The AИAL Brass Monkey Holiday Party Presents... THE POLAR EXPESS: DERAILED!
WHEN: Friday, December 4th, at 7:00pm
WHERE: 86 Sunlit Grove, The Woodlands, TX 77382
RSVP: Bitch, you better!
Guys, gals, and non-binary pals. It is that time of year. We are here.
We are queer. Get used to
it. Put a dick in your mouth. Or your butt.
Or provide one. Or, like, I don’t
know, give money to orphans or some shit.
Whatever makes it December-ish time.
Anywho….
It’s that time! The
Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers proudly present… OUR AИAL BRASS MONKEY HOLIDAY
PARTY!! What does that mean? I mean, probably that the pool drain is going
to get clogged with jizz. But, besides
that, it means it’s time for sluts to get slutty, bitches to get bitchy, and
dumb fucks to steal clothing items belonging to Ivanna Hairy Buttchug.
That’s right kids, the Brass Monkeys are ready to fuck your
world up. Butt wait, there’s more! This year, we have a theme! It’s not just going to be tacky Chanukkah
sweaters and husky Christmas tropes, this year, we are taking the world by storm. Ladies and Gentlemen (and other), this year,
the Brass Monkeys Present:
THE POLAR EXPRESS: DERAILED.
That’s right! This
year, we are going all Polar Express, all night! What does that mean? Who the fuck knows! You all are twisted bitches with warped minds,
it’s probably some weird German Scheiße Porn fantasy you have, but alas, we’re
ready for it! Wear your best PJs, wear
your best, “Oh no, I wasn’t expecting you to come into my room and steal me
away, Daddy!” outfit. Whatever you
think. There will be a bearded piece of
Jewish cutlery (that’s the last hint you are getting) punching your ticket
(giggity) as you enter, and you best make it worth his while!
Butt what should you bring? Here is the list – don’t fuck it up!
- 1. A $20 Caucasian Elephant Gift (We’re not allowed to say White Elephant anymore, we’re a blue state now)
- 2. A bathing suit with a fucking towel! The pool will be 90°+, you don’t want to miss it! Butt aside from your suit, bring a fucking towel. They are not a fucking cotton dispensary. *Checks notes for racism* Nope, we’re good, comment stands, just bring a fucking towel.
- 3. Whatever you want to drink, unless you are good with shit beer. There will be Lone Star. There will be beer that starts with Lone. There will be beer that ends with Star. There may be beer that has letters in the middle that spell Nest. If you want something else, bring it. And maybe some ice would be nice.
- 4. FUCKING RSVP! That means Reserve Shitty Vagina Penises. Let us know if you are cumming! THERE WILL BE FOOD PROVIDED!!! Butt unless we know you are cumming, we won’t plan for you. So fucking tell us. Bitch.
The party is on a Friday, and it’s the FIRST NIGHT OF
CHANUKKAH! That’s the night the Jews
celebrate their escape from Pam Beach, or like, I don’t know, Egypt. There was like sand or something. I think Joan Collins was there. So expect candles. To be dripped. On a taint.
And by taint, probably a paper towel.
Under a menorah. Menorah being
the name of the midget hired for this party.
SO CUM ONE, CUM ALL, CUM ON A CHOO-CHOO! It’s time for the Polar Express to Derail
EVERYWHERE, and you won’t want to miss it!
Make sure to RSVP so we know to expect your bitch ass. You bitch ass. ALL ABOARD!!!!!!!!
0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork!
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