Wednesday, January 11, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 182

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 182

When: Saturday, January 14th, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: Rob Flemming Park-ish
5972 Creekside Forest Drive 
The Woodlands, TX 77389-4943
(Dirt parking lot across from the park)

Hares: KatchUp, Donnie the Retard, & Nuthin' But Net

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:

From Houston:
Travel North on 45 or Hardy Toll Road north to 99 (Grand Parkway) West. That's left. Take that to Gosling Road, then go North. That's right. Go for about 3-ish miles, then turn left into Creekside Forest. Take the first right on the Traffic Circle, then look for assholes on the right in a dirt parking lot.

Sidenote: 
FROM THE HARES: Guess what my homies, it’s that time of year where KatchUp is allowed to lay a trail that always proves to be different from the last. This year however, there are two up and comers that will be Co-Haring as well. In no specific order they are Donnie the Retard and Nuthin’ But Net. That’s right people, three people that should not be laying a trail are laying a trail together *Round of Applause*. We promise to make this a shiggy trail to remember with definite water crossings.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Thursday, December 29, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 181 - The FUCK YOU 2016! Trail

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 181 - The FUCK YOU 2016! Trail

When: Saturday, December 31st, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

WhereH-E-B (22618 Aldine Westfield Rd, Spring, TX)
22618 Aldine Westfield Rd, Spring TX 77373


Hares: Where Do You Get Off?! & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From The Woodlands:
Travel South on 45 and exit 1960. Take that shit left to Treaschwig Rd. Take another left on Treaschwig and take that bitch to Aldine Westfield and bang a left. Keep driving until just PAST Cypress Island Drive. You'll see an unmarked road on your left across the street from the Library. If you end up by the HEB you went to fuckin far. Turn your jalopy around and look for the unmarked road on your right this time. Take that road into the parking lot which will be on your right.

From Houston:
Travel North on 45 and exit 1960. Make a right turn onto 1960 and ride that motherfucker until you hit Treaschwig Rd. turn yo' shit left onto Treaschwig and take that bitch to Aldine Westfield and bang a left. Keep driving until just PAST Cypress Island Drive. You'll see an unmarked road on your left across the street from the Library. If you end up by the HEB you went to fuckin far. Turn your jalopy around and look for the unmarked road on your right this time. Take that road into the parking lot which will be on your right.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Honestly, we don't even know where to begin. This travesty of a year has claimed some great ones, it also has been clusterfucky in so many ways. What better way to celebrate this dumpster fire of year than to get REALLY drunk and puke at your NYE party, only to then get hauled off to the shower, where you can pass out and flood the host's house in an attempt to wash away the pain, shit, puke, etc. that is so representative of 2016? Trail will be roughly 3 miles through the shiggy. Probably have some water crossing on trail and an ending that is a well known homeless homosexual hangout. Wear shiggy socks, or don't we don't care if you elect to be a martyr this time. Bring bug spray or don't (we are rather despondent these days, don't judge us). So cum join us before crying into your lukewarm glass of Korbel Brut and ringing in the new year rocking back and forth to Poison's Every Rose Has its Thorn. Hash cash is $5. We have habadashery if you want/need it. There you have it folks...make it happen! On-On

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, December 08, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 180 - Redneck Abortion & Mud in My Crick's Birfday Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 180 - Redneck Abortion & Mud in My Crick's Birfday Trail!

When: Saturday, December 17th, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: Redneck Abortion's Brick & Mortar Clinic
23507 Tree House Lane
Spring, TX 77373

Hares: Redneck Abortion & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston:

VIA I-45N
I-45N to exit 68 toward Cypresswood Dr/Holzwarth Rd. Turn right onto E Cypresswood Dr, go two miles, then turn right onto Aldine Westfield Rd, go like a mile and a half.

VIA Hardy Toll Road
Take Hardy Toll Rd to Aldine Westfield Rd in Spring. Take the Aldine-Westfield Rd exit from Hardy Toll Rd. Turn right onto Aldine Westfield Rd, go 1 1/2 miles, then turn left onto Prairie Bird Dr, then turn right onto Tree House Ln.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Redneck Abortion and Mud in my Crick present a shitshow of an opportunity -- get lost in the middle of nowhere during the shitty December weather conditions! *YAY!!!*

You can expect 3-4 miles of Redneck's favorite, shiggy shiggy shiggy! There may and or may not be water crossings, depends on how much the hares love you during December. You will need to bring a warm change of clothes and a leash for your pooper. May be a bit of offroading for circle, so if you want to plan a carback, and you have a choice between a '97 Camery and a truck, go for the truck.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Thursday, December 01, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 179

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 179

When: Saturday, December 3rd, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: Imperial Valley Drive & Cypress Preserve,
Houston, TX (30°01'54.0"N 95°25'21.6"W)
*DIRECTIONS BELOW!*
*You can Google “Imperial Washateria”, it’s right down the street from it*

Hares: Womb Raider, Mouth Organ, and Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston:

VIA I-45N
I-45N to exit 66B Hollowtree St/Parramatta to north feeder. Follow north feeder, go over 1960 and just past Gilman Subaru then turn right on Cypress Preserve **GO AROUND ROAD CLOSED BARRICADE; A IS LANE OPEN** to second left hand turn onto Imperial Valley Dr.

VIA Hardy Toll Road
Hardy to FM 1960/Cypress Creek Parkway and merge onto 1960/Cypress Creek parkway. Take 1960 west and turn right in ~ 1 mile onto Cypress Slough/Cypress Preserve. **GO AROUND ROAD CLOSED BARRICADE BY THE TRAILER; A IS LANE OPEN** Follow Cypress Slough/Cypress Preserve then turn left onto Imperial Valley Dr in about 1 mile.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Cum one, cum all, for a Saturday of unforgettable escapades! Join Womb Raider, Mouth Organ, and Cocktor Spork for a trail through the unchartered, am off-road adventure where you are bound to find treasures and secrets beyond your wildest beliefs! Expect 3-ish miles of shiggy, water crossings, and bad decisions, with at least one beer check with whatever beers we can find in our combined fridges! IT will be dog friendly, but there may be some unexpected shit that you’ll have to help them through, but really, there are hashers we could say the same shit about, so yeah.

Bring a change of clothes, because you’ll be dirty when we’re done, and bring some warm shit for circle in case this state decides to finally reward us with something besides ball-dripping heat. So cum out and enjoy a beautiful Saturday with your monkey family, and try not to fuck it up!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, November 17, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 178

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 178

When: Saturday, November 19th, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: TX-242 and Lazy River Road
Conroe, TX (30.208720,-95.402325)

Hares: Bit-me Houston & Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to Exit 79A for College Park Drive/Needham Road/TX-242. Turn right on TX-242 and go for about 3 miles. Right before you are about to cross a big bridge, there is a small road to the right past some chain-link fence that goes down and to the right, like it's going to go under the bridge, go there.

Sidenote:
(From Where Do You Get Off)
If I told you that this queen of the night, is taking you far from Heartbreak Hotel and step by step deeper into the shiggy for one moment in time how will I know that you give good love? I got nothing. But all at once I look to you. So, exhale and let me know when you believe that I will always love you because my love is your love. And that love is shiggy. 3-4 miles of shiggy and beer is all the man that I need. This dog friendly trail is laid where I learned from the best when I didn't know my own strength. This whole experience is so emotional but I believe in you and me. So join me in the shiggy where I run to you with the greatest love of all and a million dollar bill. Oh and bring bug spray and $5 hash cash.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 177

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 177

When: Saturday, November 5th, at ***3:00pm***

Where: H-E-B Creekside
26500 Kuykendahl Road
Tomball, TX 77375

Hares: Homoglobin & Mouth Organ

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston (Tow options, check traffic):

Option 1: Take Hardy Toll Road or I-45 North to the Grand Parkway (99) West. Take the exit for Kuykendahl Road and go North. Go for about 5 miles and the H-E-B is on the corner of Kuykendahl Road and Creekside Forest Drive.

Option 2: Take Hardy Toll Road to I-45 or just take I-45 North to Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that west for about 5 miles until you hit Kuykendahl Road, then turn left. Go for two miles and the H-E-B is on the corner of Kuykendahl Road and Creekside Forest Drive.

Sidenote:
Homoglobin just had a birthday, and now he needs to evaluate all his life's choices by laying a Brass Monkey trail. The hare says to expect a 3 mile trail with boobs, beer, and bad decisions. This will be dog friendly, will include water crossings, and a beer check! So cum one, cum all, and see if it's still going to be fucking 80° something in November! (I hate you, Texas, I want to wear my layers and accessories!)

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, October 13, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 176

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 176 - Get Off & Croc of Shit's Bumbling Barfday Trail

When: Saturday, October 22nd, at ***3:30pm*** (Because Get Off)

Where: Keith-Weiss Park
12300 Aldine-Westfield Road
Houston, TX 77093

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & Croc of Shit

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Toad north and exit towards Little York Road / Gulf Bank Road. Take the feeder to Hartwick Road and turn tight. Go for a mile then turn left onto Aldine-Westfield. Park will be on your right. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: Expect a 3 mile trail with boobs, beer, and bad decisions. It's almost Halloween so cum in your sexiest costume because you fucks won't be "running" as much as you will be staggering. As is becoming tradition for these stupid Halloween barfday trails, you can expect there to be a fair bit of drinking at this trail so plan your transportation accordingly, because what better way than to get back at these two fucktards than to make them puke candy corn colors?

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork