/2024 - Up Chupped the Monkey from the coconut grove

   

****2024 Trail signups are now available!  SIGN UP NOW! We need Hares for THE NEXT TRAIL!!!!
https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

BMH3 #364 – 01/06/2024 - Up Chupped the Monkeys from the coconut grove

 When: 

Saturday, January Sixth, Two Thousand and Twenty Four

• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30pm GO

• TWO Manned Beer Checks

 Where:

23110 Fox Hunt Dr, Spring, TX 77389

30.101133,-95.489442

Hares:

KatchUp

Sidenote:

 FROM THE HARES:

I know everyone's thinking it: new year, new me, right? Screw that! Let's keep being our fabulous mess of selves and start the new year off with a trail that scratches that itchy taint. This years first BMH3 trail was clocked in at 5.25 miles but I am sure the racists will probably end up shaving it down to 2 miles. The trail is dog friendly and there will be dos cerveza cheques supplied with HOT CIDER(make it yourself)

0n-0n bitches!

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking look in the sky and follow the big airplanes north.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

 

The Brass Monkey Hash runs on the north side of town every other Saturday. For more information, see http://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/.

 BMH3 #363 – 12/23/2023 - The Second Ever Moon Over Monkies (MOM ™️ ®️ ©️) Trail!!! 

 When: 

Saturday, December Twenty Third, Two Thousand and Twenty Three

• Main Pack 7PM show, Live Hares 7:15pm GO

• ONE Manned Beer Check

 Where:

3383 S Panther Creek Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77381

(30.1546982, -95.4979049)

This is the front by the pool. Cocktor Spork and Womb Raider

 

Hares:

Cocktor Spork and Womb Raider

Sidenote:

 TRAIL STARTS AT SEVEN FUCKING PM

FROM THE (H)AIRS:

Ladies and gents, boys and girls, that time of year is upon us. That's right, we've run out of hares so Cocktor Spork and Womb Raider are left holding the bag to lay you bastards a trail. Since it is 12/23, we figure all kinds of people will be invited to family shit for some holiday, so we think it appropriate to give you all an out by throwing a hash! Not just any hash, but only the SECOND EVER Moon Over Monkies Hash. (MOM Hash ™️ ®️ ©️) 

You can expect a nighttime trail looking at all the muggle Xmas lights, while dodging all the cars of those crazy assholes trying to give their kids some fucking core memory of driving around and looking at other people's hard work. You should probably wear, like, bright colors and shit. This will be a live laid trail with some urban (to look at the damn lights, all holy and shit), and some shiggy, to fuck with people in the dark. Expect 3ish miles with one beer check and the need for a fucking headlight. Like, it's gonna be 7pm, wear a fucking headlight. Bring a friend, bring your mom, and bring a sweater for circle so you don't freeze your ass off. 

7pm show, 7:15pm hares go, then you assholes go after. You won't want to miss it. It's gonna be "great". 

0n-0n bitches!

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking look in the sky and follow the big airplanes north.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork 

 

(Updated by Cocktor Spork - 12/20/2023)

 

The Brass Monkey Hash runs on the north side of town every other Saturday. For more information, see http://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/.

BMH3 #362 – 12/9/2023: Beating around the Bush at NOON!

TRAIL STARTS AT NOON!!!!!!!!
 

 

****2024 Trail signups are now available!  SIGN UP NOW!
https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

 

BMH3 #362 – 12/9/2023: Beating around the Bush at NOON!

When:

Saturday, December Ninth, TwoThousand and Twenty Three
• Main Pack 12PM show, 12:30PM Go
• TWO Manned Beer Checks

Where:

8069 Volta Drive, Humble   
https://maps.app.goo.gl/UBW9oA5nNFtQQit49
29.995812270411569, -95.30333820674669

Hare:

Penis Fly Crap

Sidenote: TRAIL STARTS AT NOON

FROM THE (H)AIRS:
Instead of wasting precious time coming up with monkey aviation puns for a trail description, your hare spent his time on the ground planning an awesome trail around Bush Intercontinental.  Peak fall foliage is finally arriving in Houston, so you will be treated to lovely leaves as you hash over the hills and through the woods surrounding the airport.  You'll probably get two beer checks and some planespotting.  There are lots of deer around, and shiggy, and traffic, so I'd advise leaving dogs at home.
Bring $5 and virgins AT NOON

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking look in the sky and follow the big airplanes north.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

Come one come all for the First Anal Brass Monkey Holiday Party!!!!

 Come one come all for the First Anal Brass Monkey Holiday Party!!!!

 

 When: 

Friday December 15th!!! at 7pm!

 Where:

The Buttchug Bones house. 

 86 Sunlit Grove st, 77382

https://maps.app.goo.gl/xtBk4joTTj13eAEz6

30.212700668152569, -95.52372287554469

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HOSTS: 

 Come one come all for the First Anal Brass Monkey Holiday Party at the Buttchug/Bones house. 

Start time is 7pm. Food will be provided so please RSVP! BYOB on beverages.

There will be a white elephant gift(~$15) exchange so bring a wrapped gift(~$15) for anyone who wants to participate…could be funny, naughty, useful, plain stupid, or just $15! Be clever!

There will be a cookie exchange so bring a batch of your favorites and a container and everyone goes home with a good variety of cookies for the holidays!

Hot tub will be hot, weather permitting the pool will be warm too! No need to dress fancy, any ugly holiday sweater will do! Spork says he’s bringing naughty dreidel and a menorah to round out the holiday festivities.

We hope to see everyone there! On-on!

 

Bring:

Your Own Beverages

White Elephant gift(~$15)

Cookies for the cookie exchange

Swimsuit....maybe
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a holiday party on your own. 

 

 D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

 

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #361 – 11/25/2023: Womb Raider

 

****2024 Trail signups are now available!  SIGN UP NOW!
https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

BMH3 #361 – 11/25/2023: Womb Raider

When:

Saturday, November TwentyFifth, TwoThousand and TwentyThree

• Main Pack 12PM NOON show, 12:30PM Go

• Manned Beer Check!

Where:

**George Mitchell Preserve /Creekside Park** Gravel Parking lot on the North Side of the road
AFTER 6000 Creekside Forest Drive, Spring, TX 77389
https://maps.app.goo.gl/vnq8cogvX5H9XcfRA
30.144227420860369, -95.51140354002669

Hares:

Womb Raider

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
GOBBLE! GOBBLE!! GObBLE!!! Turkeys err Monkeys ATTENTION!!!! EARLY START 12pm!!!!! Did you eat an appropriately gluttonous amount of Thanksgiving food and need to run some of it off? Do you still have a hangover from drinking to excess to ease the pain of mandatory family time and need hash therapy? Maybe you just miss us. I got you. Trail is somewhere between a Katchup beer mile loop and 4 miles. Expect the usual thorns, shiggy, and probably water crossings unless the hare is too cold. There will be one manned beer check with fall appropriate beers and maybe some tasty baked goods for circle if I don’t get lazy.

Bring:
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

2024 HARE SIGNUPS!!!!!

We've opened up 2024 trails, so check out the spreadsheet linked below and sign up to Hare!

First CUM first served! Call dibs on those birthdays, anniversaries, and celebrations ASAP!

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit#gid=1129959231

Never laid a Brass Monkey H3 trail? The rules are simple!
You MUST have shiggy
You MUST have at least one beer check, for which you are responsible for supplying the beer/slut juice/alcohol-of-some-kind.
Don’t lay a trail on the side of a busy road like an asshole.
Don’t lay a trail that has to swim across a mile-wide crossing like an asshole.
Not sure you want to do it yourself? Ask for a co-hare!
If you haven't hared in a while, or ever, now is your chance for redemption! Show us what you got!
Questions, Comments?
ON-ON
-=Twinkle Toes=-

8=======HOW TO SIGN UP=====D~~~~~~~~~~~~
1: Open our Google spreadsheet 2023 Brass Monkey Hares
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit#gid=1129959231
2: Peruse the Red dates(note the little corner markers indicating someone else has already commented and asked for a date)
3: Right click(or long press if on a phone) the Hare Cell for the Date you're interested in, and press Comment
4: Write your hash name,Run Title, and a non-facebook contact method, then press "comment"
5: Have a beer (or six) and wait for me to mark your date as taken, and fill in the details to make it "official"
6: Put your trail on your own calendar, and set a reminder a month out so you don't forget that shit.
7: Hare your trails

BMH3 #360 – 11/11/2023: Homoglobins Veterans day trail!

 

 

 

🚨🚨🚨 We Need a Hare for 11/25! The hash doesn't work without volunteers!  To sign up to hare Follow this link! 2024 trail signups will be opening after all 2023 dates are filled!!!🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

BMH3 #360 – 11/11/2023: Homoglobins Veterans day trail!

When:

Saturday, November Eleventh TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Burroughs Park Pavilion
9738 Hufsmith Rd, Tomball, TX 77375 and drive aaaaallll the way back to the pavilion
https://maps.app.goo.gl/RjGkHxssKb5z7P5r9
30.13815577641269, -95.57559286691169

Hares:

Homoglobin

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
3.5 miles ish
First 10 veterans; Homoglobin will pay that hash cash.  Nothing else fancy! Just like the military

Bring:
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #359 – 10/28/2023: Super Secret last minute hares!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We Need Hares for 11/25, and 12/9!  To sign up to hare Follow this link! 2024 trail signups will be opening after all 2023 dates are filled!!!🚨🚨🚨🚨 

BMH3 #359 – 10/28/2023: Super Secret last minute hares!

When:

Saturday, October TwentyEighth
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check Probably

Where:

Inway Pool back parking lot
6041-5925 Inway Dr, Spring, TX 77389
https://maps.app.goo.gl/aPthw5pHpySdbCn28
30.112467919545669, -95.51176940949169

Hares:

Outside Cat
Twinkle Toes

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Outside Cat and Twinkle Toes have swooped in to save us from another Katchup Monkey mile!
Trail will be SHIGGY! WET! and between 3 and 5 miles!

Bring:

WATER, IT WILL BE WARM AND HUMID!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.



Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #358 – 10/14/2023: Ivanna Hairy Buttchugs 60th birthday trail!!!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We have an opening for a halloween(almost) trail! As well as some end of the year trails. To sign up to hare Follow this link! 2024 trail signups will be opening after all 2023 dates are filled!!!🚨🚨🚨🚨 

 

 

BMH3 #358 – 10/14/2023: Ivanna Hairy Buttchugs 60th birthday trail!!!

When:

Saturday, October Fourteenth, TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Two Beer Checks!!!

Where:

Montgomery County Preserve Trailhead
1118 Pruitt Rd, The Woodlands, TX 77380
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ozrxj37gasBHsMSY7
30.111908556752769, -95.4520563903269

Hare:

Ivanna Hairy Buttchug!

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Come on out for the once in a lifetime event, more rare even than an eclipse! 

Ivanna Hairy Buttchug has survived another decade despite how much the Brass Monkeys try to turn him into their new Heartache! Help us celebrate Ivanna's 60th birthday! Ivanna considered themes fitting of such a milestone...a 60 mile trail? No. 60 water crossings? Too hard. 60 beer checks? Too drunk. Celebrate all the presidencies he has survived? Too controversial. Ivanna has a plan he knows you will enjoy? Remember start time is at 2pm SPORK!!! 

Expect 4ish miles, 2 beer checks, water crossings, shiggy and a 2pm start...SPORK!!! 

 Maybe Indiana will remember and bring some cake or something.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS H̶O̶T̶!̶  Actually it'll be pretty nice, but still, bring water, dont blame us if you get dehydrated!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #357 - 09/30/23: Seventh Anal FLOCK YOU Hash!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We have an opening for a halloween(almost) trail! As well as some end of the year trails. To sign up to hare Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 

BMH3 #357 - 09/30/23: Seventh Anal FLOCK YOU Hash!

When:
Saturday, September Thirtieth, Year of our bird TwentyThousand and TwentyThree
• Main Pack EARLY 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Nest

Where:
George Mitchell Preserve Flintridge Trailhead/ Flintridge Bike Trails
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZUAJgEtVSxqgDXf29
30.162931118665269, -95.51750834669169
Parking can be limited here, carpool if possible!

Hares:
Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones, Mouth Organ, Outside Cat and Womb Raider

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES:
It is my favorite time of year again!!! 

(NO ☹, it isn’t Pumpkin Spice latte time at Starbucks. 

NO ☹, it’s not H4 picnic time.) 

 

YES! YES! YES! It’s time for the 7th Anal FLOCK YOU trail extravaganza!!!! 

Your favorite birds have flocked together once more to bring you an afternoon filled with tasty alcoholic beverages, bird themed snacks, hot food and miles and miles of glorious Shiggy. Who knows maybe we will find that car again so Katch Up can recreate his solo photo shoot !?!  

There will be 3 (The Robin (Orange), the Dove (White) and the Blue Bird (Blue)) trails 1.5 to 2 miles each laid in different colors of flour. ALL Birds love a good Nest so ALL trails will start and end at a central Nest filled with all the goodies and your fearless flock leaders. Leave the Nest as many or as few times as you like. Expect Brass Monkey staples of thorns, shiggy and water crossings. Keep your eagle eyes out on trail for “lost” rubber duckies. Those who bring a rubber ducky back home to the Nest will get a special “REWARD”. You don’t want to miss your chance to make questionable decisions dressed like a Bird!!!


Bring:
WATER, IT IS HOT! SERIOUSLY it's not winter yet!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like birdfeeding, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #356 - 09/16/2023 - Indiana Bones & Cocktor Spork's Somethingth AИAL Birfday Trail!

 

BMH3 #356 - 09/16/2023 - Indiana Bones & Cocktor Spork's Somethingth AИAL Birfday Trail!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We have an opening for a Halloween (almost) trail! As well as some end of the year trails. To sign up to hare Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

BMH3 #356 - 09/16/2023 - Indiana Bones & Cocktor Spork's Somethingth AИAL Birfday Trail!

When:

• Saturday, September 16, 2023
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check, hopefully

Where:

Sk8Town The Woodlands (It's Permanently Closed)

846 Rayford Road, Spring, TX 77386

4HGC+J4 Spring, Texas

30.126775, -95.429304

https://maps.app.goo.gl/ikdueavz8ccsztDf9

Hares:

Cocktor Spork and 

Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
WE'RE BACCCCCCCCK.  That's right, by (un)popular demand, Cocktor Spork and Indiana Bones are laying their ANAL Birfday Trail for your hashing pleasure and misfortune!  You can expect shitty September weather (it says it will only be in the low 90ºs, we shall see), shiggy, shade, and of course some water crossings.  There will be one manned beer check, and an A-Prime trail ending.  As much as I'd love doing circle in an abandoned skate rink parking lot and be all emo, there's no shade.  Make sure to hydrate and be responsible and shit, once we're done laying we'll be pretty checked out so don't expect too much from us.  Oh, also, there has been rain every trail we've ever laid together, so probably expect that, too.  Hope you see you there!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT! SERIOUSLY DON'T DIE ON TRAIL!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.  Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
Fucking Google that shit, we gave you all the info.  Lazy bastard. 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? 

Sorry, can't hear you. 

(P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

  

🚨🚨🚨 We have an opening for a halloween(almost) trail! As well as some end of the year trails. To sign up to hare Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 BMH3 #355 - 09/02/2023 - Donnie the Retard

When:

Saturday, September Second, TwentyThousand and TwentyThree
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check, hopefully

Where:

Terramont Park

8500 Terramont Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77382

https://goo.gl/maps/L2jqMWpNHcjcvUyt8

30.202675563639243, -95.55680532407591

Hares:

Donnie the Retard

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

This trail will be short, shiggy, and shitty in true Donnie the Retard fashion. I will do my best to keep it in the shade. There will be water crossings if the water is still there and we will end with some cold and refreshing treats on top of the already provided circle amenities.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT! SERIOUSLY DON'T DIE ON TRAIL!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #354 - 08/19/2023 - Just Matt Learns to lay with Save a horse

 

🚨🚨🚨 We have an opening for a halloween(almost) trail! As well as some end of the year trails. To sign up to hare Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 BMH3 #354 - 08/19/2023 - Just Matt Learns to lay with Save a horse

When:

Saturday, August Nineteenth, TwentyThousand and TwentyThree
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check, hopefully

Where:

Parking-Lake at Springwoods Village Nature Preserve
Drive down the dirt road past the dead end at 23231 Holzwarth Rd, Spring, TX 77389
30.102866138518769, -95.45631579812969
https://goo.gl/maps/ER6SCR3nrK2rGGuL8

Hares:

Just Matt
Save a Horse(Ride a Mole)

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Just Matt has volunteered to hare for the first time!
Save a Horse stepped up to steer him in the right direction!
Just Matt promises a TRAIL! But hasn't told me any other details... 

Trail will be about 3 miles, will have water crossings.  Trail will be mostly shaded with a mix of trails and shiggy!
Butt don't worry Mole will keep things from going too far off the rails?

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT! SERIOUSLY DON'T DIE ON TRAIL!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #353 – 08/05/2023:Fuck Fuck Goose Shiggy Trail and Pool Party!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need a hare for THE NEXT TRAIL!!! Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

BMH3 #353 – 08/05/2023:Fuck Fuck Goose Shiggy Trail and Pool Party!

Hear ye, hear ye, all you adventurous and thirsty souls of the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers! It's time to mark your calendars for what may be the hottest hash of the year on Saturday, August 5, 2023!

When:

Saturday, August Fifth Year of our lord TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• TWO manned beer checks

Where:

📍Cypress Creek MTB Trailhead
🏁14234 W Cypress Forest Dr, Houston, TX 77070
29.9840995226569, -95.57693700894869
https://goo.gl/maps/HcuXqWTfHJ6ffQSf7

Hare:

Fuck Fuck Goose

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
What's in store for this trail, you may ask? Prepare yourselves for a 3-4 mile journey filled with heat, heat, shiggy, heat and more heat! Fear not, brave hashers, for we shall have not one, but TWO manned beer AND WATER checks to keep the spirits high and mouths dry... errrr, wet! And if the weather gods smile upon us, there might even be wet stuff and other shenanigans on the trail.

On-After Pool Party:
After conquering the trail, the festivities continue at Goose's residence! Goose is supplying a pool, Malört, some orange food, and a grill for those who may wish to bring their own meat or meat substitute to cook up.

Hares Notes:
- Trail is A to A'. Bring a vessel if you plan on pre-lubing in the parking lot.
- The temperature at go-time is supposed to be >100F. If you don't want to be like Goose and almost die on trail, bring lots of water to carry with you.
- Pool On-After is BYOB and BYOM (Bring your own Meat or Meat substitute)
- Much to the chagrin of some of you; Goose's spawn will be at home so nudity is a no-go this time around.


Bring:
WATER, IT IS HOT! - Seriously everyone who didn't have it last time nearly died, and last trail was literally in water.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

🚨🚨🚨 We need a Hare for the next trail which is 8/05/23 and the one after that TBD! Lots of trails available in August! Someone Lay us a short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

BMH3 #352 – 7/22/2023: Katch the Twink if you can

When:

Saturday, July 22nd, 2023
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• TWO Beer Checks(maybe, possibly, just come and see)

Where:

George Mitchell Nature Preserve Trailhead

Dr Ann Snyder Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77375

https://goo.gl/maps/JALmY3WMvnLCduWf8

30.14851898699069, -95.56339017679369

Hares:

KatchUp & Twinkle Toes

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
With all the chilly weather we have been having, we decided to change things up and bring the heat for this trail, so plan on getting wet with a nice 1+ mile trail. Expect to have the luxury of two beer checks but don't be too booshie if we don't. Dog friendly we expect. Ivanna is RA'ing so we should have a pretty damn good circle with no need for a hymnal

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Bug Spray!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON:


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Titty McGhee=-

BMH3 #351 – 7/8/2023: CSI and Stunt Hare Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need a hare for THE NEXT TRAIL!!! Lots of trails available in July and August! Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 BMH3 #351 – 7/8/2023: CSI and Stunt Hare Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

When:

Saturday, July Eighth, Twenty Twentythree
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where:

Old Riley Fuzzle road, right by where it turns away from 99 - park in the dirt under/next to 99
https://goo.gl/maps/oG2dubw1pQ9533168
30.09472911906069, -95.40513956977969

Hares:

CSI
Stunt Hare Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
2-3 mile shady shiggy trail with shallow water crossings. Eagle split at hares discretion weather permitting.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
SERIOUSLY, BRING A CAMELBAK FULL OF ICE WATER, we don't need anyone overheating on trail.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.
If you find yourself at the spring creek greenway nature center, turn around and cross riley fuzzle rd.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #350 – 6/24/2023: Outside Cats Birthday!!!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need hares for THE NEXT TRAIL!!! Lots of trails available in July and August! Someone Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

BMH3 #350 – 6/24/2023: Outside Cats Birthday!!!

When:

Saturday, June TwentyFourth, Twothousand and Twentythree
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where:

Creepy dead end of Red Oak Dr. approximately: 19603 Red Oak Dr, Houston, TX 77090
https://goo.gl/maps/ULPvexq6zVRau9Vq8
30.03316564259569, -95.45546468240269

Hares:

Outside Cat
Twinkle Toes

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Outside Cat promises a wonderful trail that will be shady, wet, and truly close to 3 miles. (not an IVANNA "3" mile trail).
The mosquitos are bad, so bring bug spray!  It's also the 350th monkey trail, so the chances of special treats at circle is much higher than normal.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!, no seriously, bring water to drink on trail, we don't need anyone dieing on us.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.



Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

Indiana Bones and the Temple of Butt Chugs

  

🚨🚨🚨 We need Summertime hares! Lots of trails available in July and August! Someone Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

BMH3 #349 – 6/10/2023: Indiana Bones and the Hairy Butt Chug

When: NOTE THE TIME CHANGE

Saturday, June 10th 2023
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

EAST of sharpening your tip(Ace Hardware) and NORTH of strengthening your... tool?(24hr Fitness)

Sadly there is no name for this location so if you need help please call Spork.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/xjetFcV6kUFA7cip7?g_st=i

30.17656071952146, -95.53466809466572

Hares:

Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy Butt Chug

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Look who’s back, Indiana Bones!!!  She has decided that it is time to get back to hashing (not by car but by "KneeRover").  She has thought up a great return trail. Lots of shiggy, lots of shade and lots of moist V shaped areas.  Trail is about 4 miles long, give or take a tire rotation of the "KneeRover", several water crossings and a few bugs to make it worth your while. As always, Ivanna is involved so expect Ivanna type shiggy, meaning wear your shiggy socks!! At least one beer check maybe more.

Use keyword "KatchUp" for a 10% discount on your very own KneeRover. Please place all calls for the discounted price to (832) 372-5133

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Bug Spray!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.



Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need Summertime hares! Lots of trails available in July and August! Someone Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 BMH3 #348 – 5/27/2023: Save a Horse(Ride a Mole) and 101 Donations!

When:

Saturday, May TwentySeventh,TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• TWO Bier Checks

Where:

WG Jones State Forest Trailhead (on the south side of 1488, east parking lot without the lake)
30.234131897850669, -95.48212363643669
https://goo.gl/maps/LSqiWNtohXzm9LJB9

Hares:

Save a Horse(Ride a Mole)
101 Donations

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Trail is 3.69 miles, with 2 Bier checks. Hashers will definitely need bug spray, and can expect water crossings ( it's a Save a Horse trail).

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Bug Spray!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Head north on 45 until you hit 1488.  Head West on 1488, first parking lot on the south side after you pass Peoples rd.



Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

BMH3 #347 – 5/13/23: The 10th Analversary of the MILF Trail!

When:

Saturday, May 13th, at 2:00pm!

• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

***George Mitchell Preserve / Rob Flemming Park***

30.1441310, -95.5114326

https://maps.app.goo.gl/jr7LKgMxautj1ycw7

Hares:

The Land of MILF & Honey and Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

Celebrate all MILFs and MILFs-to-be at the 10th analversary of the Brass Monkey MILF trail! Yes, in true mama monkey style, you will get into the shiggy and possible water crossings. You will be pampered with some chick pleasing foods at the end...along with the various orange colored food products too. There will be Brass Monkeys and mimosas. Yes! There will be the famous vagina cupcakes. For this special trail, there is a patch too. Cum out and play before you need to be really nice to your mamas the next day!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions. If you end up at the Spring Creek Greenway nature center, you went to the wrong side of Riley Fuzzle, flip a bitch, cross Riley Fuzzle, and drive down to the creepy dead end.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need Summertime hares! Next available are 5/27 and 6/10 Someone Lay us a wet trail or a  pool party! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 

BMH3 #346 – 4/29/23: Dim Reaper and Just Abdissa

When:

Saturday, April TwentyNinth, TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Old Riley Fuzzel Rd, The Woodlands, TX 77386 (not the nature center, the gravel parking lot)
30.09338925748269, -95.40564554557069
https://maps.app.goo.gl/VndpJ44XM3pxhFT89

Hares:

Dim Reaper and Just Abdissa

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Join Dim Reaper and Just Abdissa for a romp in the swamp! It's his inaugural hare laying experience. Trail will be A to A or mostly A and 3.5/4 miles.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions. If you end up at the Spring Creek Greenway nature center, you went to the wrong side of Riley Fuzzle, flip a bitch, cross Riley Fuzzle, and drive down to the creepy dead end.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #345 – 4/15/2023: Pits of SHIGGY!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need Summertime hares! Someone Lay us a pool party! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

 

 

BMH3 #345 – 4/15/2023: Pits of SHIGGY!

When:

Saturday, April Fifteenth, TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Craft Beer Check!

Where:

23738 Woodford Place Drive, Kingwood
30.061886764310169, -95.26042308880769
https://goo.gl/maps/hHdy8vU4P6VSd6av9

Hares:

Penis Fly Crap

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Saturday's BMH3 will feature a live laid trail courtesy of Penis Fly Crap.  Beer check will have beer from a trail adjacent brewery.  You will get wet so bring dry clothes for the end, along with hash cash and venturous virgins.

Bring:

WATER!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


FROM Twinkle Toes:

WE HAVE SURVIVED!! Since we're all vaccinated(you're vaccinated, right??!) and Covid numbers are going down like your Mom, the Brass Monkey hash will be returning to a more normal format!  

•YES we will have group start times!
•YES we will be having circles!
•YES we will have BEER AND MONKEYS!!!
•YES we will have $5 Hash Cash

Buuuuuutttt since Covid isn't 100% gone we're going to have a few changes:

•If covid numbers are up, Hares will lay trail A to A or A to A' - NO CARBACKS.
•Bring a drinking vessel! no more passing monkeys around the circle - and don't put the mouth of the 40 on the rim of your vessel.
•There will be hand sanitizer by the snacks and coolers. USE IT before touching common surfaces.
•Everyone has different comfort levels, if someone wants to keep their distance, or wear a mask, Respect their wishes.
•THE FRB helmet... how the fuck did we ever allow a cootie catcher like that to exist... Not sure





Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-