Wednesday, October 07, 2015


Lords and Ladies, Peasants and Pirates,

The Monkeys of the Brass request the honour of celebrating in thy kind and noble presence, and that of thine household,
a fullsome day of celebration and mourning for thy liver and thy errant, common-kissing codpieces,
the celebration that thou hast in part created by breathing life unto these earth-vexing sausage-wallets,
in the fief of Olde Towne Magnolia.

Thou is invited to “The Monkeys of Brass’ Sexquicentennial Scurry, Scamper, and Sexual Orgy of Salacious Talent”, henceforth known as “The Brass Monkey 150th”! Thou hast *cough cough*, okay, I’m done with this cock-in-my-mouth, err cock-in-mouth, err cock-knee, er, cock-him, er cock-in-him, whatever, I’m done with this. TIME TO GET DRUNK AND CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come join the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers as we celebrate our 150th Hash, having somehow survived 5 years, 8 months, and 18 days of hashing, while having only had one arrest and four breathalyzers! Come celebrate with your monkey brothers and sisters as we enjoy each other’s time, homebrews, and sexy outfits, and have our trail at the Texas Renaissance Fair campground, alongside some awesome hashers and awesome events! Want to know more, here we gooooooooo!

On Saturday, October 24th, let your day start with another hash, so that you can be drunk by the time of the monkey trail!! Join Huzzah H3 at 10:00am for a Mimosa Brunch Pre-Lube! The cost is $7 and can be paid on-site or PayPal to Getting tipsy yet? Nahhhhh, we’re just starting! Once you are a little lubed up, ***head*** to the Sea Devil Tavern for the beginning of the Huzzah H3 Pirate Thèmed trail, presented by EZ 2 Please, Epic Fail and Tube of Goo! Things you can expect, per the hares? “Costumes, booze and beer!” That’s right, we’re helping EZ Chair and Outside Cat move again! Ha, as-if, right? In any case, this should allow you not one, not two, not three, but FOUR solid hours of drinking, lurking and lubing, drinking more, frolicking, and ren-fair-ing around before la pièce de résistance! More info can be found at

At 3:30pm, the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers present The Brass Monkey Sexquicentennial, aka The Brass Monkey 150th!!!!! Hared by Cocktor Spork and Where Do You Get Off?, this shall be a trail of lots of things merry, plenty of things anal, and bountiful amounts of handcuffs and Asians. Our inaugural hash was warm and shiggy, our 100th was cold as fuck, rainy, and shiggy, who knows that the 150th will bring! You must come find out! Once trail is complete, circle up for a circle of sexy proportions, also let by your hares. So the hares are the RAs… they won’t be drinking much. The cost for just the trail, circle, and a gimmie will be $10; you can expect a keg-o-beer of something better than shit, with some special guest appearances from Bill Cosby/Where Do You Get Off?’s fun-time kit, brass monkeys, and a commemorative, limited edition, Brass Monkey 150th gimmie!! We’re only ordering 50, so first paid, first served!!!! Think you’re gonna be hungry after circle? Us, too! Don’t worry, we got you.

For an additional $10, or $20 in total for the Brass Monkey Trail & posy-lube, you can get a nice big meal catered by Mel's Country Café, the same place that provided us with the badass food for VooDoo Monkey IV! Get your tummies full to prepare you to throw them up just in time for the last event to close out our evening, THE MONKEY IDOL BRASS MONKEY TALENT SHOW!!!!! Got talent? Or “talent”? Got Ping-Pong balls and a zipper? YOU’VE GOT TALENT! Come watch your Brass Monkey peeps perform with song, dance, accordion, fellatio lessons *mind the step-children*, and whatever else they bring, while we yell, cheer, and scream for them! This is something you do not want to miss! When you PAY IN ADVANCE and RSVP, you can say if you have talent or not. Come on, you know you want to show us your talent. The police may not want you to, but we do.

So, in short, here are the Brass Monkey Sexquicentennial details!

3:30pm: Brass Monkey Trail Begins!!!!
5:30pm: Brass Monkey Circle Begins!!!!
***Cost for Tail/Circle/Gimmie (Limited to first 50 people who sign up and pay!!) $10.00, AND MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE!***

6:30pm: Brass Monkey Dinner/Talent Show!
***Dinner is $10, and is catered, AND MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE!***


You can pay for just trail/beer/gimmie, or you can pay for that plus food HERE:

Pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance. Food costs money, gimmies cost money, kegs cost money, we do not need a bunch of assholes showing up day of and being like “Oh, here is $16 in crinkled ones, I’ll get you later today for the rest.” No, do not be Mud in My Crick. Bad.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?

Who: Cocktor Spork, Where Do You Get Off?

Where: 21778 FM 1774, Todd Mission, Texas 77363

When: Saturday, October 24, 2015 at 3:30 PM

Why: Because in 150 r*ns we have only had a couple near death experiences, 1 person get arrested, and you STILL like drinking, period.

No? GOOD! Then pay and rego for an event you surely do not want to miss!!!

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, October 05, 2015



When: Saturday, October 10th, at 3:00pm!

Where: ***General area at the end of a street, not the specific house***
69 South Wavy Oak Circle
The Woodlands, TX 77381
*General area at the end of a street, not the specific house*

Hare: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to exit 76B Woodlands Parkway. Take that for a few miles until you hit Panther Creek Drive directly after the bridge that crosses Lake Woodlands. Left on Panther Creek, then past the one stop sign, then after you pass the school on your right and church on your left, turn left on Coral Berry. Go until you hit Tangle Brush and turn right and then first left onto Riverbank. Go straight on River Bank to Wavy Oak Circle, turn left. Start is parking area on the left at the curve.

Sidenote: FROM THE HAREl Cum if you’re brave enough to Womb Raider’s first solo trail. Hopefully Cocktor Spork taught me just enough to keep y’all alive. Trail will be ~3-4 miles with Monkey style shiggy complete with briars and Jesus thorns (there will be blood) and at least two water crossings. For the racist assholes like me there will be some runnable trail. If you survive to beer check I will reward you with a selection of GOOD beer including some Karbach.

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork