BMH3 #285 – December 26, 2020: Cumrad Blumpkin saves Christmas

 

 BMH3 #285 – December 26, 2020: Cumrad Blumpkin saves Christmas

When: Saturday, 12/26/2020

• Do Your Own Trail: "Noon"-ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm
• Beer check will exist, blumpkin will likely man it some of the time.
Where: Cul-De-Sac at 10807 W Timberwagon Cir, Spring, TX 77380
30.147589657564172, -95.48232032712983
https://goo.gl/maps/QttqTRsPhTWcD1BL9 *Park on the long curve of timberwagon, not the cul-de-sac itself 

Hares: Cumrad Blumpkin

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Mix of shiggy, suburban, and golf course, trail should be ready to go around noonish, and beer check will be manned afterwards.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.
Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.



FROM SPORK:
Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em
Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em
With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.


NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):
• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.
• Trail will be A-to-A'.
• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.
• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.
• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.
• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.
• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

BMH3 #284 – 12/12/2020: Donnie the Retard's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, December 12th 2020

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm
• Manned Beer Check from 1PM to 3PM

Where: Montgomery County Preserve Trailhead
1118 Pruitt Rd, The Woodlands, TX 77380
30.11195306737145, -95.45185304199768

Hares: Donnie The Retard

 

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: A good mix of shiggy and trail with some special gifts along the way

 
Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

FROM SPORK:
Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em
Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em
With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.


NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):
• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.
• Trail will be A-to-A'.
• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.
• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.
• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.
• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.
• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #283 – 11/28/20: CSI saves the day feat. Epic Fail Beer Check

 BMH3 #283 – 11/28/20: CSI saves the day feat. Epic Fail Beer Check

 

When: Saturday, November 28th

• Do Your Own Trail: "11am"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2pm – ~5pm

 

Where: Near 22303 Highland Point Ln, Spring, TX 77373

https://maps.app.goo.gl/wptXc2kpUfQyTUkJA

30°02'02.4"N 95°24'25.8"W

Hares: CSI and a beer check manned by Epic Fail

 

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail roughly 3 miles. Shallow water crossings. Beer check manned from Noon to 3pm

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

 

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Coronavirus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

2021 Brass Monkey Hares

HEY WANKERS, HARE SOME FUCKIN TRAILS!!!! We're opening up 2021 trails, so check out the spreadsheet linked below and sign up to Hare! First CUM first served! Call dibs on those birthdays, anniversaries, and celebrations ASAP! Never laid a Brass Monkey H3 trail? The rules are simple! You MUST have shiggy You MUST have at least one beer check, for which you are responsible for supplying the beer/slut juice/alcohol-of-some-kind. Don’t lay a trail on the side of a busy road like an asshole. Don’t lay a trail that has to swim across a mile-wide crossing like an asshole. Not sure you want to do it yourself? Ask for a co-hare! If you haven't hared in a while, or ever, now is your chance for redemption! Show us what you got! Questions, Comments? ON-ON -=Twinkle Toes=- 8=======HOW TO SIGN UP=====D~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1:Open our Google spreadsheet 2021 Brass Monkey Hares 2: Peruse the Red dates(note the little corner markers indicating someone else has already commented and asked for a date) 3: Right click(or long press if on a phone) the Hare Cell for the Date you're interested in, and press Comment 4: Write your hash name,Run Title, and a non-facebook contact method, then press "comment" 5: Have a beer (or six) and wait for me to mark your date as taken, and fill in the details to make it "official" 6: Put your trail on your own calendar, and set a reminder a month out so you don't forget that shit. 7: Hare your trails

Little Pussy & Fuck Me Running's Birthday and Analversary

 

BMH3 #282 – 11/14/20: Little Pussy & Fuck Me Running's Birthday and Analversary

 

When: Saturday, November 14th

• Do Your Own Trail: "11am"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2pm – ~5pm

 

Where: WG Jones State Forest approx. Address: 1328 FM 1488. Coordinates 30.234492, -95.482288

Hares: Little Pussy & Fuck Me Running

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: When you enter the forest start looking for the brown forest sign on the right hand side of the road "TEXAS A&M FOREST SERVICE ..CONROE DISTRICT OFFICE". Dirt parking lot on the left across the street is the start. 3-4 miles. Unmanned beer check on trail. First come first serve. Bring your own water for trail. Forest splendor for your enjoyment. Trail laid by 10am. A to A.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

 

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

 

                     

BMH3 #281 – 10/31/20: *Knock Knock* Who's There? KatchUp! KatchUp Who? KatchUp with me this Halloween

 

When: Saturday, October 31st

• Do Your Own Trail: "11am"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 1pm - 3pm. This may be updated to an earlier time if hare can lay trail on friday. Check for updates friday night

 

Where: Rob Flemming Park. We all know the start location in our hearts by now. https://maps.app.goo.gl/TvadsjBtRCR4RqX69

Hares: KatchUp 

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: BOO! Now that the scariest part is over with let us delve
into the trail thoughts of KatchUp. This is going to be a most exciting trail that will have spooky sticks and streams of water that will scare even the bravest of Agoraphobic’s. There will be a beer check with only the worst of candy one could ever want to find in their pillow case. The beer will be top notch though. So come out, wear a white sheet as an impromptu ghost costume to scare any trail walkers. DO NOT WEAR A DUNCE CAP UNDER YOUR GHOST COSTUME!

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

 

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

 

BMH3 #280 – 10/17/20: Peg Leg Hooker & Womb Raider!

 

When: Saturday, October 17th

• Do Your Own Trail: "11am"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2pm – ~5pm

 

Where: Forest Oaks Park 627 Cypress Oaks Dr. Spring, TX 77388

Hares: Peg Leg Hooker and Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail is in virgin Brass Monkey territory! Cum help us deflower an innocent park in Peg Leg Hooker's new hood! Trail will be about 3 miles with shiggy and some nice pleasant runnable stretches for you Racists. You know who you are… Water crossings will be shallow, muddy and NO swimming. We will have some good beer (and wicked awesome) at a manned beer check from 2-5 pm. Peg Leg Hooker will also be bringing snacky cakes of some sort.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

 

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 279 - Croc of shit celebrates A. Sisterhoods birthday!

 

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 279 - Croc of shit celebrates A. Sisterhoods birthday!

 

When: Saturday, October 3rd

• Do Your Own Trail: "12 pm"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check. Check the FB page

Where: Plant # 7 RF

Riley Fuzzel Rd, Spring, TX 77386

https://maps.app.goo.gl/YzqgrjHHZop5uGc39

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood and Jake From Canola Farm

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

  

Sidenote:

FROM THE TRES AMIGOS: Gathering trail deets from Aryan Sisterhood is quite the experience. Everyone should try it at least once. It's a grand mixture of confusion and hearsay full of forgotten Birthday trails and imaginary co-hares *cough* "Nappy Headed Homo". Perhaps senility is kicking in early from too many mind-altering substances in his youth/present? However in the spirit of Aryan with two whole days of planning we have a decent shot at a good shiggy trail in familiar territory with at least one beer check. If you don't already recognize the start location then I have to say this; bring your truck and strap on your muddin tires if it rains or park on the street.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accomadate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp