Thursday, June 30, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 168 – Homoglobin's Second Anal Divorcersary Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 168 – Homoglobin's Second Anal Divorcersary Trail!

When: Saturday, July 2nd, at 4:00pm!

Where:
Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX 77375

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to FM 2920 West / Spring Cypress Road, then turn left. Go for like 5 miles and turn right onto Kuykendahl Road. Go for another 5-ish miles and turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Go for like a mile and a half and it will wind you to the left, then turn Right into the park.

Sidenote:
Ladies and Gentlemen, join the Brass Monkey for a steamy afternoon of ex-treme happiness for Homoglobin’s Second Anal Divorcersary Trail! Expect shiggy, and if this fucking rain keeps up, water crossings. Bring Alligator spray, and bug spray… only one of them will *really* help, but it least you’ll feel slightly better about yourself. Maybe. Expect at least one beer check, and expect to be fucking gross by the end of trail, so bring something to change into.

NOTES FROM THE HARE: there will be some Karbach and shitty beer for the beer check. 3.4 miles true trail. It just rained like a mother fucker so it will be muddy from time to time. The forecast looks good but hot so stay hydrated. On on!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 167 – Red Light Special & Outside Cat’s Birfday Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 167 – Red Light Special & Outside Cat’s Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, June 18th, at 3:00pm! ***NOTE THE TIME***

Where:
Carl Barton Junior Park
2500 TX-336 Loop
Conroe, TX 77301

Hares: Red Light Special & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45, then continue North. Take until Exit 84B towards South Frazier Street/TX-75/Texas 336 Loop. Turn right on 336, and take that for about two-three miles until you see Carl Barton Junior Park on your right.

Sidenote:
Bring bugspray! Plan on wet and hot, just like Page 43 of an International male catalogue. “97° and scattered showers.” How do fucking weathermen in this state get paid, like seriously. Anywho, expect shiggy, beer, and b00bs! This will be dog friendly, but bring a leash for a few spots. Also, this will be KatchUp friendly, but bring a leash for a few spots. Make sure to bring a change of clothes and shoes, you will not want to stay in them for circle or on-after. Oh, and don’t fucking forget bugspray, those fucking mosquitos are *terrible* right now.

The hares will be partying the night before, and will be hurting on Saturday. Hard. They are going to punish you like a glutard at a bread eating contest, so conversely, you must make sure they pay for it in circle. Expect treacherous slopes of vines and shiggy, jungles of bamboo and vines that Tarzan could have swung from in that little loin cloth of his, talk about wanting to come back as an object in another life. Meowwwwwwwwwwww. Anywho, never actually been to this park, so I have no idea what it has, but I expect it to be a trail from hell. Prepare yourselves…….

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off’s #: (832) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975
Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, June 02, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 166 - The Something-th Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 166 - The Something-th Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile!


When: Saturday, June 4th, at 3:00pm! ***NOTE THE TIME***


Where: 
Redneck Abortion's Brick & Mortar The Babies Center
23507 Tree House Lane 
Spring, TX 77373


Hares: Red Light Special & Redneck Abortion


Why: Because you like drinking, period.


Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.


D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road. If Hardy, exit Aldine Westfield Road & turn right, if I-45, take Exit 68 towards Cypresswood, turn right, then right onto Aldine Westfiled Road. Both: Go to Prairie Bird Drive, turn left, then turn right on Tree House Lane. Look for hookers.


Sidenote: 

Once a year, usually when a hare tries to bail last minute, we have the ANAL BRASS MONKEY BEER MILE! That time is now upon us, and this year hopefully EZ Chair will not break a finger! So cum one, cum all, and get yourself an entire monkey!! Regular hash cash of $5, and bring extra for Haberdashery!

FROM THE HARES: Howdy, bitches! Red Light and Redneck Abortion bring you this year's Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile! Never done a Monkey Mile before? It's similar, but less classé. You, and only you, will be responsible for killing an *entire* Brass Monkey whist running 1/4 mile four times! So come get drunk on your own Monkey, then do circle and turn left from Malt Liquor onto Texas beer! Who knows, maybe we'll scurry into some nearby trouble?

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141


0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork