Wednesday, December 05, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 75 - Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick's Birfday Hash!


When: Saturday, December 8th at 2:00pm! (EARLY HASH SEASON!)

Where:
Fox and Hound Bar & Grill
19189 Interstate 45 South 
Shenandoah, TX 77385

Hare(s): Donnie The Retard & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Stay on the feeder all the way until you hit your first light, research Forest. Right before that first light is a huge shopping center on your right with Subway, Party City, Bike Store, ton of shit. Fox & Hound is in that shopping center, right on the corner of the strip center behind the gas station. This is directly across the street (but on the same side of the freeway) as Home Depot.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: trail will be shiggytastic bring high socks or where pants because your going to need it wear duh and it is Mud and my birfday hash!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, October 26, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 72 - "The Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile"


When: Saturday, October 27th at 3:30pm!

Where: Buffalo Bayou Dog Park
Allen Parkway & Montrose Blvd, Houston, TX


Hare(s): Your-Damn-Selves

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South and take exit 47A to Allen Parkway. Stay on Allen parkway until you see Buffalo Bayou Dog Park on your right at the Montrose intersection. Street parking and such. MAKE SURE NOT TO GO TO THE BUFFALO BAYOU THING OFF 610, THIS IS ON MONTROSE AND ALLEN PARKWAY!

Sidenote: This will be our second Anal Brass Monkey beer mile. How is a Brass Monkey Beer Mile different than a regular one? Instead of pounding four beer you will be in charge of one who Brass Monkey 40, all by yourself! It is a wonderful experience and should not be missed. The Houston OTR Drag Hash will be following tis like a mile away at 7pm, so we will do our mile, have our circle, then go cross dress like a good American should. So come out to enjoy our Second Anal Brass Monkey Beer Mile!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 70


When: Saturday, September 29th at 3:30pm!

Where:
 TLC CHILD DEVELOPMENT CENTER
150 Pruitt Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork & KatchUp (VIRGIN HARE!)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections:
 Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 73 to Rayford / Sawdust Road. Stay in the left lane and loop under the freeway back around south. Go right past the texaco and turn RIGHT onto Pruit Road, first shopping center on your right before Papas Ice House.

Sidenote: This will be out first trail since VooDoo Monkey 2012 so we are still a little sore. This will also be KatchUp's virgin laying experience so bring lube to "congratulate" him with. Expect shiggy and possibly herpes. Bring change of clothes and $$$ for the on-after. We may or may not be able to help break-in a brand new Hash-Friendly bar (depending on if the piece of shit Fire Marshall gets off his lazy ass and comes and okays the bar to open like he was supposed to do last week.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

VOODOO MONKEY - LAST FREAKING CHANCE!


OK, we are here… we are at the end of the waiting. VOODOO MONKEY 2012 is in, wait for it, JUST OVER TWO WEEKS!

That’s right, this Saturday is the 68th running of the Brass Monkey H3 and two weeks after that not only the 69th Brass Monkey hash, it is VOODOO FREAKING MONKEY!

Kegs tapped on Friday and drank till Sunday! Enjoy beer, Brass Monkeys, hash Olympics, camping, hashing, eating, gimmies, flip-cup, beer pong, keg war, you name it, it is freaking there!

Over 90 of you signed up so far, over a dozen different kennels from 10 different states! That is a lot of retarded people showing other retarded people how they do it in their hood. Thug life!

What do you need to know:

Where: General Sam’s, Huntsville, TX. (Fly into Bush Intercontinental (IAH) if you be far.)

When: September 14th – 16th, NEXT MONTH!

Why: Truthishly? Why? If you are asking why then you should not be attending this campout. You should be standing at home pretending you had a moustache wishing you were as cool as someone with a mustache. No mustache for you.

How Much: $79.00. We kept it low so more of you could go so hop to it and come enjoy awesomeness.

Deadline: You must, MUST, MUST sign up by this Saturday, September 1st, to get your personalized gimmies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gimmies, made for you. Not one size fits all t-shirts, shirts in your size, and other awesomeness, true awesomeness for you and all you wished in your gimmies-dreams.

What You Need: Bring a tent and shit to sleep in/on/under/whatever your kinky style is. Never been to a campout before? Cute. This will be fun. You can sleep in Spork’s tent. It smells like glaucoma medicine.

Got An RV?: Limited number of RV spaces available @ $30/night w/ water, electric, and sewer hookups! (Reserve w/ Shery at General Sam’s before 9/1/12 @ (832) 495-1046)

Are You A Redneck?: 4-Wheelers & Mud toys welcome! ($45 for the weekend to use WHOLE facility!)

Planning On Getting Dirty?: Showers and running water available at the facility!

THEMES?: I got your themes!
Friday: Ameri-camo ('Murrica and camo gear, Fuck Yeah!)
Saturday: Jungle Fever Safari (Either a Gay Porn title or some creative, possibly both)

Like Music?: Ladies and Gentlemen prepare yourself for the one, the only, Palatial Palace of Dancing Mayhem and Ridiculousness presented by Former Mr. Texas InterHash FUCK YOU KNAVE!! That’s right, FU Knave volunteered his services of amazingness and they will be freaking appreciated and enjoyed at VOODOO MONKEY! WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!


So cum one, cum all, to VOODOO MONKEY 2012 TO HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0N-0N BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 68 - THE PRELUBE TO VOODOO MONKEY 2012!


When: Saturday, September 1st at 3:00pm!

Where: Alden Bridge Park
7725 Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382 

Hare(s): Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road all the way till it hits I-45 and take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Turn left onto Research Forest (First Light). Go 5 miles and turn right onto Alden bridge Drive. BOOM!

Sidenote: FROM THE HARE: 4.5 miles, beer stop, shiggy, water, pool and bbq on after. Dog friendly but bring a leash *for if there are any gingers there. Watch out for biting hookers on trail who are infected with an interesting colored rash. Bring bug spray, sun block, and small asians, they usually have small umbrellas to go with them. This will be our last Brass Monkey before VOODOO MONKEY 2012 WHICH IS TWO WEEKS AFTER THIS HASH!!! Not only will we be celebrating the amazingness that is VooDoo Monkey but it will be our 69TH HASH!!!!!! So come out and be awesome so we can talk about VooDoo Monkey while being in a pool and having a sexy party!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,
COCKTOR SPORK!

*Might have been inserted (giggity) by Cocktor Spork. No homo.

Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!


YOU HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GO TO A HASH WEEKEND, YOU SAY.

YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO ONE AND HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT IS LIKE, YOU SAY.

PERHAPS YOU HAVE BEEN TO ONE BUT IT WAS A WHILE AGO, LIKE SINCE TEXAS INTERHASH, AND YOU NEED SOME QUALITY TIME WITH SOME FUCK-UPS LIKE YOU?

Did you know there is a hash campout in a FREAKING MONTH?!?! OMFG!!! Did you know that it is only an hour north of The Woodlands (North Houston)????!!!! Holyhellfireshittellusaboutitmotherfucker!

That's right! Your very own Brass Monkey H3 and your friends in retardation the VooDoo H3 present to you VOODOO MONKEY 2012!!!!!!

When: Friday, September 14th – Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Where: General Sam’s Offroad Park, 224 Bishop Rd. – Huntsville, Texas 77320

Cost: $79.00 – FOR NOW!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT!

We already have over 80 people signed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIGN UP NOW!

-Cocktor Spork

Friday, July 13, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 65


When: Saturday, July 21st at 3:00pm!

Where
Lents Family Park EAST (There are two sides, GO EAST!)
540 Cypress Station
Houston, TX 77090


Hare(s): 
Donnie The Retard & ESPN

Why
Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections
From Houston: Take I-45 North and take exit 66B toward Hollow Tree St/Parramatta Ln. Take the 1st right toward Hollow Tree Ln/Parramatta Ln. Turn right onto Westfield Pl Dr. Turn left onto Cypress Station Dr. MAKE SURE TO TAKE THE EAST ENTRANCE, THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT ENTRANCES!

Sidenote
This will be a return to haring from Donnie & ESPN who have a small ginger baby at home that fell out of ESPN's vag about two months ago. Since they can now see that she will be ginger and will not have a soul, they are good to leave her in the care of three dogs and a homeless woman who smells of coffee grounds and calls herself Che Guevara while they go lay a SHIGTASTIC trail. THIS WILL ALSO BE DONNIE AND ESPN'S 8TH ANNIVERSARY! WOW! That is a lot of angry sex. There will be shiggy, oh yes, and there will be water crossings. Since there is water that means there is a chance of muddyness so that means bring your cameras to watch people eat shit!!! *Cough cough* Rim Job Bobby *Cough cough*. Bring a change of clothes, bring sunblock and bug spray, and bring AWESOMENESS! SEE YOUR ASSES THERE, BITCHES!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

Donnie The Retard's #: (832) 257-7052

0n-0n BITCHES,


Cocktor Spork

Friday, July 06, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 64


When: Saturday, July 6th at 3:00pm!

Where: Kat Sassy's Bar
463 Fm 1488 Road, 
Conroe, TX 77384

Hare(s): EZ Chair, Rim Job Bobby, WhataItch

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, thirst for beer of course. CASH FOR THE PRE-LUBE AND ON-AFTER!!! ($5 PITCHERS AND $2 PINTS!!)

D'erections: From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North until it merges onto I-45. Take exit 81 for Farm to Market Rd 1488 toward Magnolia/Hempstead. Take the exit toward Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488, Keep right at the fork and merge onto Farm-To-Market 1488 W/Farm to Market Rd 1488 (This will take you back over the freeway.) Arrive at destination.

Sidenote: From EZ Chair, the main Whorish-Hare: hey haaaaaaaay!!!! whataitch, rim job bobby & i have spent literally minutes and minutes scouting the very best hot mess slutty mc cluckerson shiggy trail the brass monkey has ever seen!!! 3 pm start with hares off @ 3:21 & pack at 3:36. start location is KAT DADDY'S bar in conroe, where i've traded the owner blow jobs for rites to $5.00 pitchers & 2.00 pints. the trail promises to be longer than .02 miles, but no more than 4 - there are 3 beer checks (unless we get thirsty) it's dog friendly, walkable a-a', no pi, but plenty of danger. if you want a dry bag, you'll most likely have to strap it to your damn self because there's very little room in the back of my car with the baby seats & all my knock off handbags. oh, yeah & bring bug spray. while you're at it, bring wild boar and baby alligator spray, too... we're gonna get you all hot messy slutty sweaty!!! ON ON Ez Chair

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Easy Chair's #: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n BITCHES,

Cocktor Spork

Friday, June 22, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 63



When: Saturday, June 23rd at 4:00pm!

Where: 16622 Lee Road
Humble, TX 77396

Hare(s): Fifth of Idiot

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. 

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Take I-45 South to Hardy Toll Road. Take Hardy till Intercontinental Airport exit. Turn right toward Greens Rd. Turn left onto Greens Rd. Turn left onto Lee Road, will be on right.

Sidenote: Happening! Thank you to Fifth of Idiot who will be haring the shit out of this trail - looks pretty good from what I have seen. Close to Houston, therefore no "Oh, but it's just so far!" excuses. It is pretty much in Houston people. Bring change of clothes and a Plan B pill and you should be set.


0n-0n BITCHES!
Cocktor Spork

Friday, June 08, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 62 - The "H0T Mess Beer Mile"


When: June 9th at 1:00pm! NOTE THE START TIME!


Where: In Fucking Galveston
Close to 4161 Pointe West Drive.
Galveston, TX 77554

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, $12 for shirts, BUG SPRAY, and a thirst for beer of course. AND CASH FOR THE ON-AFTER!

D’erections: From The Woodlands: Head south. No homo. Take I-45 South for a long ass way, like hours. You will literary drive as far south as this damn freeway will take you. You'll even get to ride on a causeway and feel like you are in New Orléans. Or at least I will. Take exit 1-FREAKING-A and merge onto TX-342 Spur S/Broadway St toward 61st St/W Beach. Turn right onto 61st St (signs for Texas 342 Spur), then turn right onto Farm to Market 3005. Stay on this for like another 20 miles (true story), continue onto San Luis Pass Rd, turn right. Look for "Beach Access Points" #39 & #40. Park somewhere around there, we will be on the beach, probably. We'll see where the wedding and everything are and make sure we are not close to that or mess with that at all - hashers not trashers - and establish the beer "mile."

Sidenote: This is the wedding day for two AWESOME hashers, KumOnIWannaLeiYa and Pimp Doggie Dawg, awwwwwwwwww, and since so many of us are going to be down there, might as well make it happen there! Also, an awesome one of us, Triple D!, was seriously effed up in a car accident by an asshole drunk driver so all funds raised during this will be given to her for body-repairs and such. Thank you Name My Vagina for the awesome idea! See everyone there!



0n-0n BITCHES!
Cocktor Spork


Friday, March 16, 2012

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 56 - St. Patty's Day Green Dress Run

When: Saturday, March 17th, 2012 at 3:00pm!

Where: Big Cross Track Ice House in Old Town Spring
200 Magnolia Street,
Spring, Texas 77373

Hare(s): Masturgator & Bbbbbrrrrgggghhhh

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: Directions from The Woodlands: Go on I-45 South then take exit 70A to FM 2920/Tomball. When you exit turn left onto FM 2920 and continue as it turns to Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street. Voilà.

Directions from downtown Houston: Head north on I-45 (or Hardy Toll Road). For I-45 exit 70A onto FM 2920 then turn right onto FM 2920/Spring Cypress Road. Turn left onto Border Street, then 1st left onto Elm Street, then 1st right onto Magnolia Street.
For Hardy Toll Road, head north then take the Aldine-Westfield Rd exit toward East Louetta Road. Turn left onto Aldine-Westfield, then turn left onto Caroline Street. Take your 3rd left onto Oak Street and keep going on that, it turns into Magnolia Street.


Sidenote: from the Hares: The only day it is okay to be a ginger: Saint Patty’s Day Green Dress Run. Lots of gimmies and Irish themed drinking vessels. At least 5 beer/booze checks on trial with a car bomb station at the on after for those who feel the need to go full retard. On After will sell beer, wine, and setups bring your own liquor BYOL. Make sure to bring an extra set of clothes, shoe, 5 bucks blah blah blah.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

BMH3 # 54

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 54 "Twinkle's Birthday Run"

When: Saturday, February 18th 2012, at 2pm!

Where: Bear Branch Park
5200 Research Forest Dr
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hare(s): Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking with a little shiggytastic running mixed in too!!

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag(change of clothes), $$ for haberdashery, Stickers $1, thirst for beer of course.

D'erections: From downtown Houston head North on I-45, take exit 77. Follow the feeder until you come to the Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd stop light then make a left. Follow Research Forest for bit which will take you through several lights, keep straight on Research and once you pass through the Gosling Rd light the park entrance will be on your right

Sidenote: Per the Hare: Turn into parking lot and go to the right and head to the back of the parking lot near the skate park

Gather at 2pm.

Trail will be between 2ish and 6ish miles.
There will be water crossings.
There will be at least one beer check
There may be a swim, depending on weather, and how I'm feeling when I get to that part.
Trail is mostly experienced Shiggy dog friendly, but if I do the swim the dogs will need a hand getting out of the water.


Bring:
Towels,
Change of clothes
virgins
Shiggy socks/pants
knee pads
thirst for beer


0n-0n,
DTR