BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 95 - The Cabana Boys Trail

When: Saturday, September 14th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Papa's Ice House
314 Pruitt Rd Spring, TX 77380

Hare(s): La Situación & Matthew McConaGAY

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 73, Rayford / Sawdust Road, then take that all the way to the first light (Rayford / Sawdust) and take the far left lane to loop under the freeway to go back North. Right past the huge Texaco is Pruitt Road, turn right. Go for a hot second and Papa's Ice House will be on your right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Originally dubbed the Pretty Boy Trail, my powers of seduction have made it the Cabana Boys Trail, aka Los Niños Cachondos. It is going to be a BEACH THEME RUN. Promises of shiggy, water crossings, and dog friendly. Also, the hares will be hiding somewhere on trail naked, whoever catches them gets them for the day. At least two beer checks of mixed beverages. Bring shit you don't mind getting wet, and if you are bringing technology on trail, bring something to keep it safe in. Mosquitoes suck right now, so bring bug spray.

*REMINDER* If you aren't going to do trail, don't plan on doing circle! We don't care if you pay, if you are not cool enough to do trail, you are not cool enough for circle. Period. Check the BMH3 group for on-after location once we are there.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 94

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 94 - Spork's Birfday Slutty Yellow Rain-Bow Wedding Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, August 31st, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Texas Crab Hash Land!
6848 Almeda Genoa Rd, Houston, TX 77075

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork, YellowRain, Dick The Boy Wonder, and Fluffer! (H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 South to exit 40B Pearland / Alvin. Merge onto Reveille Street, then continue onto Telephone Road. Right onto Almeda Genoa Road, then it will be on your left after like a mile.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: This... this is going to be epic. Originally planned to be Spork's Birthday run, Dick The Boy Wonder and his soon-to-be bride will now be tying the knot on this day as well! So join us in this pre-wedding hash extravaganza. Because of my love of all things yellow, including but not limited to small Asian boys and bananas in a non-sexual way, you MUST dress up in your sluttiest yellow that you own! Dress, compression shorts, underwear, don't care, as long as it is slutty and yellow!!!!!

What do you need to know? This shit:

° You will have FOUR hares: Myself, Yellow Rain, Dick The Boy Wonder, and Fluffer! This is going to be a shitshow in its truest form.
° Wear your sluttiest yellow thing that you own! SERIOUSLY!
° If you are going to the wedding after, plan accordingly, the wedding is at 6:30pm. Dick is being amazing, as always, and inviting all the hashers - the theme is Island: No tie, no shoes, no problem... Hawaiian prints, beach hats and Island wear preferred!
° This will still be Spork's birfday run, so plan on bringing Asian virgins with you. Don't worry, I will keep them safe.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 93

When: Saturday, August 17th, 2:00pm!!!

Where: TimberLakers/TimberRidge Community Pool
Royal Oaks Road, The Woodlands, TX

Hare(s): Fucking Tree Hugger & A Wiener Runs Through It

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and exit 73 Towards Rayford / Sawdust (Where you would normally exit for Spork's Spooning Spectacularium.) Turn left under the freeway onto Sawdust Road and go straight until Sawdust turns left right before Starbucks and CVS, then turn left onto it. Stay on this shit all the way until it dead ends, it will turn you hard right, hard left, etc... ALL WAY WAY! When it deadends onto Glen Lock Drive, turn right. Go until you hit Royal Oaks, aka the street with the sign saying "ALL THE SHIT THAT WAY." Park at the bottom of the hill along the road.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: At least 2 beer checks, plenty of shiggy, maybe a road or two. There will be water crossings, unless it keeps raining much, and then 100% chance of water crossings.... "probably" PI somewhere. and of course, thorns.
Boob checks and dick checks....because it’s Tree Hugger and Wiener laying trail, and we love those things, cause we are whores. WHORES.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 92

When: Saturday, August 3rd, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
33295 Wedgewood Drive (All the way to the dead end)
Magnolia, TX 77354

Hare(s): Where Do You Get Off? & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and exit 81 - FM 1488 Magnolia / Hempstead. Take the feeder to the bridge and look for the FM 1488 West sign that will take you under then over and around the freeway so you cross over it. Go straight for seven-ish miles. Pass Honea Egypt Road / FM 2978 and the La Quinta Inn and look for Wedgewood Drive on your right - just a regular small street. Drive alllll the way to the end of the street.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Hey wankers and wenches! The next monkey is one not to miss! The 1st ever "Where Did KatchUp Get Off" trail is upon us! This glory-hole of a trail has shiggy, boobs, beer, shiggy, boobs, a scavenger hunt (with prizes), beer, and, against Spork's wishes, a runners trail option for you racist bastards, and beer. I know some of you are wasting time in bestiality land for Doggie Daze, butt if you are not, join us in all the glorious debauchery that is KatchUp and Get Off. Also... FRB gets their way with KatchUp for 20 minutes! All those that finish trail get to slap Off's ass (apparently?).

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 91

When: Saturday, July 20th, 3:00pm!!!

Where: Cattail Park 

9323 Cochrans Crossing Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hare(s): Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course! BRING YOUR BATHING SUIT!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and exit 76B - Woodlands Parkway. Take Woodlands Parkway for about 6 miles then turn Right on Cochrans Crossing Drive. Go for about a mile and Cattail Park will be on your left.

Sidenote: Dr. Stinkfinger, in his awesomeness, will be haring this last minute because he loves the Monkeys and the Monkeys love him. Never been on a Dr. Stinkfinger trail before? This should be awesome... Expect the following: Shiggyyyyyyyyyyyy. Also, shiggyyyyyyyyyyyy. Also, water crossings, Poison Ivy (maybe, that shit be er'y'wherrr!), and general awesomeness. What should you expect at the end? A FUCKING POOL! Oh yes, the sweet, sweet pool at Chez Stinkfinger, this shall be glorious. Dr. Stinkfinger and his AWESOME wife will be doing a BBQ for everyone as well, no shit! You will be at their house so don't be an asshole. The backyard is huge, the pool is glorious, and the day shall be merry.

MAKE SURE TO BRING SUNSCREEN, BUG SPRAY, AND YOUR BATHING SUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 90

When: Saturday, July 7th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Pundt Park
4129 Spring Creek Drive
Spring, TX 77373

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard and ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Drive north on the Hardy Toll Road. Take the Aldine-Westfield Road exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn right onto Aldine Westfield Road, then left onto Spring Creek Drive. Continue Straight and Spring Creek turns into Deer Lake Trail and goes right, follow with. Take road winding to the left into the park, once you go in go straight and there is parking on the right. Look for sluts.

Sidenote: Donnie & ESPN have returned from the clutches of mini-ginger parenthood and mommy and daddy monkey have decided to hold a trail to take out all their parental aggression... you know, that anger that breeders get when they breed. We're talking 90% Shiggy, tons of water, poison ivy, the whole thing, people, so bring your big girl pants. Don't worry, it's under 10 miles. Ha. It is dog friendly, and there is not a walker's trail. I don't know if you have seen these assholes but they are in really good shape so unless you can take a beating I would not recommend this shit. It's gon' be 95° so make sure to drink some water before you come get drunk with all these other assholes. Bring a change of clothes and $$$ for on-after. Don't do that shit where you say "I can't make trail but I want to come to on-after." No! Bad! You earn this shit! Bad!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 89 - VOODOO MONKEY 3 HASH!

When: Saturday, June 22nd, 11:00am!!!

Where:
The park by City Hall... in fucking New Orleans! http://goo.gl/maps/SsebA

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork and MasturGator

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $15), Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Jump on I-10 East, go for about 345 miles. Take Exit 234B towards Poydras St / Superdome. Turn left on Lasalle Street, take first fight onto Perdido Street. BOOM.

FROM THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE HOTEL WHERE MOST OF US FUCK-UPS ARE STAYING: Head West on Gravier Street, go for a half mile, park is on your left right past Layola Avenue.

Sidenote: OK bitches, it's finally here. It is finally fucking here. Holy crap and balls, I cannot believe it is finally here!!!!!! This weekend, June 21st - 23rd, the Brass Monkey H3 and the VooDoo H3 sexually present to you, VooDoo Monkey 3: The Amazing Racist. We have over 150 people signed up from 25 fucking kennels for this thing, so hopefully we won't fuck it up. :) If you are signed up and rego'd, awesome, you did something right. Mazel Tov to you. The second part of this is if you want to do the 89th running of the Brass Monkey H3 then you need to get your ass up and to the park by 11:00am. This hash will lead right up to the day's VooDooMonkey festivities, so there you go. That's just convenient. Badda-bing, everything you need. Now pack all your cute little clothes and cute little shoes and put them in your cute little bag and print off your cute little $20 MegaBus ticket and drive your cute little hoopty to the cute little parking lot then get on the cute little bus and get you cute little ass here so we can PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 88 - EZ CHAIR'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June 8, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Mooseknuckles Bar
4307 Treaschwig Road
Spring, TX 77373

Hare(s): EZ Chair

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $15), Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Head North on the Hardy Toll Road (or I-45 for you cheap bastards), exit FM 1960 / Cypress Creek Pkwy and turn right. Go for about a mile and turn left on Treaschwig Road. Go for about a mile and a half and the destination will be there. BOOM.

Sidenote: FROM EZ Chair: Trail will be full shiggy, not so much as .1 miles of pavement. Bring: a change of clothes. Wear your swimsuit on trail. Need shiggy socks and bring your favorite flotation device. Some devices will be provided. On after features good food, cheap beer and surly locals. Shiggy dog friendly.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 87

When: Saturday, May 25, 4:00pm!!! (*Note* Later time - it's gettin' HOT!)

Where:
Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494, Kingwood, TX
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)
See D'erections below!

Hare(s): Just Aaron, Just Darius, and Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take the 45 South (Or Hardy Toll Road) to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM Just Aaron: Good day Wankers and Wenches,

The next Brass Monkey run will be in Kingwood! "Why," you ask? Well I will feed you baby birds; because it is more convenient for me.

Butt weight! There's more! This next Brass Monkey run will be in celebration of Memorial Day. So where your red, white, and blue! Bring your summer gear and an appetite for beer and fun!

This run will have light to moderate shiggy, some pavement (boooooo), and plenty of beer.

Bring hash-cash, bugs pray, sunscreen, clothes to change into, and an appetite for beer!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Just Aaron's #: (281) 608-0004

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 85

When: Saturday, April 27th, 2013 at 3:00pm! (NOTE IT IS AT 3!)

Where:
Timberlakes/Timberridge Community Pool / Park
No REAL Address, closest is:
3457 Royal Oaks Dr, Spring, TX 77380

Hare(s): Fuckin' Tree Hugger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Go North on I-45 and exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. LEFT on Panther Creek (the first one) just past Lake Woodlands (not the street, the actual freaking lake); Left on Glen Loch; RIGHT at Royal Oaks. ***Caution to the speed limit is only 25 and cops like to camp out along Glen Loch and catch people not noticing them.***


Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: Got the approval of Twinkle Toes as a solid trail. And there will be beer checks! 3pm start at the TL/TR Community Pool. Bug spray advised (duh, we're running in the woods near a creek), T.T. says he saw what might've been poison ivy (duh, woods in the Houston area), and for the pansies shiggy socks recommended (duh, it's a Brass Monkey trail).

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Fuckin' Tree Hugger's #: (713) 478-9701
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n BITCHES,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 83

When: Saturday, March 30th, 2013 at 2:00pm!

Where:

CVS Pharmacy

4516 Harrisburg Boulevard

Houston, TX

Hare(s): EZ-Chair

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: It's in fucking Houston. If you live in Houston, figure it out people.
From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South and exit 45A towards Scott Street. Turn left onto Scott Street. Turn Right onto Polk Street. Take 1st left onto Milby Street. Turn right onto Harrisburg Blvd. Boom.

Sidenote: FIRSTISHLY, Thank you to EZ-Chair for haring!

FROM THE HARE: Start location at CVS because mama has to pick up her prescriptions. Trail will have ghetto, shiggy, ghetto, 2 beer checks, one which will be in the shaded shiggy of your dreams and dog friendly (leashes required.) Since it is at a CVS parking lot, try to carpool so we don't have 10,000 cars taking up the whole lot.

FROM SPORK: This trail is super close to BBVA Compass Stadium where the Houston Dynamo will be playing that evening at 7:30pm. A good number of us are going and will be in Section 232. If you want to go with us or meet-up with us, fuck yeah. Do it. Let a Spork know. We always have a good time!

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 82 - "The 2nd Anal Green Dress Run"

When: Saturday, March 16, 2013

Where: Cross Track Ice House; 200 Magnolia St., Spring, TX 77373 (Old Town Spring)

Time: 2:00 PM

Hares: MasturGator & EZ-Chair

Bring: A slutty green dress, $5 for hash cash, shag bag, $$ for haberdashery, lube.

What to Expect:

·        Multiple beer/booze checks

·        A 2-5 mile trail that is dog friendly

·        Shiggy with possible shallow water crossings

·        Irish car bomb station with possible Irish Bus Bombs!

·        Multiple orgasms

·        Irish beer on trial

·        Gingers (Please keep on a leash when around civilians)

Some event haberdashery for sale at the event, and a dog friendly on after. 

The on after will be located in Old Town Spring. The hares have worked a deal out with the owner of a bar, who will allow brass monkey behavior and understands how “Special” we can get. The bar only has beer and wine but your cheap asses can bring in liquor and buy setups! There will be some slutty shots provided by your hares. Also, the owner has agreed to cook for the on after this year and sell us food like burgers and wieners. Not guaranteed to be veggie friendly.

I have some Brass Monkey 2nd Anal Green Dress T-Shirts & Patches that will be for sale at the event so bring money you cheap bastards.

Crash space will be made available for those who need it.

If you have any questions call MasturGator at 936-444-8591

THINGS TO KNOW: 

1. We will be doing a Friday Pre-Lube for the Green Dress. Probably Involving a Pub Crawl and possibly Spork’s mom.

2. If you’re staying the night Saturday, there will be a Prelube Saturday so plan on dropping your cars off and car pool to the event from the GatorSntach Motel.

3. The On-On after will be at the GatorSntach, bring your own everything. We will provide the bad influence.

4. The On-After will be at an Icehouse, bring money for beer. If you drink Liquor, bring a bottle and buy your setups there.

5. Where you going to Sleep? It will be a floor space kinda night I’m sure, but if you have a tent and want to have a place to bang, I would bring it and put it in my back yard.

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 79 - Our Third Analversary!!!

When: Saturday, February 2nd, 2013 at 2:00pm! 

Where: McDade Park,
FM 2854
Conroe, TX 77304

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & Donnie The Retard

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course. 

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45 or the Hardy until it deadends into I-45. Take the exit for FM 2854 W / Old Montgomery Road and head west. Turn right onto Steve Owens Road. Take 1st right onto Gergory Road. McDade Park, BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!!!!! This will be the Brass Monkey hash's 3rd analversary run! We have been doing this shit for three years! Sorry it took so long to put the info out, but hey, here it is. :) Expect shiggy, lots of shiggy. Water? Maybe. Hobos? Maybe... it's Conroe, they're probably ex-cops. Not a super long trail, but it is our analversary so plan on FUN. You can try to call me tomorrow but I will be out laying trail so meh. You can try to call Donnie but he doesn't answer his phone so good luck. Bring a change of clothes and $$$ for the on-after.

Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 78

When: Saturday, January 19th, 2012 at 2:00pm!

Where: 16735 Fallen Timbers Drive

Conroe, TX 77385 (Not really Conroe, it's North Woodlands.)

Hare(s): KatchUp & Just Chelsea (VIRGIN HARE!)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45 or the Hardy until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 79A for College Park Drive/Needham Road/TX 242. Turn right onto TX242 and go got like a mile and a half and turn left onto Glen Eagle Drive North. Turn right onto Bobolink Drive. Turn left onto Fallen Timbers Drive. Look for parking around the corner of Fallen Timbers Drive and Woodhallow Drive.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!!!!! Dog Friendly. Plenty of Shiggy and expect "possible water crossings”. Car back is quick and easy should be no problem. Circle will be under a bridge so if it’s raining there will be cover, if it’s cold I have some logs that we can make a fire. Bring warm clothes for circle and on-after. I, Spork, will be in New Orleans with Donnie the Retard as well as a good group of hashers so do not call me for info, call the KatchUp below. Also, it is a VIRGIN hare *cough cough* make it happen people.

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n BITCHES,

COCKTOR SPORK!

FIRSTISHLY: BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 77

This will be a joint Brass Monkey and Galveston Run. Here are the details:

When: Saturday, January 5th, 2013 at 2:00pm!

Where: 1400 Riggs St, Baytown, TX

That’s right, BAYTOWN! Not The Woodlands, not Houston, freaking BAYTOWN!

Hare(s): Homodynamics

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), Stickers $1, Patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to 610 East. 610 East to I-10. I-10 East to TX-330 Spur South (Baytown). Take to Texas 146 South towards La Porte. Take that to West Main Street / Main Street West. Turn left onto West Main Street. Turn left onto Oak Street. Turn left onto Riggs Street.

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARE!) There will be shiggy, water crossings, bridges, a turkey/eagle split, dick checks, virgins, a virgin hare, and beer.

Wear shoes, a concealed weapon, and bring spare change for the hobos!

SPORK: (832) 372-5133

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 75 - Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick's Birfday Hash!

When: Saturday, December 8th at 2:00pm! (EARLY HASH SEASON!)

Where:
Fox and Hound Bar & Grill
19189 Interstate 45 South 

Shenandoah, TX 77385

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Stay on the feeder all the way until you hit your first light, research Forest. Right before that first light is a huge shopping center on your right with Subway, Party City, Bike Store, ton of shit. Fox & Hound is in that shopping center, right on the corner of the strip center behind the gas station. This is directly across the street (but on the same side of the freeway) as Home Depot.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: trail will be shiggytastic bring high socks or where pants because your going to need it wear duh and it is Mud and my birfday hash!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 72 - "The Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile"

When: Saturday, October 27th at 3:30pm!

Where: Buffalo Bayou Dog Park
Allen Parkway & Montrose Blvd, Houston, TX

Hare(s): Your-Damn-Selves

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South and take exit 47A to Allen Parkway. Stay on Allen parkway until you see Buffalo Bayou Dog Park on your right at the Montrose intersection. Street parking and such. MAKE SURE NOT TO GO TO THE BUFFALO BAYOU THING OFF 610, THIS IS ON MONTROSE AND ALLEN PARKWAY!

Sidenote: This will be our second Anal Brass Monkey beer mile. How is a Brass Monkey Beer Mile different than a regular one? Instead of pounding four beer you will be in charge of one who Brass Monkey 40, all by yourself! It is a wonderful experience and should not be missed. The Houston OTR Drag Hash will be following tis like a mile away at 7pm, so we will do our mile, have our circle, then go cross dress like a good American should. So come out to enjoy our Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 70

When: Saturday, September 29th at 3:30pm!

Where: TLC CHILD DEVELOPMENT CENTER

150 Pruitt Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & KatchUp (VIRGIN HARE!)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 73 to Rayford / Sawdust Road. Stay in the left lane and loop under the freeway back around south. Go right past the texaco and turn RIGHT onto Pruit Road, first shopping center on your right before Papas Ice House.

Sidenote: This will be out first trail since VooDoo Monkey 2012 so we are still a little sore. This will also be KatchUp's virgin laying experience so bring lube to "congratulate" him with. Expect shiggy and possibly herpes. Bring change of clothes and $$$ for the on-after. We may or may not be able to help break-in a brand new Hash-Friendly bar (depending on if the piece of shit Fire Marshall gets off his lazy ass and comes and okays the bar to open like he was supposed to do last week.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

VOODOO MONKEY - LAST FREAKING CHANCE!

OK, we are here… we are at the end of the waiting. VOODOO MONKEY 2012 is in, wait for it, JUST OVER TWO WEEKS!

That’s right, this Saturday is the 68^th running of the Brass Monkey H3 and two weeks after that not only the 69^th Brass Monkey hash, it is VOODOO FREAKING MONKEY!

Kegs tapped on Friday and drank till Sunday! Enjoy beer, Brass Monkeys, hash Olympics, camping, hashing, eating, gimmies, flip-cup, beer pong, keg war, you name it, it is freaking there!

Over 90 of you signed up so far, over a dozen different kennels from 10 different states! That is a lot of retarded people showing other retarded people how they do it in their hood. Thug life!

What do you need to know:

Where: General Sam’s, Huntsville, TX. (Fly into Bush Intercontinental (IAH) if you be far.)

When: September 14^th – 16^th, NEXT MONTH!

Why: Truthishly? Why? If you are asking why then you should not be attending this campout. You should be standing at home pretending you had a moustache wishing you were as cool as someone with a mustache. No mustache for you.

How Much: $79.00. We kept it low so more of you could go so hop to it and come enjoy awesomeness.

Deadline: You must, MUST, MUST sign up by this Saturday, September 1^st, to get your personalized gimmies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gimmies, made for you. Not one size fits all t-shirts, shirts in your size, and other awesomeness, true awesomeness for you and all you wished in your gimmies-dreams.

What You Need: Bring a tent and shit to sleep in/on/under/whatever your kinky style is. Never been to a campout before? Cute. This will be fun. You can sleep in Spork’s tent. It smells like glaucoma medicine.

Got An RV?: Limited number of RV spaces available @ $30/night w/ water, electric, and sewer hookups! (Reserve w/ Shery at General Sam’s before 9/1/12 @ (832) 495-1046)

Are You A Redneck?: 4-Wheelers & Mud toys welcome! ($45 for the weekend to use WHOLE facility!)

Planning On Getting Dirty?: Showers and running water available at the facility!

THEMES?: I got your themes!

Friday: Ameri-camo ('Murrica and camo gear, Fuck Yeah!)
Saturday: Jungle Fever Safari (Either a Gay Porn title or some creative, possibly both)

Like Music?: Ladies and Gentlemen prepare yourself for the one, the only, Palatial Palace of Dancing Mayhem and Ridiculousness presented by Former Mr. Texas InterHash FUCK YOU KNAVE!! That’s right, FU Knave volunteered his services of amazingness and they will be freaking appreciated and enjoyed at VOODOO MONKEY! WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Want To Sign Up?: http://www.voodoohash.com/voodoo-monkey-2012/  

So cum one, cum all, to VOODOO MONKEY 2012 TO HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0N-0N BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 68 - THE PRELUBE TO VOODOO MONKEY 2012!

When: Saturday, September 1st at 3:00pm!

Where: Alden Bridge Park
7725 Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382 

Hare(s): Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Turn left onto Research Forest (First Light). Go 5 miles and turn right onto Alden bridge Drive. BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: 4.5 miles, beer stop, shiggy, water, pool and bbq on after. Dog friendly but bring a leash *for if there are any gingers there. Watch out for biting hookers on trail who are infected with an interesting colored rash. Bring bug spray, sun block, and small asians, they usually have small umbrellas to go with them. This will be our last Brass Monkey before VOODOO MONKEY 2012 WHICH IS TWO WEEKS AFTER THIS HASH!!! Not only will we be celebrating the amazingness that is VooDoo Monkey but it will be our 69TH HASH!!!!!! So come out and be awesome so we can talk about VooDoo Monkey while being in a pool and having a sexy party!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

*Might have been inserted (giggity) by Cocktor Spork. No homo.

Cocktor Spork

VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GO TO A HASH WEEKEND, YOU SAY.

YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO ONE AND HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT IS LIKE, YOU SAY.

PERHAPS YOU HAVE BEEN TO ONE BUT IT WAS A WHILE AGO, LIKE SINCE TEXAS INTERHASH, AND YOU NEED SOME QUALITY TIME WITH SOME FUCK-UPS LIKE YOU?

Did you know there is a hash campout in a FREAKING MONTH?!?! OMFG!!! Did you know that it is only an hour north of The Woodlands (North Houston)????!!!! Holyhellfireshittellusaboutitmotherfucker!

That's right! Your very own Brass Monkey H3 and your friends in retardation the VooDoo H3 present to you VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!!!!

When: Friday, September 14th – Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Where: General Sam’s Offroad Park, 224 Bishop Rd. – Huntsville, Texas 77320

Cost: $79.00 – FOR NOW!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT!

We already have over 80 people signed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIGN UP NOW!

-Cocktor Spork

http://www.voodoohash.com/voodoo-monkey-2012/

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 65

When: Saturday, July 21st at 3:00pm!

Where: Lents Family Park EAST (There are two sides, GO EAST!)
540 Cypress Station
Houston, TX 77090

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard & ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North and take exit 66B toward Hollow Tree St/Parramatta Ln. Take the 1st right toward Hollow Tree Ln/Parramatta Ln. Turn right onto Westfield Pl Dr. Turn left onto Cypress Station Dr. MAKE SURE TO TAKE THE EAST ENTRANCE, THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT ENTRANCES!

Sidenote: This will be a return to haring from Donnie & ESPN who have a small ginger baby at home that fell out of ESPN's vag about two months ago. Since they can now see that she will be ginger and will not have a soul, they are good to leave her in the care of three dogs and a homeless woman who smells of coffee grounds and calls herself Che Guevara while they go lay a SHIGTASTIC trail. THIS WILL ALSO BE DONNIE AND ESPN'S 8TH ANNIVERSARY! WOW! That is a lot of angry sex. There will be shiggy, oh yes, and there will be water crossings. Since there is water that means there is a chance of muddyness so that means bring your cameras to watch people eat shit!!! *Cough cough* Rim Job Bobby *Cough cough*. Bring a change of clothes, bring sunblock and bug spray, and bring AWESOMENESS! SEE YOUR ASSES THERE, BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 64

When: Saturday, July 6th at 3:00pm!

Where: Kat Sassy's Bar
463 Fm 1488 Road, 
Conroe, TX 77384

Hare(s): EZ Chair, Rim Job Bobby, WhataItch

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course. CASH FOR THE PRE-LUBE AND ON-AFTER!!! ($5 PITCHERS AND $2 PINTS!!)

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North until it merges onto I-45. Take exit 81 for Farm to Market Rd 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Take the exit toward Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488, Keep right at the fork and merge onto Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488 (This will take you back over the freeway.) Arrive at destination.

Sidenote: From EZ Chair, the main Whorish-Hare: hey haaaaaaaay!!!! whataitch, rim job bobby & i have spent literally minutes and minutes scouting the very best hot mess slutty mc cluckerson shiggy trail the brass monkey has ever seen!!! 3 pm start with hares off @ 3:21 & pack at 3:36. start location is KAT DADDY'S bar in conroe, where i've traded the owner blow jobs for rites to $5.00 pitchers & 2.00 pints. the trail promises to be longer than .02 miles, but no more than 4 - there are 3 beer checks (unless we get thirsty) it's dog friendly, walkable a-a', no pi, but plenty of danger. if you want a dry bag, you'll most likely have to strap it to your damn self because there's very little room in the back of my car with the baby seats & all my knock off handbags. oh, yeah & bring bug spray. while you're at it, bring wild boar and baby alligator spray, too... we're gonna get you all hot messy slutty sweaty!!! ON ON Ez Chair

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Easy Chair's #: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 63

When: Saturday, June 23rd at 4:00pm!

Where: 16622 Lee Road
Humble, TX 77396

Hare(s): Fifth of Idiot

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. 

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South to Hardy Toll Road. Take Hardy till Intercontinental Airport exit. Turn right toward Greens Rd. Turn left onto Greens Rd. Turn left onto Lee Road, will be on right.

Sidenote: Happening! Thank you to Fifth of Idiot who will be haring the shit out of this trail - looks pretty good from what I have seen. Close to Houston, therefore no "Oh, but it's just so far!" excuses. It is pretty much in Houston people. Bring change of clothes and a Plan B pill and you should be set.

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 62 - The "H0T Mess Beer Mile"

When: June 9th at 1:00pm! NOTE THE START TIME!

Where: In Fucking Galveston
Close to 4161 Pointe West Drive.
Galveston, TX 77554

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. AND CASH FOR THE ON-AFTER!

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Head south. No homo. Take I-45 South for a long ass way, like hours. You will literary drive as far south as this damn freeway will take you. You'll even get to ride on a causeway and feel like you are in New Orléans. Or at least I will. Take exit 1-FREAKING-A and merge onto TX-342 Spur S/Broadway St toward 61st St/W Beach. Turn right onto 61st St (signs for Texas 342 Spur), then turn right onto Farm to Market 3005. Stay on this for like another 20 miles (true story), continue onto San Luis Pass Rd, turn right. Look for "Beach Access Points" #39 & #40. Park somewhere around there, we will be on the beach, probably. We'll see where the wedding and everything are and make sure we are not close to that or mess with that at all - hashers not trashers - and establish the beer "mile."

Sidenote: This is the wedding day for two AWESOME hashers, KumOnIWannaLeiYa and Pimp Doggie Dawg, awwwwwwwwww, and since so many of us are going to be down there, might as well make it happen there! Also, an awesome one of us, Triple D!, was seriously effed up in a car accident by an asshole drunk driver so all funds raised during this will be given to her for body-repairs and such. Thank you Name My Vagina for the awesome idea! See everyone there!

0n-0n BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56 - St. Patty's Day Green Dress Run

When: Saturday, March 17th, 2012 at 3:00pm!

Where: Big Cross Track Ice House in Old Town Spring
200 Magnolia Street,
Spring, Texas 77373

Hare(s): Masturgator & Bbbbbrrrrgggghhhh

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Directions from The Woodlands: Go on I-45 South then take exit 70A to FM 2920/Tomball. When you exit turn left onto FM 2920 and continue as it turns to Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street. Voilà.

Directions from downtown Houston: Head north on I-45 (or Hardy Toll Road). For I-45 exit 70A onto FM 2920 then turn right onto FM 2920/Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street.
For Hardy Toll Road, head north then take the Aldine-Westfield Rd exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn left onto Aldine-Westfield, then turn left onto Caroline Street. Take your 3rd left onto Oak Street and keep going on that, it turns into Magnolia Street.


Sidenote: from the Hares: The only day it is okay to be a ginger: Saint Patty’s Day Green Dress Run. Lots of gimmies and Irish themed drinking vessels. At least 5 beer/booze checks on trial with a car bomb station at the on after for those who feel the need to go full retard. On After will sell beer, wine, and setups bring your own liquor BYOL. Make sure to bring an extra set of clothes, shoe, 5 bucks blah blah blah.