BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 149

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 149

When: Saturday, October 10th, at 3:00pm!

Where: ***General area at the end of a street, not the specific house***
69 South Wavy Oak Circle
The Woodlands, TX 77381
*General area at the end of a street, not the specific house*

Hare: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to exit 76B Woodlands Parkway. Take that for a few miles until you hit Panther Creek Drive directly after the bridge that crosses Lake Woodlands. Left on Panther Creek, then past the one stop sign, then after you pass the school on your right and church on your left, turn left on Coral Berry. Go until you hit Tangle Brush and turn right and then first left onto Riverbank. Go straight on River Bank to Wavy Oak Circle, turn left. Start is parking area on the left at the curve.

Sidenote: FROM THE HAREl Cum if you’re brave enough to Womb Raider’s first solo trail. Hopefully Cocktor Spork taught me just enough to keep y’all alive. Trail will be ~3-4 miles with Monkey style shiggy complete with briars and Jesus thorns (there will be blood) and at least two water crossings. For the racist assholes like me there will be some runnable trail. If you survive to beer check I will reward you with a selection of GOOD beer including some Karbach.

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 148

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 148

When: SaTURDay, Septembeer 26^th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: The Katch-a-Hoot Cafẻ: 27210 Paula Lane, Oak Ridge North, TX 77385 30.161126, -95.446255

Hares: KatchUp and his roommate

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Use your GPS! 

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARES!)

It’s finally happened.  Hoot Are You has completely angered the Concerned Citizens of Oak Ridge North (CCORN).  As collateral damage, Chupples has to move out next Wednesday too.  Being the sweet, innocent and law-abiding citizen we’ve all known him to be, Chup has begged Hoot for months to put on pants when getting the mail, wear a shirt when mowing the lawn, cover her cootch when letting out her pooch and to stop banging all the stay-at-home dads on the block.  To celebrate the end of quite a year, they are throwing a House Cooling Party after trail!  Trail will be shortish, shiggyish and shittyish.  Bring an air mattress to surf the extra large, carpeted living room. Or tents for the backyard. We don’t care if the neighbors get pissed, we’re leaving! There will be food, beer and cider after trail.  Hoot will cook bacon and eggs on Sunday morning.

Well you heard it people, make it happen!

On-On!

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 147

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 147

When: Saturday, September 12^th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: TBD!!!

Hare: Red Light Special & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Once we know the fucking location, we’ll give you directions

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARES!)

Gather ye’ monkeys while I tell

This story about the trail from hell

With Where do you get off!?! that goofy arse

This flop of a trail is sure to be a farce

Mix in Red Light Special, that sexy lass

Those with plans should certainly pass

With boob checks galore

Dick checks too

Knowing these two whores

You’ll drop your goo

Bring bug spray, bring money

Perhaps some tobacco that makes you feel funny

A taste for beer is a must

As this trail is sure to be a bust

More details to cum after a bit of scouting, so stay tuned!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 146 - SPORK'S BIRFDAY TRAIL!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 146 - SPORK'S BIRFDAY TRAIL!

When: Saturday, August 29th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: SPRING CREEK GREENWAY 
**There are several of these, pay attention to which one!**
Dead End, South End of Glen Loch Road,
Approximate Address is:
23915 Glen Loch Dr
Spring, TX 77380

Hare: Cocktor Spork, Bristle While You Work, and Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45, then take exit 73 to Rayford Road/Sawdust Road. Take the feeder to the light and turn LEFT onto Sawdust Road. Continue past three lights, then turn LEFT on the fourth light where the Starbucks is, which is still Sawdust Road, it just turns. You will stay on this for several miles until it dead ends. You'll pass Wal-Mart, Sawmill Road, you'll go right, left, yadda yadda, and you go all the way until it dead ends onto Glen Loch Road (you'll see a Timber Lakes Timber Ridge Sign), turn LEFT. Go alllllllll the way to the dead end, and ta-dah!

Sidenote: It's that time of year again! That's right, it's been another year, and Cocktor Spork needs to find fresh virgins to destroy in order to curb his lust for Asian blood! *Writes down idea for novel* Not only will I be laying my ANAL Birthday trail, I'll be laying it with two hare-virgins: Bristle While You Work & Womb Raider!

What can you expect? Well, since it's Spork, you can expect LOTS 'O SHIGGY! Within said Shiggy, there shall be water crossings, thorns, deep dark woods, so deep you might be able to find one or two eATMe hashers we may have lost at some point. You can expect at least ONE beer check, and depending how terrible this thing is, maybe even two! For circle, expect terrible things, which you always should considering I was named "Hare Most Likely to Get you Killed" - that shit does not come easy. 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 145

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 145

When: Saturday, August 15th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Sundance Park

Alden Bridge Drive & Branch Crossing Drive

The Woodlands, TX 77382

***I AM PUTTING THE CHURCH AS THAT IS THE CLOSEST THING, BUT IT DOES NOT START AT AN EFFING CHURCH!***

Hare: Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and exit 242 WEST. (There is a toll bridge or you can just exit and turn left for free). Go for 2-3 miles and turn left on Green Bridge Drive. Go for 1 miles and turn right onto Research Forrest Drive. Go for about 2 miles then turn left onto Branch Crossing Drive. Go for a half mile then right right onto Alden Bridge Drive, then the park will be on your right. *NOTE* There are like 50 ways to get here, this is just the fastest in my opinion, but whatever your GPS wants to do, let it happen.

Sidenote: Ever been on a Dr. Stinkfinger trail before? Yes? Good, you know what to expect. Have not? Oh, sucks for you, here's what you can count on. At least ONE beer check, some serious leg cutting shiggy, and depending on the rain, there might be something anywhere from a "water crossing" to a "G-d said to Noah, build me an arky arky", so we'll see. What can you expect at the end? A POOL!!!!!!!!!!! POOL ENDING!!!! Not like let's-fill-up-Spork-and-Red-Light's-trucks-with-water-and-say-"pool", but an *actual* pool ending! With a BBQ! That's right, him and his amazing wife will be BBQing!

Things to take note of: we will be going to a very beautiful home owned by two of the nicest people ever, don't be a bastard. If you are a bastard, you will be asked to leave by me. Fun will be had there, but doing stupid things like glass in the pool or pushing people in that may be in dry clothes and don't want to be in the pool is not cool. They are also nice enough to make us food out of their own pocket, so be thankful and don't just feel entitled. Want to bring a 6er for the hosts? Great idea! The least you can do at the end of the night is to thank them immensely for letting us crash in their pool when it's over 100°.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

When: Saturday, August 1st, at ***2:30pm!***

Where: "San Jacinto Park" (On Google)

Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494

Kingwood, TX 77339

Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)

***See D'erections below, don't try to map off "Kingwood, TX" location!***

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take the 45 South (Or Hardy Toll Road) to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!

Ahoy ahoy! I see you are looking for notes on trail. Well my little birdies...let me feed you. For those they don't like these rants, I invite you to the "too long didn't read" below.

Trail will be a treacherous 1-2 miles long. In shiggy. In Kingwood TX. It will include thorns, it will include Mosquitos, probably some bull nettles cause well, fuck you. It will have some pavement for you racists, but it will also have spiders and probably snakes. It will have a water ending one way or another cause, Texass. FoR our four legged friends, trail will be safe and if it gets dicey there will be a bailout point for the quadrupeds.

Let's face it folks--it's Get Off and Katchup. We are not known for our sound decision making skills anymore so than 19 year old is known for his sexual prowess. By the way where he hell is that guy? So expect to be unsafe on a trail laid by two hates that are likely enjoying too much safety on trail. But hey if you survive imagine the stories you can tell your friends!

Bring cash, like 5 bucks or more if you want habadashery. Bring bug spray, bring sunscreen, bring virgins, bring a thirst for beer, and most of all bring low expectations and a general lack for your wellbeing.

TL;DR: TRAIL WILL BE A PLEASANTLY SAFE STROLL THROUGH SOME SHADED PAVEMENT WE FOUND. FEEL FREE TO WEAR VERY LITTLE CLOTHING AND ROLLER SKATES. WE DONT EVEN NEED BUG SPRAY BECAUSE THE AREA IS FOGGED REGULARLY. -WDYGO

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

When: Saturday, July 18th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park

9738 Hufsmith Road, Tomball, TX

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Stay to the right, continue onto Spring Stuebner Rd going WEST, which will take you across the freeway, then go for like 5 miles. Turn right-ish on Küykendahl Road, and go for about 4 miles. Turn left onto Hufsmith Road and you'll run into the park. ***Park in the FAR NORTHWEST SIDE of the park near the pavilion.***

Sidenote: Cum one, cum all, for this solo-hared sure-to-be shitshow hared by none other than Homoglobin! With weather predicted to be in the mid to high 90°s, expect some fucking shiggy to provide us some shade! Expect at least one beer check to give us the strength to live through trail! Expect some terrible concrete because Homoglobin hates us and wants us to suffer. Depending on rain or not, expect 0 - 15 water crossings, to be determined because, you know, Texas.

What else can be expected? Maybe people that come early can bring some nice refreshing drinks for everyone to share, so that we don't die and stuff? Maybe some people in skimpy clothing so that they can finally get that tan? Maybe a few beer-shotgun races in the parking lot? We shall see... but there is only one way to find out!!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 142 - Red, White, & SPEW!

When: Saturday, JULY 4th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon

230 Lexington, Conroe, TX

Hares: EZ Chair, Skeet Squad, & Ludacunt

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take exit 81 for FM 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Once you take the exit, take the feeder exit to FM 1488 EAST/Lexington. Go over the train tracks, turn left, and follow around until you find the bar, only like half mile.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: It's the 4th of JULY! What better way to celebrate than by going back to the site of where we almost killed a Canadian last time we ran though! Bring your best RED, WHITE, and BLUE outfit, and get ready to throw up some fucking 'Murrican pride! Expect at least ONE beer check, some serious shiggy, and depending on if you try to run on the train tracks over the bridge, possibly a "Stand By Me" moment.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 141 - OUTSIDE CAT'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June20th, at 3:00pm!

Where: 13010 Sawmill Road, The Woodlands, TX 77380

(Intersection of Sawmill Road & West High Oaks Circle)

(near High Oaks Park) (Park on the street!)

Hares: Outside Cat, Red Light Special, & Chopped Liver

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left at the light for Sawdust and go for like 1-2 miles until Sawdust turns left at the Startbucks past Burger King, if you keep going straight it will become Grogan's Mill. Once you turn left, go straight for like a mile and turn left on Sawmill Road. Go all the way until it dead-ends and look for parking there.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Holy shit, there are three female hares, this is going to be neat. Things to expect: 4-5 mile shiggy-tastic trail, TWO beer checks, and a fuck ton of water and shiggy. All three hariettes are celebrating their birthdays, so plan on giving them some birthday spankings! The theme? RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS!!! Make sure to bring a change of clothes and a bathing suit for the end! Although it is good to wear a bathing suit on trail as well, as it might be kinda wet.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 140

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 140 - EZ'S BIRFDAY RUN!

When: Saturday, June 6th, at 3:00pm!

Where: At The Mosquito Fucking Campout!

257R Freeport, TX 77541

Hares: EZ Chair & I Fucked Your Dad

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Go To The Mosquito Campout!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Trail will be beach, it will be 1-5 miles long, and will be a Brass Monkey Challenge! There will be swimming, there will be seaweed, and also to cap it all off, this challenge will include a trash pick-up contest! The person with the most trash wins! There are TWO things, count 'em TWO things not permitted: NO goddamn whining, and NO glass. That means if you want to bring your own Monkeys, bring them in something plastic!

Hash cash will still be $5, that will include Monkeys and things for the challenge, and you will also need to be doing the Mosquito campout. I mean, I know the Monkeys are cool, but I don't know if we are "Drive-to-Galveston-to-only-do-the-hash-then-leave-because-we-don't-want-to-camp-out" cool.

EZ Chair's #: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 139

When: Saturday, May 23rd, at 3:00pm!

Where: Kroger

2301 Rayford Road Spring, TX 77386

***park to the right of the pharmacy and bank drive-thru***

Hares: Fish 'n' Dicks and Put It In My Dick

Why: Cypress knees near San Jacinto break toes, had enough fun at Magnolia Gardens this year. If those aren't good enough for you, then its because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North and exit at Rayford/Sawdust. Turn right onto Rayford Road. Go a few miles and Kroger is on the left.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: It's our very first time! We're a little scared but we're also a little excited. We've waited SO LONG. It's been SO HARD. But we've been saving ourselves just for you! We aren't sure what to expect, but we know that you can count on mosquitoes the size of small birds, plenty of shiggy, a few water crossings, possible rain, and a whole lot of mud.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

When: Saturday, May 16th, at 7:00am!

Where: Byrd Automotive, 2445 High Timbers Drive, Spring, TX 77380. ***PLEASE CARPOOL, ONLY 30 PARKING SPOTS AVAILABLE!***

Hare(s): Dick Assley, Flatline, Outside Cat, Cocktor Spork, Twinkle Toes, DoubleMint Cum (a.k.a. Betty Cock-in-her), KatchUp, EZ Chair, and probably some other poor souls that we rope into this.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost: $5 PER hash & $5 for an Official IronHash patch and a FINISHER patch if you *actually* finish, so $20 for three hashes, three circles of down/down beer, snacky cakes, and patches!

Bring: Hash Cash Shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

***BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH, WE'LL HAVE A COOLER!!!***

“SCHEDULE” - it’s in quotes because fuck you.

7:00am: Arrive, bitches!

7:30am: Start cheering on the swimmers because they are in far better shape than any of us will ever be.

8:00am: Hares Away for Trail #1, get ready…

8:30am: Ready, Set, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ON TRAIL #1. LET THE IRONHASH MADNESS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:00am: Finish Trail #1 & Circle.

11:00am: Hares Away for Trail #2 while the rest of you fucks are getting drunk.

11:30am: Up, up, and away, bitches - Trail #2 is afoot!

1:00pm: Finish Trail #2 & start eating your lunch while we wait for everyone to bring their lazy asses in.

***INTERMISSION AND REST TIME FOR THE SAD, WEAK SOULS. OH YEAH, AND BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH!!!!!***

3:00pm: Hares Away for Trail #3 while everyone else cries, eats, and drinks.

3:30pm: Anddddddddddddddddddd GO SPEEDRACER, GO GET ‘DEM HARES!!!

5:00pm: Finish Trail #3, Circle, and apply cream and oil to old people joints. And also enjoy joints. You should bring joints. They help.

7:00pm: YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE THIRD AИAL BRASS MONKEY IRONHASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45, then take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. ***THERE IS GOING TO BE TRAFFIC FOR THIS, SO PLAN THE FUCK AHEAD!*** Continue on Woodlands Parkway until you hit Grogans Mill Road, then turn right. Turn left almost right away onto High Timbers Drive in the EAST SHORE area. We are not 100% sure what they will be blocking/diverting, so just use the address if it comes to it. Seriously though, plan ahead for traffic.

Sidenote: Ladies & Gents, it’s back. This 12 hour, three trail, three circle, several tears kind of day. Plan on hydrating your face off on Friday, because you will need it for Saturday. There will be live laid trails, there will be “games”, there wil be shiggy and urban running, there might be MD 20/20, or something even worse. This day is great for those of you who like punishment, or if you feel like you have something to prove, like that you are a moron for doing this. Remember how year one we had slut juice and people lost hours in the day, so last year Twinkle said we couldn’t do it, well this year it’s back, and Gator is making it so yeah, be ready.

Plan on SIX, count ‘em SIX hares, two per trail, and at least two RAs, maybe three. Everything you have thought you knew before was a lie, all of it, especially the cake. We will not be U-Hauling it this year, so please don’t bring a ton of shit and expect us to be able to carry it around. You need your shag bag with a couple changes of clothes, your lunch that we will put in the cooler, and some damn willpower. Please plan on carpooling because the start is a smaller lot that can fit about 30 cars, so if you can, CARPOOL!

So, to highlight the most important shit:

•Bring your own lunch!

•Bring like three changes of clothes and a towel!

•We are leaving at 8:30am SHARP, do not be late. Like seriously, if you have ever been on time for anything in your life, be on time for this. Plan on traffic for the IronMan, and give yourself time! Do not be that person who calls like "Oh, so sorry, can you wait for us? Traffic is sooooo bad." No! Bad!

•HYDRATE! Drink water before, this will seriously drain you - it's gonna be fucking hot!

•Figure out lodging. Plan on staying with other hashers at the Super 8 or make other arrangements. Other arrangements does not mean assume you can stay with Spork and Twinkle. :P

•Total cost for three trails, three circle, two patches, and transportation all around is $20. If you can't do all the trails, you suck. That's all.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

Dick Assley's #: (214) 502-6501

Flatline's #: (832) 431-6339

KatchUp’s #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 138 - The Mother's Day Weekend MILF Run!

When: Saturday, May 9th, at 4:00pm! Pack off at 4:30pm.

Where: George Mitchell Preserve,

AFTER 6000 Creekside Forest Drive, The Woodlands, TX 77389. (NOT EXACT ADDRESS).

Park at the Trailhead for George Mitchell Preserve after the round-about on the right. If parking is full there, park in the dirt parking lot to the right of the trailhead parking. ***WE ARE PUTTING ROB FLEMMING PARK AS WHERE BECAUSE IT IS CLOSE, THIS IS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM THAT!**

Hares: The Land of MILF and Honey and EntrePORNer

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Take I-45 North to Exit 70B for Spring-Stubner / Road-West. Take Spring Stubner going west for about 4 miles. Turn right onto Gosling Road and go for about 4 miles. Turn left into Creekside Forest Drive / Subdivision. Huge entrance on the left that says The Woodlands. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: This is the 2nd Annual Brass Monkey MILF Run! Celebrate all MILFs and MILFs-to-be with a hash run over Mother’s Day weekend. Yes, in true mama monkey style, you will get into the shiggy and water. At the end, you will enjoy some chick pleasing foods like fruit, cheese, and other real food (along with the various orange food products. This is a MILF trail so of course, expect the vagina cupcakes!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash TEXAS: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

***DETAILS TO COME, SAVE THE DATE!***

3rd AИAL Brass Monkey IronHash: Three Trails, Three Circles, One Horrible Hangover

When: Saturday, May 16th, at 6:00am!

Where: The Woodlands, TX

Hare(s): Dick Assley, Flatline, Outside Cat, Cocktor Spork, and Twinkle Toes, DoubleMint Cum (a.k.a. Betty Cock-in-her), and probable some other poor souls that we rope into this.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost: $5 PER hash & $10 for showing up, or if you are doing all three, $25 and that includes the patch with the FINISHER attachment!

Bring: Hash Cash Shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!
***BRING YOUR OWN DAMN LUNCH, WE'LL HAVE A COOLER!!!***

Rough *probably will change* schedule:
0600: Gather at Start Point
0601-1714: A TON OF SHIT
1715: Cheer on the Ironmen while they Run
????: Don't drive drunk, crash here!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Once we know the damn start point, we'll put dick'rections!

Sidenote: DETAILS TO CUM SHORTLY, JUST SAVE THE DAMN DATE!!!!!

So, to highlight the most important shit:
•Bring your own lunch!
•Bring like three changes of clothes and a towel!
•We are leaving at 6:40am SHARP, do not be late. Like seriously, if you have ever been on time for anything in your life, be on time for this. Plan on traffic for the IronMan, and give yourself time! Do not be that person who calls like "Oh, so sorry, can you wait for us? Traffic is sooooo bad." No! Bad!
•HYDRATE! Drink water before, this will seriously drain you - it's gonna be fucking hot!
•Figure out lodging. Plan on staying with other hashers at the Super 8 or make other arrangements. Other arrangements does not mean assume you can stay with Spork and Twinkle. :P
•Total cost for three trails, three circle, a patch, and transportation all around is $25. If you can't do all the trails, you suck. That's all.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679
Dick Assley's #: (214) 502-6501
Flatline's #: (832) 431-6339

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 136

When: Saturday, April 11th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Dueitt Middle School
1 Eagle Crossing, Spring, TX 77373

Hares: A Proper Woman, Vagineer, and first time hare Just Robert!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road and exit onto 1960 and go East. Go for about 2-3 miles, then turn left onto Treaschwig Road and go for another 2-3 miles, then turn left onto Eagle Crossing. PARK ALONG THE ROAD NEAR THE FENCED RUNNING TRACK.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Come one, come all, for Just Robert's Virgin haring! Lead by Vagineer's manly beard and A Proper Woman's tiny hands, this trail offers some pristine shiggy on a beautiful day! Expect some bugs, so wear some damn bug spray! Expect a chance of rain, so bring shit you don't mind getting wet and a change of clothes. Expect at least one home-brew keg, if not two, or even fucking three, all brewed by Just Robert! Plan on getting shitfaced in circle with a guest R.A. as Cocktor Spork will be with Where Do You Get Off in Omaha working on a documentary about the underground Gay Cowboy scene. Come out and enjoy an awesome trail before the weather starts getting shitty, shitty, shitty!

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
A Proper Woman's #: (713) 851-5262

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 134 - 4th Anal Green Dress & Wedding Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, March 14th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Magnolia Gardens (Site of TXIH 2014)
12044 Beach St
Houston, Texas

Hares: EZ Chair & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: *$20 ENTRY FEE TO SAVE A HORSE AND 101 DONATIONS FOR ALL THE SHIT THEY ARE DOING*, $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 South or Hardy Toll Road south until you hit Beltway 8, then take Beltway East. Take the exit toward Garrett Rd/Little York Rd. Turn left onto Garrett Rd, Turn left onto 1st St, Continue onto Guinn Ave, Guinn Ave turns left and becomes 10th St, Turn right onto Beach and look for signs.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum one, cum all, to this special ORGY of events. Firstishly, this will be our FOURTH ANAL BRASS MONKEY GREEN DRESS RUN, so get out your Green dresses and get ready to get extra slutty!!!! That's right, this will be EZ's Third time haring, and my first, so it promises to be terrible with your reigning "Worst Hare Award" and "Hare Most Likely To Get You Killed Award" winners - so plan on that shit.

And lastly, and most importantly, this will be at the site of the Wedding Weekend Extravaganza for Save a Horse, Ride a Mole and 101 Donations! That's right, on Friday these two love birds will say "I do", then have sex in a tent/rv thing, then are going to be ready to celebrate round two on Saturday, so thank you to them for letting us come out and do this! Since we will be crashing their party, for those of you that have not already, please PayPal them $20 to cover all the awesome shit they are providing or bring it on Saturday. You will still need to pay $5 for the run as that will cover circle beer and snacky cakes.

After the trail there is a camping out option once you have paid your $20, and good times will be had by all there! Try to carpool, make sure to be good, and plan on having fun!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork