Monday, October 14, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 254: BMH3 + H4 Campout = Possible Death


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 254: BMH3 + H4 Campout = Possible Death

When: Saturday, October 19th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Texas Renaissance Festival
21778 FM 1774, Todd Mission, TX 77363. 
***Day Trippers can park in the main faire parking for free.  Campers can enter the campground, but it requires a pass.***

Hares: Will He Peter and Epic Fail

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash (IF YOU ARE ONLY HASHING AND LEAVING, OTHERWISE READ BELOW!), shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM ANYWHERE: Read this shit (https://www.texrenfest.com/map-directions)

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Remember the The Monkeys of Brass’ Sexquicentennial Scurry, Scamper, and Sexual Orgy of Salacious Talent (aka the 150th run) at which everyone got wet and drunk?  No? Well neither do we, so we are doing it again.

Trail will be at Texas Renaissance Festival, starting in the campgrounds at the Realm of Ramith.

But Epic Fail, What is a Realm of Ramith you ask?  Just a group of hash-friendly crazy pirates known to get drunk, sing sea shanties and might rivel the hashers for some of their shenanigans. 

But Epic Fail, I don't know where to find a Realm of Ramith?? Don't worry, just look at this map and go to #16.  https://dynamix-cdn.s3.amazonaws.com/texrenfestcom/texrenfestcom_703739644.jpg

Why are we AT the ren faire?  Because H4 is being annoying and doing a campout the same weekend as YFFs usual trail.  If you want to stay the night, get a camping pass and join us!  We will be going all weekend.  If not, you gotta get sober and leave by 11 pm.  DON'T DRIVE DRUNK, THE POLICE LOOK FOR DRUNKS AROUND HERE AS INTENSELY AS DONNY LOOKS FOR HIS NEXT PAIR OF CROCS.

Do I need to rego?? $5 for trail.  If you plan to camp, drink the hash keg and want a gimmie, it's $10.  Rego at https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc-SA_kbotA_7Az6Hj1kAYvlULXWipPdpxwbHHIgTrpUqr9uA/

What should I bring?? Everything if you plan to camp.  We are providing beer and some trail snacks.  There are food trucks, porta potties and showers on site.

More info on H4 Fall Cmapout can be found here: (https://www.facebook.com/events/1048107182246894/)

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork



Wednesday, October 02, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 253 - Aryan Sisterhood's Birfday Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 253 - Aryan Sisterhood's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, October 5th, at 3:00pm!

Where: *New Start Location*
31220 Birnham Road Drive
Spring, TX 77386

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to the Grand Parkway (TX-99), then go East - that means right.  Exit Birnham Woods Dr and turn left on Birnham woods Dr. 

Sidenote:
*NOT* FROM THE HARE: Well, what can I say?  it's Aryan Sisterhood.  That means he made it another year without dying.  As surprising as that is, he still doesn't appear to have any illegitimate children, and hasn't made any additional life choices that would put him on an even worse path than he's already catapulting down.  Now, it's possible there is a small village of goosestepping, pony-tailed blondes wondering around the Canadian tundra somewhere that he is responsible for, but really there are only so many things we really know about him, so let's just move on to what we can "expect" from this trail.  Firstishly, he wanted to start from a school.  Apparently 50 yards to him is optional during weekends, but after discussing, we decided that wasn't best, and Megan's Law agreed.  So, we're starting from a park, with at least one beer check, and according to him, a shit-ton of virgin shiggy. We shall see.  You can expect water crossings, and knowing him, some other dangerous shit.  It's gonna be warm, so hydrate your ass off, and make sure to bring bug spray!  That's all the info I have, so you'll just have to wait and see what kind of fuckery this trail will bring.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, September 16, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 252 - 3rd AИAL Flock You Hash!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 252 - 3rd AИAL Flock You Hash!


When: Saturday, September 21st, at 3:00pm!


Where: ACROSS THE STREET IN THE DIRT PARKING LOT FROM...
Rob Fleming Park
6055 Creekside Forest Drive
Spring, TX 77389


Hares: Womb Raider, Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones, Mouth Organ, Outside Cat, and Aryan Sisterhood


Why: Because you like drinking, period.


Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.


D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North to Woodlands Parkway going west for about 4 miles. Turn left at Gosling. Turn right at Creekside Forest. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.


Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum celebrate the survival of the Flock You Hash! There can be only one! It’s been rough lately for Brass Monkey special event hashes (RIP VooDoo Monkey, Iron Hash and Green Dress) but the FLOCK YOU HASH REFUSES. TO. DIE. Get your feathers ready and pucker up your little asshole! Your Flock leaders have made some elaborate plans for the 3rd Anal Flock You Hash and at least 10% will cum to fruition! If you make the right choice and cum you will get: AN AWESOME MIGRATION/TRAIL, A KICKASS PATCH, “PRIZES”, BIRD THEMED FOOD (hot and tasty), and DRINKS! Trail will be about 5 miles long. There will be at least 2 manned beer checks and 1 shot check. Little birds that may be/get injured or overheated or lazy can bail out at checks (warning you will drink for it). There will be trail treasures to find for special “prizes” at circle. Bird Costumes are highly encouraged. Please!?! We really want to have some feathered friends. We can’t wait to see our flock! We’re so excited we could pee out of our cloacas!!!


What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)


Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, September 04, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 251 - Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's Birfday Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 251 - Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, September 7th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Huffsmith Road
*Farther parking lot / cul-de-sac / Pavilion area
Tomball, TX

Hares: Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy Buttchug

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West - that means left. Take the exit toward Kuykendahl Road. Turn right onto Kuykendahl Road, then turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Take that and it will curve to the left, then park will be on your right. Go in and take it until you hit the last park at the deadend. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
NOT FROM HARES: Although Cocktor Spork and Indiana Bones share the same birthday, they were unable to co-hare this year due to an ongoing custody battle with a Rapunzel barbie, different uses for Ivanna, and a John Stamos poster.  So the last trail was Spork's death march, and this will be Indiana's response!  Let's she what she's got!  She said.........
FROM THE HARES: Come celebrate the day of birth of Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, which she shares with Cocktor Spork. Unlike his birthday trail, this one is not designed to kill you! Trail will be 3-4 miles with shiggy, water crossings, beer check, and boozy popsicles.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Monday, August 05, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 249: The Ivanna-Bone-Hairy-ButtPoon Trail


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 249: The Ivanna-Bone-Hairy-ButtPoon Trail

When: Saturday, August 10th, at 3:00pm!

Where: 24 Hour Fitness
10860 Kuykendahl Road
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon & Ivanna Hairy Buttchug

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45.  Take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway.  Go for 6-ish miles and turn left on Kuykendahl Road.  Take your second left into the shopping center and look for assholes in the 24 Hour Fitness parking lot.

Sidenote:
Summer is coming to an end, so it's time to get one last Saturday in before those fucking kids start ruining our Saturdays again.  Per the hares, you can expect 3-4 miles of dog friendly shaded shiggy with multiple water crossings and at least one beer check.  It's going to be hot as fuck, so drink water, and get your bitching about the heat out before you show up.  I mean, we'll all still bitch, but get the majority of it out.  We're in this together.  Since we are starting at a gym that means we can mean-mug people as we drink 40s while they are walking in to be all healthy.  Gross.  Come on out, you won't want to miss it!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Thursday, July 25, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 248: Cat & Just Lizzy Spray in the Woods


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 248: Cat & Just Lizzy Spray in the Woods

When: Saturday, July 27th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Spring Creek Nature Trail
4CXP+7P Haven Lake Estates, Texas
Tomball, TX  77375

Hares: Outside Cat & Just Lizzy

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to the Grand Parkway (TX-99) WEST.  Take that to Kuykendahl Road, then exit and go NORTH, that means right.  Take that to Creekside Forest Drive, then turn left and take that all the way to the park, which will be on your right.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ok kids, this should be a fun one.  It's already in a fun place by trying to figure out where this fucking thing is actually starting.  Which brings me to my first point: (1) the hares may change the starting location.  Why?  Because hares lie.  That brings me to point (2), see point (1).  We are told to expect shiggy with one to two beer checks, bring bug spray and a change of clothes. Because duh, it's a monkey.  They both have dogs, so maybe dog friendly?  This trail almost happened a couple months back, but trail was stolen out from under them by an evil Spork who gave it to an evil candystore lady and her evil husband.  So now, after caucusing some more, they have come up with their revenge trail to make us pay for not giving it to them when there was cooler weather.  Just Lizzy has been fucked with by the monkeys for a little while now, it's time to make her pay for everything she knows about us that we still don't know about her... and her little dog, too.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 247: Donnie the Retard FINALLY Hares!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 247: Donnie the Retard FINALLY Hares!

When: Saturday, July 13th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Shadowbend Park
4192 Lake Woodlands Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Donnie the Retard & One Shot One Kill

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that ramp over the freeway and straight for 3-4 miles, then turn right on Gosling Road. Go straight for a mile or so and turn left at the second light, Lake Woodlands Drive. Go for just over a half mile and the park will be on your left just past Shadowbend Drive. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies & Gents, it's going to be a big week. Some *shit* is happening this week. Get the fuck ready. Firstishly, Donnie the Retard -- yes, THE Donnie the Retard -- will be haring!! What?! Shock 'n'awe. Donnie, who was supposed to have hared like two fucking trails by now, will be laying his FIRST trail of the year! Wooooohooooo!! We haven't gone full retard in a while. But wait, there's more! Donnie and ESPN's child, like, actual child, will be co-haring with him! That's right, this will be One Shot One Kill's virgin lay! I think? Maybe ESPN was pregnant there for a while and doing some haring, maybe that counts? In any case, this will be the first time she can be put to work carrying flour, so BAM, upgrade. Since she will be too young for circle, Donnie will be drinking for BOTH hares. So that'll be fun. Per el Retard, it will be a "shady run with some shiggy mixed in." Who knows what he means by shady, maybe there's homeless people on trail. You never know. Also, "walker friendly, lots of poison ivy, water crossings, and refreshing buzz balls at the beer stop. Under 12 miles guaranteed."

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Saturday, June 22, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 246 - The Skeeting Penis Meowth Barfday Extra-Gava-Ganza!!!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 246 - The Skeeting Penis Meowth Barfday Extra-Gava-Ganza!!!

When: Saturday, June 29th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burrough's Park
9738 Huffsmith Road
*Farther parking lot / cul-de-sac
Tomball, TX

Hares: Outside Cat, Skeet Squad, and Penis First Mouth Second

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West - that means left. Take the exit toward Kuykendahl Road. Turn right onto Kuykendahl Road, then turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Take that and it will curve to the left, then park will be on your right. Go in and take it until you hit the last park at the deadend. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum one cum all in your pants and with your party pants to the something'th annual Skeeting Penis Meowth Barfday Extra-gava-ganza!! The one time a year when you want to actually try, when you want to be first, when you try your damnedest to catch a penis and a pussy and some skeet at the same time!! This live lay will be hot, it will be wet, and it will be dirty. For the edge-play enthusiasts, there may also be blood. But by no means should you drink anything but aqua to prep yourselves because lick her there shall be and lick her you shall! We have nothing but the finest of live hare trails "prepared" for you to traverse, and diety help you if you actually catch us! Feel free to bring your floppy foamy noodle or flotationable sex toy of choice in the hopes that you might actually get to use it. If you actually find trail, if you actually make it half way, if you don't give up like a bunch of whiny... insert derogatory body part here... you will be thoroughly punished through the duration and possibly rewarded with cake near the end. I have the utmost of faith for everyone in attendance that this shitshow will be appreciated as much as the first coke can cock after a looooong line of vienna sausages. So open your minds, open your holes, and bring your fucking running clothes, it's time again to get laid.... Live. Good luck! Yer gonna knead it like a ballsack.

- Outside Cat, Penis First, and Skeeter Peter

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 245 - The Wombsterbaitor Express!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 245 - The Wombsterbaitor Express!

When: Saturday, June 15th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Montgomery County Preserve Trailhead
(30.112081, -95.451869)
***Not exact address. This is the strip mall. ***
1043 Pruitt Rd.
The Woodlands, TX 77380
Google Maps: 4G6X+Q7 The Woodlands, Texas

Hares: Womb Raider & Dumpsterbaitor

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 73 towards Sawdust. Use the far-left lane at Sawdust to U-turn onto I-45 S feeder. From feeder, turn RIGHT just past the Texaco onto Pruitt Rd. Go past Papas Icehouse to the stop sign at the T. Turn LEFT onto Pruitt road. Go for about 0.5 mile and turn LEFT just past the small strip mall. There will be a white sign with James Noack Montgomery County Preserve and Nature Trail Spring Creek Greenway on the corner. Parking lot is on the right. If you get to Gullo Park or the baseball fields you fucked up. Turn around and try again.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Haring felt so nice I’m doing it twice! Co-haring last trail with Spork was awesome. This time I get to hare with Dumpsterbaitor. YAY! This is another virgin end (I think) so we shall see if we get to meet new cops again. It’s the middle of June and it’s HOT! Time to spend some time in the creeks getting WET. Trial will be 3-4 miles with one manned beer check. There will be multiple water crossings. Trail will be all Shiggy with little to no pavement. I’m sure we’ll find some thorns out there so expect to bleed a little. As usual, I will bring some good craft beer. To cool you off at circle, I will also once again be using my sciencey skills to make BOOZY freezer pops. I’m sure Dumpsterbaitor will be bringing some yummy snacks too.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 244: All Hot and Bothered... and Drunk.


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 244: All Hot and Bothered... and Drunk.

When: Saturday, June 1st, at 3:00pm!

Where: Venture Tech Park
8402 New Trails Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Cocktor Spork & Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Go all the way to the first light and turn left onto Research Forest Drive. Go for about 2 miles and turn right onto New Trails Drive. The park will be on your right just past Technology Forest Drive. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: School'ssssssssss Out. Fo Summah! w00t! Yay, it's great! Less traffic, no school zones, no getting stuck behind school bus stops. Yessss. BUT, along with the awesomeness that is summer, here in the great state of Texas it also brings us the thing we dread most. No, not unsweetened tea, the fucking heat. The gross, hot, sticky, sweat dripping in all-the-things hot. Ewwww. The beautiful time of year is gone, so now we need to buckle up, wear sunblock, and stay in the fucking shiggy. You can expect 2-4 miles of mostly shiggy with a few "oh shit, a neighborhood" pop-outs. There will be at least one beer check, and since Womb Raider is one of the hares, the beer probably won't suck, event against Spork's saying, "Fuck them, PBR4LYFEEEEEEE". Virgin starting point and ending location (A to B), so maybe we'll get to meet new cops this time. Carpooling is great, you should do it, then more people can drink. Hashtag Science.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, May 14, 2019


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 243: Ivanna & Indiana Bones' Revenge

When: Saturday, May 18th, at 3:00pm!

Where: ACROSS THE STREET FROM MAIN PARK AT THE TRAIL HEAD - THERE IS NO ADDRESS:
W G Jones State Forest
Across the street from 1328 Farm to Market Road 1488
Conroe, TX 77384
Google Maps: 6GM9+P4 Conroe, Texas

Hares: Ivanna Hairy ButtChug and Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 81 for FM 1488 west toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Take FM 1488 West for about 1.5 miles then look on the LEFT for the trailhead; the trailhead doesn't have and address, so we used the one across the street. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Spring time in Texas means wet and floods. We have decided to not run along a river this time. Fucking rain! We will get you wet, we will get you muddy, we will draw blood. Perfect monkey trail. Bring your thirst for adventure, for beer, and sillyness. Trail is A to A. You can expect 4-ish miles of dog friendly, people friendly, not under 10 feet of water. Friendly. There will be at least one beer check!

NOT FROM HARES: For those of you that were there last trail, you know what we went through. We dealt with things we should never speak of again, like those kids from "IT". Maybe years from now, when we've gone through therapy from last trail, we will be able to speak of those events. But now? Not yet. Ivanna and Indiana Bones are doing a bit of the old "take two", so we'll see how this one goes. Thoughts and prayers for those still lost out on the last trail.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, April 26, 2019

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 242 - El Cinco de Monkey


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 242 - El Cinco de Monkey

When: Saturday, May 4th, at 3:00pm! ***NOTE THE START TIME!***

Where: George Mitchell Nature Preserve - Spring Creek Greenway
Flintridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77381
(30.163037, -95.517794)

Hares: Ivanna Hairy ButtChug, Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, and Just Lizzy

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: shirts from $15+, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it deadends into I-45. Take exit 76B onto Woodlands Parkway and go for about 3-ish miles. Turn left onto Gosling Road, then take your first right at Flintridge Drive. Go for just over a half mile, and the Nature Preserve will be on your left. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Even though TXIH is over, we are Monkeys and we are prepared to give you another shit show. This is a Cinco de Mayo trail. Expect several crossing of the Rio while bringing your asylum claims and stray niños/niñas. Time to honor our friends from the south by wearing your sombreros and ponchos. There will be a piñata check that may have some booze in it? and maybe some tequila?? Some of you will get the "worm". Expect 4ish miles and at least one beer check. Trail is dog friendly and A-A. Hash cash is 95 pesos. Bring your anti-ICE spray and tunneling equipment. Wall jumping socks are required.

On another sidenote, this will be Just Lizzy's virgin hare!! Coming to us with all kinds of enthusiasm and smiles, we'll see what this does to Just Lizzy, and what she does to us... Come help us make the virgin hare drink for all her crimes as we drink down alllllll the tequila. *quiver*

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, April 03, 2019


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 240: The Hookers of Hashwick

When: Saturday, April 6th, at 3:00pm! ***NOTE THE START TIME!***

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX  77375
*At the dog park area*

Hares: Road Head, The Jersey Score, and Hot Ham Wallet

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West - that means left. Take the exit toward Kuykendahl Road. Turn right onto Kuykendahl Road, then turn left onto Hufsmith Road.  Take that and it will curve to the left, then park will be on your right.  Go in and take it until you hit the dog park.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: One year and two weeks ago I was convinced to cum to what I believed was a chill day walking through the woods and smoking hash….and what turned out to be complete and utter bloody mayhem.

may·hem/ˈmāˌhem/noun:
violent or damaging disorder; chaos. synonyms: chaos, disorder, confusion, havoc, bedlam, pandemonium, tumult, uproar, turmoil, madness, madhouse, hullabaloo, all hell broken loose, wild disarray, disorganization, maelstrom, trouble, disturbance, commotion, riot, anarchy, destruction, violence "furious TV bosses watched stunned as the band created mayhem onstage"

This Saturday please join three virginish trail layers exacting revenge on a beautiful somewhat chaotic trail. Expect to get lost (thanks HHW), get bored, get scared, horny, tired, a bit of shiggy, little bit of water….aaaand…who the fuck knows what else. Weather says rain but again, who the fuck knows.

Super dog friendly.

Come to Burroughs Park go almost all the way to the pavilion and park in the parking lot before the pavilion – the dog park parking.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork