Thursday, July 25, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 248: Cat & Just Lizzy Spray in the Woods


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 248: Cat & Just Lizzy Spray in the Woods

When: Saturday, July 27th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Spring Creek Nature Trail
4CXP+7P Haven Lake Estates, Texas
Tomball, TX  77375

Hares: Outside Cat & Just Lizzy

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to the Grand Parkway (TX-99) WEST.  Take that to Kuykendahl Road, then exit and go NORTH, that means right.  Take that to Creekside Forest Drive, then turn left and take that all the way to the park, which will be on your right.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ok kids, this should be a fun one.  It's already in a fun place by trying to figure out where this fucking thing is actually starting.  Which brings me to my first point: (1) the hares may change the starting location.  Why?  Because hares lie.  That brings me to point (2), see point (1).  We are told to expect shiggy with one to two beer checks, bring bug spray and a change of clothes. Because duh, it's a monkey.  They both have dogs, so maybe dog friendly?  This trail almost happened a couple months back, but trail was stolen out from under them by an evil Spork who gave it to an evil candystore lady and her evil husband.  So now, after caucusing some more, they have come up with their revenge trail to make us pay for not giving it to them when there was cooler weather.  Just Lizzy has been fucked with by the monkeys for a little while now, it's time to make her pay for everything she knows about us that we still don't know about her... and her little dog, too.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 247: Donnie the Retard FINALLY Hares!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 247: Donnie the Retard FINALLY Hares!

When: Saturday, July 13th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Shadowbend Park
4192 Lake Woodlands Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Donnie the Retard & One Shot One Kill

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that ramp over the freeway and straight for 3-4 miles, then turn right on Gosling Road. Go straight for a mile or so and turn left at the second light, Lake Woodlands Drive. Go for just over a half mile and the park will be on your left just past Shadowbend Drive. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies & Gents, it's going to be a big week. Some *shit* is happening this week. Get the fuck ready. Firstishly, Donnie the Retard -- yes, THE Donnie the Retard -- will be haring!! What?! Shock 'n'awe. Donnie, who was supposed to have hared like two fucking trails by now, will be laying his FIRST trail of the year! Wooooohooooo!! We haven't gone full retard in a while. But wait, there's more! Donnie and ESPN's child, like, actual child, will be co-haring with him! That's right, this will be One Shot One Kill's virgin lay! I think? Maybe ESPN was pregnant there for a while and doing some haring, maybe that counts? In any case, this will be the first time she can be put to work carrying flour, so BAM, upgrade. Since she will be too young for circle, Donnie will be drinking for BOTH hares. So that'll be fun. Per el Retard, it will be a "shady run with some shiggy mixed in." Who knows what he means by shady, maybe there's homeless people on trail. You never know. Also, "walker friendly, lots of poison ivy, water crossings, and refreshing buzz balls at the beer stop. Under 12 miles guaranteed."

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork