Wednesday, December 30, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 155

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 155

When: Saturday, January 2nd, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Northwood Pines Park
Spring, TX 77373

Hares: Where Do You Get Off?, Fag Magnet, & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North to exit 70B for Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Take the feeder past the light over the Grand Parkway (99), then turn right onto Crossgate Boulevard into the Northgate Crossing subdivision. Take your first left onto Northgate Crossing Boulevard. and take that over the Hardy Toll Road and the park will be on your left right after a small lake.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, to the first trail of 2016, which we will attempt to make as shitty as the final trail of 2015! 2016 is the YEAR OF THE MONKEY, so let's get this shit started right! Hared by Where Do You get Off?, Fag Magnet, & Cocktor Spork, this promises to be a hevily homo-inspured trail, which means lots of bending over.

That's right, expect Shiggy, to get wet, and for there to be prizes for all the boyscouts you captur.... err rescue on trail. 3-5 miles with at least one beer check, this promises to start off your new year with a bang, or depending on how drunk you get, perhaps someone will feel bad for you and touch your whiskey-meat.

The weather says it's going to be cold and wet, like your mom, so dress accordingly, and bring warm clothes for circle!!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 154

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 154

When: Saturday, December 19th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Rob Flemming Park
6055 Creekside Forest Drive 
The Woodlands, TX 77389

Hares: Donnie The Retard, London Fag, & Mud In My Crick (Maybe, it's Mud, you never know.)

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North until it dead ends into I-45. Take exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take Woodlands Parkway for 3-4 miles until you get to Golsing Road, then turn left. Take Gosling for about 2 miles and turn right into Creekside Forest Drive. Go until you hit the Traffic circle, take the 1st exit and stay on Creekside Forest Drive. 

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: What happens when two bleeding-heart liberals, and one blood-in-his-underwear independent get drunk and lost in the woods together? 

Tune in on Saturday at 2pm and help with the search party.

You hares are....

The enigmatic Mud In My Crick
The elegant London Fag
and
The enormous Donny The Retard. 

Expect an old school Brass Monkey, which means a shitty, er shiggy trail, short and sweet, with at least one beer check. mud may or may not show up, because Mud, so at least two hares, one of which speaks funny, and the other is London Fag. Celebrating all of their birthdays, make sure to help them regret living this long, so come out and get them drunk!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Where Do You get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 153

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 153 - H4 Xmas Pre-Lubrication & Foreplay Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, December 5th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: South Picnic Lane, Memorial Park, houston, TX
(29.759626,-95.434159)

Hare: Redneck Abortion

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Cost:
°$5 for hash cash if you have not paid for the H4 xmas Party and you are just doing the Brass Monkey hash
°$0 for hash cash if you have already paid for the H4 xmas party

Bring: Shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 or Hardy Toll Road south to 610 West. Go west for seven-ish miles, then take exit 10A for Woodway Drive. Turn left on Woodway Drive and it will turn into Memorial Drive. Turn right onto Sorth Picnic Drive and then right away onto South Picnic Lane. Take South Picnic Lane all the way to the most southen point and look for hashers. use these coordinates if that doesn't work: 29.759626,-95.434159

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Come one, come all, for the H4 Xmas Pre-Lubrication & Foreplay Extravaganza! Hared by Brass Monkeys' own Redneck Abortion, this promises to be a terrible monkey-stype trail, deep in the heart of Houston. You can expect 2-3 miles of shitty shiggy with lots'o'bugs, and depending on the weather, possibly some water crossings. With at least one beer check, manned by a mystery hasher!, you will not regret starting your Saturday afternoon off like a deviant and hanging with us.

After the trail, you will have an hour+ to go change and get ready for H4's Anal Xmas Party! This year's slutty theme is "H4 Christmas Party 2015 - The Farce Awakens"! Info Found Here: (https://www.facebook.com/events/755376487899829) If you have paid for the H4 xmas party, the Brass Monkey hash is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. If you haven't paid, or you are not going, the cost is $5.

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Epic Fail's #: (281) 650-3767
Redneck Abortion's #: (281) 770-4373

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, November 19, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 152

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 152

When: Saturday, November 21st, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Glenfield Spring Ln, Spring, TX 77389
(30.116655,-95.498701)

Hares: Save a Horse Ride a Mole & 101 Donations

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston, take I-45 North to exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Follow the feeder then loop under the freeway for Spring Stubner Road West. Take that for like 3 miles, then turn right onto Gosling Road. Take Gosling north for like 2 miles, then turn right on Glenfield Spring Lane. Turn right at the deadend, then turn left right away. Look for hashers. Or bitches. Or bitch-hashers.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES:

Cum one, cum twice, cum 101 times if you can! But most importantly--Cum!

The ever deviant and delicious 101 Donations and the man who stuffs her turkey, Save a horse ride a mole, are set to lay, smoke a cigarette, and then drop some flour for a shiggalicious trail of beers! Expect a wet one as Save a horse loves to get the ladies wet, or that one time in Thailand, the "ladies".

Expect 3.5 miles of titties and thorns, along with a KEG of delicious brew for those of us that need to start preparing to face our family for the first time since last thanksgiving.

Question? Comments? Sorry can't hear you (we're not sorry).

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Friday, November 06, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 151

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 151

When: Saturday, November 7th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Welch Park, Jacobs Lake Blvd, Conroe, TX 77384

Hares: Red Light Special, Mighty Mighty Small Mouth, & 101 Donations

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: From Houston, take I-45 North towards Conroe and exit 81 to FM 1488 West (towards Magnolia). Turn Right on Carriage Hills Blvd, Right on Jacobs Reserve Blvd, and then Left on Jacobs Lake Blvd. The Park will be just to the right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Cum out and join us, Red Light Special, Mighty Mighty Small Mouth & 101 Donations, as we attempt to stop drinking (hates lie) and maybe lay a trail or something.

You stumble upon three drunk and sultry harriettes, all dripping wet and giving you the "look." They ask you to cum and promise you moonshine and beer, what do you do? DUH, you follow them into the woods and see what kind of trouble they can get you into. Because brunettes and wood go together so well, expect us to make you pound the pavement a tiny bit before following our trail of white stuff through some shiggy and other stuff! As far as we know, there shouldn't be much water crossing but trust us at your own risk.

We cannot vow to keep all of you alive but please bring whistles just in case! Bring a vessel, bring cash (lap dances from small bone are only $5), bug spray and a change of clothes.

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

THE BRASS MONKEY H3 150th R*N - THE SEX-QUICENTENNIAL & TALENT SHOW!

Lords and Ladies, Peasants and Pirates,

The Monkeys of the Brass request the honour of celebrating in thy kind and noble presence, and that of thine household,
a fullsome day of celebration and mourning for thy liver and thy errant, common-kissing codpieces,
the celebration that thou hast in part created by breathing life unto these earth-vexing sausage-wallets,
in the fief of Olde Towne Magnolia.

Thou is invited to “The Monkeys of Brass’ Sexquicentennial Scurry, Scamper, and Sexual Orgy of Salacious Talent”, henceforth known as “The Brass Monkey 150th”! Thou hast *cough cough*, okay, I’m done with this cock-in-my-mouth, err cock-in-mouth, err cock-knee, er, cock-him, er cock-in-him, whatever, I’m done with this. TIME TO GET DRUNK AND CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come join the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers as we celebrate our 150th Hash, having somehow survived 5 years, 8 months, and 18 days of hashing, while having only had one arrest and four breathalyzers! Come celebrate with your monkey brothers and sisters as we enjoy each other’s time, homebrews, and sexy outfits, and have our trail at the Texas Renaissance Fair campground, alongside some awesome hashers and awesome events! Want to know more, here we gooooooooo!

On Saturday, October 24th, let your day start with another hash, so that you can be drunk by the time of the monkey trail!! Join Huzzah H3 at 10:00am for a Mimosa Brunch Pre-Lube! The cost is $7 and can be paid on-site or PayPal to holcaul@yahoo.com. Getting tipsy yet? Nahhhhh, we’re just starting! Once you are a little lubed up, ***head*** to the Sea Devil Tavern for the beginning of the Huzzah H3 Pirate Thèmed trail, presented by EZ 2 Please, Epic Fail and Tube of Goo! Things you can expect, per the hares? “Costumes, booze and beer!” That’s right, we’re helping EZ Chair and Outside Cat move again! Ha, as-if, right? In any case, this should allow you not one, not two, not three, but FOUR solid hours of drinking, lurking and lubing, drinking more, frolicking, and ren-fair-ing around before la pièce de résistance! More info can be found at www.h4.org.

At 3:30pm, the Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers present The Brass Monkey Sexquicentennial, aka The Brass Monkey 150th!!!!! Hared by Cocktor Spork and Where Do You Get Off?, this shall be a trail of lots of things merry, plenty of things anal, and bountiful amounts of handcuffs and Asians. Our inaugural hash was warm and shiggy, our 100th was cold as fuck, rainy, and shiggy, who knows that the 150th will bring! You must come find out! Once trail is complete, circle up for a circle of sexy proportions, also let by your hares. So the hares are the RAs… they won’t be drinking much. The cost for just the trail, circle, and a gimmie will be $10; you can expect a keg-o-beer of something better than shit, with some special guest appearances from Bill Cosby/Where Do You Get Off?’s fun-time kit, brass monkeys, and a commemorative, limited edition, Brass Monkey 150th gimmie!! We’re only ordering 50, so first paid, first served!!!! Think you’re gonna be hungry after circle? Us, too! Don’t worry, we got you.

For an additional $10, or $20 in total for the Brass Monkey Trail & posy-lube, you can get a nice big meal catered by Mel's Country Café, the same place that provided us with the badass food for VooDoo Monkey IV! Get your tummies full to prepare you to throw them up just in time for the last event to close out our evening, THE MONKEY IDOL BRASS MONKEY TALENT SHOW!!!!! Got talent? Or “talent”? Got Ping-Pong balls and a zipper? YOU’VE GOT TALENT! Come watch your Brass Monkey peeps perform with song, dance, accordion, fellatio lessons *mind the step-children*, and whatever else they bring, while we yell, cheer, and scream for them! This is something you do not want to miss! When you PAY IN ADVANCE and RSVP, you can say if you have talent or not. Come on, you know you want to show us your talent. The police may not want you to, but we do.

So, in short, here are the Brass Monkey Sexquicentennial details!

3:30pm: Brass Monkey Trail Begins!!!!
5:30pm: Brass Monkey Circle Begins!!!!
***Cost for Tail/Circle/Gimmie (Limited to first 50 people who sign up and pay!!) $10.00, AND MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE!***

6:30pm: Brass Monkey Dinner/Talent Show!
***Dinner is $10, and is catered, AND MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE!***

When you pay online, MAKE SURE TO NOTE IF YOU EAT MEAT OR IF YOU ARE A VEGETARIAN SO WE CAN MAKE SURE WE ORDER CORRECT QUAN-TITTIES!!!!

You can pay for just trail/beer/gimmie, or you can pay for that plus food HERE: http://www.payit2.com/collect-page/75574

Pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance, pay in advance. Food costs money, gimmies cost money, kegs cost money, we do not need a bunch of assholes showing up day of and being like “Oh, here is $16 in crinkled ones, I’ll get you later today for the rest.” No, do not be Mud in My Crick. Bad.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?

Who: Cocktor Spork, Where Do You Get Off?

Where: 21778 FM 1774, Todd Mission, Texas 77363

When: Saturday, October 24, 2015 at 3:30 PM

Why: Because in 150 r*ns we have only had a couple near death experiences, 1 person get arrested, and you STILL like drinking, period.

No? GOOD! Then pay and rego for an event you surely do not want to miss!!!

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Monday, October 05, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 149

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 149

When: Saturday, October 10th, at 3:00pm!

Where: ***General area at the end of a street, not the specific house***
69 South Wavy Oak Circle
The Woodlands, TX 77381
*General area at the end of a street, not the specific house*

Hare: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: North on I-45 or Hardy Toll Road to exit 76B Woodlands Parkway. Take that for a few miles until you hit Panther Creek Drive directly after the bridge that crosses Lake Woodlands. Left on Panther Creek, then past the one stop sign, then after you pass the school on your right and church on your left, turn left on Coral Berry. Go until you hit Tangle Brush and turn right and then first left onto Riverbank. Go straight on River Bank to Wavy Oak Circle, turn left. Start is parking area on the left at the curve.

Sidenote: FROM THE HAREl Cum if you’re brave enough to Womb Raider’s first solo trail. Hopefully Cocktor Spork taught me just enough to keep y’all alive. Trail will be ~3-4 miles with Monkey style shiggy complete with briars and Jesus thorns (there will be blood) and at least two water crossings. For the racist assholes like me there will be some runnable trail. If you survive to beer check I will reward you with a selection of GOOD beer including some Karbach.

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, September 24, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 148

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 148

When: SaTURDay, Septembeer 26th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: The Katch-a-Hoot Cafẻ: 27210 Paula Lane, Oak Ridge North, TX 77385 30.161126, -95.446255

Hares: KatchUp and his roommate

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Use your GPS! 

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARES!)
It’s finally happened.  Hoot Are You has completely angered the Concerned Citizens of Oak Ridge North (CCORN).  As collateral damage, Chupples has to move out next Wednesday too.  Being the sweet, innocent and law-abiding citizen we’ve all known him to be, Chup has begged Hoot for months to put on pants when getting the mail, wear a shirt when mowing the lawn, cover her cootch when letting out her pooch and to stop banging all the stay-at-home dads on the block.  To celebrate the end of quite a year, they are throwing a House Cooling Party after trail!  Trail will be shortish, shiggyish and shittyish.  Bring an air mattress to surf the extra large, carpeted living room. Or tents for the backyard. We don’t care if the neighbors get pissed, we’re leaving! There will be food, beer and cider after trail.  Hoot will cook bacon and eggs on Sunday morning.

Well you heard it people, make it happen!
On-On!

Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 147

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 147

When: Saturday, September 12th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: TBD!!!

Hare: Red Light Special & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: Once we know the fucking location, we’ll give you directions

Sidenote: (FROM THE HARES!)
Gather ye’ monkeys while I tell
This story about the trail from hell

With Where do you get off!?! that goofy arse
This flop of a trail is sure to be a farce

Mix in Red Light Special, that sexy lass
Those with plans should certainly pass

With boob checks galore
Dick checks too
Knowing these two whores
You’ll drop your goo

Bring bug spray, bring money
Perhaps some tobacco that makes you feel funny

A taste for beer is a must
As this trail is sure to be a bust

More details to cum after a bit of scouting, so stay tuned!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Thursday, August 27, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 146 - SPORK'S BIRFDAY TRAIL!

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 146 - SPORK'S BIRFDAY TRAIL!

When: Saturday, August 29th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: SPRING CREEK GREENWAY 
**There are several of these, pay attention to which one!**
Dead End, South End of Glen Loch Road,
Approximate Address is:
23915 Glen Loch Dr
Spring
, TX 77380


Hare: Cocktor Spork, Bristle While You Work, and Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45, then take exit 73 to Rayford Road/Sawdust Road. Take the feeder to the light and turn LEFT onto Sawdust Road. Continue past three lights, then turn LEFT on the fourth light where the Starbucks is, which is still Sawdust Road, it just turns. You will stay on this for several miles until it dead ends. You'll pass Wal-Mart, Sawmill Road, you'll go right, left, yadda yadda, and you go all the way until it dead ends onto Glen Loch Road (you'll see a Timber Lakes Timber Ridge Sign), turn LEFT. Go alllllllll the way to the dead end, and ta-dah!

Sidenote: It's that time of year again! That's right, it's been another year, and Cocktor Spork needs to find fresh virgins to destroy in order to curb his lust for Asian blood! *Writes down idea for novel* Not only will I be laying my ANAL Birthday trail, I'll be laying it with two hare-virgins: Bristle While You Work & Womb Raider!

What can you expect? Well, since it's Spork, you can expect LOTS 'O SHIGGY! Within said Shiggy, there shall be water crossings, thorns, deep dark woods, so deep you might be able to find one or two eATMe hashers we may have lost at some point. You can expect at least ONE beer check, and depending how terrible this thing is, maybe even two! For circle, expect terrible things, which you always should considering I was named "Hare Most Likely to Get you Killed" - that shit does not come easy. 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, August 07, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 145

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 145

When: Saturday, August 15th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Sundance Park
Alden Bridge Drive & Branch Crossing Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382
***I AM PUTTING THE CHURCH AS THAT IS THE CLOSEST THING, BUT IT DOES NOT START AT AN EFFING CHURCH!***

Hare: Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and exit 242 WEST. (There is a toll bridge or you can just exit and turn left for free). Go for 2-3 miles and turn left on Green Bridge Drive. Go for 1 miles and turn right onto Research Forrest Drive. Go for about 2 miles then turn left onto Branch Crossing Drive. Go for a half mile then right right onto Alden Bridge Drive, then the park will be on your right. *NOTE* There are like 50 ways to get here, this is just the fastest in my opinion, but whatever your GPS wants to do, let it happen.

Sidenote: Ever been on a Dr. Stinkfinger trail before? Yes? Good, you know what to expect. Have not? Oh, sucks for you, here's what you can count on. At least ONE beer check, some serious leg cutting shiggy, and depending on the rain, there might be something anywhere from a "water crossing" to a "G-d said to Noah, build me an arky arky", so we'll see. What can you expect at the end? A POOL!!!!!!!!!!! POOL ENDING!!!! Not like let's-fill-up-Spork-and-Red-Light's-trucks-with-water-and-say-"pool", but an *actual* pool ending! With a BBQ! That's right, him and his amazing wife will be BBQing!

Things to take note of: we will be going to a very beautiful home owned by two of the nicest people ever, don't be a bastard. If you are a bastard, you will be asked to leave by me. Fun will be had there, but doing stupid things like glass in the pool or pushing people in that may be in dry clothes and don't want to be in the pool is not cool. They are also nice enough to make us food out of their own pocket, so be thankful and don't just feel entitled. Want to bring a 6er for the hosts? Great idea! The least you can do at the end of the night is to thank them immensely for letting us crash in their pool when it's over 100°.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, July 30, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 144

When: Saturday, August 1st, at ***2:30pm!***

Where: "San Jacinto Park" (On Google)
Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494
Kingwood, TX 77339
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)
***See D'erections below, don't try to map off "Kingwood, TX" location!***

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take the 45 South (Or Hardy Toll Road) to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES!
Ahoy ahoy! I see you are looking for notes on trail. Well my little birdies...let me feed you. For those they don't like these rants, I invite you to the "too long didn't read" below.

Trail will be a treacherous 1-2 miles long. In shiggy. In Kingwood TX. It will include thorns, it will include Mosquitos, probably some bull nettles cause well, fuck you. It will have some pavement for you racists, but it will also have spiders and probably snakes. It will have a water ending one way or another cause, Texass. FoR our four legged friends, trail will be safe and if it gets dicey there will be a bailout point for the quadrupeds.

Let's face it folks--it's Get Off and Katchup. We are not known for our sound decision making skills anymore so than 19 year old is known for his sexual prowess. By the way where he hell is that guy? So expect to be unsafe on a trail laid by two hates that are likely enjoying too much safety on trail. But hey if you survive imagine the stories you can tell your friends!

Bring cash, like 5 bucks or more if you want habadashery. Bring bug spray, bring sunscreen, bring virgins, bring a thirst for beer, and most of all bring low expectations and a general lack for your wellbeing.

TL;DR: TRAIL WILL BE A PLEASANTLY SAFE STROLL THROUGH SOME SHADED PAVEMENT WE FOUND. FEEL FREE TO WEAR VERY LITTLE CLOTHING AND ROLLER SKATES. WE DONT EVEN NEED BUG SPRAY BECAUSE THE AREA IS FOGGED REGULARLY. -WDYGO

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Monday, July 13, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 143

When: Saturday, July 18th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road, Tomball, TX

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North and exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West. Stay to the right, continue onto Spring Stuebner Rd going WEST, which will take you across the freeway, then go for like 5 miles. Turn right-ish on Küykendahl Road, and go for about 4 miles. Turn left onto Hufsmith Road and you'll run into the park. ***Park in the FAR NORTHWEST SIDE of the park near the pavilion.***

Sidenote: Cum one, cum all, for this solo-hared sure-to-be shitshow hared by none other than Homoglobin! With weather predicted to be in the mid to high 90°s, expect some fucking shiggy to provide us some shade! Expect at least one beer check to give us the strength to live through trail! Expect some terrible concrete because Homoglobin hates us and wants us to suffer. Depending on rain or not, expect 0 - 15 water crossings, to be determined because, you know, Texas.

What else can be expected? Maybe people that come early can bring some nice refreshing drinks for everyone to share, so that we don't die and stuff? Maybe some people in skimpy clothing so that they can finally get that tan? Maybe a few beer-shotgun races in the parking lot? We shall see... but there is only one way to find out!!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 142 - Red, White, & SPEW!



When: Saturday, JULY 4th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Backwoods Saloon
230 Lexington, Conroe, TX

Hares: EZ Chair, Skeet Squad, & Ludacunt

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take exit 81 for FM 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Once you take the exit, take the feeder exit to FM 1488 EAST/Lexington. Go over the train tracks, turn left, and follow around until you find the bar, only like half mile.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: It's the 4th of JULY! What better way to celebrate than by going back to the site of where we almost killed a Canadian last time we ran though! Bring your best RED, WHITE, and BLUE outfit, and get ready to throw up some fucking 'Murrican pride! Expect at least ONE beer check, some serious shiggy, and depending on if you try to run on the train tracks over the bridge, possibly a "Stand By Me" moment.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Friday, June 12, 2015

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 141 - OUTSIDE CAT'S BIRFDAY RUN!



When: Saturday, June20th, at 3:00pm!

Where: 13010 Sawmill Road, The Woodlands, TX 77380
(Intersection of Sawmill Road & West High Oaks Circle)
(near High Oaks Park) (Park on the street!)

Hares: Outside Cat, Red Light Special, & Chopped Liver

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45 and take Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left at the light for Sawdust and go for like 1-2 miles until Sawdust turns left at the Startbucks past Burger King, if you keep going straight it will become Grogan's Mill. Once you turn left, go straight for like a mile and turn left on Sawmill Road. Go all the way until it dead-ends and look for parking there.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Holy shit, there are three female hares, this is going to be neat. Things to expect: 4-5 mile shiggy-tastic trail, TWO beer checks, and a fuck ton of water and shiggy. All three hariettes are celebrating their birthdays, so plan on giving them some birthday spankings! The theme? RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS!!! Make sure to bring a change of clothes and a bathing suit for the end! Although it is good to wear a bathing suit on trail as well, as it might be kinda wet.

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork