BMH3 #390 – 01/04/2025: KatchUps Birthday Extravaganza

  

 

We need hare for 1/18/25! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

 

 

 

BMH3 #390 – 01/04/2025: KatchUps' start the year off wet trail

When:

Saturday, January Fourth, TwentyTwentyFive
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

819 Timor Ln, Houston, TX 77090

https://maps.app.goo.gl/oKMGwxzVVyvEtK3k8
30.031972249684944, -95.45239987801945

Hares:

Ask Me Something Personal & KatchUp

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 

I would like to welcome everyone into the New Year with another amazing Birthday Trail. This years trail will have water, those backward facing thorns and a random ass dog sleeping in a decrepit, school? Yes that's right, I got all the things planned for this trail. It will be 3-5 miles in length with one water crossing so bring warm clothes for circle. I will be providing hot cider again this year so the water crossing should feel nice. I would say it's dog friendly but we do get close to some properties that aren't well fenced off and they do have dogs on property so be forewarned.

Bring:

HOT COCOA, IT IS COLD!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Titty McGee=-

BMH3 #389 – 12/21/2024: Donnie The Retards' Birfday Trail

 

 

We need hare for 1/18/25! Sign up now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

 

 

 

BMH3 #389 – 12/21/2024: Donnie The Retards' Birfday Trail

When:

Saturday, December Twentyfirst, TWentyTwentyFour
• Main Pack 1PM show, 1:30PM Go

Where:

Woodson's Local Tap + Kitchen (1488)
2330 FM 1488, The Woodlands, TX 77384
https://maps.app.goo.gl/Qrx4vwxLk2o7mz68A
30.231692855200069, -95.49920617809069

Hares:

Donnie the Retard

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: 

2 to 4ish miles of trails and shiggy. Water on trail is always possible so be unprepared as you normal would. No rain in the forecast, but we all know weather apps are fucking liars so who knows. Let's do this!

Bring:

WATER, IT IS HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #388 – Womb Raider and Cocktor Spork's 2nd Anal nighttime lights trail?

  

 

 

2025 Hare Signups for the first half of the year are posted! Get yours now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #388 – Womb Raider and Cocktor Spork's 2nd Anal nighttime lights trail?

When:

Saturday, December Seventh TwoThousandTwentyFour
• Main Pack 1PM show, 1:30PM Go

Where:

Fox Springs Park, Spring, TX 77386
https://maps.app.goo.gl/2spBr6xuN77GQVc27

30.115476260769269, -95.40187903187869

Hares:

Cocktor Spork & Womb Raider

From the Hares:

This Saturday, Saturday, SATURDAY!  Join Womb Raider and Cocktor Spork for our second Anal nighttime lights trail! Except this year, it won't be at night, and there won't be lights. So yeah. That. 

Originally, we had planned a nighttime trail to cap off the last trail of the year, but that asshole Donnie the Retard snagged it for his birfday trail instead. So, with all the holiday chaos in full swing and people being booked every Saturday, we’ve decided to turn things up a notch with a 1:00pm trail instead so you can still be an early-afternoon asshole and get to your evening festivities!

Will it be live-laid? Maybe.

Will it be dead-laid? Maybe. 

Will it be laid at all? Also, maybe. 

You’ll just have to show up to find out! AT 1:00PM! Expect solid shiggy, a strong chance of rain (because, hares), potential water crossings depending on how the creeks look after the next few days of rain, at least one beer check, and the company of many fine assholes.

You won't wanna miss it! Be there or regret it forever!... or maybe not at all. But either way, be there at 1:00pm!!!!

0n-0n Bitches

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,

BMH3 #387 -11/23/24 – Fuck Fuck Goose takes a baby monkey under his wing

 

 

 

2025 Hare Signups for the first half of the year are posted! Get yours now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

 

BMH3 #387 – Fuck Fuck Goose takes a baby monkey under his wing

When:

Saturday, November TwentyThird TwoThousandTwentyFour
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go

Where:

Little Cypress Creek Preserve
Telge Rd & Spring Cypress Rd, Cypress, TX 77429
29.9906569,-95.6562469
https://maps.app.goo.gl/L4N5fU8Gx3G8bv3Y7

Hares:

ShoulderPads the Virgin Hare & F*ck F*ck Goose.

Sidenote:

Get ready for an epic adventure that promises equal parts chaos and camaraderie. Or just pure chaos. This trail has it all: a Virgin Hare ready to test their mettle, uncharted territory that F*ck F*ck Goose has only scoped out on Google Maps, at least one beer check (maybe two if the stars and hares align), and the ever-present risk of getting lost. Expect questionable decisions and constant cursing of the hares.  ON-ON!
📏 Distance:
Trail is allegedly planned for 4 miles, but knowing the hares, you might be signing up for 14 miles of scenic suffering. Pack your sense of humor, an extra pair of socks, a headlamp, and a snack just in case.
🌿 Shiggy Factor:
Expect at least 20 feet of shiggy—but be prepared for 20 miles. The hares have no idea what they are getting themselves into.
💦 Wetness Factor:
If you make it through trail completely dry, then congratulations. For everyone else, the On-After has you covered with a heated pool to ensure you do not leave the day without a good soak.

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.
Swimsuit, Towel, and Drinks for HEATED POOL on after!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3# CHRISTMAS PARTY 2024!!! FRIDAY 12/13/2024!!!

 

2025 Hare Signups are posted! Get yours now! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YWKD179RbNf0422ij-uBywUbAE2Z_DijBVth6ydRejQ/edit?usp=sharing

BMH3# CHRISTMAS PARTY 2024!!!

When:

Friday, December 13th at 7:00pm!!!

Where:

Maison du PoonChug
86 Sunlit Grove
The Woodlands, TX  77382

30.212852646305969, -95.52401180201169

https://maps.app.goo.gl/wiQe2XXdhdRg2QgC9

From The Hosts:

What's this? What's this?
There's hashers everywhere
What's this?
They're wearing slutty underwear
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming
Wake up, Spork, this isn't fair
What's this?

What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
They're singing hashing songs
What's this?
The floors are lined with little passed out creatures
Everybody seems so wasted
Oh no, now they're getting naked?
What's this?!

I'll tell you what it is!  It's the Brass Monkey's Second AИAL Holiday Party!  That's right, since we had very little brain trauma and no pressed charges after last year, we've decided to try this shit again!  Since every fucking Saturday in December is taken already, we're doing it on a Friday!  And not just any Friday, FRIDAY THE 13TH!  So the thème will be "Nightmare Before Hashmas!"  So finish off your weekly chores, grab your best slut and dry mouth combatant, and HEAD on over!

There will be a white elephant gift exchange (~$15), and a TALLBOY ROULETTE!  What does that mean?  It means bring a $15 white elephant gift you can part with (it can be funny, slutty, naughty, stupid, really any word you could describe a Brass Monkey with) and exchange for another gift, and one tallboy of your choosing!  We will bring brown paper bags (because we're classy like that), hide the tallboys within said brown paper bags, and people will get one that they randomly select that they'll get to enjoy. (Heartburn meds not included)

What else do you need to bring?  Your own damn booze.  We've seen you people drink.  We know what you are capable of.  Will there be a random can of Lone Star somewhere you can probably drink?  Maybe... but I sure wouldn't count on it.  However, there will be food to eat!  If you want to bring a little side to share, feel free.  However, the homeowners said they will be making some nice warm food for us, so prepare your stomachs! (And probably your anus)

What can you count on?  Probably getting slutty in the hot tub time machine once the festivities are done.  BUTT, before you get into your Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, wear yourself a tacky holiday sweater or Nightmare Before Hashmas outfit!  Xmas?  Sure!  Chanukkah?  Why not!  Caroling dogs?  Sounds great!  Ketchup's Butthole blown up on a sweater?  Please no.

So, in conclusion, BRING:

•$15 white elephant gift
•A tallboy drink of your choosing
•Your swimsuit
•Your beverage of choice

You won't want to miss it!

0n-0n Bitches!
Cocktor Spork

 

 BMH3 #386 -11/09/2024- Save a Horses Marine Corps Pre-Lube Trail!

When:

Saturday, November Ninth, TwothousandandTwentyFour
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beir Check!

Where:

The timber lane utility district community center
1902 Naplechase Dr
Spring, TX 77373
30.044265741951669, -95.40343757533269
https://maps.app.goo.gl/FWQoViyaGX72c8qz5
(Yes this is the same start location as 2 weeks ago)

Hare: 

Save a Horse, Ride a Mole

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES: Trail is 3 miles, 1 bier check. There will be water crossings, expect to get wet and bring a change of dry clothes. Hares can't promise a covered ending, but the RA can get their shit together and clear the weather before circle...

Bring:

Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.


Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.  Hur Hur the start location sounds like its on Nipplechase drive. (o)(o)


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-

BMH3 #385 - 10/26/2024: Homoglobin's Birthday trail

 

BMH3 #385 - 10/26/2024: Homoglobin's Birthday trail

When:

Saturday, October TwentySex, TwothousandandTwentyFour
• Main Pack 2PM show, 2:30PM Go
• Manned Beer Check!

Where:

The timber lane utility district community center
1902 Naplechase Dr
Spring, TX 77373
30.044265741951669, -95.40343757533269
https://maps.app.goo.gl/FWQoViyaGX72c8qz5


Hares:
Homoglobin

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
About 3.5 mile trail.
Everything friendly like dogs and such.
One beer check as customary.
On after will be at Kerchup and Road head’s place which is 15 minutes ish away.
Start time is 2pm now I believe?

FROM THE ON AFTER HOSTS!!!!
Halloween is just around the corner so it's time to dress up. KatchUp and Road Head are hosting a Halloween party at their house for On-After. It will be potluck style and BYOB. Looking forward to seeing everyone

Bring:

WATER, IT IS still HOT!
Your fucking self and everything you need to survive a trail on your own.
Drinking vessels for Brass Monkeys at circle.
Pot Luck item, a costume, and Drinks for on after!

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

D’erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Who do I look like, Spōrk? Fucking put the where into your phone and get your own directions.  Hur Hur the start location sounds like its on Nipplechase drive. (o)(o)


Questions? Comments? Concerns? Sorry, can't hear you. (P.S. We're not sorry.)
Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
0n-0n,
-=Twinkle Toes=-