BMH3 #406 08/16/2025 From Swamp Monster to Pool Noodle

 

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BMH3 #406    08/16/2025  From Swamp Monster to Pool Noodle 

 

When:

Saturday, August Sixteenth TwentyTwentyfive

• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

• Manned Beer Check or two!

Where:

George Mitchell Nature Preserve

5171 Flintridge Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77381

30.162937771734669, -95.51776231450669

https://maps.app.goo.gl/xcK168SbjNLK6xK29

 

Hares:

IVANNA Hairy Buttchug

Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

Start your afternoon feeling like a creature from the deep, slogging through mud, muck, and questionable puddles, only to end it basking in chlorinated glory like a limp noodle on vacation. Bring your trail shoes, your sense of humor, and a swimsuit — in that order. Trail will be 3-5 miles, 1-2 beer checks, leave your dignity and good decisions at home! On after will be at the Ivanna/Poon pool Oasis. Food will be provided, bring your own drinks and TOWEL!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

A Towel, and beverages for the POOL ON AFTER!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n,

-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

BMH3 #405 – 8/2/2025: Cougarand and 2 Mennanite Save the day with their POOL!!!

   

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BMH3 #405 – 8/2/2025: Cougarrand and 2 Mennanite Save the day with their POOL!!!

When: 

Saturday, August Second, TwentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

Cougarrands POOL!!!

403 Westbrook St. Pinehurst tx. 77362
https://maps.app.goo.gl/aA7hGLDpTNYD8FJM8
30.12121683773669, -95.6527930553569

Hares: 

Cougarrand

2-Mennanite

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:Cougarrand heard that we might be having a "famous" katchup beer mile instead of a regular trail because we didn't have a hare and she said NO! I will save the hash!  I will provide a shittggy trail 2.5 to 3 miles long, with shade and watercrossings. To top it off, I will provide a POOL ending! With a high likelihood of hotdogs!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!

Pool stuff, ya know, suit, towel, whatever you need. maybe some extra on after beers. 
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.


Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #401 – 6/7/2025: Fuck Fuck Goose "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?"

 

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 BMH3 #401 – 6/7/2025: Fuck Fuck Goose "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?"

When:

Saturday, June Seventh TwentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

Kohrville Elementary School
11600 Woodland Shore Dr, Tomball, TX 77375
https://maps.app.goo.gl/yrFxTjYYsz26kAHR8
30.04578027351469, -95.59155517687469

Hares:

Fuck Fuck Goose

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Trail Theme: "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?"
Prepare yourself for possibly Goose’s best trail yet—or maybe his worst. What could possibly go wrong with being coerced into haring a Brass Monkey trail with only a couple of days to plan?  Goose has never laid the same trail twice, and does not plan to start now.

Heat Warning: Texas summer heat will be fierce and in the mid to high 90s, but don't worry—there will be THREE beer checks! Two will be your average on-trail cooler-o-beverages, and the beercheck closest to the halfway point (aka "the turn") will be at a full service establishment with A/C, food, water, and alcohol options; bring your ID and a form of payment. It should be a grand ole time.

Trail Length: About 10k-ish. Or longer. Or shorter. Beer check every 1.5 - 2.1 miles. Prepare yourself emotionally.

Terrain: Expect a little bit of everything—except permafrost, probably.

Pool On-After:

    Goose’s House

•     BYOE (Bring Your Own Everything): Including food, drinks, dignity, and whatever else you might require.
•     The Goose household grills are sadly out of propane and not available for use—plan accordingly.
•     Kid Alert: Children will be present in the house, so bathing suits are mandatory this time around. Apologies to the nudists in the group.

Note: Goose is aware that we prefer to not start or finish at Schools, for obvious reasons. Thanks to TXDoT—or whichever deity controls Highway 99— The originally planned on-start, the backup on-start, and the backup to the backup are all inaccessible as of Wednesday. Unfortunately, the school is the only place in the area without the risk of getting everyone’s vehicles towed.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT! - No seriously, it is hot now!

Swimsuit and anything you want to eat or drink at gooses POOL on after!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #399 – 5/10/2025: Monkeys Invade H4 campout! (at 12:30!)

 

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BMH3 #399 – 5/10/2025: Monkeys Invade H4 campout!

When:

Saturday, May Fifth TwentyTwentyfive
• Main Pack NOON:30 show, 1:00PM Go

Where:

The Cougar Den(not the bar)
403 Westbrook, Pinehurst, TX 77362
30.121326450819669, -95.65268853142169
https://maps.app.goo.gl/u8j8YzMFr5yiuUE56
 

Hares:

Horsefli DriveBi
Twinkle Toes

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
***ALERT*** 12:30 GATHER TIME!!!!!
So H4 has ventured into Monkey territory for their spring campout, on a Monkey Saturday no less!  But to appease the angry Monkeys, they have invited us to hare! So trail will start and end at the location of their campout!  We're gonna drink their beer, eat their snacks, and SWIM IN THEIR POOL!!!!!  But when circle is over, if you're not rego'd for the campout, you'll have to leave!
Trail is about 4 miles, super shiggy, wet(should be wading not swimming) and will have one manned beer check. Trail will have a POOL ENDING!!!!! Also, because "Planning" and "reasons" they're insisting on an EARLY START OF 12:30!!!!

Bring:

Trail clothes, pool clothes, drive home clothes
5$ hashcash
WATER, IT IS Getting HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.
Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #396 – 3/29/2025: 🐦 Goose’s Birthday Trail: Twice the Water, Twice the Regret 🐦

 

 

 

Trails available in April and May! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

BMH3 #396 – 3/29/2025: 🐦 Goose’s Birthday Trail: Twice the Water, Twice the Regret 🐦

When:

Saturday, March TwentyNinth TwentyTwentyfive
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

30.00034527391169, -95.53189054600269
Otherwise referred to as the Stub-Out Road attached to the parking lot of the Chase Bank located at:
8421 Cypresswood Dr,
Spring, TX 77379
https://maps.app.goo.gl/kBQnJQdyrYgthFLt6

Hares:

Fuck Fuck Goose

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
🐦 Goose’s Birthday Trail: Twice the Water, Twice the Regret 🐦

Listen up, you pack of dehydrated degenerates! This week’s trail is a celebration of Goose’s birthday, and in true half-mind fashion, we are honoring it with questionable decisions, mysterious mileage, and more moisture than your last date. That is right—you might get to swim twice: once on trail (surprise water crossing? flooded trail? Goose’s tears?) and again at a Pool On-After. Hydration is mandatory. Drowning is optional.

🎉 THE OCCASION:
Goose has survived another trip around the sun without being banned from trail, arrested (publicly), or declared legally deceased. Let us gather to pretend we like him, drink in his honor, and yell "ON-ON" like it means something.

🦆 THE TRAIL:
Maybe 3 miles. Maybe 10. Maybe it loops. Maybe you are the loop. Goose scouted it with one eye closed and a beer in hand, so bring your sense of direction and lower your expectations. Might have shiggy. Might not. Might be flat. Might be vertical. Might be a metaphor for life. Who knows? Who cares?

💦 POOL ON-AFTER:
Cool down your trail-stank in Goose’s pool.
🔥 BYOM – Bring Your Own Meat to grill
🍻 BYOB – Bring Your own Beverages
🍪 Some snacks may be provided, depending on how much Goose actually cares on Saturday
👙 Suits required – Yes, this is not your nudist colony fantasy. Goose’s spawn will be home.


Come out and celebrate our favorite feathered freak. You will sweat, you will swim, and you might survive. But either way, you will leave wetter, louder, and probably more confused than you arrived.

ON-ON, ya filthy animals!

From Misman: TRAIL STARTS AT 3PM!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS GETTING HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

 

 

 

BMH3 #384 – 10/12/2024 Ivanna hairy butt chugs Barfday trail

 

***We have one more trail left available in 2024!!!!! as soon as it is taken, I'll open up 2025! Sign up instructions here: https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

BMH3 #384 – 10/12/2024    Ivanna hairy butt chugs Barfday trail

When:

Saturday, October 12th Twenty TwentyFour
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

George Mitchell Nature Preserve
5171 Flintridge Dr, The Woodlands, TX 77381
https://maps.app.goo.gl/WYXAx4wMJfj49vd59
30.162925972371069, -95.51777841208369

Hares:
IVANNA HAIRY BUTTCHUG!!!!

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES:
Every other week you halfminds do your best to kill my old ass off…either by a rough trail or by a rough on after. Anyway, I have survived yet another year of hashing and it’s your turn to pay! I’ll be laying a wonderful, celebration trail in honor of my birthday.  Expect shiggy, water crossings, and shenanigans. On after will be a pool ending with a taco bar! Bring your own booze and your own towel! I’m sick of losing towels to ya’ll fools!


Bring:
WATER, IT IS HOT!
On after booze and towel and swimsuit!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #383 – 9/28/2024: 8th Annual FLOCK YOU!

 

 

***We Need hares Nov/Dec!!! Sign up instructions here: https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

 

 

 BMH3 #383 – 9/28/2024: 8th Annual FLOCK YOU!

When:

Saturday, September TwentyFourth, TwentyTwentyFour
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Spring Creek Nature trail
Dead End of Glen Loch Dr
https://maps.app.goo.gl/e1JyMeXagWSCCr3JA
30.113658605646269, -95.48915437527969

Hares:

Womb Raider and the Flock

Sidenote:

Note the early start!!!

FROM THE HARES:
The Birds are flying again! Join the Flock for 3 loops (6ish miles total) of shiggy, thorns and water crossing. There will be rubber duckies. There will be “bird” food and drinks. There will be a Nest full of beautiful birds and maybe a Chicken. There will be Flabongos. There is the possibility of an aquatic bird friendly on after. Bring your waterfowl suits just in case. Don’t forget to don your prettiest bird apparel!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!

A Swimsuit, towel, and drinks for the on after!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #381 - 08/31/2024: Just Lulus(the human) Virgin Lay and Outside Cat with a pool party and fajitas on after!!!!

 

***We Need hares Nov/Dec!!! Sign up instructions here: https://teambrassmonkey.blogspot.com/2023/11/2024-hare-signups.html

 

BMH3 #381 - 08/31/2024: Just Lulus(the human) Virgin Lay and Outside Cat

When:

Saturday, August ThirtyFirst TWentyTwentyFour
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

Where:

Champion Forest Park
9650 Cypresswood Dr, Houston, TX 77070
29.9912634597069, -95.55229335755269
https://maps.app.goo.gl/xQ1MnUbsTQNX2aFG6

Hares:

Just Lulu(the human)
Outside Cat

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

Do you like getting hot?
Do you like getting wet?
Do you like wishing death on the people that made you hot and wet?
If so, have we got a trail for you!  
Cum one, cum all, for Just Lulu the Human's VIRGIN Hare!  
Since we don't hate her, and want her to live and stick around, we decided KatchUp should not be the one to teach her how to hare.  No, we thought it was time for her to have a slap of reality and get a full day of a hungover Outside Cat.  We're guessing.  Cum see the result when Outside Cat spends the day directing the small, drunk kitten that is Just Lulu the Human.  Will she try to treat Lulu the Human like Lulu the Dog?  Bark bark, bitch.  What else are we guessing?  

Trail will be about 3-4 miles... we think.  
There will be shade and water to get wet... possibly.  
And last but not least, there will be a POOL ENDING WITH FAJITAS!!  Allegedly.  If that were to transpire, it would be a BYOB type of on-after.  Not like, "Ohh, can I have some circle beer for on-after?"  Le no.  There will be gas stations along the way, or you can bring a lil'ol cooler with your favorite beverages in it.  Of note, Just Lulu the Human does not yet have a hash name.  She needs a hash name.  If you have stories, bring them.  If you don't, start making them up.  We've gotten through the climax of heat, and now we're dropping faster than Lulu's patience level with KatchUp when he's trying to mansplain things to her.  So cum on out, you won't wanna miss it!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS STILL HOT!

Swimsuit, plate, utensils and beverage of choice for on after!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.
Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #353 – 08/05/2023:Fuck Fuck Goose Shiggy Trail and Pool Party!

 

🚨🚨🚨 We need a hare for THE NEXT TRAIL!!! Lay us a  short, wet trail or a  pool party, or whatever the fuck you want to lay!! To sign up Follow this link! 🚨🚨🚨🚨

BMH3 #353 – 08/05/2023:Fuck Fuck Goose Shiggy Trail and Pool Party!

Hear ye, hear ye, all you adventurous and thirsty souls of the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers! It's time to mark your calendars for what may be the hottest hash of the year on Saturday, August 5, 2023!

When:

Saturday, August Fifth Year of our lord TwentyTwentyThree
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• TWO manned beer checks

Where:

📍Cypress Creek MTB Trailhead
🏁14234 W Cypress Forest Dr, Houston, TX 77070
29.9840995226569, -95.57693700894869
https://goo.gl/maps/HcuXqWTfHJ6ffQSf7

Hare:

Fuck Fuck Goose

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
What's in store for this trail, you may ask? Prepare yourselves for a 3-4 mile journey filled with heat, heat, shiggy, heat and more heat! Fear not, brave hashers, for we shall have not one, but TWO manned beer AND WATER checks to keep the spirits high and mouths dry... errrr, wet! And if the weather gods smile upon us, there might even be wet stuff and other shenanigans on the trail.

On-After Pool Party:
After conquering the trail, the festivities continue at Goose's residence! Goose is supplying a pool, Malört, some orange food, and a grill for those who may wish to bring their own meat or meat substitute to cook up.

Hares Notes:
- Trail is A to A'. Bring a vessel if you plan on pre-lubing in the parking lot.
- The temperature at go-time is supposed to be >100F. If you don't want to be like Goose and almost die on trail, bring lots of water to carry with you.
- Pool On-After is BYOB and BYOM (Bring your own Meat or Meat substitute)
- Much to the chagrin of some of you; Goose's spawn will be at home so nudity is a no-go this time around.


Bring:
WATER, IT IS HOT! - Seriously everyone who didn't have it last time nearly died, and last trail was literally in water.
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

08/07/2021 BMH3# 301 Cougarrand takes the Monkeys Swimming

BMH3 #301 – 8/7/2021: Cougarrand takes the Monkeys Swimming

When:

Saturday, 8/7/2021
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
Unmanned beercheck

Where:

2-Coogs-A-Night Farm.
403 Westbrook, Pinehurst, TX 77362
30.121574301012269, -95.65299576832169

Hares:

Cougarrand and Two Mennonite

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
A to A trail. ~3 Mile trail, SHIGGY! At least one beer check. Crotch deep water crossings!
Pool ending! Dogs are welcome, as long as they don’t try to “save all of the swimmers” 😂😂.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 

A drinking vessel for monkeys at circle.
A swimsuit, and a towel, because its a pool ending!!!!!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


FROM Twinkle Toes:

WE HAVE SURVIVED!! Since we're all vaccinated(you're vaccinated, right??!) and Covid numbers are going down like your Mom, the Brass Monkey hash will be returning to a more normal format!  

•YES we will have group start times!
•YES we will be having circles!
•YES we will have BEER AND MONKEYS!!!
•YES we will have $5 Hash Cash

Buuuuuutttt since Covid isn't 100% gone we're going to have a few changes:

•Bring a drinking vessel! no more passing monkeys around the circle - and don't put the mouth of the 40 on the rim of your vessel.
•There will be hand sanitizer by the snacks and coolers. USE IT before touching common surfaces.
•Everyone has different comfort levels, if someone wants to keep their distance, or wear a mask, Respect their wishes.
•THE FRB helmet... how the fuck did we ever allow a cootie catcher like that to exist... Not sure





Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-