Wednesday, June 27, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 220 - Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second's BIRFDAY Trail!

When: Saturday, June 30th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX  77375

Hares: Penis First, Mouth Second & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North to the Grand Parkway (TX-99) and go West, that's left.  Take that to Küykendahl Road and turn right.  Go until you hit Huffsmith, then turn left.  Park will be after the left curve.  Go to the back.  Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Here we go people, Outside Cat & Penis First, Mouth Second have come together to celebrate their BIRFDAYs, and that can't be very good for either of them, so why should it be for the rest of us?  According to the hares this is going to be a LIVE trail!  You heard me right, people, LIVE, which we've only done like... twice?  Maybe?  At least one beer check.  They made it their goal to make you wet and bloody, so we'll see how well they do!  If you catch the hares, something may happen.  In their words, "You may regret catching us, but may the bold bring it on hard and learn a new reason to hate us." They said everyone should bring a DD, and expect a "YuccaLaid stand at finish"... whatever that means.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Saturday, June 09, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!



BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 219 - The 1st AИAL DILF Trail!

When: Saturday, June 16th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: Jesse H. Jones Park & Nature Center
20634 Kenswick Drive
Humble, TX 77338

Hares: Ivanna Hairy ButtChug & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-69 (yeah, said it) to FM 1960, then turn left onto 1st St E/FM1960 Business W/Humble Westfield Rd. Go like 1.5-ish miles and turn right onto Kenswick Drive. Go straight all the way until you go balls deep into the park. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies & Gentlemen, cum one cum all, to the 1st AИAL DILF Trail! That’s right, unbeknownst to our hares, but knownst to us, this will be the first of many DILF trails in the cumming years! So, what can you expect? According to the lying hares, you can expect 3-4 miles of some solid shiggy, with at least one beer check! Dog friendly, as long as they can swim. Same goes for virgins. This is also Father’s Day weekend, so wear your best dad inspired gear and make us proud! Tacky fannypack? Got it! Terrible dad joke shirt? Yup, in the bag! Dad socks and plaid shirts? Yes, we all know Ivanna has those. So cum on out and beat the heat with your monkey family and a bunch of DILFs. DILFs pay only $5 hashcash, wow, can you believe it?! One day only, you heard it here!

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 218 - Spork Breaks In the Hashlettes


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 218 - Spork Breaks In the Hashlettes

When: Saturday, June 2nd, at ***2:00pm!*** 

Where: Bear Branch Sportsfields
5205 Research Forest Drive 
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hares: Cocktor Spork, Just Brett, and Just (Virgin) Mary

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes, you'll get dirty), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent (if applicable), sunscreen, $$ for haberdashery: patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take exit 77 toward Lake Woodlands Dr/Research Forest Dr/Tamina Rd. Go to your first light, Research Forest drive, and turn left. Go 3 miles and the park will be on your left. *Note* There is a Skatepark directly across the street, it's not that one, it's the big ass one on the left. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: The heat has arrived, the sun is scorching, and I sure as fuck don't want to be in the sun very long. So, you can expect lots of fuckin shiggy. Hopefully. You know what Google Maps doesn't show? Fences. What else can you expect? Some gaddam water crossings! After that? A beer check with water, beer, and some little freezy-pops! Whaaaaaaaattttttttttttt – game changa! Trail should be somewhere between 3 – 4 miles, with falses, b00b checks, dick checks, and all kinds of other marks Heartache will no doubt miss when he shows up an hour and a half late. Co-haring alongside me will be two Brass Monkey babies, brought to us as virgins, now on their way to being official couch-fuckers. They have willingfully – that means consented – decided to go into the deep dark woods with I, Cocktor Spork, to learn the true Brass Monkey ways of haring. Our little Just Brett and Just (Virgin) Mary will cum ready to learn bright and early this Saturday, where they will no doubt be inserted with knowledge, filled with understanding, and be erected to the level of Brass Monkey hares – you won’t want to miss it! 

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141


0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 214 - BMH3 Invades the H4 Campout... Then Fucks Off.


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 214 - BMH3 Invades the H4 Campout... Then Fucks Off.

When: Saturday, April 7th, at ***2:00pm!***

Where: H4 Spring Campout!
7606 FM-2854, Conroe, TX 77304, United States
*If you are rego'd cool, if not you can pay $5 for the hash, then 0n-out after swinglow to 0n-After.

Hares: McPisser, Horsefli Drivebi, and Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Head North on I-45 all the way to Exit 87A toward FM2854/TX-105/Conroe. Merge onto the N Fwy service road and turn right on the loop to get to FM 2854 / Metcalf St / Old Montgomery Road. Turn right on Metcalf/FM 2854 and go west on FM 2854 for approx. 3 miles. Scott Lake is on the Left (south) just past the intersection with Loop 336.

The normal entrance to the site is 3.2 miles from the turn off of I-45 and the entrance for trailers, porta potties, ICP etc. is 2.7 miles from the junction. The entrances lead under the railroad tracks. Use the second entrance on the left and go under the railroad tracks. This will take you around the lake to the main camping area.

Sidenote:
FROM ONE OF THE HARES: So this weekend's trail was supposed to be laid by Homoglobin, but he had something come up in the muggle-world, so he'll be doing one later! So there I was, about to plan a trail, when McPisser comes up and says "Spork! I wanted to talk to you about the next Brass Monkey trail. It happens to be in Monkey territory during the Houston..." Then I said "YES!" without fully grasping the consequences or my actions. As I started to walk away, McPisser whispered "...and you can lay it with us..." Well shit. So yeah, there we are. What can you expect? Some fucking shiggy, that's for sure. What else? Probably more. If you are not rego'd for the campout, that's cool, you'll just pay your $5, do trail & circle, then be on your merry way. No drama. No "Ohhh, let me stay", just 0n-0ut to 0n-After. Plan on water crossings, at least one beer check, and some bad decisions.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Friday, March 23, 2018

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 213 - Like a (Hash) Virgin Trail


BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 213 - Like a (Hash) Virgin Trail

When: Saturday, March 24th, at ***3:00pm!*** DAYLIGHT SAVINGS, BITCHES!

Where: Papa's Ice House
314 Pruitt Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 73, Rayford / Sawdust Road, then take that all the way to the first light (Rayford / Sawdust) and take the far left lane to loop under the freeway to go back North. Right past the Texaco is Pruitt Road, turn right. Go for a hot second and Papa's Ice House will be on your right. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: I am feeling nostalgic. Trail will start where I lost my hash virginity to the Brass Monkey and started down this path of drunken ruin & debauchery. Yay!!! There will be BOOBS!!! There will be BEER!!! There will be DICKS!!! Expect 3-4 miles of shiggy and to get wet at two or more water crossings of yet to be determined depth (I don’t like to swim so you probably won’t drown). Trail should be dog friendly for experienced hash pups.

What’s the worst that could happen? We shall see…

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork