Thursday, July 30, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

When: Saturday, August 1st, at ***2:30pm!***

Where: "San Jacinto Park" (On Google)
Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494
Kingwood, TX 77339
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)
***See D'erections below, don't try to map off "Kingwood, TX" location!***

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take the 45 South (Or Hardy Toll Road) to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!
Ahoy ahoy! I see you are looking for notes on trail. Well my little birdies...let me feed you. For those they don't like these rants, I invite you to the "too long didn't read" below.

Trail will be a treacherous 1-2 miles long. In shiggy. In Kingwood TX. It will include thorns, it will include Mosquitos, probably some bull nettles cause well, fuck you. It will have some pavement for you racists, but it will also have spiders and probably snakes. It will have a water ending one way or another cause, Texass. FoR our four legged friends, trail will be safe and if it gets dicey there will be a bailout point for the quadrupeds.

Let's face it folks--it's Get Off and Katchup. We are not known for our sound decision making skills anymore so than 19 year old is known for his sexual prowess. By the way where he hell is that guy? So expect to be unsafe on a trail laid by two hates that are likely enjoying too much safety on trail. But hey if you survive imagine the stories you can tell your friends!

Bring cash, like 5 bucks or more if you want habadashery. Bring bug spray, bring sunscreen, bring virgins, bring a thirst for beer, and most of all bring low expectations and a general lack for your wellbeing.

TL;DR: TRAIL WILL BE A PLEASANTLY SAFE STROLL THROUGH SOME SHADED PAVEMENT WE FOUND. FEEL FREE TO WEAR VERY LITTLE CLOTHING AND ROLLER SKATES. WE DONT EVEN NEED BUG SPRAY BECAUSE THE AREA IS FOGGED REGULARLY. -WDYGO

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Monday, July 13, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

When: Saturday, July 18th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road, Tomball, TX

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Stay to the right, continue onto Spring Stuebner Rd going WEST, which will take you across the freeway, then go for like 5 miles. Turn right-ish on K├╝ykendahl Road, and go for about 4 miles. Turn left onto Hufsmith Road and you'll run into the park. ***Park in the FAR NORTHWEST SIDE of the park near the pavilion.***

Sidenote: Cum one, cum all, for this solo-hared sure-to-be shitshow hared by none other than Homoglobin! With weather predicted to be in the mid to high 90°s, expect some fucking shiggy to provide us some shade! Expect at least one beer check to give us the strength to live through trail! Expect some terrible concrete because Homoglobin hates us and wants us to suffer. Depending on rain or not, expect 0 - 15 water crossings, to be determined because, you know, Texas.

What else can be expected? Maybe people that come early can bring some nice refreshing drinks for everyone to share, so that we don't die and stuff? Maybe some people in skimpy clothing so that they can finally get that tan? Maybe a few beer-shotgun races in the parking lot? We shall see... but there is only one way to find out!!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork