BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 129

When: Saturday, January 3rd, at 2:00pm!

Where: The GatorSntach Motel
7 Still Glen Court
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & CSI

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Go North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into 45 and take it North and then take it to exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that for a few miles until you hit Panther Creek Drive right after the bridge that crosses Lake Woodlands. Left on Panther Creek, then past the one stop sign, then right after you pass the school on your right and church on your left, turn left into subdivision. Go to Second Street, YewLeaf, and turn right, then turn right on second street after that, Still Glen. Boom. You can also navigate to the location on this sucker.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: This next Brass Monkey is to set the pace for a rockin' 2015. Cum join us as we send 2014 on the walk of shame, with its wet panties in the back pocket of those torn Levi skinny jeans and everything. Expect a short (less than 2.5 miles) trail with multiple beer stops and a tasty BMH3 ending. This boozy trail will be a light, easy, dry trail with some shiggy and usual debauchery. Bring hash cash and some extra for habadashery!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 128

When: Saturday, December 20th, at 2:00pm! 
*WE'RE BACK TO EARLY START TIMES!*

Where: Tailgators
8000 Texas 242
The Woodlands, TX 77385

Hares: Donnie the Retard and London Fag

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: 
From Houston: Go North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into 45 and take it North and thake it to exit 79A toward College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. When you exit turn right into the shopping center on your right side on the corner of the feeder road and College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. Boom.

Sidenote: Plan on a shiggy-tasitc trail taking you through the non-existent-currently-but-one-day-hobo-camps and see the sights of some trailtracks where you can have one of your own Stand By Me moments! Wear your high socks and probably some wild boar and snake repellent. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and $$$ for on-after. Seriously though, bring a change of clothes and shoes/sandals, you are going to stink. This is going to be the last trail of 2014, let us all say goodbye by getting fucked up and enjoying non-urban hashing!!!!!!! (It better be...)

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 125

When: Saturday, November 8th, at 2:00pm!

*WE'RE BACK TO EARLY START TIMES!*

Where: Alden Bridge Sports Park

Hares: Homoglobin and klosi7 phrEEk

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends in I-45. Take Exit 77 for Research Forest Drive / Tamina Drive. Once you hit the light, turn left onto Research Forest. Go for like 5 miles then turn right onto Green Bridge Drive. Go for a mile and turn right onto 242 and the park will be on your right within a half mile.

You also have the option to exit onto 242 but then you will just need to bust a bitch at Green Bridge and loop back around, your call.

Sidenote FROM THE HARES:

BRING YOUR CAMOUFLAGE! Since we are getting close to Veteran's Day, we are going to have a sneeking around through the woods kind of afternoon! Regular Brass Monkey style trail, lots of shiggy, 3-5 miles, dog friendly (with a couple areas a leash will be needed), at least one beer check, some b00b checks, some dick checks, some witchy-ways, and just typical shitshow type material.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 124

When: Saturday, October 25th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Parking on Breckenridge Drive near/around 4118 Breckenridge Drive, Houston, TX 77037

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? and Hung Daddy Tutu

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South or Hardy South until you get to Beltway 8 / Sam Houston Prky, go West (TOLL ROAD). Take the exit toward Antoine Dr/Bammel N Houston Rd/Hollister Rd, then turn right onto Antoine Drive. Go for less than a mile and Breckenridge is on your left, turn down there and look for hashers.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES:
My dearest Goblins and Ghouls,
Another year has passed and we are, once again, gathering to celebrate the day Get Off crawled feet first out of his mother's ass crack. To commentate this tragedy you are all cordially invited to accompany the rest of us who are forced to be there for this spooky death march in the greater guns point area. Accompanied by his gimp, HungDaddy Tutu, Get Off has a 4-5 mile trail that is bound to be less disappointing than his last three one-night stands. Expect shiggy, expect boobs, expect booze, and a keg ending with an optional haunted house on-after.

***For those of you who plan to attend the optional Haunted House, add on, please bring an additional $25 bucks cash.***

PLEASE COORDINATE RIDES AS WE DO NOT WANT ANY ISSUES WITH DRIVING AROUND THE HALLOWEEN WEEKEND. CAR POOL WHENEVER POSSIBLE!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 123

When: Saturday, October 11th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Papa's Ice House

314 Pruitt Road

Spring, TX 77380

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? and PooDoo Alfredo

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take Exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust and go to the light and go under the freeway and loop around from the far left lane. Once you loop under the freeway and start going North get over to the right and turn right onto Pruitt Road where that huge ass Texaco is. Go down a little bit and Papa's will be on your right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Now that we have gotten most of the thorns out of our ass and our plantars fascitis flare ups have subsided, the wonderful Poodoo Alfredo has a trail that will make up for the fact that she refuses to swallow.

Escorted by none other than Where Do You Get Off? (because we have not had to deal with enough of his "trails"), this dysfunctional duo aims to lay a throwback Brass Monkey trail of about 3 miles with shiggy and shit for you to stumble over. Expect beer, shiggy, debauchery and more than likely a few mistakes.

Bring a change of clothes and $$$ for on-after at Papas where there will be food, beer, liquor, and possibly some super hick Karaoke. Bring it, bitches!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 122

When: Saturday, September 27th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Rd, Tomball, TX 77375
1st Parking lot on the left

Hares: Donnie The Retard & ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to FM 2920 West / Spring Cypress Road, then turn left. Go for like 5 miles and turn right onto Kuykendahl Road. Go for another 5-ish miles and turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Go for like a mile and a half and it will wind you to the left, then turn Right into the park.

Sidenote: This will be a blast from the past with two OG Brass Monkey hares. That means there is going to be shiggy. Not like "Ouch, a thorn", but like "OW! Fuck! Ow, shit, ow!" Water crossings? Yes. Dog friendly? Does your dog like thorns? Then yes. Expect 3-5 miles, and possibly a MadDog 20/20 check. At least half of them wants worse things than that, and it's not even the souless ginger one.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 121

When: Saturday, SEPTEMBER 13^TH, 2014 at 4:00pm!

Where: H4 Fall Campout

***UPDATED ADDRESS***
6405 Farm to Market (FM) 686,
Dayton, TX 77535

Hares: Where Do You Get Off, KatchUp, Save a Horse Ride a Mole

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take I-10 East and take that to US-90 towards Liberty. Take that for like 25-30 miles, until you get to Crosby Fwy/US-90 Frontage, then take the ramp for US-90. Turn left onto North Cleveland Street, then right onto West Lawrence Street. Follow that until your 3rd left which is Manor Street. Boom.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Now that we are out of batteries, are palms calloused, and our fingers rubbed raw, let's celebrate to remember the "Great Fappening of 2014" by dressing as your favorite celeb sex scandal!

What better way to celebrate "the tragic cyber crime" that gave false hope for blackberry's future as a smartphone provider and may or may not have invaded the privacy of few b list actors/actresses than to get slutty and drunk and pray that none of us run for publick office one day. Expect a live hared, short 3 mile shiggy trail that is sooooo easy that even Whale's Vagina can navigate without auto wanking! As per usual leave your dignity at home and pack a spare liver! Given the nature of the theme plan for boobs, beer, and bad decisions! Questions, comments, concerns? Keep me to yourself--on on bitches! -WDYGO

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 120 - Spork's BIRFDAY Trail

When: Saturday, August 30th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Pundt Park
4129 Spring Creek Drive
Spring, Texas 77373

Hares: Cocktor Spork & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Road north and exit Aldine-Westfield Road exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn right onto Aldine-Westfield Road, then turn left on Spring Creek Drive, then go for about 2 miles and the parking lot will be on your right. (If you take I-45 instead, you will exit number 68, East Cypresswood Drive and go East to Aldine-Westfield, then turn left, then right onto Spring Creek Drive.)

Sidenote: It's that time of year again, bitches, it's my BIRFDAY trail! I will be taking you through some virgin shiggy that promises to be fun... mostly because I have never been down there so we'll see what fences we find that Google Earth doesn't! This may be a bit on the long side of 3-5 miles depending on how long we spend buggering in the deep dark woods and giving each other tick-checks, so plan on about 5 miles with at least one beer check. Possible thunderstorms and definite water crossing mean make sure to wear something you don't mind getting soaked wet, white t-shirts preferred. It's gonna be hot, and it's going to be a bitch of a trail, so drink a lot of water or Karbach first!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 118

When: Saturday, August 16th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon
230 Lexington
Conroe, TX 77385

Hares: Mighty Mighty Small Mouth & EZ Chair

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 81 for FM 1488. Go on the feeder until you hit FM 1488 and go EAST by turning right before the bridge, then go straight over the train tracks. Once you cross over, turn left, following around the wind to the right, and you are there.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: THERE WILL BE A WATER ENDING! That's right, after this hot and humid run, plan to relax in some water and cool your shit down! There will be shiggy, b00bs, beer, and some hot mess hares by the time we get there, most likely. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and $$ for the 0n-after which is a full bar that sometimes has food for sale outside when they cook. Also might be a live band, so should be an awesome time. SIDENOTE: Thank you to the hares who stepped in at the last minute to pick this up after Where Do You Get Off? and KatchUp forgot they had their honeymoon rental this weekend and couldn't be bothered. Thanks EZ and Mighty!!!!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

VOODOO MONKEY 4.0: Plymouth Cock

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Ladyboys… especially ladyboys, The Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers, in collaboration with the VooDoo Hash House Harriers, bring you…

VOODOO MONKEY 4.0: Plymouth Cock

This year, VooDoo Monkey will not be in July and be fucking hot, it will not be in August when it’s fucking hotter, it will not be in September, too much shit going on, it will not be in October, that is crab hash territory. No no, this year, we will be having VOODOO MONKEY IV in November, the weekend before Thanksgiving to be exact. Imagine it, you are at Thanksgiving dinner, your weird Uncle across the table that works in Laundromat is licking his fingers to wipe his comb over across his forehead. To his right, your bother. Not that one, the other one… ewwww. You are stuck at this table full of odd people who you wouldn’t dare be around sober. Don’t you wish you had lubed up the weekend before and sucked all the fun out of the air that you could have, so you could have stored it up like some alcoholic camel to use on an occasion such as this. Yes. For those of you that did, there will be faint whispers in the wind saying “…voodoo… monkey… fourrrrrrrrrr…” So let us say in short, you’re welcome. 

As this year is the Monkey’s turn to host this blessed event, it will be back on this side of the Texas - Louisiana boarder and be a Texas style campout. Bring your tents, bring your RVs, bring your asses, and come out for a weekend full of alcohol, campfires, and bitches. Well, not bitches. I don’t know, there might be some bitches. *See RSVP list* The campout will crack open Friday, November 21st at 12:00pm when we tap the beer! What kind of beer? Let’s put it this way, it’s not going to be Bud Light Lime. It’s not going to be Bud Light. It’s not going to be Budweiser. It will not say “Bud” in the name. Good beer. Label beer… delicious warm-me-up beer. There will be slut-juice… the delicious slut-me-up-nectar. We will be at a beautiful venue, filled with awesome grasslands surrounding an awesome lake. It’s November, so it might be cold. But it’s Texas, so it could be fucking 75°, who the hell knows. I can’t remember the last time I was cold on Thanksgiving in this damn state. Anyway, it’s going to be awesome. 

Since it will be right before Thanksgiving, this year’s thème will reflect all that you are thankful for: STD medications, alcohol, plan B, slutty Pilgrim outfits that you can most likely find at your local whore-store. Think Pilgrims meet Indians or Pocahontas bangs John Smith. Think small pox blankets and delicious Brass Monkeys meet for the first time. Brass Monkeys: the original cure for scurvy. So what do you need to know to get you to this place… this mecca only an hour away from The Woodlands? Well, here’s what you need to know, bitches.

When: Friday, November 21st – Sunday, November 23rd 

Where: Ron’s Relay Retreat, 36009 Howell Road, Waller, TX 77484

Bring: A tent, and whatever you want to wear that weekend. Have an RV? Prefect, bring it! (There will be an additional $30-ish price for hookups and such, e-mail bmh@bmhengineering.com to RSVP for RV space.)

Cap: We are capping this event at 120, so if you want to go to this event, I recommend you rego early. I would really prefer if I didn’t get a call from one of you assholes in a couple months like “Hey, Spork, so I tried to buy a rego and it said CLOSED, you’ve got one for me, right?” Don’t be that guy. Don’t be Mud In My Crick. Get your rego, get it now, and get it cheap. Go to www.BMH3.org and sign up there! We would prefer if you did not send checks *cough cough* Boarder Jumpers *cough cough*.

Cost:

August 1st – August 31st: $75.00 
September 1st – September 30th: $90.00
October 1st – October 31st: $105.00
November 1st - REGISTRATION CLOSED

What You Get: Camping for an entire weekend, beer, games, beer, entertainment, beer, gimmies, beer, food, and possibly some beer.

What more do you need to know? No, seriously, like that is all the shit you need for now. As more details become available, we’ll put them out. Until then, just rego this shit. Can’t go later? Sell it to some poor sap that is looking for a rego at the last minute. So cum one, cum all, cum out to get in some pre-Thanksgiving fun at this year’s VOODOO MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!

PAY & REGO HERE: https://www.payitsquare.com/collect-page/41389

FACEBOOK EVENT: https://www.facebook.com/events/1452387721695199

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 117

When: Saturday, August 2nd, at 4:00pm!

Where:

Sam's Club
Portofino Shopping Center
19091 I-45 South
Conroe, TX 77385

Hares: Homoglobin & Dunkin' Toe Nuts

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 79 for College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. When you exit, the shopping center is on your right, and Sam's Club is the last thing you will hit. You will pass Buca di Beppo, BJ's, SteinMart, a bunch of other shit.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Trail is scouted at 3-4 miles with a beer/water check. Theme will be REAL AMERICAN FOOTBALL. Pre-season is upon us so bust out your jerseys, visors, helmets, pom poms, steroids and attitude! Boob checks for certain. Dog friendly, super shiggilicous, didn't see any PI, but we live in Texas so it is always a possibility.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 116

When: Saturday, July 19th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Terramont Park

8500 Terramont Drive

The Woodlands, TX 77382

Hares: Prom Night Dumpster Baby & Red Light Special

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Exit onto Woodlands Parkway (Exit 76), and take that westbound for about 7-8 miles, then turn right onto Branch Crossing Drive. Go straight for 1-2 miles then look for Terramont Drive on your left, BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Red Light Èspecial and Prom Night Dumpster Bebè Present to you: Red Light Prom Night Trail. Where are you slutty dreams cum true.
Cum one, cum all and most especially cum often in a slutty dress of your choice. It will be a Shig-Fucking-Tastic trail with shiggy, shiggy, shiggy. It is dog friendly, but it isn’t cat friendly (your pussy will definitely get wet). Shiggy socks are definitely recommended, we saw minimal PI on trail, but be prepared we are in Houston in the summer.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 115

When: Saturday, July 5th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Overcup Drive & Creekwood Drive Intersection,
Spring, TX 77389 (Near 30.110268, -95.539817)

Hares: Save a Horse (Ride a Mole), and CSI

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North and take exit 70B for Spring Stuebner Road. Veer right towards Spring Stuebner Road, then continue on it when it takes you left under the freeway going West. Go for like 5 miles and turn right onto Kuykendahl Road and go for about 1.5 miles, then turn right onto Creek Wood Drive. Go a half mile then turn left on Red Oak Drive.

Sidenote: This will be an Independence Day celebration trail, where we can celebrate beer, b00bs, and butts, all hopefully on full display, cause ya know, 'Murrica. FROM THE HARES: This will be "live hared", we shall see. Muahahahaha. Expect 4-5 miles with at least THREE booze checks, including some Brass Monkeys! Shaded Virgin ending, 80% shiggy! It’s the day after 4th of July so wear your best Independence Day themed outfit and be ready for our rockets to shoot off up your ass.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 114 - BIRFDAY BIKINI TRAIL!

When: Saturday, June 21st, at 3:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon
250 Lexington Drive
Conroe, TX 77385

Hares: Outside Cat & Red Light Special

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and continue North until exit 81 for FM 1488 towards Lexington. Turn right onto 1488, go over the train tracks, then turn left onto Sherbrook Circle. Turn slight right and it will be on your left. We used to start here when it was called "San Jacento Gardens".

Sidenote: This will be a BIRFDAY run for Outside Cat and Red Light Special, w00t! Wear your birfday suits, or if you don't feel like pulling a full Dr. DooDoo, wear your bikini or bathing suit! Mannnnnnnnn, you'll need it. Expect shiggy, b00bs, beer, and a lot of drunken assholes! According to the hares, this is a BARE AS A DARE kind of trail, but what makes it really special? I'TS HUNTING SEASON! Either wear flesh color or bathing suits with some bright shit so you don't get shot. It's gonna be hot and buggy, so bring bug spray and some sunblock and you should be set!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 113

When: Saturday, June 7th, at 2:00pm!

Where: Mooseknuckles
4307 Treaschwig Road
Spring, TX 77373

Hares: Easy Chair & Puddy Tat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to FM-1960, then exit and turn right (East). Go for about a mile and turn left on Treaschwig Road. Go for about a mile and Mooseknuckles will be on your left right past the creek.

Sidenote: This will be Easy Chair's Second AИAL Birthday Tubing, Flash Flood Warning, hopefully get to see a tiger in underwear again trail. Easy will be attempting to defend her title as the Brass Monkey's Worst Hare, and most likely, she will succeed. You can expect fierce shiggy, bugs and sun, and some overfilled river crossings. And by crossings, I mean you need to bring a flotation device because we're gonna be tubing on this trail, bitches! Seriously, have you guys seen this rain? It's amazing, and we're going to get to tube it! We might even dress KatchUp up like a little baby Moses and put him in a basket and send him down the creek. What else can you expect? Well, let's ask your hare!

FROM THE HARE: I know the pack is expecting this to be some sort of repeat of last year's shit show, but I've got a different route planned and the creek is moving a lot faster than last year!!! we have 2 shag cars but we really need:

1. an additional pump that can be plugged into a cigarette lighter in order to help inflate everyone's tubes in a timely manner and 2. a floating cooler for beer or sturdy net bag that can float or something. IF you're in possession of either of these things, let me know ASAP! if not, you're all blowing up your tubes with your bocas and only drinking what you can carry in your warm waterlogged laps.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 112

The "There will probably be a Galveston Campout scheduled to conflict with this Brass Monkey trail since Where Do You Get Off is haring" trail!

When: Saturday, May 24th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494 Kingwood, TX 77339
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)

Hares: Where Do You Get Off?, Ramrod, and possibly one more mystery hare.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: D'erections,
From the woodlands:
Take the 45 South to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM THE HAREs: Cum one, cum all to the "There will probably be a Galveston Campout scheduled to conflict with this Brass Monkey trail since GetOff is haring" trail!

Expect shiggy, expect boobs, expect boobs with shiggy on them, and an awesome Memorial Day ending with food, beer, and all things summer.

Bring hash cash, mosquito spray, bathing suits (or birthday suits--I am talking to you Ms. Texas Nude), thirst for beer,a petite for fun (autocorrect fail--this should say appetite but if you bring a fun petite we can all have our way with you get bonus points which can be redeemed at the next BrassMonkey trail), and whatever is left of your decency from IronHash.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 111 - The Mother's Day MILF Run

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BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 110 - Gary Busey’s Revenge

When: Saturday, April 26th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Spring Acres Preserve
23801 Glen Loch Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust. Turn left onto Sawdust Road and go past three lights until Sawdust turns left, directly past Taco Bell and Burger King. Turn left on Sawdust and go alllllllllllllllll the way until it dead ends, it will turn you hard right and left before then, just keep going. Once it dead ends you will be on Glen Loch Drive, turn left and go alllllllllllllllll the way until it dead ends. Boom.

Sidenote: Your hare will be ESPN, so expect an Original O.G. type of trail: shiggy, at least one beer check, probably some poison ivy if that bitch can find some, and since she is an evil ginger, expect soul thieving traps throughout this entire damn thing. Make sure to bring a change of clothes so you don't smell like some gross ass at the on-after. Oh ya, bring money for that. You must remember that she is evil, so there will probably be some horrible unexpected shit on trail: Jews, other gingers, you never know what this crazy bitch might throw at us. The weather is just starting to get warmish so you should probably bring bug spray and sun block, and there will be mandatory tick checks whenever we feel like making people get nekkid. Yay b00b checks!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 109 - The Zombie Jesus Trail!

When: Saturday, April 12th, 3:00pm!!! *NOTE, IT'S NOT AT 2:00, IT'S AT 3:00 - WE HAVE MORE SUNLIGHT NOW!*

Where:
Wal-Mart Supercenter - Sterling Ridge
10001 Woodlands Parkway (at FM 2978)
Spring, TX 77382

Hare(s): PooDoo Alfredo & Skeet Squad

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
*Option 1: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Go for like 9 miles and look for a huge ass Wal-Mart on your left right after you pass West Branch Crossing Drive / Terramont Drive. You will have to bust a U-Turn at either FM 2978 (next big light), or somewhere before that where I'm sure there is a turn-in.

*Option 2: ALTERNATE FROM HOUSTON: Do all the same shit at the beginning but instead of exiting 76B for Woodlands Parkway go further and take exit 81 for FM 1488 West. Take the feeder to the bridge and loop under it then loop around and go over I-45 westbound. Go for like 7 miles then turn left onto FM 2978. Go for about 2-3 miles and turn left onto Woodlands Parkway, Wal-Mart will be on your right.

*YOU CAN TAKE EITHER ONE, WOODLANDS PARKWAY IS A BIT SLOWER BUT IT'S MORE DIRECT, 1488 IS A BIT FASTER BUT IT'S A LONGER ROUTE. YOUR CHOICE!

Sidenote: This will be PooDoo Alfredo's second trail... and I am going to fucking miss it, AGAIN! PooDoo and Skeet will be taking us on an epic excursion through the backwoods of Magnolia, I can hear the "Deliverance" music already. This will be a themed event, and since we are religiously tolerant, naturally it is going to be "Zombie Jesus." Waiting for you on trail will be some eggs, hidden eggs, and if you find them you can mix them with your sperm and make children. We won't tell you if they are Skeet's eggs or PooDoo's eggs so you will be taking that chance. Besides those eggs there will be plastic eggs with "something special inside". That's what one of the slutty hares told me, I don't know what "something special inside" means, but I have my ideas.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

PooDoo Alfredo's #: (832) 868-8600
Skeet Squad's #: (281) 682-0754

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 108

When: Saturday, March 29th, 3:00pm!!! *NOTE, IT'S NOT AT 2:00, IT'S AT 3:00 - WE HAVE MORE SUNLIGHT NOW!*

Where:
Cattail Park
9323 Cochrans Crossing Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Dick Assley & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Go for like 5-ish miles until you hit Cochrans Crossing Drive, then turn right. Go for about a mile and look for Cattail Park on your left.

Sidenote: Last Sunday, Reverend Dick officiated the wedding between Cocktor Spork and Cum-Puss in California. Now, in celebration, Cocktor Spork and Dick Assley would like to do to you on this trail what Spork did to that small Asian on that wedding night: wreck you. Hard. Expect shiggy with water crossings, expect little pavement, and expect at least one beercheck! Trail should be between 3 -5 miles, but you know how we are when we get into thick shiggy, that shit is FUN so we might keep you in there for a little bit longer. :) Make sure to wear your shiggy socks and bring a change of clothes; shiggy socks and Monkey shirts will be for sale if whoever has the shirts remembers to bring them. It might be me, know effin knows. According to Facebook, which can now tell you weather on a certain day at a certain time with its magical powers, says that it will be in the 80°s with a chance of thunderstorms. Know what that means? WEAR YOUR DAMN BUG SPRAY! This will also be considered a PRE-LUBE FOR TEXAS INTERHASH! w00t!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's#: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 108 - Brass Monkey 3rd AИAL Green Dress

"The Only Event It Is Okay To Be Ginger"

Where: Cross Track Ice House; 200 Magnolia St., Spring, TX 77373

Time: 2:00 PM  3^rd

Hares: MasturGator, EZ Chair, & I Fucked Your Dad.

On-After: Will be at Cross Tracks. Like the last 2 years they basically let us face rape this place and they sell us OE & OJ and Irish Beer. It is BYO-liquor. Be nice to the staff or they will cut you.

Sleeping/Banging: Super 8 at sawdust and 45 have $55 dollar rooms. It is best to not tell them who we are, we have reserved nothing and if you wait the price will probably go up due to the random spike of rooms selling. Address 24903 I-45 North, Spring, TX 77380

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until you put one of the address above in your smart fun you lazy bastard.

Sidenote: Expect Shiggy, Beer Checks, Booze Checks, Beer Checks, Irish Car Bombs, Poorly timed Irish jokes, an on-after, green stool the next day, green spaghetti, bad grammar, wrestling singlets, awkward cross dressing, 40's, beer checks, un-awkward cross dressing, beer checks, some haberdashery associated, Updates will cum very soon. "Working to ensure your safety and ability to not remember at the same time".

Facebook event where you can find updated info: https://www.facebook.com/events/649060258488318/

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591
Easy Chair's#: (503) 939-4587
I F*cked Your Dad # (832) 594-6918

0n-0n Bitches,
MasturGator

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 106 - Just Say No To VD Hash

When: Saturday, February 15th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Mooseknuckles Bar
4307 Treaschwig Road
Spring, TX 77373

Hare(s): Easy Chair & Name My Vagina

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until you can exit onto FM 1960. Exit FM 1960 and go East for like a mile. Turn Left onto Treaschwig Road, go till you hit Mooseknuckles.

Sidenote: This Valentine's Day Anti-Valentine's Day hash will be hared by angry, angry women. Women who love to hate men. Will they still bang them? Yes. Will they still complain about them? Yes. Do they pretend to hate Valentine's Day? Yes. Should you bring the hares flowers and chocolate? Maybe. My guess is weed and malt liquor might go over better. Also, expect a guest beermeister, a guest hashcash person, and possibly a guest RA, we shall see. Want to volunteer? Let us know! What do the hares want you to know? This! FROM THE HARES... mostly: For this trail, you will need only three things: A whistle, a broken heart, and batteries. Expect a shiggy trail with water, thorns, mud, and hidden hashers dressed in diapers shooting you with arrows to make you fall in love. Actually, the arrows are just dipped in AIDS so it's more like you will get sick then one of the hares can take your helpless weakened body and do with it as they please. It's a long team process but the end is as good as gold. Bring money for on-after and plan on a change of clothes as well.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Easy Chair's#: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 105 - BMH3's Fourth AИALVERSARY & Twinkle Toes’ DIRTY THIRTY!

When: Saturday, February 1st, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Sundance Park
3700 West Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382

Hare(s): Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until is dumps into I-45. Go all the way to exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take over the freeway and straight for 6-7 miles until you hit Branch Crossing then turn Right. Go for about 2 miles then turn left onto Alden Bridge Drive, the park will be on your right.

Sidenote: This is going to be AWESOME! The weather is supposed to be perfect, the hare is a total asshole, and this is going to be the FOURTH AИALVERSARY of the Brass Monkey Hash's existence! That's not all! Twinkle Toes is also celebrating his DIRTY THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be like a double sided dildo with a hash event on each side! Which side do you want first? Start picking now! What does the hare want you to know? FROM THE HARE: Bring a change of clothes and a towel, you are gonna get n-a-s-t-y. Wear shoes with good laces on them, this is the kind of place with mud that will eat your shoes. Muahahahahahaha. I'm sure Evil Toes has something in store for us... we shall see. Don't forget to bring something special for the hare / birfday boy to enjoy! Muahahahahaha.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 104 - KatchUp's Birfday Hash!

When: Saturday, January 18th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Deerfield Meadow Drive
(30.245499,-95.498017)
READ DIRECTIONS BELOW!

Hare(s): KatchUp & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until is dumps into I-45. Go all the way to exit 81 for FM 1488. Take the 1488 West ramp over I-45 going westward. Go for about 3 miles and look for Carriage Hills Boulevard on your right, then turn right. *If you hit 242 you have gone too far*. After you turn right on Carriage Hills Blvd go for about a mile then you are going to take your 3rd right onto Jacobs Lake Boulevard across from Chantilly Lane. After you turn right go for a minute then turn left on Fallow Buck Drive then turn left again on Fallow Buck Drive and you will hit Deerfield Meadow Drive, turn left and go for the cul-de-sac.

Sidenote: This will be KatchUp's Birfday trail! plan on making him pay for his youngness and his willingness to lay a shitty trail this early in the year... he is probably trying to steal the "Worst Hare" award from Easy Chair. Plan on shiggy, possible water crossings, and since Mud is co haring, probably even shittier trails than you could have imagined if it was just KatchUp haring. This is dog friendly but you will be crossing major roads so plan on bringing that leash that your gimp is probably still wearing. At least one beer check, duh, with a possibility of two.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork