BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 162

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 162

When: Saturday, April 9th, at ***2:00pm!*** NOTE THE TIME!

Where:

28206 East Hardy Road

Spring, TX 77373

(Parking underneath of Hardy Toll Rd for shade)

Hares: CSI & Suckajawea

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $15), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take the Hardy Toll Road North (or I-45) to Riley Fuzzel Road from the Hardy (or 70A East Louetta on 45), and go east. Take East hardy Road North until it passes under the Hardy Overpass. Look for assholes in the shade.

Sidenote:

Guys and Gals step right up for a monkey extravaganza laid by none other than CSI and Suckajawea!

Join them for shiggy, boobs, beer, and chili! Bring bug spray, sunscreen, towels, and swim gear for a semi-private water ending! Also bring 5 bucks for hash cash and for those of you that have been asking--WE FINALLY HAVE SOME NEW HABADASHERY!! $10 "Yes Means Anal" socks!! $20 Planned Parenthood Edition Monkey Shirts!!

Since CSI and Suckajawea aren't terrible people, this is *probably* going to be a pretty good trail, so if you wanna go to the one monkey this year where the hares probably aren't trying to kill you, this is the one!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 161

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 161

When: Saturday, March 26th, at ***2:30pm!*** NOTE THE TIME!

Where:

El Get Off Red Light Casa Boom Boom Room y Cantina

210 Weatherly Way

Houston TX 77022

Hares: 50 Shades of Gay & Where Do You Get Off!?!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take 610 towards Yale from whatever direction you're cumming, then exit Yale and go North. Turn right on Weatherly Way just north of Crosstimbers. Look for hookers. Boom.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES:

Little bunny foo foo was hopping through the forest. Picking up the Hashers and laying them on her bed. Down went their trousers, up went their big rods, careful with he bunny teeth when she gave them head.

Little bunny foo foo hopped upon the big one. Rode it up and down until she broke the bed. When he shot his big load she got quite distracted, instead of eating it she fingerpainted instead.

Cum one, cum all to the FIRST ever 50 Shades of Gay Brass Monkey trail and Easter Sexxxtacular! Expect a medium shiggy trail of around 4 miles in north Houston! Bring hash cash, a whistle, some bug spray, a change of clothes (or not I don't care), and of course a thirst for beer!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 160 - 5th Anal Green Dress Run... Now In Orange!!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 160 - 5th Anal Green Dress Run... Now In Orange!!

When: Saturday, March 12th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Spotts Park

401 S Heights Blvd, Houston, TX 77007

Hares: EZ Chair, Cocktor Spork, & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

When we have a set location, we'll let you know... maybe.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES:

Ladies & Gentlemen, we are again at the celebration of St. Patty, and that can only mean one thing... GREEN PEE! Well, I guess that comes second, so let's start from the top. Green Dress run is here, and for our 5th year we have something a little different for you!

Green Dress for St. Patty's Day? - Done it.

Orange Dress for St. Patty's Day? - Go on.......

That's right, bitches, time for a History lesson. Many years ago, at a time where dinosaurs still roamed the earth, and Noah's Arc was like the original über, the Catholics and the Protestants hated each other, like TuPac and Biggie hated each other. Well the Catholics were Green and the Protestants were Orange, and their rap battles were epic. Well now, years later, Ireland deals with both their shit, so the flag is Orange and Green divided by White, which is Peace. Awwww, so cute. So this year, we're gonna show some support for the *other* side of the family and rock some Orange! Now, that being said, if you just cannot come up with an Orange dress, if it is so impossible that you just cannot deal with it, and you’re so excited because you have a Green dress that you purchased months and month ago just for this event, wear it. Do it. Whateves. But if you wanna be awesome, and do something different, Orange-up, bitches!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

This trail will be taking place in EaDo, or East of Downtown for you people who don't know what "EaDo" is but said YOLO for six months. You're not hip, just stop it. Well, following trail, a large group of us will be going to the Houston Dynamo game happening right near the end, and rocking the fuck out in our Orange dresses! The Dynamo's color is orange, our dresses are orange, EZ Chair most likely has orange fabric, we can't lose! 10 of us have already gotten our tickets for the game, if you want to go as well, contact Spork and he'll let you know what to do!

I'll be setting up a little poll on here to get a gauge of how many people want to do just trail or do trail/game, then from there I'll add or remove some of the seats. We'll be setting up a paypal link so you can pay ahead of time, and this shit can go down faster than Where Do You Get Off? on taco night.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 159

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 159

When: Saturday, February 27th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where:

Spring Acres Preserve

23801 Glen Loch Drive

The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hares: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take I-45 North to exit 73 to Rayford Road/Sawdust Road. Take the feeder to the light and turn LEFT onto Sawdust Road. Continue past three lights, then turn LEFT on the fourth light where the Starbucks is, which is still Sawdust Road, it just turns. Stay on this for several miles until it dead ends at Glen Loch Road (you'll see a Timber Lakes Timber Ridge Sign), turn LEFT. Go about a mile or so to the dead end.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES:

Trail will be 3-5 miles long depending on how lost I get. Expect shiggy, thorns and a water crossing or two. There will be one, maybe two, beer checks of good craft beer and homemade cupcakes at circle.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 158 - Twinkle Toes' Birthday Trail & Brass Monkey 6th Analversary Campout!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 158 - Twinkle Toes' Birthday Trail & Brass Monkey 6th Analversary Campout! 

When: Saturday, February 13th, at ***1:00pm!***

Where: Shell Oil Road Hunter Camp,
US Hwy Forest 274, Cleveland, TX 77328
Sam Houston National Forest near Cleveland, TX

Hares: Twinkle Toes & Super-Secret-Squirrel Co-Hare!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From The Woodlands: Take I-45 North to 105 East going towards Cut and Shoot. Go for like 15-ish miles, then it will curve a bit to the right, then the left, then you want to take the exit for Fostoria Road and loop under 105 and go North. You will go for like 5+ miles, and it turns into US Hwy Forest 274. just keep going straight and look for the Shell Oil Road Hunter Camp on your left.

From Houston: Take I-69 (ha) North until you hit FM 2025 North, then exit and go north. You will go until you hit 945 / Oak Forest Blvd, turn left. Go for not too long and look for US Hwy Forest 274, and turn left. Look on your right for Shell Oil Road Hunter Camp.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: 
Trail will be expeditionary style 6-7 miles of shiggy with three manned beer checks/bail points. 

Bring your own everything campout! 
The campground is totally primitive, no water, no toilets, just a place for your tent. 
You need to bring :
camping gear
food AND water
booze for after circle beer runs out! 
Firewood! 

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 157

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 157

When: Saturday, January 30th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Royal Oaks Drive

The Woodlands, TX 77380

(30.13927, -95.49418)

Hares: Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road north and take Exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust Road. Take the feeder to the light and turn left on Sawdust Road. Take Sawdust for a bit until it turns hard left at the Starbucks / CVS corner; if you go straight, it becomes Grogan's Mill Road, no, don't do that. Once you turn left, go on Sawdust and it will turn you hard right, keep going straight past Wal-Mart, past Valero, go all the way until it forces you to hard-right again. Go hard right, then it will force you hard left, keep going all the way until this fucker dead-ends. Once it dead ends onto Glen Lock Road, turn right. Go for like 4-5 streets, then turn left onto Royal Oaks Drive. Go to the end. Boom.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Ladies & Gents, does Outside Cat have a trail for you! Sorry, I meant does Outside Cat have a trail for you? We hope so. You can expect 2-4 miles of SHIGGY and B00BS! Expect at least one beer check, and expect to get either scabies or something else cat related. Bring a change of clothes as you will be getting dirty, and since we have no fucking idea how the weather will be, bring something between a parka and a bathing suit. Outside Cat volunteered to do this when she was drunk, so she will most likely be drunk while laying it as well.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 156 - KatchUp's Abortion Survivor Day Celebration

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 156 - KatchUp's Abortion Survivor Day Celebration

When: Saturday, January 16th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Burrough's Park *FRONT PARKING LOTS*
9738 Hufsmith Road 
Tomball, TX 77375

Hares: KatchUp & Redneck Abortion

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North to exit 70B for Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Take Spring Stuebner Rd west until you hit Küykendahl Road in like 5 miles. Once you hit Küykendahl, turn right. Go for 3-4 miles then turn left onto Huffsmith Road. Take the road and it will curve hard left, then the park will be on your right. Look for the parking lot close to the front, not the one in the back.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: In celebration of Katchup's 99th trimester we will finally be aborting that fucker. I know, we have all wanted this so much and now it is coming to fruition. If you are curious what might be in store for you, just look back on all the past trails Katchup has laid, but this time he is "planning" a trail. 

Expect shiggy, pavement, Katchup, traps, private property and maybe a beer check. I think its also dog friendly

Also, for exact details on where to park. Once you enter the park drive until you see a turn in for parking lots on your left. Pull into the parking lots and park in the section that is on your right.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 155

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 155

When: Saturday, January 2nd, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Northwood Pines Park

Spring, TX 77373

Hares: Where Do You Get Off?, Fag Magnet, & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North to exit 70B for Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Take the feeder past the light over the Grand Parkway (99), then turn right onto Crossgate Boulevard into the Northgate Crossing subdivision. Take your first left onto Northgate Crossing Boulevard. and take that over the Hardy Toll Road and the park will be on your left right after a small lake.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, to the first trail of 2016, which we will attempt to make as shitty as the final trail of 2015! 2016 is the YEAR OF THE MONKEY, so let's get this shit started right! Hared by Where Do You get Off?, Fag Magnet, & Cocktor Spork, this promises to be a hevily homo-inspured trail, which means lots of bending over.

That's right, expect Shiggy, to get wet, and for there to be prizes for all the boyscouts you captur.... err rescue on trail. 3-5 miles with at least one beer check, this promises to start off your new year with a bang, or depending on how drunk you get, perhaps someone will feel bad for you and touch your whiskey-meat.

The weather says it's going to be cold and wet, like your mom, so dress accordingly, and bring warm clothes for circle!!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 154

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 154

When: Saturday, December 19th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Rob Flemming Park
6055 Creekside Forest Drive 
The Woodlands, TX 77389

Hares: Donnie The Retard, London Fag, & Mud In My Crick (Maybe, it's Mud, you never know.)

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take Woodlands Parkway for 3-4 miles until you get to Golsing Road, then turn left. Take Gosling for about 2 miles and turn right into Creekside Forest Drive. Go until you hit the Traffic circle, take the 1st exit and stay on Creekside Forest Drive. 

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: What happens when two bleeding-heart liberals, and one blood-in-his-underwear independent get drunk and lost in the woods together? 

Tune in on Saturday at 2pm and help with the search party.

You hares are....

The enigmatic Mud In My Crick
The elegant London Fag
and
The enormous Donny The Retard. 

Expect an old school Brass Monkey, which means a shitty, er shiggy trail, short and sweet, with at least one beer check. mud may or may not show up, because Mud, so at least two hares, one of which speaks funny, and the other is London Fag. Celebrating all of their birthdays, make sure to help them regret living this long, so come out and get them drunk!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 153

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 153 - H4 Xmas Pre-Lubrication & Foreplay Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, December 5th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: South Picnic Lane, Memorial Park, houston, TX

(29.759626,-95.434159)

Hare: Redneck Abortion

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost:

°$5 for hash cash if you have not paid for the H4 xmas Party and you are just doing the Brass Monkey hash

°$0 for hash cash if you have already paid for the H4 xmas party

Bring: Shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road south to 610 West. Go west for seven-ish miles, then take exit 10A for Woodway Drive. Turn left on Woodway Drive and it will turn into Memorial Drive. Turn right onto Sorth Picnic Drive and then right away onto South Picnic Lane. Take South Picnic Lane all the way to the most southen point and look for hashers. use these coordinates if that doesn't work: 29.759626,-95.434159

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Come one, come all, for the H4 Xmas Pre-Lubrication & Foreplay Extravaganza! Hared by Brass Monkeys' own Redneck Abortion, this promises to be a terrible monkey-stype trail, deep in the heart of Houston. You can expect 2-3 miles of shitty shiggy with lots'o'bugs, and depending on the weather, possibly some water crossings. With at least one beer check, manned by a mystery hasher!, you will not regret starting your Saturday afternoon off like a deviant and hanging with us.

After the trail, you will have an hour+ to go change and get ready for H4's Anal Xmas Party! This year's slutty theme is "H4 Christmas Party 2015 - The Farce Awakens"! Info Found Here: (https://www.facebook.com/events/755376487899829) If you have paid for the H4 xmas party, the Brass Monkey hash is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. If you haven't paid, or you are not going, the cost is $5.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Epic Fail's #: (281) 650-3767

Redneck Abortion's #: (281) 770-4373

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 152

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 152

When: Saturday, November 21st, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Glenfield Spring Ln, Spring, TX 77389

(30.116655,-95.498701)

Hares: Save a Horse Ride a Mole & 101 Donations

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston, take I-45 North to exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Follow the feeder then loop under the freeway for Spring Stubner Road West. Take that for like 3 miles, then turn right onto Gosling Road. Take Gosling north for like 2 miles, then turn right on Glenfield Spring Lane. Turn right at the deadend, then turn left right away. Look for hashers. Or bitches. Or bitch-hashers.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES:

Cum one, cum twice, cum 101 times if you can! But most importantly--Cum!

The ever deviant and delicious 101 Donations and the man who stuffs her turkey, Save a horse ride a mole, are set to lay, smoke a cigarette, and then drop some flour for a shiggalicious trail of beers! Expect a wet one as Save a horse loves to get the ladies wet, or that one time in Thailand, the "ladies".

Expect 3.5 miles of titties and thorns, along with a KEG of delicious brew for those of us that need to start preparing to face our family for the first time since last thanksgiving.

Question? Comments? Sorry can't hear you (we're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 151

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 151

When: Saturday, November 7th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Welch Park, Jacobs Lake Blvd, Conroe, TX 77384

Hares: Red Light Special, Mighty Mighty Small Mouth, & 101 Donations

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston, take I-45 North towards Conroe and exit 81 to FM 1488 West (towards Magnolia). Turn Right on Carriage Hills Blvd, Right on Jacobs Reserve Blvd, and then Left on Jacobs Lake Blvd. The Park will be just to the right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Cum out and join us, Red Light Special, Mighty Mighty Small Mouth & 101 Donations, as we attempt to stop drinking (hates lie) and maybe lay a trail or something.

You stumble upon three drunk and sultry harriettes, all dripping wet and giving you the "look." They ask you to cum and promise you moonshine and beer, what do you do? DUH, you follow them into the woods and see what kind of trouble they can get you into. Because brunettes and wood go together so well, expect us to make you pound the pavement a tiny bit before following our trail of white stuff through some shiggy and other stuff! As far as we know, there shouldn't be much water crossing but trust us at your own risk.

We cannot vow to keep all of you alive but please bring whistles just in case! Bring a vessel, bring cash (lap dances from small bone are only $5), bug spray and a change of clothes.

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork