BMH3 #413 11/22/2025 Short Cummingz and Outside Cat

 

 

 

We Need a Hare for December 6 trail, it'll be easy, we'll all be hungover from the holiday party! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #413 – 11/22/2025: Short Cummingz and Outside Cat

When: 

Saturday, November TwentySecond, TWentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where:  *** Drive to this location and head EAST on Mulligan Drive until you see a bridge, look for assholes

Mulligan Dr & Honea Egypt Rd ->Then go east until you see a bridge
30.258758440466969, -95.57877846073669
https://maps.app.goo.gl/f7U5UtfeWehMj24E9

**If you  try to get on Mulligan from the Fish Creek Thoroughfare and head west, you're gonna have a hard time.

 

Hares: 

Short Cummingz

Outside Cat

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Short Cummingz and Outside Cat take you on a trail with a bridge to nowhere. Double digit month, Double digit day, Double the fun.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS not cold yet!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

December 5th 2025 - Brass Monkey Holiday Party

2025 BRASS MONKEY HOLIDAY PARTY!!!! 

 

 When: December 5th 2025 7pm

Where: 86 Sunilt Grove st, The Woodlands TX 77382

30.212817345025169, -95.52400173815069

https://maps.app.goo.gl/yhPSnBYsnEJ4fbFN9 

 

Jingle Bells, Your Mom Smells,

But She Still Puts Out.

I Just Looked, She’s Double-Booked,

Let’s Give Your Dad A Shout, HEY!

Ok guys, gals, and non-binary pals, that time of year has cum!  The time where the big man cums in your chimney and sticks his package in your footwear or in your bush. No no, Epic Fail’s home confinement hasn’t been lifted yet, I’m talking about Ivanna Hairy Buttchug!  Him and his dependable lady in crime, Indiana Bones and the Temple Of Poon, will be hosting our AИAL Brass Monkey Holiday Party!  That’s right!  We only had one arrest and two children conceived last year, so this time, we’re in it to break some records, and possibly some butt virginities.

So what do you need to know?  Well, a lot of shit.  But for this party, not so much.

You should bring:

·         A Caucasian Elephant Gift (Nothing fancy, this is not an African American tie affair).  $15 max, wrapped, for a gift exchange!

·         A tallboy for our famous Tallboy Roulette ©™®.  Paper bags provided for class; bad decisions brought by you.

·         A bathing suit and a FUCKING TOWEL!  That’s right, this shit ends in a pool.  BUT, you assholes have to bring a fucking towel because too many have been ruined or stolen from Buttchug & Bones Manor, so they are off limits.

·         Whatever you want to drink, if you don’t want yellow beer.  There will be shitty beer and maybe shitty wine.  If you want anything outside of that, bring it, unless you plan on living off Tallboys for the second half of the party.  (We’ve seen it done, “recommended”)

Important things:

·         It starts at 7:00pm.  So for those of you that are generally late, it starts at 6:30pm.

·         You will be at someone’s house.  Don’t be an asshole.  If you are going to bring a mariachi band, make sure it’s no more than three people so it doesn’t take up too much room.

·         There will be some foods and sides, but don’t expect a seventeen-course meal.  You will have a paper plate, buckling in the middle from the weight, filled with cholesterol inducing yummy foods.  You’re welcome.

·         If you are planning on drinking your face off, Uber.  Don’t be a dumb ass.  An Uber costs $40.  An attorney costs a lot more. Share a ride with a friend, plan to sleep at someone’s house, think ahead, not just OF head.

·         BRING A FUCKING TOWEL.

·         There is a Brass Monkey the next day, so plan on making it a full weekend of bad decisions and debauchery!

That’s about it, kids!  Please make sure to RSVP so we can buy the correct amount of food and shitty beer.  If you don’t RSVP and just show up, we will judge you.  More than we normally do.  And we’ll do it to your face.  More than we normally do.  So please, fucking RSVP!  This will be out last big Monkey event until Brass Monkey #420 (true story), our 16^th Analversary campout in February – so come fuck the end of your year up with the people you know can do the best job of it!  See you Friday the 5^th!

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BMH3 #412 – 11/8/2025: Womb Raider Saves the day!

 

 

 

We Need a Hare for December 6 trail, it'll be easy, we'll all be hungover from the holiday party! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #412 – 11/8/2025: Womb Raider Saves the day!

When: 

Saturday, November eighth, TWentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where: 

Spring Creek Nature trail head at Dead End of Glen Loch Dr 

30.11358989897269, -95.48917166812469

https://maps.app.goo.gl/vAtoEgE5SJo7kcLz9

Hares: 

WOMB RAIDER

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail will be 3 to 4 miles of shiggy, thorns and water crossings haphazardly laid thru familiar territory with one beer check. Will it be better than a beer mile or tour de Franzia trail? Probably… Maybe…. Who knows? Come to trail and find out. 

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

Spookt-ASK-tic Bloody PADS

  

 

 

We Need Hares in November and December! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #411 – 10/25/2025: Spookt-ASK-tic Bloody PADS 

When: 

Saturday, October TwentyFive, TWentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

HARES RAN INTO ISSUES. TRAIL WILL BE

3.00p show - 3.30p GO GO GO

Where: 

Gourley Nature Trail
30.009894382821873, -95.50994424599878
https://maps.app.goo.gl/x3n5MMv5eSzSqzrYA

Hares: 

Ask Me Something Personal & S.h.o.u.l.d.e.r P.a.d.s

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 
Spooky degenerates and swamp goblins. We are dragging you through a 3.5-ish mile fuck-my-legs trail the weekend before Halloween, why, because what is joy if not shared suffering.

There will be at least ONE beer check to lube your soul.
There might also be a candy shot check IF our chaos is organized enough to purchase candy and shots before 1pm. That's a big “if.”

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

BMH3 #410 – 10/11/2025: 9th anal Flock you!

 

 

 

We Need Hares in November and December! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #410 – 10/11/2025: 9th anal Flock you!

When: 

Saturday, October Eleventh, TWentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check at the nest!

Where: 

George Mitchell Nature Preserve Trailhead
At the end of Dr. Anne Snyder Drive, Tomball, TX 77375
30.148804903426369, -95.56331864323169
https://maps.app.goo.gl/DFpkcqnEXhmZkhiP8

Hares: 

The  Flock – Dumpsterbaitor, Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, Outside Cat, Mouth Organ, Avian Sisterhood and Womb Raider

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 
Birdies and Monkeys that identify as Birds it’s that glorious time a year when the Flock lays 3 beautiful trails for you full of thorns, shiggy and water! There will be the Bluebird (blue), Dove (white) and Robin (orange) trails, each 2-3 miles long, ending in the safety of the Nest. The Nest will be filled with beautiful Birds and a Chicken, delicious beers and avian themed snacks. Compete to replenish your little ducky supply and win “fun prizes” at circle! Wear your favorite bird attire! Hot bird food will be provided. Don’t forget your waterfowl suits and drinks for pool on-after.

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own. 
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

BMH3 #409 09/27/2025 Epic Fail and L2D2 Slutty Bridesmaid Mimosa Mile and Galveston Wedding Dress Invasion!

ALERT ALERT ALERT!!!! THIS IS NOT A NORMAL MONKEY TRAIL!!!! This will be a prelube to the Galveston H3 Wedding dress run! Details are Below, it's in Galveston. Read the deets, and get a hotel room!

 

 

When:

Saturday, September TwentySeventh TwentyTwentyfive

• Main Pack 1PM show, 1:30PM Go

Where:

1306 19th St, Galveston, TX 77550

(Just a half mile from the Hash Hotel, the Mariner Inn, you booked your hotel room right?)

29.29832968441469, -94.78628650332369

https://maps.app.goo.gl/L45pTTYP1nPDczFy9 

Hares:

Epic Fail 

L2D2 

 

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

According to the esteemed media outlet, HuffPo, 24% of Bridesmaids hook up at weddings.
Enter, the Slutty Bridesmaid mimosa mile and pre-lube to the Wedding Dress Run brought to you by Brass Monkey H3.
The start will be at 1 pm at 1306 19th St, a half mile walk from the hash hotel.
There will be a mimosa mile around 1:30 pm.  It’s like a beer mile, but with more bubbles and orange juice.  Bring a vessel.
Do the mimosa mile?  Get half-ass, wedding appropriate, slutty gimmies.
There will be snacks, beer, socializing, and a circle that wraps up in time for you to get dressed up for the wedding dress.

 

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.

Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Bridesmaid dress

Wedding dress

 

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

 
D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Signal Group: https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=- 

 

 

 

 

INFO FOR THE GALVESTON WEDDING DRESS RUN:
The event for the wedding dress run is here: https://fb.me/e/9V7Xbz7IG but since not everyone is in the Galveston group, here are the details:
When: September 27th 6:30PM
Where: Galveston Historic Strand
Lodging: The Mariner Inn - https://maps.app.goo.gl/2eYw4Kv63rVc5W4XA

You are cordially invited to take your liver on a wild ride while renewing your commitment to the hash. The Galveston Hash invites you to wear your favorite wedding dress and create a procession on The Strand in Galveston.The cost for the hash is FREE, but you'll need $$ for the bar stops. There will be many. This is a marathon pub crawl. Hash Hotel will be The Mariner Inn. https://maps.app.goo.gl/2eYw4Kv63rVc5W4XA
I, drunken hasher take thee, the Hash House Harriers, to be my favorite distraction to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or more likely worse, for richer, no definitely poorer, in hangover and in health, to attend and to promote, till death do us part ( hopefully not on this trail), according to G's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

BMH3 #408 - 09/13/2025 - Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones' 69th AИAL Birfday Trail!

 

We Need Hares! Sign up now! 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

BMH3 #408 - 09/13/2025 - Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones' 69th AИAL Birfday Trail!

When:

Saturday, September Thirteenth TwentyTwentyfive

• Main Pack 3PM show, 3:30PM Go

• Manned Beer Check!

Where:

Lakeside Park

5001 South Alden Bridge Drive

The Woodlands, TX 77382

https://maps.app.goo.gl/qKf5xUR3mVWVpXLfA

30.202792, -95.541802

 

Hares:

Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:

Guys, gals, and non-binary pals, it is that glorious time of year again.  That’s right, it’s the 69th AИAL  Cocktor Spork & Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon BIRFDAY Trail, and we’re back to ruin your shoes, your liver, and your last shred of dignity.  What can you expect?  Some stuff we will plan, and a lot of shit we absolutely will not, but will just fucking happen.  We are laying about five miles, mas o menos, of beautiful shiggy where you will get wet and probably lose a sock.  Or your butt virginity.  Shhhh, just let it happen.  You will go through water.  Also, it has never not rained on our birthday trail, so yeah, expect that shit.  One year a hurricane tried to raw dog the city and we still did trail.  Bring your big kid attitude and don’t be a bitch.  So bring a damn change of clothes.  And a bathing suit!  (We’ll get to that, hold please)

There will be one beer check with premium drinks.  And by premium, we mean stuff you cannot get in Siberia, unless your cousin is sleeping with a customs agent.  Prost or whatever the fuck they say in Russian.  Hydrate like you actually care about living, because it is September, and the heat will slap you like you owe it money.  This is A to A prime, so when we finish, you can stagger a few feet and collect your junk without crying about a carback.  There is also a pool on-after!  YAY!  Shock and awe!  The crowd goes wild!  It is BYO drinks, AND A  BATHING SUIT, AND A TOWEL, so plan ahead!  If you don’t because you are KatchUp or something, there is a liquor store about a mile from the pool on-after.  They don’t sell towels or bathing suits.  You can also hit a gas station if you enjoy making poor life choices in fluorescent lighting.  There will be foooooooood!  But seriously, bring your own fucking drinks and a towel.  For your drive home, there are jeans for rent.  Inquire within.  

The trail is close to the pool on-after, so coordinate with your homies, split a ride, or call an Uber so you can combine bad decisions with questionable hydration.  See you assholes out there!  You will not want to miss it, and if you do, we will talk shit about you.  And if you do make it, we’ll also talk shit about you, but to your face.  Kthxbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. 

Bring:

• WATER, IT IS HOT!
• Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
• Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.
• A Towel, a Bathing Suit, and beverages for the POOL ON AFTER!
• Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.) Signal Group: 

https://signal.group/#CjQKIIalOA2myD7a6NUErlTmIA_iDCTrKoGL43hBJ7iRz17rEhBDput_QcfdV2rzWyvK5iZ6

 

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133

KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

 

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork