Thursday, December 01, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 179

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 179

When: Saturday, December 3rd, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: Imperial Valley Drive & Cypress Preserve,
Houston, TX (30°01'54.0"N 95°25'21.6"W)
*DIRECTIONS BELOW!*
*You can Google “Imperial Washateria”, it’s right down the street from it*

Hares: Womb Raider, Mouth Organ, and Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston:

VIA I-45N
I-45N to exit 66B Hollowtree St/Parramatta to north feeder. Follow north feeder, go over 1960 and just past Gilman Subaru then turn right on Cypress Preserve **GO AROUND ROAD CLOSED BARRICADE; A IS LANE OPEN** to second left hand turn onto Imperial Valley Dr.

VIA Hardy Toll Road
Hardy to FM 1960/Cypress Creek Parkway and merge onto 1960/Cypress Creek parkway. Take 1960 west and turn right in ~ 1 mile onto Cypress Slough/Cypress Preserve. **GO AROUND ROAD CLOSED BARRICADE BY THE TRAILER; A IS LANE OPEN** Follow Cypress Slough/Cypress Preserve then turn left onto Imperial Valley Dr in about 1 mile.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Cum one, cum all, for a Saturday of unforgettable escapades! Join Womb Raider, Mouth Organ, and Cocktor Spork for a trail through the unchartered, am off-road adventure where you are bound to find treasures and secrets beyond your wildest beliefs! Expect 3-ish miles of shiggy, water crossings, and bad decisions, with at least one beer check with whatever beers we can find in our combined fridges! IT will be dog friendly, but there may be some unexpected shit that you’ll have to help them through, but really, there are hashers we could say the same shit about, so yeah.

Bring a change of clothes, because you’ll be dirty when we’re done, and bring some warm shit for circle in case this state decides to finally reward us with something besides ball-dripping heat. So cum out and enjoy a beautiful Saturday with your monkey family, and try not to fuck it up!

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, November 17, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 178

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 178

When: Saturday, November 19th, at ***2:00pm*** NOTE THE TIME, SHIT GETS DARK EARLY NOW!

Where: TX-242 and Lazy River Road
Conroe, TX (30.208720,-95.402325)

Hares: Bit-me Houston & Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North to Exit 79A for College Park Drive/Needham Road/TX-242. Turn right on TX-242 and go for about 3 miles. Right before you are about to cross a big bridge, there is a small road to the right past some chain-link fence that goes down and to the right, like it's going to go under the bridge, go there.

Sidenote:
(From Where Do You Get Off)
If I told you that this queen of the night, is taking you far from Heartbreak Hotel and step by step deeper into the shiggy for one moment in time how will I know that you give good love? I got nothing. But all at once I look to you. So, exhale and let me know when you believe that I will always love you because my love is your love. And that love is shiggy. 3-4 miles of shiggy and beer is all the man that I need. This dog friendly trail is laid where I learned from the best when I didn't know my own strength. This whole experience is so emotional but I believe in you and me. So join me in the shiggy where I run to you with the greatest love of all and a million dollar bill. Oh and bring bug spray and $5 hash cash.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975
Twinkle Toes' #: (661) 342-1679

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 177

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 177

When: Saturday, November 5th, at ***3:00pm***

Where: H-E-B Creekside
26500 Kuykendahl Road
Tomball, TX 77375

Hares: Homoglobin & Mouth Organ

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston (Tow options, check traffic):

Option 1: Take Hardy Toll Road or I-45 North to the Grand Parkway (99) West. Take the exit for Kuykendahl Road and go North. Go for about 5 miles and the H-E-B is on the corner of Kuykendahl Road and Creekside Forest Drive.

Option 2: Take Hardy Toll Road to I-45 or just take I-45 North to Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take that west for about 5 miles until you hit Kuykendahl Road, then turn left. Go for two miles and the H-E-B is on the corner of Kuykendahl Road and Creekside Forest Drive.

Sidenote:
Homoglobin just had a birthday, and now he needs to evaluate all his life's choices by laying a Brass Monkey trail. The hare says to expect a 3 mile trail with boobs, beer, and bad decisions. This will be dog friendly, will include water crossings, and a beer check! So cum one, cum all, and see if it's still going to be fucking 80° something in November! (I hate you, Texas, I want to wear my layers and accessories!)

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Thursday, October 13, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 176

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 176 - Get Off & Croc of Shit's Bumbling Barfday Trail

When: Saturday, October 22nd, at ***3:30pm*** (Because Get Off)

Where: Keith-Weiss Park
12300 Aldine-Westfield Road
Houston, TX 77093

Hares: Where Do You Get Off? & Croc of Shit

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take Hardy Toll Toad north and exit towards Little York Road / Gulf Bank Road. Take the feeder to Hartwick Road and turn tight. Go for a mile then turn left onto Aldine-Westfield. Park will be on your right. Look for assholes.

Sidenote:
FROM THE HARE: Expect a 3 mile trail with boobs, beer, and bad decisions. It's almost Halloween so cum in your sexiest costume because you fucks won't be "running" as much as you will be staggering. As is becoming tradition for these stupid Halloween barfday trails, you can expect there to be a fair bit of drinking at this trail so plan your transportation accordingly, because what better way than to get back at these two fucktards than to make them puke candy corn colors?

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Friday, October 07, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 175

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 175

When: Saturday, October 8th, at ***3:00pm***

Where: Alden Bridge Sports Park
4751 FM 242/College Park Road
The Woodlands, TX 77382

Hares: Womb Raider

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 N or Hardy Toll Road to I-45 N. Exit on 79A TX 242 and turn left onto TX 242/ College Park Drive and go about three miles. Make a U-turn at Green Bridge Drive and the park will be on your right.

Sidenote:
We're not having a hurricane here, so come get drunk on beer and shame as we bring you this Brass Monkey trail! Thanks to a last minute step-in hare, Spork doesn't have to lay some trail of shame that may or may not get someone sold to some visiting Vietnamese hashing businessman. Thank you Womb Raider!! So now, notes from the hare!

FROM THE HARE: As a last minute hare I have a start, an end and a vague plan. Expect 3-4 miles of mostly shiggy and a possible water crossing or two. There will be one beer check and trail should be dog friendly.

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Friday, September 23, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 174

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 174

When: Saturday, September 24th, at 3:15pm! ***NOTE THE TIME!!!*** Bar opens their gates at 3:00pm. Don't get there early,

Where: Eden's Landing, Spring TX.

Hares: Croc of Shit & Aryan Sisterhood

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Exit East Cypresswood Drive off of I-45 and Eden's Landing will be on your right in about 8 miles.

Sidenote:
This will be a virgin lay from Croc of Shit and Aryan Sisterhood, so be prepared. Be prepared for a terrible trail, terrible markings, horrendous beer, and probably some German death marches.

Using excitement and lube to lead the way, these two have been heavy scouting over the past few days, and think they have come up with something terrible enough that they could be considered seasoned hares.

Frontnote:

Yes this will be a virgin lay and an all virgin trail so you know circle is going to be good. GUILTY!!

Cocktor claims to have been helping out but it's been nothing but platitudes and cum ons. Is waking up to "The early bird gets the Cocktor" texts supposed to be encouraging?

We'll be kicking off from Eden's Landing in Spring. A dive bar with some grub for when we're done.

Hope to see your beautiful (my opinion) and ugly (your momma's) faces on Saturday.

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork


Thursday, September 08, 2016

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 173 - Cocktor Spork's BIRFDAY Trail!

BRASS MONKEY H3 R*N # 173 - Cocktor Spork's BIRFDAY Trail!

When: Saturday, September 10th, at 3:00pm! ***NOTE THE TIME!!!***

Where: 
H-E-B Spring Creek Market
3540 Rayford Road
Spring, TX 77386

Hares: Cocktor Spork & @ss Gagger

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, PI repellent, $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $20, stickers $1, patches $3, socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course.

D’erections:
From Houston: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road North to the Grand Parkway (99), and go East (right). Go for only like a mile or two, then exit onto Riley Fuzzel / 99 feeder road. Take this until you hit the HEB on your right, it is just past Discovery Creek Road, on the corner of 99 and Rayford.

Sidenote: 
FROM THE HARES: 

To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies

Come listen to a story about a boy named Spork,
Who just hit 30 years but he doesn’t eat pork.
So instead he laid a trail for the people he’d call a friend,
And tried to get them killed before they hit the very end!

With a special co-hare by the name of @ss Gagger,
Who drove in just for this with her b00bs on a platter.
You should just expect a trail that was laid by some drunks,
Who got lost out scouting just following some hunks.

There’ll be water and some shiggy and maybe even snakes,
And it’ll be warm so don’t expect snow flakes.
Just plan on coming out to drink and do a trail,
Then afterwards some of us will smoke and inhale!

So I’ll see you all this weekend if you wanna get shitfaced,
Virgin ending spot so hopefully we won’t get raped.
I’ll keep you all away from schools by 50 yards,
So you don’t end up in jail getting molested by the guards!

Questions? Comments? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry).

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
Where Do You Get Off?'s #: (281) 608-0004
Red Light Special's #: (832) 484-9975

0n-0n Bitches,
Cocktor Spork