Tuesday, August 26, 2014

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 120 - Spork's BIRFDAY Trail



When: Saturday, August 30th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Pundt Park
4129 Spring Creek Drive
Spring, Texas 77373

Hares: Cocktor Spork & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Road north and exit Aldine-Westfield Road exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn right onto Aldine-Westfield Road, then turn left on Spring Creek Drive, then go for about 2 miles and the parking lot will be on your right. (If you take I-45 instead, you will exit number 68, East Cypresswood Drive and go East to Aldine-Westfield, then turn left, then right onto Spring Creek Drive.)

Sidenote: It's that time of year again, bitches, it's my BIRFDAY trail! I will be taking you through some virgin shiggy that promises to be fun... mostly because I have never been down there so we'll see what fences we find that Google Earth doesn't! This may be a bit on the long side of 3-5 miles depending on how long we spend buggering in the deep dark woods and giving each other tick-checks, so plan on about 5 miles with at least one beer check. Possible thunderstorms and definite water crossing mean make sure to wear something you don't mind getting soaked wet, white t-shirts preferred. It's gonna be hot, and it's going to be a bitch of a trail, so drink a lot of water or Karbach first!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 118


When: Saturday, August 16th, at 4:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon
230 Lexington
Conroe, TX 77385

Hares: Mighty Mighty Small Mouth & EZ Chair

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 81 for FM 1488. Go on the feeder until you hit FM 1488 and go EAST by turning right before the bridge, then go straight over the train tracks. Once you cross over, turn left, following around the wind to the right, and you are there.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: THERE WILL BE A WATER ENDING! That's right, after this hot and humid run, plan to relax in some water and cool your shit down! There will be shiggy, b00bs, beer, and some hot mess hares by the time we get there, most likely. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and $$ for the 0n-after which is a full bar that sometimes has food for sale outside when they cook. Also might be a live band, so should be an awesome time. SIDENOTE: Thank you to the hares who stepped in at the last minute to pick this up after Where Do You Get Off? and KatchUp forgot they had their honeymoon rental this weekend and couldn't be bothered. Thanks EZ and Mighty!!!!

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141


0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Friday, August 01, 2014

VOODOO MONKEY 4.0: Plymouth Cock

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Ladyboys… especially ladyboys, The Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers, in collaboration with the VooDoo Hash House Harriers, bring you…

VOODOO MONKEY 4.0: Plymouth Cock

This year, VooDoo Monkey will not be in July and be fucking hot, it will not be in August when it’s fucking hotter, it will not be in September, too much shit going on, it will not be in October, that is crab hash territory. No no, this year, we will be having VOODOO MONKEY IV in November, the weekend before Thanksgiving to be exact. Imagine it, you are at Thanksgiving dinner, your weird Uncle across the table that works in Laundromat is licking his fingers to wipe his comb over across his forehead. To his right, your bother. Not that one, the other one… ewwww. You are stuck at this table full of odd people who you wouldn’t dare be around sober. Don’t you wish you had lubed up the weekend before and sucked all the fun out of the air that you could have, so you could have stored it up like some alcoholic camel to use on an occasion such as this. Yes. For those of you that did, there will be faint whispers in the wind saying “…voodoo… monkey… fourrrrrrrrrr…” So let us say in short, you’re welcome. 

As this year is the Monkey’s turn to host this blessed event, it will be back on this side of the Texas - Louisiana boarder and be a Texas style campout. Bring your tents, bring your RVs, bring your asses, and come out for a weekend full of alcohol, campfires, and bitches. Well, not bitches. I don’t know, there might be some bitches. *See RSVP list* The campout will crack open Friday, November 21st at 12:00pm when we tap the beer! What kind of beer? Let’s put it this way, it’s not going to be Bud Light Lime. It’s not going to be Bud Light. It’s not going to be Budweiser. It will not say “Bud” in the name. Good beer. Label beer… delicious warm-me-up beer. There will be slut-juice… the delicious slut-me-up-nectar. We will be at a beautiful venue, filled with awesome grasslands surrounding an awesome lake. It’s November, so it might be cold. But it’s Texas, so it could be fucking 75°, who the hell knows. I can’t remember the last time I was cold on Thanksgiving in this damn state. Anyway, it’s going to be awesome. 

Since it will be right before Thanksgiving, this year’s thème will reflect all that you are thankful for: STD medications, alcohol, plan B, slutty Pilgrim outfits that you can most likely find at your local whore-store. Think Pilgrims meet Indians or Pocahontas bangs John Smith. Think small pox blankets and delicious Brass Monkeys meet for the first time. Brass Monkeys: the original cure for scurvy. So what do you need to know to get you to this place… this mecca only an hour away from The Woodlands? Well, here’s what you need to know, bitches.

When: Friday, November 21st – Sunday, November 23rd 

Where: Ron’s Relay Retreat, 36009 Howell Road, Waller, TX 77484

Bring: A tent, and whatever you want to wear that weekend. Have an RV? Prefect, bring it! (There will be an additional $30-ish price for hookups and such, e-mail bmh@bmhengineering.com to RSVP for RV space.)

Cap: We are capping this event at 120, so if you want to go to this event, I recommend you rego early. I would really prefer if I didn’t get a call from one of you assholes in a couple months like “Hey, Spork, so I tried to buy a rego and it said CLOSED, you’ve got one for me, right?” Don’t be that guy. Don’t be Mud In My Crick. Get your rego, get it now, and get it cheap. Go to www.BMH3.org and sign up there! We would prefer if you did not send checks *cough cough* Boarder Jumpers *cough cough*.

Cost:
August 1st – August 31st: $75.00 
September 1st – September 30th: $90.00
October 1st – October 31st: $105.00
November 1st - REGISTRATION CLOSED

What You Get: Camping for an entire weekend, beer, games, beer, entertainment, beer, gimmies, beer, food, and possibly some beer.

What more do you need to know? No, seriously, like that is all the shit you need for now. As more details become available, we’ll put them out. Until then, just rego this shit. Can’t go later? Sell it to some poor sap that is looking for a rego at the last minute. So cum one, cum all, cum out to get in some pre-Thanksgiving fun at this year’s VOODOO MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!

PAY & REGO HERE:
https://www.payitsquare.com/collect-page/41389


0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork