Wednesday, August 09, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 197

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 197

When: Saturday, August 12th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Pundt Park
4129 Spring Creek Drive
Spring, TX 77373

Hares: CSI & Sucajawea

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road:


-From Hardy: Take Aldine-Westfield Rd exit toward East Louetta Rd. Turn right onto Aldine Westfield Rd, then Turn left onto Spring Creek Dr, Continue onto Deer Lake Trail, Continue onto Spring Creek Cir E, Turn right.

-From I-45: Take exit 68 toward Cypresswood Dr/Holzwarth Rd, Turn right onto E Cypresswood Dr, Turn left onto Aldine Westfield Rd, Turn right at the 1st cross street onto Spring Creek Dr, Continue onto Deer Lake Trail, Continue onto Spring Creek Cir E, Turn right.

Sidenote:
Come one, come all, for CSI's early BIRFDAY MEATFEST! Things to note: dog friendly. aiming for short, shiggy, moist experience. CSI's smoked meat for the pack's mouths will be available. Since it's Texas, expect something between 105° and hot as fuck, or pouring rain and 90° with a fuckton of humidity.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 196

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 196

When: Saturday, July 29, at 3:00pm!

Where: Lowe's Home Improvement Parking Lot
3052 College Park Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77384

Hares: Aryan Sisterhood & Croc of Shit

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it runs into I-45, and exit 79A for TX-242 W/College Park Drive; you'll have the option to pay for the toll bridge, or you can exit and just turn left for free. Take 242 west and the shopping center is on your right behind the Wal-Mart and such. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Cum one cum all to the 1st Fagassi-Sisterhood Trail. This trail's got it all, shiggy, water, and coeds!! It’s just like college if you went to a swampy state school full of rednecks (go Aggies). Expect 4-5 miles of everything North Woodlands has to offer. Any memories of similar trails can be entirely blamed on Croc of Shit and we fired that guy.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 195

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 195

When: Saturday, July 15, at 3:00pm!

Where: Sundance Park
700 West Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382.

Hares: Dr. Stinkfinger & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it runs into I-45, and exit TX-242 W/College Park Drive; you'll have the option to pay for the toll bridge, or you can exit and just turn left for free. Take 242 west until you hit Green Bridge Drive, then turn left. Take that until it hits Research Forest Drive, then turn right. Take that ot Branch Crossing Drive, then turn left. Take that to South Alden Bridge Drive, and turn right. Boom, the park will be on your right.

Sidenote:
It's that time of year, Dr. Stinkfinger is laying his trail! However, this year, for some reason, he's decided he is going to bring KatchUp along for the ride. Will he teach him how to be a good hare? Will he teach him how to get a girl? Will he kill him? We will put out a poll for votes and go from there. Expect 3-4 miles shiggy and a POOL ending! Rule #1: You will be at someone's house, so don't be a prick. Bring a bathing suit and change of clothes, because you *cannot* go into the pool wearing your dirty trail clothes. Why? That would make you a prick. And remember rule #1? Yeah.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Friday, June 23, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 194 - Penis First, Mouth Second's DIRTY 30 BIRFDAY TRAIL!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 194 - Penis First, Mouth Second's DIRTY 30 BIRFDAY TRAIL!

When: Saturday, July 1, at 3:00pm!

Where: Burroughs Park
9738 Hufsmith Road
Tomball, TX 77375

Hares: Penis First, Mouth Second & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to FM 2920 West / Spring Cypress Road, then turn left. Go for like 5 miles and turn right onto Kuykendahl Road. Go for another 5-ish miles and turn left onto Hufsmith Road. Go for like a mile and a half and it will wind you to the left, then turn Right into the park.
***park in the far northern lot by the lake and pavilions** don't worry about any parties, Ketchup will scare them away.

Sidenote:
OMG, it's finally happening! Is Cum-Puss pregnant again? No! Did KatchUp finally find a nice black woman to port him around under her arm? No! Did Twinkle Toes finally shave his beard, sell his furniture, and join the Jeep Corps? Nope! Penis First, Mouth Second is turning DIRTY 30! Not only that, he is finally stepping up and haring his very first trail!! He says KatchUp is going to co-hare with him, so hopefully he won't listen to anything he says and this will actually be a good trail - but we shall see! Plan on a three - four mile shiggy trail with at least one beer check! It’s Texas, so it may be 100°, it may be raining, so bring a change of clothes, bug spray, and maybe even some sun screen. Cum out and help us wish Penis First, Mouth Second goodbye to his 20s, and give him a solid hangover to welcome him into his 30s!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

Thursday, June 15, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 193 - Red Light Special & Outside Cat's BIRFDAY TRAIL!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 193 - Red Light Special & Outside Cat's BIRFDAY TRAIL!

When: Saturday, June 17, at 3:00pm!

Where: Walmart Supercenter
1025 Sawdust Road
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hares: Red Light Special & Outside Cat

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Rd N or I-45 N to exit 73 for Rayford Raod / Sawdust Road. Turn left at the light (Sawdust Road), and go past three lights. Sawdust will turn hard left at the Starbucks, past the Burger King, turn left with it. After you turn left onto Sawdust, you will veer right, and the Walmart will be on your left. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and... mmmmmmm, boys. Sorry, where was I? Step right up for the one, the only RED LIGHT SPECIAL & OUTSIDE CAT BIRFDAY RUN! It's the time of year that you can expect something poorly laid that will probably not get you laid at all - but you might get scabies, or possibly ticks. You can expect a shiggy trail with at least ONE beer check! Plan for water crossings and grossness thanks to recent rain, so make sure to bring a change of clothes for circle and on-after! These hares have been scouting hard, er eScouting, one of them, so surely this trail will be in contention for best trail of the year!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Wednesday, May 31, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 192 - The MF Trail

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 192 - The MF Trail

When: Saturday, June 3rd, at 3:00pm!

Where: Black Jack Lane, Magnolia, TX 77354

Hares: Womb Raider & Dr. Stinkfinger

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Rd N or I-45 N to exit 76B/ Woodlands Parkway. Woodlands Parkway to Branch Crossing Dr (~6.5 miles), LEFT at Branch Crossing Dr (~1 mile), LEFT at Red Bay Cir (~1 mile), RIGHT at Burr Oak Trace then RIGHT on Black Jack Ln. Look for hashers and park on side of Black Jack Ln.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: This is the MF trail, a shortened version of the MILF trail in name only. Dr Stinkfinger has scouted out a glorious 3.5 to 4.5 mile trail of lovely shiggy, thorns and water crossings. Trail is dog friendly. In typical Womb Raider style there will be at least one manned beer check with good craft beer. Expect some homemade baked goods for circle too.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 191 - The 5th Anal MILF Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 191 - The 5th Anal MILF Trail!

When: Saturday, May 20th, at 3:00pm!

Where: ***George Mitchell Preserve / Rob Flemming Park***
AFTER 6000 Creekside Forest Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77389.
(NOT EXACT ADDRESS).

Hares: The Land of MILF & Honey, PMS, Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, & Just Natasha

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $20), stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to Woodlands Parkway going west for about 4 miles. Turn left at Gosling. Turn right at Creekside Forest. Go to the traffic circle (round-about) and take first right onto Creekside Forest Drive. George Mitchell Preserve trailhead is on the right and a large dirt parking lot next to that.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARES: Celebrate all MILFs and MILFs-to-be with the craziest shit show celebrating 5 years of the Brass Monkey MILF trail!. You can expect stages of life challenges during trail with beer and shots while our enjoying our shiggy trails. Don’t know what that means, well you got to cum to find out!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork