Brass
Monkey Hash House Harriers 100th Hash Celebration
Hash
& Formal
“Ladies”
and “Gentlemen”, the time has arrived. The Brass Monkey Hash is celebrating its
100th run on Saturday, November 23rd! Holy shit, I
can’t believe we made it this long. In February of 2010, the Brass Monkeys
started with nothing but two houses across the street from each other,
traditions from the Colorado Kimchi H3, and a ton of bad fucking ideas. Now,
almost four years later, we are still here, and we have found a ton of
fuckups to follow us, bringing their own bad decisions and sluttyness every
other weekend to enjoy shiggy, beer, slut-juice, drunken circles, and epic
on-afters. Now, as we celebrate 100 runs, we invite you to an all-day
shitshow. What are we planning? Oh, quite a lot, but let’s start with the
basics.
We
will be starting with a shiggilicious trail in The Woodlands laid
by a Brass Monkey founder and a Brass Monkey OG, Donnie The Retard and
Twinkle Toes. In typical Donnie/Twinkle fashion, it will be hardcore
shiggy. Not like “Oh look, it’s a puddle”, but like “Oh shit, I’m more
fucking sore than Jenna Jameson was throughout her twenties.” This is going to
have water, bushes, jesus thorns, and somehow twinkle always finds bamboo, so
probably some of that shit, too. At least two, count ‘em TWO beer checks with
assortments of delicious things like slut-juice or Malort, who the hell knows.
Plan on three to five miles, wear shiggy socks, and plan to get
d-i-r-t-y. After circle, we get clean. Not like “Come here, let me pee
on your leg to help your Poison Ivy” clean, but like, “Here, let’s take a
shower together so we can soap each other” clean. Trail will be at 12:00pm and
as usual, it will be $5 and that can be paid in cash, Asian boys, or a
Toblerone chocolate bar.
Once
we are all cleaned up, we will be going out for our first ever Formal Monkey
Event! Dress formal, people. Like the monopoly guy formal. Comb your
hair, try to hide those bumps on your lips, and put on your finest suit,
tux, gown, dress, or whatever you’ve got and join us for an evening in our
private “ball”room at Cilantro’s Mexican Grill. We will enjoy
food, drink, and an establishment with a full bar. Awards, stories of
the first hundred runs, and general brouhaha’ing will ensue. For this event,
the cost will be $20 and that pays for your meal, a badass Special
Edition Brass Monkey 100th Patch, the night’s entertainment
& awards, and the special surprise with all sorts of goodies
that you’ll get to enjoy in circle! Drinks will be on your own because it’s a
place with a full bar and awesome margaritas, we weren’t gonna be like “Here,
have some keg beer, even though we just did circle and drank a lot of fucking
beer.” You are going to drink what you want to drink. We will stay at
this establishment until the time that it is deemed necessary to leave because
we would rather leave than be kicked out. Commence impromptu pub-crawl.
This is not going to be planned, because it will just happen. We will find some
bar that we think sounds great at the time within walking distance and walk in looking
badass. This will go as long as we want it to, but it’s Saturday night, so
something will be going on.
Most
of you will be way too drunk to go home, so plan on staying in The Woodlands.
Suggested lodging is the Motel 8 Resort & Spa located only a block
away from Papa’s Ice House, where we will most likely end up because they love
us and we love them… and we’ll still be dressed amazingly. It is totally
feasible we will end up at Papa’s because it is walking distance (less than a ½
mile) from Cilantro’s. For the motel, I just looked online and it is only $50 for
the night. $50 freaking dollars. If you call, you might even get a
better rate. Room up with three other people, that’s like $15 or less a
person. Holy hell, people, come on, why would you want to sleep on a floor when
you can have a bed and your own damn shower. Plus, if you get a room,
you have somewhere to clean up after circle. Boom! Synergy, it all comes
together. *Rotates fingers in a forward circular motion over each other* With
rooms, who the hell knows what’s going to happen next. Drinking back at the
rooms, getting dragged back to the rooms, helping put the eATMe hashers into
their car so they aren’t passed out next to it, whatever it shall be.
To
finish it off, it would not be a real Brass Monkey unless you woke up
Sunday morning super hung-over and felt like death. Time for… FROZEN
SCREWDRIVERS! Sunday morning Brunch at Berryhill Baja Grill for the
win! Get some food and hydration and recover yourself so you can move on to
whatever you need to get to. The H4 that day will be hared by Geek and
Little Pussy, per the H4 calendar, so you can probably bet on another trail
that is going to kick your ass.
This
brings us to the end of Monkeytime. We will sing that song that
the little kids sing when they go to bed in The Sound of Music and be go home.
We love you, but come on, go the hell home. We’ve been together like 24 hours
already. See you all at the 100TH!
***Since
there is food and such involved, we need to know if you are coming for SURE no
later than Wednesday, November 20th! You must RSVP on the FB page or
let us know for sure otherwise.***
0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork
Start Location for the Hash at 12:00:
High Oaks Park
13100 Sawmill Rd.
(Street parking at Dead end of Sawmill)
The Woodlands, TX 77380
Brass Monkey Formal Event at 5:00pm:
Cilantro’s Mexican Grill
314 Sawdust Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380
Recommended Lodging:
Super 8 Motel, Spa, and Resort
24903 Interstate 45
The Woodlands, TX 77380
