BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 142 - Red, White, & SPEW!

When: Saturday, JULY 4th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon

230 Lexington, Conroe, TX

Hares: EZ Chair, Skeet Squad, & Ludacunt

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take exit 81 for FM 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Once you take the exit, take the feeder exit to FM 1488 EAST/Lexington. Go over the train tracks, turn left, and follow around until you find the bar, only like half mile.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: It's the 4th of JULY! What better way to celebrate than by going back to the site of where we almost killed a Canadian last time we ran though! Bring your best RED, WHITE, and BLUE outfit, and get ready to throw up some fucking 'Murrican pride! Expect at least ONE beer check, some serious shiggy, and depending on if you try to run on the train tracks over the bridge, possibly a "Stand By Me" moment.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 141 - OUTSIDE CAT'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June20th, at 3:00pm!

Where: 13010 Sawmill Road, The Woodlands, TX 77380

(Intersection of Sawmill Road & West High Oaks Circle)

(near High Oaks Park) (Park on the street!)

Hares: Outside Cat, Red Light Special, & Chopped Liver

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left at the light for Sawdust and go for like 1-2 miles until Sawdust turns left at the Startbucks past Burger King, if you keep going straight it will become Grogan's Mill. Once you turn left, go straight for like a mile and turn left on Sawmill Road. Go all the way until it dead-ends and look for parking there.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Holy shit, there are three female hares, this is going to be neat. Things to expect: 4-5 mile shiggy-tastic trail, TWO beer checks, and a fuck ton of water and shiggy. All three hariettes are celebrating their birthdays, so plan on giving them some birthday spankings! The theme? RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS!!! Make sure to bring a change of clothes and a bathing suit for the end! Although it is good to wear a bathing suit on trail as well, as it might be kinda wet.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 140

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 140 - EZ'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June 6th, at 3:00pm!

Where: At The Mosquito Fucking Campout!

257R Freeport, TX 77541

Hares: EZ Chair & I Fucked Your Dad

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Go To The Mosquito Campout!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Trail will be beach, it will be 1-5 miles long, and will be a Brass Monkey Challenge! There will be swimming, there will be seaweed, and also to cap it all off, this challenge will include a trash pick-up contest! The person with the most trash wins! There are TWO things, count 'em TWO things not permitted: NO goddamn whining, and NO glass. That means if you want to bring your own Monkeys, bring them in something plastic!

Hash cash will still be $5, that will include Monkeys and things for the challenge, and you will also need to be doing the Mosquito campout. I mean, I know the Monkeys are cool, but I don't know if we are "Drive-to-Galveston-to-only-do-the-hash-then-leave-because-we-don't-want-to-camp-out" cool.

EZ Chair's #: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 139

When: Saturday, May 23rd, at 3:00pm!

Where: Kroger

2301 Rayford Road Spring, TX 77386

***park to the right of the pharmacy and bank drive-thru***

Hares: Fish 'n' Dicks and Put It In My Dick

Why: Cypress knees near San Jacinto break toes, had enough fun at Magnolia Gardens this year. If those aren't good enough for you, then its because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North and exit at Rayford/Sawdust. Turn right onto Rayford Road. Go a few miles and Kroger is on the left.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: It's our very first time! We're a little scared but we're also a little excited. We've waited SO LONG. It's been SO HARD. But we've been saving ourselves just for you! We aren't sure what to expect, but we know that you can count on mosquitoes the size of small birds, plenty of shiggy, a few water crossings, possible rain, and a whole lot of mud.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

When: Saturday, May 16th, at 7:00am!

Where: Byrd Automotive, 2445 High Timbers Drive, Spring, TX 77380. ***PLEASE CARPOOL, ONLY 30 PARKING SPOTS AVAILABLE!***

Hare(s): Dick Assley, Flatline, Outside Cat, Cocktor Spork, Twinkle Toes, DoubleMint Cum (a.k.a. Betty Cock-in-her), KatchUp, EZ Chair, and probably some other poor souls that we rope into this.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost: $5 PER hash & $5 for an Official IronHash patch and a FINISHER patch if you *actually* finish, so $20 for three hashes, three circles of down/down beer, snacky cakes, and patches!

Bring: Hash Cash Shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

***BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH, WE'LL HAVE A COOLER!!!***

“SCHEDULE” - it’s in quotes because fuck you.

7:00am: Arrive, bitches!

7:30am: Start cheering on the swimmers because they are in far better shape than any of us will ever be.

8:00am: Hares Away for Trail #1, get ready…

8:30am: Ready, Set, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ON TRAIL #1. LET THE IRONHASH MADNESS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:00am: Finish Trail #1 & Circle.

11:00am: Hares Away for Trail #2 while the rest of you fucks are getting drunk.

11:30am: Up, up, and away, bitches - Trail #2 is afoot!

1:00pm: Finish Trail #2 & start eating your lunch while we wait for everyone to bring their lazy asses in.

***INTERMISSION AND REST TIME FOR THE SAD, WEAK SOULS. OH YEAH, AND BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH!!!!!***

3:00pm: Hares Away for Trail #3 while everyone else cries, eats, and drinks.

3:30pm: Anddddddddddddddddddd GO SPEEDRACER, GO GET ‘DEM HARES!!!

5:00pm: Finish Trail #3, Circle, and apply cream and oil to old people joints. And also enjoy joints. You should bring joints. They help.

7:00pm: YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE THIRD AИAL BRASS MONKEY IRONHASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45, then take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. ***THERE IS GOING TO BE TRAFFIC FOR THIS, SO PLAN THE FUCK AHEAD!*** Continue on Woodlands Parkway until you hit Grogans Mill Road, then turn right. Turn left almost right away onto High Timbers Drive in the EAST SHORE area. We are not 100% sure what they will be blocking/diverting, so just use the address if it comes to it. Seriously though, plan ahead for traffic.

Sidenote: Ladies & Gents, it’s back. This 12 hour, three trail, three circle, several tears kind of day. Plan on hydrating your face off on Friday, because you will need it for Saturday. There will be live laid trails, there will be “games”, there wil be shiggy and urban running, there might be MD 20/20, or something even worse. This day is great for those of you who like punishment, or if you feel like you have something to prove, like that you are a moron for doing this. Remember how year one we had slut juice and people lost hours in the day, so last year Twinkle said we couldn’t do it, well this year it’s back, and Gator is making it so yeah, be ready.

Plan on SIX, count ‘em SIX hares, two per trail, and at least two RAs, maybe three. Everything you have thought you knew before was a lie, all of it, especially the cake. We will not be U-Hauling it this year, so please don’t bring a ton of shit and expect us to be able to carry it around. You need your shag bag with a couple changes of clothes, your lunch that we will put in the cooler, and some damn willpower. Please plan on carpooling because the start is a smaller lot that can fit about 30 cars, so if you can, CARPOOL!

So, to highlight the most important shit:

•Bring your own lunch!

•Bring like three changes of clothes and a towel!

•We are leaving at 8:30am SHARP, do not be late. Like seriously, if you have ever been on time for anything in your life, be on time for this. Plan on traffic for the IronMan, and give yourself time! Do not be that person who calls like "Oh, so sorry, can you wait for us? Traffic is sooooo bad." No! Bad!

•HYDRATE! Drink water before, this will seriously drain you - it's gonna be fucking hot!

•Figure out lodging. Plan on staying with other hashers at the Super 8 or make other arrangements. Other arrangements does not mean assume you can stay with Spork and Twinkle. :P

•Total cost for three trails, three circle, two patches, and transportation all around is $20. If you can't do all the trails, you suck. That's all.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

Dick Assley's #: (214) 502-6501

Flatline's #: (832) 431-6339

KatchUp’s #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 138 - The Mother's Day Weekend MILF Run!

When: Saturday, May 9th, at 4:00pm! Pack off at 4:30pm.

Where: George Mitchell Preserve,

AFTER 6000 Creekside Forest Drive, The Woodlands, TX 77389. (NOT EXACT ADDRESS).

Park at the Trailhead for George Mitchell Preserve after the round-about on the right. If parking is full there, park in the dirt parking lot to the right of the trailhead parking. ***WE ARE PUTTING ROB FLEMMING PARK AS WHERE BECAUSE IT IS CLOSE, THIS IS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM THAT!**

Hares: The Land of MILF and Honey and EntrePORNer

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Take I-45 North to Exit 70B for Spring-Stubner / Road-West. Take Spring Stubner going west for about 4 miles. Turn right onto Gosling Road and go for about 4 miles. Turn left into Creekside Forest Drive / Subdivision. Huge entrance on the left that says The Woodlands. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: This is the 2nd Annual Brass Monkey MILF Run! Celebrate all MILFs and MILFs-to-be with a hash run over Mother’s Day weekend. Yes, in true mama monkey style, you will get into the shiggy and water. At the end, you will enjoy some chick pleasing foods like fruit, cheese, and other real food (along with the various orange food products. This is a MILF trail so of course, expect the vagina cupcakes!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash TEXAS: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

***DETAILS TO COME, SAVE THE DATE!***

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

When: Saturday, May 16th, at 6:00am!

Where: The Woodlands, TX

Hare(s): Dick Assley, Flatline, Outside Cat, Cocktor Spork, and Twinkle Toes, DoubleMint Cum (a.k.a. Betty Cock-in-her), and probable some other poor souls that we rope into this.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost: $5 PER hash & $10 for showing up, or if you are doing all three, $25 and that includes the patch with the FINISHER attachment!

Bring: Hash Cash Shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!
***BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH, WE'LL HAVE A COOLER!!!***

Rough *probably will change* schedule:
0600: Gather at Start Point
0601-1714: A TON OF SHIT
1715: Cheer on the Ironmen while they Run
????: Don't drive drunk, crash here!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Once we know the damn start point, we'll put dick'rections!

Sidenote: DETAILS TO CUM SHORTLY, JUST SAVE THE DAMN DATE!!!!!

So, to highlight the most important shit:
•Bring your own lunch!
•Bring like three changes of clothes and a towel!
•We are leaving at 6:40am SHARP, do not be late. Like seriously, if you have ever been on time for anything in your life, be on time for this. Plan on traffic for the IronMan, and give yourself time! Do not be that person who calls like "Oh, so sorry, can you wait for us? Traffic is sooooo bad." No! Bad!
•HYDRATE! Drink water before, this will seriously drain you - it's gonna be fucking hot!
•Figure out lodging. Plan on staying with other hashers at the Super 8 or make other arrangements. Other arrangements does not mean assume you can stay with Spork and Twinkle. :P
•Total cost for three trails, three circle, a patch, and transportation all around is $25. If you can't do all the trails, you suck. That's all.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679
Dick Assley's #: (214) 502-6501
Flatline's #: (832) 431-6339

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 136

When: Saturday, April 11th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Dueitt Middle School
1 Eagle Crossing, Spring, TX 77373

Hares: A Proper Woman, Vagineer, and first time hare Just Robert!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road and exit onto 1960 and go East. Go for about 2-3 miles, then turn left onto Treaschwig Road and go for another 2-3 miles, then turn left onto Eagle Crossing. PARK ALONG THE ROAD NEAR THE FENCED RUNNING TRACK.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Come one, come all, for Just Robert's Virgin haring! Lead by Vagineer's manly beard and A Proper Woman's tiny hands, this trail offers some pristine shiggy on a beautiful day! Expect some bugs, so wear some damn bug spray! Expect a chance of rain, so bring shit you don't mind getting wet and a change of clothes. Expect at least one home-brew keg, if not two, or even fucking three, all brewed by Just Robert! Plan on getting shitfaced in circle with a guest R.A. as Cocktor Spork will be with Where Do You Get Off in Omaha working on a documentary about the underground Gay Cowboy scene. Come out and enjoy an awesome trail before the weather starts getting shitty, shitty, shitty!

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
A Proper Woman's #: (713) 851-5262

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 134 - 4th Anal Green Dress & Wedding Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, March 14th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Magnolia Gardens (Site of TXIH 2014)
12044 Beach St
Houston, Texas

Hares: EZ Chair & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: *$20 ENTRY FEE TO SAVE A HORSE AND 101 DONATIONS FOR ALL THE SHIT THEY ARE DOING*, $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 South or Hardy Toll Road south until you hit Beltway 8, then take Beltway East. Take the exit toward Garrett Rd/Little York Rd. Turn left onto Garrett Rd, Turn left onto 1st St, Continue onto Guinn Ave, Guinn Ave turns left and becomes 10th St, Turn right onto Beach and look for signs.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum one, cum all, to this special ORGY of events. Firstishly, this will be our FOURTH ANAL BRASS MONKEY GREEN DRESS RUN, so get out your Green dresses and get ready to get extra slutty!!!! That's right, this will be EZ's Third time haring, and my first, so it promises to be terrible with your reigning "Worst Hare Award" and "Hare Most Likely To Get You Killed Award" winners - so plan on that shit.

And lastly, and most importantly, this will be at the site of the Wedding Weekend Extravaganza for Save a Horse, Ride a Mole and 101 Donations! That's right, on Friday these two love birds will say "I do", then have sex in a tent/rv thing, then are going to be ready to celebrate round two on Saturday, so thank you to them for letting us come out and do this! Since we will be crashing their party, for those of you that have not already, please PayPal them $20 to cover all the awesome shit they are providing or bring it on Saturday. You will still need to pay $5 for the run as that will cover circle beer and snacky cakes.

After the trail there is a camping out option once you have paid your $20, and good times will be had by all there! Try to carpool, make sure to be good, and plan on having fun!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 133

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 133

When: Saturday, February 28th, at 3:00pm!

Where: CrossTracks Ice House

Hares: Fluffer & a Mystery Hare!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and take exit 70A for Spring Cypress Road / Magnolia Street. LOOK FOR CONSTRUCTION EXITS! Turn right onto Spring Cypress Rd, Turn left onto Border St, Border St turns right and becomes Preston St, Turn left onto Elm St, Turn right onto Magnolia St. BOOM! This si where we have had our Green Dress Runs previously.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE:

HARE(S) will provide:

•        Spellbinding trail guaranteed to make you hungry, itchy & thirsty

•        Enough BN's to keep you hydrated and alive to the end

•        Delicious & nutritious Brass Monkey’s

•        Recycled body bags

Things for YOU to do:

•        Expect hot weather -- really hot weather -- ice in your shorts will help, but allow for shrinkage

•        Prepare mobile I.V. to keep well hydrated while on trail (Set alcohol level < 3.2%)

•        Baste/Bathe in Ivy Block

•        Slather on Sunscreen, SPF 125 recommended

•        Anticipate bits of shiggy with spotted patches of pavement here and there: (just like the mange u get every year

•        Study your Houston Metro bus schedule, "just in case"

For more info or if you're lost or just plane stupid, call the the Hash Hotline at (832)-589-4590 & ask for Fluffer. (all calls are $19.95 per minute, excluding all taxes & other liabilities)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 132

When: Saturday, February 14th, at **3:30pm!**

Where: North Picnic Lane,

Memorial Park,

Houston, TX

29.764827, -95.441407

Hare: Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 (or Hardy Toll Road) to 610-West. Take 610 West to exit 10A for Woodway towards Memorial Drive. Go east under freeway on Woodway Drive and turn right onto North Picnic Lane.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE:

My dear brass monkeys,

Cupids arrow hath struck, and here we are to celebrate love in all forms and fashions, be it Spork's love for small Asians, Hoot's lust for D-batteries, EZ Chair's desire for homeless men in public restrooms, or Skeet Squad's burning fetish for pubes. Cum one, cum all, and cum one more time to the "Get Off has a Heart on trail!"

Join me, where do you get off?, on on through the memorial park area as we celebrate this day of "getting off!" I can promise you beer, I can promise you boobs, hell I can even throw in some burlesque and some sex toy prizes, but most of all you should be happy to spend the day with the people you love--the hash! So come share drinks and bodily fluids as we venture off into a memorable valentines day hash!

IMPORTANT: BE FESTIVE, WEAR PINK, WEAR RED, WEAR BLACK, WEAR SEXY LINGERIE, WEAR A COSTUME, WEAR A GIMP SUIT!

ALSO BRING YOUR WALLET/MONEY/ID WE WILL BE STOPPING AT BARS ON TRAIL!!

FUCK YOUZ,

Where Do You Get Of?

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 131

When: Saturday, January 31st, at 2:00pm!

Where: I-45 and Knobcrest Drive (Just north of Greenspoint Mall) - LOOK AT MAP!

Hares: Hung Daddy Tutu & Dick Assley

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Go North on I-45 just passed the Beltway and take Exit 62. Go straight past Greenpoint Mall and look for a small road on the right called KNOBCREST DRIVE. It may or may not be marked, so ya, look your ass off.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Hug Daddy Tutu and Dick Assley bring you the third trail of 2015!!! Expect shiggy, debris, and possibly homeless people. Super short, super shiggy, at least ONE beer check, and bring extra clothes because it might be raining! Expect a "King Baby" per Dick Assley, I think he might mean King Cake but who the hell knows. If you get lost call Dick Assley or Hung Daddy, their numbers are below!

Dick Assley's #: (214) 502-6501

Hung Daddy Tutu's #: (915) 253-9331

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 130 - KatchUp's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, January 17th, at 2:00pm!

Where: Creepy Dead End Road Place

Summer Trail Ct, Spring, Tx, 77386

***FOLLOW DIRECTIONS BELOW, THE "WHERE" IS JUST CLOSE BUT IS NOT THE EXACT START!***

Hares: KatchUp & Pic-a-Nic Basket

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take i-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-46, then take Exit 73 towards Rayford/Sawdust Road. Turn right at light on Rayford and go for like 2-3 miles until you hit Aldine Westfield, then turn Left. Go for 1-2 miles, then turn right onto Northridge Forest Dr. Go for a mile and right onto Birnham Woods Dr, then left light right away-ish at Imperial Promenade Dr. Take the 2nd left onto Fawn View Ln, then right onto Lockshire Valley Ln. Take the 1st left onto Summer Trail Ct.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Since I will be doing the Mighty Mighty baby shower the night before, expect a shitty half assed trail from the hare. You might be on trail and wonder how the fuck did he get a flour mark placed 1 mile apart, Its cause I forgot what I was doing in the woods. You might be on trail and wonder why you’re crawling through a sewer tunnel, its cause I want you to relive childbirth. You might be on trail and wonder why there are little trees with oranges on them, its cause you can steal them. You might be on trail and wonder why you are doing all this, its cause YOU LIKE TO DRINK!!! Expect 3-4 mile trail with one beer check.

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 129

When: Saturday, January 3rd, at 2:00pm!

Where: The GatorSntach Motel
7 Still Glen Court
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & CSI

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Go North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into 45 and take it North and then take it to exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that for a few miles until you hit Panther Creek Drive right after the bridge that crosses Lake Woodlands. Left on Panther Creek, then past the one stop sign, then right after you pass the school on your right and church on your left, turn left into subdivision. Go to Second Street, YewLeaf, and turn right, then turn right on second street after that, Still Glen. Boom. You can also navigate to the location on this sucker.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: This next Brass Monkey is to set the pace for a rockin' 2015. Cum join us as we send 2014 on the walk of shame, with its wet panties in the back pocket of those torn Levi skinny jeans and everything. Expect a short (less than 2.5 miles) trail with multiple beer stops and a tasty BMH3 ending. This boozy trail will be a light, easy, dry trail with some shiggy and usual debauchery. Bring hash cash and some extra for habadashery!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 128

When: Saturday, December 20th, at 2:00pm! 
*WE'RE BACK TO EARLY START TIMES!*

Where: Tailgators
8000 Texas 242
The Woodlands, TX 77385

Hares: Donnie the Retard and London Fag

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: 
From Houston: Go North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into 45 and take it North and thake it to exit 79A toward College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. When you exit turn right into the shopping center on your right side on the corner of the feeder road and College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. Boom.

Sidenote: Plan on a shiggy-tasitc trail taking you through the non-existent-currently-but-one-day-hobo-camps and see the sights of some trailtracks where you can have one of your own Stand By Me moments! Wear your high socks and probably some wild boar and snake repellent. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and $$$ for on-after. Seriously though, bring a change of clothes and shoes/sandals, you are going to stink. This is going to be the last trail of 2014, let us all say goodbye by getting fucked up and enjoying non-urban hashing!!!!!!! (It better be...)

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 125

When: Saturday, November 8th, at 2:00pm!

*WE'RE BACK TO EARLY START TIMES!*

Where: Alden Bridge Sports Park

Hares: Homoglobin and klosi7 phrEEk

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends in I-45. Take Exit 77 for Research Forest Drive / Tamina Drive. Once you hit the light, turn left onto Research Forest. Go for like 5 miles then turn right onto Green Bridge Drive. Go for a mile and turn right onto 242 and the park will be on your right within a half mile.

You also have the option to exit onto 242 but then you will just need to bust a bitch at Green Bridge and loop back around, your call.

Sidenote FROM THE HARES:

BRING YOUR CAMOUFLAGE! Since we are getting close to Veteran's Day, we are going to have a sneeking around through the woods kind of afternoon! Regular Brass Monkey style trail, lots of shiggy, 3-5 miles, dog friendly (with a couple areas a leash will be needed), at least one beer check, some b00b checks, some dick checks, some witchy-ways, and just typical shitshow type material.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 124

When: Saturday, October 25th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Parking on Breckenridge Drive near/around 4118 Breckenridge Drive, Houston, TX 77037

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? and Hung Daddy Tutu

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South or Hardy South until you get to Beltway 8 / Sam Houston Prky, go West (TOLL ROAD). Take the exit toward Antoine Dr/Bammel N Houston Rd/Hollister Rd, then turn right onto Antoine Drive. Go for less than a mile and Breckenridge is on your left, turn down there and look for hashers.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES:
My dearest Goblins and Ghouls,
Another year has passed and we are, once again, gathering to celebrate the day Get Off crawled feet first out of his mother's ass crack. To commentate this tragedy you are all cordially invited to accompany the rest of us who are forced to be there for this spooky death march in the greater guns point area. Accompanied by his gimp, HungDaddy Tutu, Get Off has a 4-5 mile trail that is bound to be less disappointing than his last three one-night stands. Expect shiggy, expect boobs, expect booze, and a keg ending with an optional haunted house on-after.

***For those of you who plan to attend the optional Haunted House, add on, please bring an additional $25 bucks cash.***

PLEASE COORDINATE RIDES AS WE DO NOT WANT ANY ISSUES WITH DRIVING AROUND THE HALLOWEEN WEEKEND. CAR POOL WHENEVER POSSIBLE!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 123

When: Saturday, October 11th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Papa's Ice House

314 Pruitt Road

Spring, TX 77380

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? and PooDoo Alfredo

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take Exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust and go to the light and go under the freeway and loop around from the far left lane. Once you loop under the freeway and start going North get over to the right and turn right onto Pruitt Road where that huge ass Texaco is. Go down a little bit and Papa's will be on your right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Now that we have gotten most of the thorns out of our ass and our plantars fascitis flare ups have subsided, the wonderful Poodoo Alfredo has a trail that will make up for the fact that she refuses to swallow.

Escorted by none other than Where Do You Get Off? (because we have not had to deal with enough of his "trails"), this dysfunctional duo aims to lay a throwback Brass Monkey trail of about 3 miles with shiggy and shit for you to stumble over. Expect beer, shiggy, debauchery and more than likely a few mistakes.

Bring a change of clothes and $$$ for on-after at Papas where there will be food, beer, liquor, and possibly some super hick Karaoke. Bring it, bitches!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork