Monday, September 17, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 226 - Ivanna Hairy Buttchug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's B00B n' DICK Birfday Extravaganza!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 226 - Ivanna Hairy Buttchug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon's B00B n' DICK Birfday Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, September 22nd, at **3:00pm!**

Where: Target
32858 FM 2978 Road
Magnolia, TX  77354
*Park in the Target parking lot against the Research Forest side*

Hares: Ivanna Hairy Buttchug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take the exit for TX-242 West/College Park Drive.  Take the feeder to the light, then turn left.  Go for like 2.5 miles, then turn left on Green Bridge Drive.  Take that until it dead ends into Research Forest Drive, then turn right.  Take that all the way until you see a big ass Target on your right, then park in the parking lot nearest you next to Target.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: This will be Indiana Bones' and Ivanna Hairy Buttchug's combined BIRFDAY trail.  We will celebrate with a beer check, some sort of booze check, and we may leave other birthday gifts on trail, too!  Trail is dog friendly, shaded, and mostly dry with some really nice shiggy!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Thursday, September 06, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 225 - Spork’s Nighttime BDay GayDay Trail!


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 225 - Spork’s Nighttime BDay GayDay Trail!

When: Saturday, September 8th, at *****7:00pm!*****

Where: Sawmill Park
2200 Millpark Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare: Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead ends into I-45. Take Exit 73 for Rayford/Sawdust. Turn left at the light (Sawdust), and go straight for like two miles. Turn left onto Millpark Drive - directly past Sawmill Road, the park is on your left. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: Ladies & Gents, Boys & Girls, ‘tis that time a year again. The time when you come wish Spork good luck for another year of gay-llivanting around, doing Spork things. So I, Cocktor Spork, shall in turn give you a short and sweet little trail that you will no doubt love. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Also happening on this day, for the first time EVER, The Woodlands will be having a PRIDE festival for all the gays and those who have the body of a gay, but say they aren’t gay, even though they say it with dicks falling out of their mouths. And hags, they’re there, too. Now, because people in The Woodlands are rich and don’t understand how the gays work, their festival is from 11:00am – 5:00pm. Gays don’t even get out of bed until 5:00pm. Anywho, I will of course be attending, because, duh: unicorns, rainbows, booze, drag queens, all the things. So, I will go there and be merry, drinking alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day, and then I will come and LIVE LAY, yes LIVE LAY, this glorious trail for you fine folks at 7:00pm in the evening!!! NOTE THE FUCKING TIME! So, bring a fucking headlamp. Seriously, it’ll be darkish. There will be some urban, some shiggy, and have a beer check on top! At the beer check, you will catch a rare glimpse of the Cum-Puss, out of his natural habitat, most likely gnawing on some kind of noodle or meat-stick. So, cum one, cum all, and cum in the evening with the rest of us!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 224 - The 2nd Anal Flock You Hash


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 224 - The 2nd Anal Flock You Hash

When: Saturday, August 25th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Northwood Pines Park
Spring, TX 77373
(Off Northgate Crossing Blvd. & Kingbriar Lane)

Hares: Dumbsterbaitor, Womb Raider, Mouth Organ and Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON:
I-45 N to exit 72. From north feeder turn right towards Hardy toll road then left onto Northgate Crossing Blvd.
OR
Hardy toll road to Northgate crossing exit. Turn right on Northgate Crossing Blvd.
Park is on the right in about ½ a mile.
Please car pool if you can. Parking lot is on the smaller side.

Sidenote:
FROM THE FLOCK LEADERS: It is once again time to don those beautiful feather and get ready to fly thru the shiggy!! We want to see some BIRDS so there will be PRIZES!! 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place prizes for best birds. If you’re the only bird then WHOO HOO you get all the loot!! Don’t miss out!! Put on your best feathers!! Trail will be a 3-4 mile mix of runnable trail, shiggy (of course) and water crossings. Trail should be hash dog friendly. There will be 2 (yes 2!) manned Flocktail checks with hard cider, good beer, possibly something weird from Indiana Bones and cold water so you don’t die. Womb Raider is baking some cookies and possibly concocting a special Flocktail drink for circle. See all you birds Saturday.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, August 10, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 223


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 223

When: Saturday, August 11th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Timber Lakes/Timber Ridge Pool-ish
3434 Royal Oaks Drive,
The Woodlands, TX
*Park along Timber Lakes Road. Look for assholes.

Hare: Homoglobin

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road to exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust. Turn left onto Sawdust Road, and take it for like 4-ish lights, and SAWDUST TURNS LEFT. Like, going straight is another street, so yeah, turn left onto Sawdust at the Starbucks/Burger King intersection. You will then follow Sawdust the entire fucking way until it deadends. You'll go hard right, right, left, bam, fucking deadend. Turn right onto Glen Lock Drive. Turn left on Royal Oaks Drive. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: 3-4 mile trail, water crossings, dog friendly! Nothing else spectacular besides shiggy one beer check.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Friday, July 27, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 222

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 222

When: Saturday, July 28th, at ***3:00pm!***

Where: Spring Creek Greenway Nature Center

1300 Riley Fuzzel Road, Spring, TX 77386

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood, Outside Cat, Twinkle Toes, and Croc of Shit

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take Hardy Toll Road North for like 20 miles then take the Riley Fuzzel Road exit.  Turn right onto Riley Fuzzel Road, then turn left into the park right there.  Bam.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Yes it will be hot, yes it will be miserable, yes we’re being punished for our (ketchup’s) sins. But not Saturday God, Saturday we celebrate the suck. Outside Cat, Twinkle Toes, and Croc of Shit will do their best to make this a survivable trail. It’ll be less than 3 miles of shade, water, at least one beer check, and heat strokes. Come find out what bad habits Aryan Sisterhood has learned hashing in DFW.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!

When: Saturday, June 30th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX  77375

Hares: Penis First, Mouth Second & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North to the Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West, that's left.  Take that to Küykendahl Road and turn right.  Go until you hit Huffsmith, then turn left.  Park will be after the left curve.  Go to the back.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Here we go people, Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second have come together to celebrate their BIRFDAYs, and that can't be very good for either of them, so why should it be for the rest of us?  According to the hares this is going to be a LIVE trail!  You heard me right, people, LIVE, which we've only done like... twice?  Maybe?  At least one beer check.  They made it their goal to make you wet and bloody, so we'll see how well they do!  If you catch the hares, something may happen.  In their words, "You may regret catching us, but may the bold bring it on hard and learn a new reason to hate us." They said everyone should bring a DD, and expect a "YuccaLaid stand at finish"... whatever that means.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Saturday, June 09, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!

When: Saturday, June 16th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Jesse H. Jones Park & Nature Center
20634 Kenswick Drive
Humble, TX 77338

Hares: Ivanna Hairy ButtChug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-69 (yeah, said it) to FM 1960, then turn left onto 1st St E/FM1960 Business W/Humble Westfield Rd. Go like 1.5-ish miles and turn right onto Kenswick Drive. Go straight all the way until you go balls deep into the park. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies & Gentlemen, cum one cum all, to the 1st AИAL DILF Trail! That’s right, unbeknownst to our hares, but knownst to us, this will be the first of many DILF trails in the cumming years! So, what can you expect? According to the lying hares, you can expect 3-4 miles of some solid shiggy, with at least one beer check! Dog friendly, as long as they can swim. Same goes for virgins. This is also Father’s Day weekend, so wear your best dad inspired gear and make us proud! Tacky fannypack? Got it! Terrible dad joke shirt? Yup, in the bag! Dad socks and plaid shirts? Yes, we all know Ivanna has those. So cum on out and beat the heat with your monkey family and a bunch of DILFs. DILFs pay only $5 hashcash, wow, can you believe it?! One day only, you heard it here!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork