BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 112

The "There will probably be a Galveston Campout scheduled to conflict with this Brass Monkey trail since Where Do You Get Off is haring" trail!

When: Saturday, May 24th, at 3:00pm!

Where: Intersection of Hamblen Rd and Loop 494 Kingwood, TX 77339
Approx: (30.031167, -95.255831)

Hares: Where Do You Get Off?, Ramrod, and possibly one more mystery hare.

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, shag bag (change of clothes), BUG SPRAY, $$ for haberdashery (T-shirts $12), stickers $1, patches $3, thirst for beer of course.

D’erections: D'erections,
From the woodlands:
Take the 45 South to 1960 east to highway 59. Take 59 north and exit onto loop 494. Take 494 across the Bevil Jarrell Memorial Bridge and turn right on to Hamblen Road--immediately turn right again on to an unmarked paved road which leads to a parking lot under the bridge next to the river. If you did it right you will be parked under the bridge and on the north side of the river.

Sidenote: FROM THE HAREs: Cum one, cum all to the "There will probably be a Galveston Campout scheduled to conflict with this Brass Monkey trail since GetOff is haring" trail!

Expect shiggy, expect boobs, expect boobs with shiggy on them, and an awesome Memorial Day ending with food, beer, and all things summer.

Bring hash cash, mosquito spray, bathing suits (or birthday suits--I am talking to you Ms. Texas Nude), thirst for beer,a petite for fun (autocorrect fail--this should say appetite but if you bring a fun petite we can all have our way with you get bonus points which can be redeemed at the next BrassMonkey trail), and whatever is left of your decency from IronHash.

Well, you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork’s #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141
Where Do You Get Off's #: (281) 608-0004

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 111 - The Mother's Day MILF Run

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BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 110 - Gary Busey’s Revenge

When: Saturday, April 26th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Spring Acres Preserve
23801 Glen Loch Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): ESPN

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash, and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 73 for Rayford / Sawdust. Turn left onto Sawdust Road and go past three lights until Sawdust turns left, directly past Taco Bell and Burger King. Turn left on Sawdust and go alllllllllllllllll the way until it dead ends, it will turn you hard right and left before then, just keep going. Once it dead ends you will be on Glen Loch Drive, turn left and go alllllllllllllllll the way until it dead ends. Boom.

Sidenote: Your hare will be ESPN, so expect an Original O.G. type of trail: shiggy, at least one beer check, probably some poison ivy if that bitch can find some, and since she is an evil ginger, expect soul thieving traps throughout this entire damn thing. Make sure to bring a change of clothes so you don't smell like some gross ass at the on-after. Oh ya, bring money for that. You must remember that she is evil, so there will probably be some horrible unexpected shit on trail: Jews, other gingers, you never know what this crazy bitch might throw at us. The weather is just starting to get warmish so you should probably bring bug spray and sun block, and there will be mandatory tick checks whenever we feel like making people get nekkid. Yay b00b checks!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 109 - The Zombie Jesus Trail!

When: Saturday, April 12th, 3:00pm!!! *NOTE, IT'S NOT AT 2:00, IT'S AT 3:00 - WE HAVE MORE SUNLIGHT NOW!*

Where:
Wal-Mart Supercenter - Sterling Ridge
10001 Woodlands Parkway (at FM 2978)
Spring, TX 77382

Hare(s): PooDoo Alfredo & Skeet Squad

Why: Because you like drinking, period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
*Option 1: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Go for like 9 miles and look for a huge ass Wal-Mart on your left right after you pass West Branch Crossing Drive / Terramont Drive. You will have to bust a U-Turn at either FM 2978 (next big light), or somewhere before that where I'm sure there is a turn-in.

*Option 2: ALTERNATE FROM HOUSTON: Do all the same shit at the beginning but instead of exiting 76B for Woodlands Parkway go further and take exit 81 for FM 1488 West. Take the feeder to the bridge and loop under it then loop around and go over I-45 westbound. Go for like 7 miles then turn left onto FM 2978. Go for about 2-3 miles and turn left onto Woodlands Parkway, Wal-Mart will be on your right.

*YOU CAN TAKE EITHER ONE, WOODLANDS PARKWAY IS A BIT SLOWER BUT IT'S MORE DIRECT, 1488 IS A BIT FASTER BUT IT'S A LONGER ROUTE. YOUR CHOICE!

Sidenote: This will be PooDoo Alfredo's second trail... and I am going to fucking miss it, AGAIN! PooDoo and Skeet will be taking us on an epic excursion through the backwoods of Magnolia, I can hear the "Deliverance" music already. This will be a themed event, and since we are religiously tolerant, naturally it is going to be "Zombie Jesus." Waiting for you on trail will be some eggs, hidden eggs, and if you find them you can mix them with your sperm and make children. We won't tell you if they are Skeet's eggs or PooDoo's eggs so you will be taking that chance. Besides those eggs there will be plastic eggs with "something special inside". That's what one of the slutty hares told me, I don't know what "something special inside" means, but I have my ideas.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

PooDoo Alfredo's #: (832) 868-8600
Skeet Squad's #: (281) 682-0754

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 108

When: Saturday, March 29th, 3:00pm!!! *NOTE, IT'S NOT AT 2:00, IT'S AT 3:00 - WE HAVE MORE SUNLIGHT NOW!*

Where:
Cattail Park
9323 Cochrans Crossing Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Hare(s): Dick Assley & Cocktor Spork

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $12, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until it hits I-45 and take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Go for like 5-ish miles until you hit Cochrans Crossing Drive, then turn right. Go for about a mile and look for Cattail Park on your left.

Sidenote: Last Sunday, Reverend Dick officiated the wedding between Cocktor Spork and Cum-Puss in California. Now, in celebration, Cocktor Spork and Dick Assley would like to do to you on this trail what Spork did to that small Asian on that wedding night: wreck you. Hard. Expect shiggy with water crossings, expect little pavement, and expect at least one beercheck! Trail should be between 3 -5 miles, but you know how we are when we get into thick shiggy, that shit is FUN so we might keep you in there for a little bit longer. :) Make sure to wear your shiggy socks and bring a change of clothes; shiggy socks and Monkey shirts will be for sale if whoever has the shirts remembers to bring them. It might be me, know effin knows. According to Facebook, which can now tell you weather on a certain day at a certain time with its magical powers, says that it will be in the 80°s with a chance of thunderstorms. Know what that means? WEAR YOUR DAMN BUG SPRAY! This will also be considered a PRE-LUBE FOR TEXAS INTERHASH! w00t!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's#: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 108 - Brass Monkey 3rd AИAL Green Dress

"The Only Event It Is Okay To Be Ginger"

Where: Cross Track Ice House; 200 Magnolia St., Spring, TX 77373

Time: 2:00 PM  3^rd

Hares: MasturGator, EZ Chair, & I Fucked Your Dad.

On-After: Will be at Cross Tracks. Like the last 2 years they basically let us face rape this place and they sell us OE & OJ and Irish Beer. It is BYO-liquor. Be nice to the staff or they will cut you.

Sleeping/Banging: Super 8 at sawdust and 45 have $55 dollar rooms. It is best to not tell them who we are, we have reserved nothing and if you wait the price will probably go up due to the random spike of rooms selling. Address 24903 I-45 North, Spring, TX 77380

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until you put one of the address above in your smart fun you lazy bastard.

Sidenote: Expect Shiggy, Beer Checks, Booze Checks, Beer Checks, Irish Car Bombs, Poorly timed Irish jokes, an on-after, green stool the next day, green spaghetti, bad grammar, wrestling singlets, awkward cross dressing, 40's, beer checks, un-awkward cross dressing, beer checks, some haberdashery associated, Updates will cum very soon. "Working to ensure your safety and ability to not remember at the same time".

Facebook event where you can find updated info: https://www.facebook.com/events/649060258488318/

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591
Easy Chair's#: (503) 939-4587
I F*cked Your Dad # (832) 594-6918

0n-0n Bitches,
MasturGator

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 106 - Just Say No To VD Hash

When: Saturday, February 15th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Mooseknuckles Bar
4307 Treaschwig Road
Spring, TX 77373

Hare(s): Easy Chair & Name My Vagina

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections: FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until you can exit onto FM 1960. Exit FM 1960 and go East for like a mile. Turn Left onto Treaschwig Road, go till you hit Mooseknuckles.

Sidenote: This Valentine's Day Anti-Valentine's Day hash will be hared by angry, angry women. Women who love to hate men. Will they still bang them? Yes. Will they still complain about them? Yes. Do they pretend to hate Valentine's Day? Yes. Should you bring the hares flowers and chocolate? Maybe. My guess is weed and malt liquor might go over better. Also, expect a guest beermeister, a guest hashcash person, and possibly a guest RA, we shall see. Want to volunteer? Let us know! What do the hares want you to know? This! FROM THE HARES... mostly: For this trail, you will need only three things: A whistle, a broken heart, and batteries. Expect a shiggy trail with water, thorns, mud, and hidden hashers dressed in diapers shooting you with arrows to make you fall in love. Actually, the arrows are just dipped in AIDS so it's more like you will get sick then one of the hares can take your helpless weakened body and do with it as they please. It's a long team process but the end is as good as gold. Bring money for on-after and plan on a change of clothes as well.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
Easy Chair's#: (503) 939-4587

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 105 - BMH3's Fourth AИALVERSARY & Twinkle Toes’ DIRTY THIRTY!

When: Saturday, February 1st, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Sundance Park
3700 West Alden Bridge Drive
The Woodlands, TX 77382

Hare(s): Twinkle Toes

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until is dumps into I-45. Go all the way to exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take over the freeway and straight for 6-7 miles until you hit Branch Crossing then turn Right. Go for about 2 miles then turn left onto Alden Bridge Drive, the park will be on your right.

Sidenote: This is going to be AWESOME! The weather is supposed to be perfect, the hare is a total asshole, and this is going to be the FOURTH AИALVERSARY of the Brass Monkey Hash's existence! That's not all! Twinkle Toes is also celebrating his DIRTY THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be like a double sided dildo with a hash event on each side! Which side do you want first? Start picking now! What does the hare want you to know? FROM THE HARE: Bring a change of clothes and a towel, you are gonna get n-a-s-t-y. Wear shoes with good laces on them, this is the kind of place with mud that will eat your shoes. Muahahahahahaha. I'm sure Evil Toes has something in store for us... we shall see. Don't forget to bring something special for the hare / birfday boy to enjoy! Muahahahahaha.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 104 - KatchUp's Birfday Hash!

When: Saturday, January 18th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Deerfield Meadow Drive
(30.245499,-95.498017)
READ DIRECTIONS BELOW!

Hare(s): KatchUp & Mud In My Crick

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until is dumps into I-45. Go all the way to exit 81 for FM 1488. Take the 1488 West ramp over I-45 going westward. Go for about 3 miles and look for Carriage Hills Boulevard on your right, then turn right. *If you hit 242 you have gone too far*. After you turn right on Carriage Hills Blvd go for about a mile then you are going to take your 3rd right onto Jacobs Lake Boulevard across from Chantilly Lane. After you turn right go for a minute then turn left on Fallow Buck Drive then turn left again on Fallow Buck Drive and you will hit Deerfield Meadow Drive, turn left and go for the cul-de-sac.

Sidenote: This will be KatchUp's Birfday trail! plan on making him pay for his youngness and his willingness to lay a shitty trail this early in the year... he is probably trying to steal the "Worst Hare" award from Easy Chair. Plan on shiggy, possible water crossings, and since Mud is co haring, probably even shittier trails than you could have imagined if it was just KatchUp haring. This is dog friendly but you will be crossing major roads so plan on bringing that leash that your gimp is probably still wearing. At least one beer check, duh, with a possibility of two.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
KatchUp's #: (817) 235-6141

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 103

THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION AMNESTY HASH

When: Saturday, January 4th 2014, 2:00pm!!!

Where: Kroger - 2301 Rayford Rd, Spring, TX 77386

Hare(s): London Fag & a special mystery hare (it's Tender Vittles)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north as far as exit 73 toward Rayford Rd/Sawdust Rd. Turn right onto Rayford Rd, Kroger is a few blocks down on the left. If you can't see it you will not survive the Vittles portion of trail.

Sidenote: This could be a revolutionary clusterfuck double pivot choose your own adventure trail. Decide betwixt a London Fag 2-3 mile wander through the wilderness and or an epic cross-state Tender Vittles ballbuster. Bring a passport and wear your Life Alert pendant. Switch trails at the midway beercheck if you get bored or tired.

Well there you heard it people, make it so!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591
London Fag's #: (832) 830-1107

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 102

When: Saturday, December 21st, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Alden Bridge Sports Park
4751 FM 242 / College Park Road
The Woodlands, TX 77382
*Use the right parking lot*

Hare(s): Homoglobin & Unlaiden Swallows

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 north or Hardy Toll Road until is dumnps into I-45. Go all the way to exit 79A toward College Park Drive/Needham Road/Texas 242. Turn left on TX 242 / College Park Drive and go for about three miles. Make a U-turn at Green Bridge Drive and the park will be on your right.

Sidenote: Expect coldness, expect possible water crossings, expect shiggy, and expect to get fucked up in proper monkey pre-xmas tradition! Bring something to keep us warm at the start, perhaps a bottle of something not Malort? Read the note below from the hares, and plan accordingly!!! FROM THE HARES: When entering the park, please use the right parking lot.The theme for this run is "Camo-Kwanzaa" which means where something camouflage or something Kwanzaa-ish. Yeah, I had to look some of the Kwanzza stuff up too. The beer check will also have Jello shots and probably slut juice. We will bring some egg nog and alcohol for circle, so expect a shitshow... or at least diarrhea. Maybe hot toddies whatever the hell those are. If the hounds so desire, they may bring a small gift for a white elephant gift exchange, and by gift I mean some old decrepit item that serves no use or is funny such as a vcr tape. This is just something to lighten it up!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 101 - A Joint H4 & BMH3 Event!

When: Saturday, December 7th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
ZZSkinDeep
4129 Southerland Road, Ste E
Houston, TX 77092

Hare(s): Dick Assley, Jizzabel, & KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take 610 to 290W towards Austin. Exit West 43rd Street / Bingle Road / Pinemont Drive. Turn left on West 43rd Street, then left on Southerland Road.

FROM THE WOODLANDS: Take I-45 south to Beltway 8 West. Take that until you hit 290 then take that East. Exit West 43rd Street / Bingle Road / Pinemont Drive. Take the Pinemont Drive East exit then merge onto Southerland Road.

Sidenote: This year, the H4 xmas party is on a Brass Monkey Saturday... again. So this year, we are doing a joint trail! Hared by Dick Assley, with last minute addition and Brass Monkey representative KatchUp, with slut-wagon provided and driven by Jizzabel, this should be a shitshow. It's going to be cold, rainy, and awesome. Wear warm shit and bring your party clothes for after. The H4 xmas party will be following this trail and you can find all the information you need on the H4.org website. Sign up online or pay at the door, this should be a sexy and fun experience!

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers 100th Hash Celebration: Hash & Formal

Brass Monkey Hash House Harriers 100^th Hash Celebration

Hash & Formal

“Ladies” and “Gentlemen”, the time has arrived. The Brass Monkey Hash is celebrating its 100^th run on Saturday, November 23^rd! Holy shit, I can’t believe we made it this long. In February of 2010, the Brass Monkeys started with nothing but two houses across the street from each other, traditions from the Colorado Kimchi H3, and a ton of bad fucking ideas. Now, almost four years later, we are still here, and we have found a ton of fuckups to follow us, bringing their own bad decisions and sluttyness every other weekend to enjoy shiggy, beer, slut-juice, drunken circles, and epic on-afters. Now, as we celebrate 100 runs, we invite you to an all-day shitshow. What are we planning? Oh, quite a lot, but let’s start with the basics.

We will be starting with a shiggilicious trail in The Woodlands laid by a Brass Monkey founder and a Brass Monkey OG, Donnie The Retard and Twinkle Toes. In typical Donnie/Twinkle fashion, it will be hardcore shiggy. Not like “Oh look, it’s a puddle”, but like “Oh shit, I’m more fucking sore than Jenna Jameson was throughout her twenties.” This is going to have water, bushes, jesus thorns, and somehow twinkle always finds bamboo, so probably some of that shit, too. At least two, count ‘em TWO beer checks with assortments of delicious things like slut-juice or Malort, who the hell knows. Plan on three to five miles, wear shiggy socks, and plan to get d-i-r-t-y. After circle, we get clean. Not like “Come here, let me pee on your leg to help your Poison Ivy” clean, but like, “Here, let’s take a shower together so we can soap each other” clean. Trail will be at 12:00pm and as usual, it will be $5 and that can be paid in cash, Asian boys, or a Toblerone chocolate bar.

Once we are all cleaned up, we will be going out for our first ever Formal Monkey Event! Dress formal, people. Like the monopoly guy formal. Comb your hair, try to hide those bumps on your lips, and put on your finest suit, tux, gown, dress, or whatever you’ve got and join us for an evening in our private “ball”room at Cilantro’s Mexican Grill. We will enjoy food, drink, and an establishment with a full bar. Awards, stories of the first hundred runs, and general brouhaha’ing will ensue. For this event, the cost will be $20 and that pays for your meal, a badass Special Edition Brass Monkey 100^th Patch, the night’s entertainment & awards, and the special surprise with all sorts of goodies that you’ll get to enjoy in circle! Drinks will be on your own because it’s a place with a full bar and awesome margaritas, we weren’t gonna be like “Here, have some keg beer, even though we just did circle and drank a lot of fucking beer.” You are going to drink what you want to drink. We will stay at this establishment until the time that it is deemed necessary to leave because we would rather leave than be kicked out. Commence impromptu pub-crawl. This is not going to be planned, because it will just happen. We will find some bar that we think sounds great at the time within walking distance and walk in looking badass. This will go as long as we want it to, but it’s Saturday night, so something will be going on.

Most of you will be way too drunk to go home, so plan on staying in The Woodlands. Suggested lodging is the Motel 8 Resort & Spa located only a block away from Papa’s Ice House, where we will most likely end up because they love us and we love them… and we’ll still be dressed amazingly. It is totally feasible we will end up at Papa’s because it is walking distance (less than a ½ mile) from Cilantro’s. For the motel, I just looked online and it is only $50 for the night. $50 freaking dollars. If you call, you might even get a better rate. Room up with three other people, that’s like $15 or less a person. Holy hell, people, come on, why would you want to sleep on a floor when you can have a bed and your own damn shower. Plus, if you get a room, you have somewhere to clean up after circle. Boom! Synergy, it all comes together. *Rotates fingers in a forward circular motion over each other* With rooms, who the hell knows what’s going to happen next. Drinking back at the rooms, getting dragged back to the rooms, helping put the eATMe hashers into their car so they aren’t passed out next to it, whatever it shall be.

To finish it off, it would not be a real Brass Monkey unless you woke up Sunday morning super hung-over and felt like death. Time for… FROZEN SCREWDRIVERS! Sunday morning Brunch at Berryhill Baja Grill for the win! Get some food and hydration and recover yourself so you can move on to whatever you need to get to. The H4 that day will be hared by Geek and Little Pussy, per the H4 calendar, so you can probably bet on another trail that is going to kick your ass.

This brings us to the end of Monkeytime. We will sing that song that the little kids sing when they go to bed in The Sound of Music and be go home. We love you, but come on, go the hell home. We’ve been together like 24 hours already. See you all at the 100TH!

***Since there is food and such involved, we need to know if you are coming for SURE no later than Wednesday, November 20^th! You must RSVP on the FB page or let us know for sure otherwise.***

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Start Location for the Hash at 12:00:

High Oaks Park
13100 Sawmill Rd.
(Street parking at Dead end of Sawmill)
The Woodlands, TX 77380  

Brass Monkey Formal Event at 5:00pm:

Cilantro’s Mexican Grill

314 Sawdust Road

The Woodlands, TX 77380

Recommended Lodging:

Super 8 Motel, Spa, and Resort

24903 Interstate 45

The Woodlands, TX 77380

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 99

When: Saturday, November 9th, 2:00pm!!!
***PRE-LUBE AT Lone Pint Brewery AT 12:30!***

Where:
Magnolia Ridge Blvd, Magnolia, TX 77354
30.211932035163045,-95.738858347758651
**NOTE** Start point listed is for the PRE-LUBE, if you don't want to Pre-Lube, go to hell and follow the other one!

Hare(s): Heartache & Where Do You Get Off?

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON FOR PRE-LUBE: Take I-45 North to the Beltway and go West. Take 249 North and go all the way until it becomes FM 1774. Take FM 1774 until you hit RI Butler, then turn left. Turn right on Commerce Street. Also, you could just type "Lone Pint Brewery" into your damn phone and follow it.

FROM HOUSTON FOR TRAIL, NOT PRE-LUBE: take I-45 North to the Beltway and go West. Take 249 North and go all the way until it becomes FM 1774. Turn right onto FM 1488 East. Go until you hit Magnolia Ridge Blvd and turn right. Turn right again onto Magnolia Ridge Blvd. Then take 2nd left onto Magnolia Ridge Blvd. Boom.

Sidenote:

FROM THE HARES:
Does it burn when you pee?
Do you suffer from insomnia?
Do your bones ache when the weather changes?
Do you constantly find yourself complaining about crap that actually doesn’t bother you but you nag anyway to keep up appearances?
Are you eskimo brothers with Mick Jagger?

If you answered any of these questions, well let’s face it, you had nothing better to do…which is why you should join us for the 99th running of the BRASS MONKEY HASH HOUSE HARRIERS! As we embark on our 99th run (only a few shy from the number of rings you would find if you cut Heartache in half to determine his true biological age).

This (almost) milestone of a trail is straight out of the viagara triangle as we celebrate beer, boobs, and geriatrics! Join us for 3-4 shigtastic miles through awesome backwoods Magnolia!

PLEASE BE SURE TO WEAR BRIGHT COLORS. HUNTING SEASON IS NOW UPON US AND WE SAW THINGS THAT LOOKED SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE BLINDS OUT ON TRAIL. IF YOU WISH TO GO FULL RETARD YOU CAN FIND A DEER COSTUME AT FRANKEL’S COSTUME CO IN HOUSTON.

Questions, comments, concerns? Keep them to yourself…bah humbug! I mean “On-On”

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 98

When: Saturday, October 26th, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Community Center Drive & WEST Rayford Road
Spring, TX 77389
(Close to Augusta Pines Equestrian Center)
(30.114083,-95.542496)

Hare(s): Where Do you Get Off?, Matthew McConnaGAY, Gee Pee Ess, Son of a Ditch, Red Light Special, KatchUp

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Head North on I-45 and take exit 70B toward Spring Stuebner/Rd-West then veer right Spring Stuebner/Rd-West which will take you under the freeway and make you head West. Go for like 5 miles then turn Right onto Kuykendahl Road. Go NW on Kuykendahl Road for about 2 1/2 miles then turn Right onto West Rayford Road. Community Center Drive will be on your left in less than a mile, right past a bridge over a creek.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: After a freak accident involving a GPS, some cool-aid, and urine, after a backhoe violated mother earth, after a famous actor’s loufa-mold spawned something incredible, almost exactly 9 months after a great crane made love to the sea came the immaculate births of these tragic failures of hashers and the bane of their existence for the rest of us; Gee Pee Ess, Son of a Ditch, Matthew McConnaGAY, and Where Do You Get Off?
These poor sods are joined by KatchUp and Red Light Special in what is sure to be an especially shitty trail. I mean this trail is so bad it has 6 hares! Who does that? I guess these wankers can’t seem to get it together. What’s worse, they are laying in an area that has already had a trail or 2 (or more) laid on it this year—how original!

This birthday let down is going to be more disappointing than what lies in their pants. It is going to be a birthday/Halloween themed trail with a few twists in there. Those of you who aren’t busy watching your shiggy socks bounce around in the dryer or can spare time from chewing on your ears should consider something else before attending. Should you show up, expect there to be shiggy, beer, boobs, shiggy, beer, prizes, mosquitoes, and possibly a little fun. Show up, bring hash cash, and an appetite for fun and debauchery, and celebrate this awful quadfecta of a birthday bash! 

If you have any questions, please reach out to one of the hares—I mean hell there are enough of them.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

Tired of having no BMH3 in my life.

Sup biotches!  I just realized y'all made me a contributor to this page...probably years ago when the BMH3 was founded and whatnot, but I never claimed to be real observant.  So I am looking at being in Galveston at the end of the month.  Any chance of getting a Monkey fix on the weekend of  November 1,2,3?

On-On!
Guamarhea Balls
AGM - Knuckledraggers H3

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 97

When: Saturday, October 12th, 2:00pm!!! (NOTE THE TIME!)

Where:
The GatorSntach Motel
7 Still Glen Court
The Woodlands, TX 77381

Hare(s): SpeedbUMPs & CSI

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 76B for Woodlands Parkway. Take Woodlands Parkway for 3-4 miles, then turn left onto South Panther Creek Drive. Go to the stop sign with the school on your right, go past it, then turn left in the first subdivision right past the church onto CoralBerry Road. Take your second right onto Yewleaf then your second right again onto Still Glen Court.

Sidenote: SpeedbUMPs will be haring this along with CSI, so you know two things, it will be dog friendly and there will be tit checks. Originally scheduled somewhere Houston-ish, Masturgator convinced the hares that The Woodlands is the best place for this trail because of the vast uncharted shiggy. Actually Gator just didn't want to have to drive to Houston to beermeister and stuff because he knew PMS would just get angry and yell at him. I hate it when mommy and daddy fight. EXPECT: TWO beer checks, lots of shiggy, trail about 4-ish miles... not like 4-ish TwinkleToes miles, like 4 real miles. That's what SpeedbUMPs says, but I don't think he's ever laid a trail with CSI before. Bring dry clothes for on-after, and if you expect to be gettin' all up on SpeedbUMPs' b00bs, bring cash. I will be in Vegas for my Grandma's wedding, true story, so expect a circle RA'd by Gator, unless PMS gets mad at him, then it might be RamRod.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 96 / 69

When: Saturday, September 28th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
East Bluff Court Cul-de-Sac
Magnolia, TX 77354
(30.25415,-95.56284)

Hare(s): Twinkle Toes & PooDoo Alfredo

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:
FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 81 for FM 1488 Magnolia / Hempstead. Once you exit, take 1488 W loop under and over the freeway so you end up going West. Go straight for six-ish miles, then turn right on Egypt Community Rd/Honea Egypt Rd. Go straight for a mile and continue onto Sendera Ranch Road for another mile, then turn right onto East Bluff Court.

Sidenote: Expect shiggy! This is that thick Magnolia shiggy, so be warned! Water, and thorns, and vicious wang-doodles! PooDoo says she is not responsible for Mountain Lion attacks. This is also out 96th, er 69th, backwards-esque style hash! What does that mean? Who knows. Maybe we just wanted to say 69 again, cause it's awesome. Backwards marks? Mehbeh. Chalk talk after? Mehbeh, but probably not. That's kinda douchy. Hopefully there will be *something* 69-ish. Depending on the sluts that show up for this one, it might happen before trail even starts. Bring cash for 0n-0n-0n.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 95 - The Cabana Boys Trail

When: Saturday, September 14th, 3:00pm!!!

Where:
Papa's Ice House
314 Pruitt Rd Spring, TX 77380

Hare(s): La Situación & Matthew McConaGAY

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 North or Hardy Toll Road until it dead-ends into I-45. Take Exit 73, Rayford / Sawdust Road, then take that all the way to the first light (Rayford / Sawdust) and take the far left lane to loop under the freeway to go back North. Right past the huge Texaco is Pruitt Road, turn right. Go for a hot second and Papa's Ice House will be on your right.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: Originally dubbed the Pretty Boy Trail, my powers of seduction have made it the Cabana Boys Trail, aka Los Niños Cachondos. It is going to be a BEACH THEME RUN. Promises of shiggy, water crossings, and dog friendly. Also, the hares will be hiding somewhere on trail naked, whoever catches them gets them for the day. At least two beer checks of mixed beverages. Bring shit you don't mind getting wet, and if you are bringing technology on trail, bring something to keep it safe in. Mosquitoes suck right now, so bring bug spray.

*REMINDER* If you aren't going to do trail, don't plan on doing circle! We don't care if you pay, if you are not cool enough to do trail, you are not cool enough for circle. Period. Check the BMH3 group for on-after location once we are there.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 94

BRASS MONKEY H3 RUN # 94 - Spork's Birfday Slutty Yellow Rain-Bow Wedding Extravaganza!

When: Saturday, August 31st, 2:00pm!!!

Where:
Texas Crab Hash Land!
6848 Almeda Genoa Rd, Houston, TX 77075

Hare(s): Cocktor Spork, YellowRain, Dick The Boy Wonder, and Fluffer! (H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T)

Why: Because you like drinking period.

Bring: $5 for hash cash and shag bag (change of clothes). $$ for Haberdashery: T-shirts $15, Stickers $1, Patches $3 & $4, Socks $10, and a thirst for beer of course!

D'erections:

FROM HOUSTON: Take I-45 South to exit 40B Pearland / Alvin. Merge onto Reveille Street, then continue onto Telephone Road. Right onto Almeda Genoa Road, then it will be on your left after like a mile.

Sidenote: FROM THE HARES: This... this is going to be epic. Originally planned to be Spork's Birthday run, Dick The Boy Wonder and his soon-to-be bride will now be tying the knot on this day as well! So join us in this pre-wedding hash extravaganza. Because of my love of all things yellow, including but not limited to small Asian boys and bananas in a non-sexual way, you MUST dress up in your sluttiest yellow that you own! Dress, compression shorts, underwear, don't care, as long as it is slutty and yellow!!!!!

What do you need to know? This shit:

° You will have FOUR hares: Myself, Yellow Rain, Dick The Boy Wonder, and Fluffer! This is going to be a shitshow in its truest form.
° Wear your sluttiest yellow thing that you own! SERIOUSLY!
° If you are going to the wedding after, plan accordingly, the wedding is at 6:30pm. Dick is being amazing, as always, and inviting all the hashers - the theme is Island: No tie, no shoes, no problem... Hawaiian prints, beach hats and Island wear preferred!
° This will still be Spork's birfday run, so plan on bringing Asian virgins with you. Don't worry, I will keep them safe.

Well there you heard it people, make it happen!

Cocktor Spork's #: (832) 372-5133
MasturGator's #: (936) 444-8591

0n-0n Bitches,

Cocktor Spork