BMH3 #280 – 10/17/20: Peg Leg Hooker & Womb Raider!

 

When: Saturday, October 17th

• Do Your Own Trail: "11am"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2pm – ~5pm

 

Where: Forest Oaks Park 627 Cypress Oaks Dr. Spring, TX 77388

Hares: Peg Leg Hooker and Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail is in virgin Brass Monkey territory! Cum help us deflower an innocent park in Peg Leg Hooker's new hood! Trail will be about 3 miles with shiggy and some nice pleasant runnable stretches for you Racists. You know who you are… Water crossings will be shallow, muddy and NO swimming. We will have some good beer (and wicked awesome) at a manned beer check from 2-5 pm. Peg Leg Hooker will also be bringing snacky cakes of some sort.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accommodate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

 

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 279 - Croc of shit celebrates A. Sisterhoods birthday!

 

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 279 - Croc of shit celebrates A. Sisterhoods birthday!

 

When: Saturday, October 3rd

• Do Your Own Trail: "12 pm"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check. Check the FB page

Where: Plant # 7 RF

Riley Fuzzel Rd, Spring, TX 77386

https://maps.app.goo.gl/YzqgrjHHZop5uGc39

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood and Jake From Canola Farm

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

  

Sidenote:

FROM THE TRES AMIGOS: Gathering trail deets from Aryan Sisterhood is quite the experience. Everyone should try it at least once. It's a grand mixture of confusion and hearsay full of forgotten Birthday trails and imaginary co-hares *cough* "Nappy Headed Homo". Perhaps senility is kicking in early from too many mind-altering substances in his youth/present? However in the spirit of Aryan with two whole days of planning we have a decent shot at a good shiggy trail in familiar territory with at least one beer check. If you don't already recognize the start location then I have to say this; bring your truck and strap on your muddin tires if it rains or park on the street.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

At this time the Brass Monkey kennel will not be hosting any official in person circles and the virtual circles on Zoom are no longer happening. If the hares specifically announce that they would like to have a virtual circle then we will accomadate for them. Thank you and look forward to seeing my butthole on Zoom.

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

 

BMH3 #278 – 09/19/20: Fourth Anal FLOCK YOU Hash!

BMH3 #278 – 09/19/20: Fourth Anal FLOCK YOU Hash!

When: Saturday, September 19th

• Do Your Own Trail: "12 pm"ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 1pm – 6pm

 

Where: George Mitchell Preserve Flintridge Trailhead

Hares: Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones, Mouth Organ, Outside Cat and Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

 

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: For the 4TH ANAL Flock You trail(s) your Flock Leaders will be trying something a bit different to keep our flock properly drunk AND safe from fucking COVID. It might be a disaster but it WILL also be fun, boozy and full of bad decisions. There will be 3 (yes 3!!! The Robin (Orange), the Dove (White) and the Blue Bird (Blue)) trails 1.5 to 2 miles each laid in different colors of flour. ALL trail will end at a central Nest filled with Beautiful Birds, BEER, WATER so you don’t die, single servings of drunk worms and snacks. You are free to leave the Nest as many or as few times as you like. The rubber duckies from last year are back!!! Those who find a ducky get a special “PRIZE”. The Nest will be inhabited by us from 1 pm to 6 or 7 pm. We will have Brass Monkeys in the Nest for you when you finish your last trail (shared in a hygienic and socially distant manner). We also will be handing out a limited number of 2019 Flock You patches at the end of trail to those who would like one (first cum first served). We will post a brief chalk talk Saturday morning (likely somewhere between 11 am and Noon) when trails are ready for the early birds.

 

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

 

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event.  Your special guest RA will be WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?!?  That's right!  Straight from the small island of Boanire and it's ONE effing COVID case, Get off and Red Light Espcial will delight you with the songs of their people.  That’s all we’ve got.  Make good decisions out there.

 

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

 

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

 

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

 

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

 

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

 

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

 

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

 

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

KatchUp

 

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 277 - "C̴̫͎͇͛͘͝o̴͕̻͎̕͘͠c̸̟̪͚̔͋̿k̵̡͒̓̕͜͜t̵͖̞̫̽̓̓ò̴͖̺̻͑̈́r̵̡͍͓̾̈́͝ S̴͎̟̠͑͑͒p̵̫͇̠̀̒o̴̢̪͚̐͑r̵͖͖͉̿́͝k̵̟͚̞̈́̔̕" Brings the Cali Goodness

When: Saturday, September 5th

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 12-3 pm

Where: 79 Thorpe Ln, Spring, TX 77389

https://goo.gl/maps/h4NjyjdwdASzY7s28

30.092880, -95.452299

Hares: Did Spork really leave his legal weed and beautiful beaches to hare this trail, maybe, maybe not, only one way to find out!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into Google and get your own directions.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail will be between 1 and 10 miles. There is good potential for water crossings in this lush thick shiggy. The beer checks have been making a come back on past trails and I hope to not disappoint with this trail. Dog friendly if you want to bring your fun little one(s) This has been approved by me, Sporky. Surprise everyone, I am back in town.

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event.  Your special guest RA will be WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?!?  That's right!  Straight from the small island of Boanire and it's ONE effing COVID case, Get off and Red Light Espcial will delight you with the songs of their people.  That’s all we’ve got.  Make good decisions out there.

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 273 - Ivanna & Indiana's 7th 11th Heaventh

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 273 - Ivanna & Indiana's 7th 11th Heaventh

When: Saturday, July 11th - 7/11, BITCHES!

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 4:69pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2:00pm - 4:00pm

Where: Carter Park

7221 Treaschwig Rd,

Spring, TX 77373

Hares: Ivanna Hairy Buttchug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road to FM 1960.  Turn right, and go for like 2-3 miles, then turn left on Treaschwig Road. Go for about 4 miles, then enter the park on yout left as it turns hard right. 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:  Well here we are on the middle of hot season bringing you sweat, mosquitos and horse flies. All the best Texas can throw at you. Your hares have brought you a traditional brass monkey trail, lots of shiggy, thorns and water crossings. Trail will be 4 ish miles. Mostly shaded with many water crossing to cool you off. Bring water! There will be a manned beer check from 2-4 with slushees and craft beer to quench your thirst. Bring your friends, your dogs, your compass and your thirst for adventure.

Side note: there is a gun range near the park. Don't worry we did not whore you out as targets!

FROM SPORK: Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em

Roll 'em in a circle of Monkeyz and watch me break 'em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Drinkin' all these 40s, we ain't goin' to heaven.

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event.  Your special guest RA will be WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?!?  That's right!  Straight from the small island of Boanire and it's ONE effing COVID case, Get off and Red Light Espcial will delight you with the songs of their people.  That’s all we’ve got.  Make good decisions out there.

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 07/09/2020):

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and dark. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

• Trail will be A-to-A'.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• Due to Corona virus making a comeback there will be no group start time.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 272: Outside Cat's BIRFDAY Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 272: Outside Cat's BIRFDAY Trail!

When: Saturday, June 27th:

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 1:69pm

• "OfFiCiAl" Trail: 2:00pm

• Manned Beer Check from 2:30-ish - 4:00pm

Where: Sunset Springs Park

35 South Dreamweaver Circle

The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hares: Outside Cat & Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left onto Sawdust and go for 4-ish lights, then turn left where Sawdust turns left (at the Burger King). Go for like a mile-ish and turn left. Turn left at the second turn-in and bust a bitch onto Sawmill Road and the park is on the corner. THERE IS NOT A PARKING LOT. You will need to street park. Don't park like an asshole.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Outside Cat and Twinkle Toes present an OUTSIDE CAT BITFDAY EXTRAVAGANZA! Start as Sunset Springs Park. We may or may not be tying a bag of flour to LuLu, we'll see - hope you like to swim! 4-5 miles true strail. Water crossings, and bring bug spray! Manned beer check with premium beer after 2:30pm-ish. We will post when we are about halfway done so people can start early if they want.

FROM SPORK: Things are a changin’ here in the Lone Star state. Apparently, people have gotten bored with the ‘rona, so it’s back to usual. Because Texas. That being said, we are going to do this in a compromise kind of way, a more use-real-lube-not-spit kinda way. Some people are ready to hash with hashers and some are not, so we’re going to let both do what they want to do. If you would like to do trail alone, start between WHEN THE HARES SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING and 1:69pm. Bam. On your own, living your best life. If you want to run the trail en masse, “OfFiCiAl” trail time will be at 2:00pm. If you want to do trail with hashers, show up around that time. Don't do it super late and die. That would suck.

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event. That’s all we’ve got. Make good decisions out there.

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 06/24/2020):

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING when they are halfway done. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and 2:00pm. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

• Trail will be A-to-A.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• If you would like to do the trail with other hashers in a somewhat "organized" way, show up at 2:00pm.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 271: Peg Leg Hooker's "Virgin Lay"

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 271: Peg Leg Hooker's "Virgin Lay"

When: Saturday, June 13th:

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 1:69pm

• "OfFiCiAl" Trail: 2:00pm

• Manned Beer Check from 1pm-4pm

Where: Pundt Park

4129 Spring Creek Drive

Spring, TX 77373

*GATES CLOSE AT DUSK/SUNDOWN*

Hares: Peg Leg Hooker & Just Chris

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road. From I-45 take exit 68 Take E Cypresswood Dr and Spring Creek Dr to your destinationand Hardy take Aldine-Westfield Road.  On both, get to Spring Creek Drive, go east all the way until you see Pundt park on your right.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARE: This weekend's trail will be an A-to-A from Pundt Park. Its going to be hot and sunny  (looks to be a high of 96 degrees), so we are going to do our best to keep you in shiggy or by water.   Make sure you bring DEET – the mosquitoes and Horse Flies are out in force! It should be a dog friendly trail, but know that as we popped out of the woods by a formal trail we got reprimanded for not having Lucy on leash - so be cognizant that this is an area with a lot of people and a police/ranger presence. There will be one manned beer check - Look out for our old RV maggie - we'll be there waiting for you fuckers in the air conditioning! This park closes at Dusk so plan accordingly and leave yourself plenty of time to get out before it closes up. This is the first trail fully planned by Peg Leg Hooker, and Just Chris’ virgin hare… what could go wrong? A CHACLK TALK VIDEO WILL BE POSTED SATURDAY MORNING AS WELL!

FROM SPORK: Things are a changin’ here in the Lone Star state.  Apparently, people have gotten bored with the ‘rona, so it’s back to usual.  Because Texas.  That being said, we are going to do this in a compromise kind of way, a more use-real-lube-not-spit kinda way.  Some people are ready to hash with hashers and some are not, so we’re going to let both do what they want to do.  If you would like to do trail alone, start between WHEN THE HARES SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING and 1:69pm.  Bam.  On your own, living your best life.  If you want to run the trail en masse, “OfFiCiAl” trail time will be at 2:00pm.  If you want to do trail with hashers, show up around that time.  Don't do it super late and die.  That would suck.

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event.  That’s all we’ve got.  Make good decisions out there.

*hares are assholes

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 06/09/2020):

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and 2:00pm. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

• Trail will be A-to-A.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• If you would like to do the trail with other hashers in a somewhat "organized" way, show up at 2:00pm.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 270: Twinkle Cat Saves the Day!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 270: Twinkle Cat Saves the Day!

When: Saturday, May 30th:

• Do Your Own Trail: "11:00am"-ish (Read Below!) - 1:69pm

• "OfFiCiAl" Trail: 2:00pm 

Where: Creekside West Trailhead

At the end of Dr. Anne Snyder Drive, Tomball, TX 77375

https://maps.app.goo.gl/zcD2b1eZoevufaJx9

Hares: Twinkle Toes & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road to TX-99 (Grand Parkway).  Go west - that means left.  Go like 3-ish miles and exit Kuykendahl Rd/Spring Stuebner Rd.  Turn right onto Kuykendahl Rd, then go for about 5 miles and turn left onto Creekside Forest Dr.  Go 1 mile and turn right onto Dr. Ann Snyder Drive.  Go straight and look for the CREEKSIDE WEST TRAILHEAD.

Sidenote:

FROM SPORK: Two weeks ago, in a circle not far from here, Outside Cat volentold Twinkle Toes to hare this BMH3.  YAY FOR OUTSIDE CAT!  Now she's stuck laying it with him.  YAY EQUALITY!  And as a bonus, they will be *RE-LAYING* this trail on Sunday for H4, which means the following: reverse all the arrows, make the b00b checks into dicks, and make all the snakes angry for a 24 hour check-in!  You can plan on a dog with flour attached to a collar laying this trail for us.  Maybe.  I heard that somewhere.  Maybe not.  Who knows.  Rumors nowadays. BUT, I do know that the "hares" are planning 3-5 miles all shiggy, so "should" be shaded. Very "likely" to get wet.  Extreme "use" of quotes.  They will be laying relatively early SATURDAY MORNING.  When they are halfway done they will post on the BMH3 page to let us assholes know when we can go!  So, moral of the story, don't start trail until you are allowed.

Things are a changin’ here in the Lone Star state.  Apparently, people have gotten bored with the ‘rona, so it’s back to usual.  Because Texas.  That being said, we are going to do this in a compromise kind of way, a more use-real-lube-not-spit kinda way.  Some people are ready to hash with hashers and some are not, so we’re going to let both do what they want to do.  If you would like to do trail alone, start between WHEN THE HARES SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING and 1:69pm.  Bam.  On your own, living your best life.  If you want to run the trail en masse, “OfFiCiAl” trail time will be at 2:00pm.  If you want to do trail with hashers, show up around that time.  Don't do it super late and die.  That would suck.

We will still do virtual circle at 7:00pm, with the link to be posted sometime 30 minutes – 1 hour before on the Brass Monkey FB event.  That’s all we’ve got.  Make good decisions out there.

*hares are assholes

NOW, READ THIS (UPDATED 05/13/2020):

• The hares will lay the trail on SATURDAY MORNING, so don't do it until after THEY SAY YOU CAN START ON SATURDAY MORNING. If you would like to do the trail on your own, go between that time and 2:00pm. And don't run, you racist piece of shit.

• Trail will be A-to-A.

• There will be no in-person check-in, no hash cash, and no one accountable for you except you.

• If you would like to do the trail with other hashers in a somewhat "organized" way, show up at 2:00pm.

• If you are doing trail, we request you check in on the event page and say, “Hey, I’m doing this shit, hopefully I won’t die, my cell phone number is…” We’re putting some trust in you on this one, which I’m sure we’ll regret, but we are going to give it a shot nonetheless.

• The hares have been instructed that trail “Will need to be simple enough people can do it on their own, but it isn't going to have killer water crossings that someone will face alone, but there must still be shiggy!” Given who the hares are, we’ll hope they don’t fuck that one up.

• Circle will be virtual on Saturday night at 7pm. We will post the link to it on the trail info. In order to attend circle, you need to have a drink in hand and not wearing pants. Okay, that last part is optional, but really, why not?

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork